Brooke - posted on 04/10/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )
Mother at 18 and Grandmother for the first time at 39! At the age of 43, I now have two Grandchildren. I loved being a Mom and I love being a Grandmother.
I started young and therefore I feel like my entire life has revolved around my children. As a single parent it did revolve around them for the most part.
By the end of 2011 both of my children had to move away (my son for work and daughter got married)
Until the last year I was very active in my children’s life. Saw them regularly, had the grandchildren regularly, basically when they needed me I was there and when they didn’t I was there too.
When they left all within a four month period I was devastated. I assumed that was to be expected. However, almost half way through this year I am finding myself getting very depressed.
I have spent hours crying and have been experiencing mood changes etc.; in fact I thought I was going through menopause. Had all of those items checked and I am not in menopause at any level.
It all makes sense I went from being a very active Mother/Grandmother in both my children's life to almost zero participation other than a few visits and phone conversations I would have difficulty adjusting; I just didn’t expect it to last so long.
What complicates the issue is that I was raised by Grandparents that acted as my parents. And my Grandparents passed away before my children were born. Therefore, I don't have a reference point for what is too much input to my children.
I don’t want my children to feel responsible for my emotional well being. So, while I share with them that I miss them I don’t go to long efforts to explain the depth of pain I feel. That would not be the right thing to do.
All families are different but I am looking for a general consensus of what adult children need from their parents as they enter their adult lives? Specifically, when you don’t live in the general area so most conversations happen over the phone or during a few visits each year should you be lucky. Should I always wait to be asked my opinion on topics? How often should I call without being a pain? How can your parents still help you in this part of your life without being the parent you don’t want to go see or talk too because it’s too overwhelming?