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MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dale - posted on 09/07/2010

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I live in NZ, so this really is a non-issue for the vast majority of us here. I will honestly admit I have certain preferences when it comes to whoever my sons will one day marry, however none of them include race. I consider a priority would be a similar ethical background, education and perhaps even ambition. And even though all my kids are english white, I embrace the idea of not all my future grandchildren looking like pod people; a bit of difference makes them that much more special IMO. I feel the same way about my daughter...if she walked in one day with a guy from darkest Africa my first question would be, "What does he do for a job?"...its about getting your priorities in order :)

Joanna - posted on 09/05/2010

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I have no problems with it whatsoever. Although part of me would hope she could find another redhead to marry so they can make more redheads... haven't you heard, they're going extinct! :P

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Nicki - posted on 06/03/2012

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Eh it's up to her. It's not my thing (not that I have anything against any other races I'm just not attracted to any but my own). It wouldn't bother me if my daughter chose to date someone out of her race.

[deleted account]

I would only protest if my child (black/white interracial) would date outside of the human race. That is the only thing not allowed. They can love whomever they like as long as they are smart, funny and the right person for them.

Corinne - posted on 05/18/2012

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I'm white and have dated several black guys. My parents weren't thrilled but they kept their opinions to themselves. I connected with them personally. Now that I have two white daughters I wouldn't plan on having children with a black man because I have seen friends who have children and it causes a lot of self-esteem issues (why does my sister have pretty cream skin and straight hair like mommy but I don't?). However, I wouldn't have had a problem with having mixed children from the beginning.
Claiming you're not racist but saying you wouldn't let your child date someone outside your own race is like saying you're a vegan but you still enjoy a good steak once in a while. It doesn't work that way.

Johnny - posted on 05/16/2012

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Well no shit. I think I kind of covered the "lying, cheating, white crack whore" issue with my comment one should want one's child's partner to be "a good person, acts in good ways and treats your child very well" I'm not sure where you thought I was being open-minded about good character. You do realize that character is not intrinsically connected to one's religion?

And no, I don't think that many people care what faith or non-faith their child's partner has. Frankly, I find being concerned about that equally as prejudiced as being concerned about race. If it works for your child, then why should you care?

Teresa - posted on 05/16/2012

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Johnny,I thought the kind of girl I WOULDN'T want my son to bring home was a no-brainer, but, when your son brings a lying, cheating, white crack whore home, let's see how "open-minded" YOU are. ANd the religion thing is something I think every parent wants. No matter what religion, you hope that your child finds a mate, of that religion, if not, then just be happy they found someone nice.

Johnny - posted on 05/15/2012

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@ Teresa. Being picky about which religious beliefs your child's partner holds happens to be equally as close-minded as being picky and prejudice as being picky about their race/ethnicity. It really is not up to you. As long as your child is with someone who is a good person, acts in good ways and treats your child very well, nothing else should matter to you.

[deleted account]

I see someone has no life and is digging up old threads (*cough* Brown *cough*).

And you said WE have no life....hmmmm....is that the pot calling the kettle black or what?

Teresa - posted on 05/14/2012

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The cool thing about kids is that they are born without prejudice. That is taught. Not necessarily by the parents but also by society. I was raised by very outlooking parents that saaw outside AND inside the box. They knew that racsism was wrong and taught me such. I am picky over who my children interact with and they go to a school where there are black, white, asain, and hispanic kids and I am glad for it. It is a charter school and my son is learning that we are all human and have the same chances in life no matter what race, whether he knows it or not. SO if he brought hom a well educated, God0fearing, God-loving, Christian girl home that happened to be a different race, lets say chinese, then I would be thrilled. He chose good. If he brought home a lying, cheating, white crack whore home, we would have some issues. Let's just say I don't see people, I see what they people are. Thehir actions, their decisions.

Teresa - posted on 05/14/2012

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The cool thing about kids is that they are born without prejudice. That is taught. Not necessarily by the parents but also by society. I was raised by very outlooking parents that saaw outside AND inside the box. They knew that racsism was wrong and taught me such. I am picky over who my children interact with and they go to a school where there are black, white, asain, and hispanic kids and I am glad for it. It is a charter school and my son is learning that we are all human and have the same chances in life no matter what race, whether he knows it or not. SO if he brought hom a well educated, God0fearing, God-loving, Christian girl home that happened to be a different race, lets say chinese, then I would be thrilled. He chose good. If he brought home a lying, cheating, white crack whore home, we would have some issues. Let's just say I don't see people, I see what they people are. Thehir actions, their decisions.

[deleted account]

Absolutely! I don't see any problem with dating outside of race. My only concern would be predudice from the girls family, but I would have no problem with it at all.

Keisha - posted on 09/04/2010

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I do believe that to not allowing your child to love who they want would be is a bad decision as a parent. Our job as a parent is to love and nurture our kids. I would have no problem with my daughter one day bringing a boy of a different race home. Seeing as how her dad is white and I am african american/ mexican. My daughter also has second cousins that are mixed their white and chinese. In our family there isnt a issue but i can understand how in other places it can be harder. Living here in Cali there is interracial couples, gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. It can be harder living in a place where people arent as understanding.

Shamari - posted on 08/31/2010

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It shouldn't matter as long as they're happy and getting treated right. I mean and you really can't control they're feelings on who they like, especially based on race.

Sherri - posted on 08/31/2010

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I would be fine if my white children dated/married a black, mexican, chinese etc. it doesn't matter to me as long as they were decent and loving people.

Kate CP - posted on 08/31/2010

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Eh...as long as they're good for each other I don't care if she dates a purple person. *shrug*

Stasia - posted on 08/31/2010

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I am glad to see no one debated this!!! I am white and my husband is japanese. I think it makes for beautiful children:)

Ashley - posted on 08/27/2010

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Your child will make that decision on there own its up to you if you want to be involved in there adulthood because they chose outside there race. we are in 2010 after all.

[deleted account]

@Amy Wooh Kiwi! Yeah!
@Starr, Starr, we finally agree on something! And I love your line "mix babies are the fix to ugly" LOL that is so true :)

I couldn't care less what race my future son or daughter in laws are as long as they treat my child and family with love and respect.

[deleted account]

I am of the mind that my son can date anyone one he chooses of any race, religion or gender that he prefers.

I will only stand in his way if the partner is detrimental to him in some way (physically or emotionally abusive, controlling ...).

I agree with you that it is a contradiction to state to people that you are not racist and in the same breath say that you won't let your child date outside their race.

A relationship coupled with love has nothing to do with what we look like on the outside.

I just wish more people could see it that way.

Starr - posted on 08/26/2010

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There are so many races running in my family LOL! Really, my husband is black, I am mostly naitive american and german. But I do have russian in me as well. I have no problem what race my children date. Nowdays its getting harder to find that one solid race. You'd be surprised what you might find in your family tree. Also, I always say mix babies(whatever races) are the fix to ugly. Seeing races mix produce beautiful children.

Sarah - posted on 08/25/2010

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yeah, it can get pretty nasty. I do see that as time goes on it gets better and better (that was over a decade ago!) but there is still a Lot of discrimination!

Amy - posted on 08/24/2010

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OMG Sarah, truly? I forget that you guys had racial segregation in schools as late as the 60s. New Zealand hasn't got a beautiful squeaky clean past, but we've intermarried enough that we don't look like the English anymore, despite most of us having ancestors off the boats from England in the 1840s.

I grew up with a close friend at high school whose father was Indian/Australian & whose mother was a very white New Zealander (pakeha). The only thing we ever thought was weird about her family was that her parents weren't *married*. I mean, omg, shock, horror, at their age they must have been *hippies* or something with this out-of-wedlock stuff. Race never came into it ;-)

Sarah - posted on 08/24/2010

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I would have zero problems with Zoe dating outside her race. My mom's husband is black, so I grew up in a multi-racial home. That being said, it can be hard! We lived in Georgia, and as someone else pointed out, racism is alive and well in the South! I have seen my mom and her husband both called terrible names and had terrrible things said to them and about them for marrying outside their race. And growing up with that, well... it made me tough. It also made me different from all the other kids at school- I honestly didn't know where I fit! I know that every year it gets easier, but sometimes I honestly feel that it is easier t be gay in the South than it is to date interracially :(

Jennifer - posted on 08/24/2010

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Well, I dont see how my son could date outside his ethnicity when hes Black, Irish, & Native American. I dont see it as racism, more like preference. I would like for him to marry a black female, but if he doesnt hey its not my choice. As long as they are happy, may they be blessed. My husband said it best, hes dated the rainbow, but he would only marry a black female....I laughed and introduced him to my Irish grandfather...lol

Amy - posted on 08/22/2010

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Of course. I've been attracted to black and Indian and Asian men, and I wouldn't care a whit if my daughter brought home someone non-white. The deal breaker is not colour, but culture. When families have vastly different views on matters of culture, tradition and religion and there's unwillingness to compromise, this can cause real problems. Because of that I'd be more open to dating someone who had at least lived a while in my country or one with similar values.

Anyway, someone in my family has done it before, because my hairdresser pointed out that some of my hairs are naturally kinked, and my optometrist pointed out I have racial melanosis in the darker of my eyes, which is usually only seen in people of colour, so despite the long family tree on record I'm a genuine bitzer.

I'm actually hoping my daughter will be gay anyway, so that she doesn't get pregnant in highschool and doesn't make the same bad decision I made when I picked her father.

Michelle - posted on 08/19/2010

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When my kids get old enough to date I want them to find someone who is respectful and caring and loving and funny, who cares what there race is. Its hard to believe that in 2010 these are still issues that occur on a regular basis. People are beautiful because of there personalities, not the color of there skin. Limiting who your child can date because of race keeps this vicious cycle going, our kids learn what they are taught and what they see. Stick to your guns you are right. Good luck keeping him away from the ladies until 30 haha.

Brittany - posted on 08/19/2010

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it's a contradiction because it is racism. I would never limit my daughter to who she can date based on their skin or appearance in any way. I will, however, scrutinize their character vigorously!

Tiffany - posted on 08/17/2010

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My daughter is only 5, and it's hard for me to think of her dating at all! But when the time comes, she can choose any race she likes, as long as he treats her with respect. Our family is white, but she has a wonderful fascination with different colors of people and draws pictures of people in all different shades of brown and peach. She doesn't seem to make any assumptions about people based on their color, she just thinks different colors are pretty, and that's exactly how I wanted her to look at the world. I wish everyone would appreciate the beauty of different skin colors the way she does! I wouldn't be surprised if she did choose to date a boy of a different race, and I would be fine with that, like I said, as long as he treats her right.

Mae - posted on 08/17/2010

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I understand where you are comming from my family is not racist but you better believe they had something to say when both me and my brother dated outside our race. I dated a black boy and two spainish boys and my brother dated a black girl and a mixed girl. My dad was the person that didn't care about race he treated everyone the same. Now my mom and her sisters had issues. My mom didn't say anything about the race but she did empahsize the cultural differences and kept asking us if we could handle that.
My husband and I have talked about it (even though our daughter is only 2) and when she is old enough to date at about 40 or so then as long as they treat her nice we don't care if he is Magenta! I think as long as she is happy. If we make a big deal about it and she falls in love with someone of another race it will hurt our relationship.

[deleted account]

No, i don't think anyone should condition their child to date only a specific race is right. I would just be happy if they were with someone who treats them with respect and that they are a good match in the personality department. And I don't think that you can "make" your child date a certain type of people. If anything they will go against you that much more just to piss you off when they are teenagers LOL
I think that people are attracted to certain traits in other people more than they are their race. Maybe he likes blond hair or blue eyes?
Lots of people claim not to be racist yet they still act like it. My family all claim not to be until someone brings someone home who's not white. My husband is Native American and I'm Irish and though my parents were totally okay and the subject never even came up with them, you should have seen the look on some of my other family members faces when he showed up holding my hand. We've been together for 14 years and some of them have just recently (finally) stated to warm up to him. It's sad because he has never even done anything wrong before or treated any of them with disrespect even when some of them asked for it. I'm happy with him and always have been so I never cared what they thought.

September - posted on 08/17/2010

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Our son can date whomever he wants as long they treat him well and love him, that's all that really matters to me! Your last sentence throws me off a bit because IMO a person who does not want their children dating someone outside their own race is a racist and has biases as well. Such a sad thing! I have strong feelings towards this subject being that I'm part of a bi-racial family. Thankfully I was able to grow up with parents who were the least bit judgmental/selective when it comes to race. I hope to provide that same type of upbringing for our son as well.

Kat - posted on 08/17/2010

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i wouldnt care.

but it depends on the community. i used to live in Cairo GA and even in 1994, people disapproved of a black and white couple walking down the street. they were getting things thrown at them (by blacks AND whites both). the black guy was called an uncle tom. it was bad.

but i wouldnt have a problem if Tristan dated a non white girl (or boy if he turned out to be gay).

Carolee - posted on 08/17/2010

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Doesn't matter to me. I have one mixed child and one non-mixed child. I really don't care what race or sex they date. As long as they are happy and truly in love, that's all that matters.

Windsor - posted on 08/17/2010

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Well it will be kind of hard for my children to date out side of their race, because they are mixed race as well.

(White, puerto rican, and black even though you would never guess lol)

I agree that a child should date based on character. My hospital has only dated white women (he is puerto rican, German , and black). He says *yes this is his opinion* he doesnt like black girls because they are "too damn ghetto".

Lyndsay - posted on 08/17/2010

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Really, I think that theres no stopping it. If thats who your child wants to be with, theres no way you are going to be able to do anything about it. You may stop him or her from seeing the other person for now, but that will only make your child resentful towards you and will not stop the "attraction" later on in life. One day that kid is going to move out of your house, then come back a few years later already married to someone of a different race and you are going to be pissed off that nobody invited you to the wedding! But really, who can blame the kid? That would be your own fault.

(I'm using "you" figuratively here... not directing it at anyone in particular)

Amy - posted on 08/17/2010

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race would not matter to me, As long as they were dating someone who was treating them well and they were a good person I could care less who my children date.

[deleted account]

I have dated black guys in the past that would ONLY date white or Asian girls.. I think it is just preference. But to not give a person a chance just based on race is a little narrow minded.

[deleted account]

Nope doesn't matter one bit to me. My mom is white and my dad is half white half Latino. My mom had a friend that gave her the hardest time about dating someone who wasn't white. Her friend had two kids. Her son is married to a black women and her daughter is married to a Mexican man. I don't think her friend has an issue with race anymore. Karma.

Britney - posted on 08/17/2010

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i truely believe you can not help whom you like or love. race or sex. it is a natural thing. children are the best kind of human. they hold no bias to anyone for any reason. trying to control who your child does or will like is similar to controling what they eat. you can fight and fight but they will eat chocolate behind your back. lol i do not mind who my children brings home as long as they are good to them. i do however think someone can dislike their child dating outside race and not be raciest, just as a parent disliking their child being gay but not being sexist. we all have images of what we want our child to be, we just need to realize they are their own person.

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