Anonymous -- Children Who Aren't Yours...Suggestions

Mylene - posted on 09/20/2010

Grow up, if you can't stand the child, don't marry the man. it's a package deal when you get into a relationship with a man who has kids. that little girl most likely doens't know any better because that is what she was taught is right. get over yourself and deal with the consequences. I had awful step-mothers who didn't care that my father had kids of his own. they had the same mind frame as you and honestly, children should NEVER have to deal with that. get out if you can't stand her. She'll be better off that way and so will you. You wanted a relationship with that man, then deal with it and all it involves or call it quits.

Ashley=) - posted on 09/20/2010

I see the 3year old the problem.The problem for you.Shes just a child have some compassion for this child.Why dont you be change you want to see in the child.Any child warms to a smile and a kind word.You change your thinking and attitude towards her and things might just be okay.As for the child's mother what can you do..when the 3year old is in your home with her dad be nice.If you worry if shes being cared for while not in her dads care, talk to her dad.A kind word of advice.. a child's behaviour etc is based on what the have seen around them and how they themselves have been treated by others.

The thing about a mother well for me anyway..i think all children deserve the best ,i would give my children nothing but the best of me,in how i speak to them, treat them etc..i would do the same for a child who wasnt mine.No child deserves any less even if there not mine or yours.So either try to be a good role model and be kind to the child or dont marry the guy, if his kid annoys you so much.

Barb - posted on 09/18/2010

I had a step mother like you. My father loved me very much and she was very jealous of me. When i was 5, i believe, i recall her watching him brush my hair after my bath, i had very long hair. The next day she took me to a beauty parlor and had it all cropped off, i looked like a boy. She constantly told me my mother was a whore and i was going to be just like her, She told me i was spoiled and hated my guts. I tried telling my dad but she would just deny it and he would believe her. she never did this in front of him. She mentally and physically abused me from the time i was 4 until i left at age 18. But the mental abuse is still alive today, even though she is dead and decayed i still have horrible dreams about the things she did to me.

The happiest day of my life was when she died in miserable agony of brain cancer.

The only good that came out of it was how NOT to treat my 2 very loved stepchildren. I get presents every mothers day. They never forget my birthday, I was called first to be notified i was a grandma by Bob. And i wouldn't give their love and respect up for anything. I did it by seeing them, as a person and never trying to be their parent but to be their guide, their mentor. To lead by example, the best way to handle a situation and never ask more of them than i would myself. To always be honest and that actions have consequences. I NEVER HIT MY STEP CHILDREN. They got time outs, and/or they lost privileges.

For you to consider a 3 year old "the only problem" means you are the problem. You obviously have baby mama drama. I do NOT advise for full custody as long as you are still in the house and hope you do not marry this man and turn this child's life into stepmotherfromhell story. If i was this child's mother and read this i'd be showing it to the court to now have supervised visitation because i wouldn't trust a woman who can be controlled and outsmarted by a 3 year old.

Beck - posted on 09/18/2010

Hun becoming a step mum is a huge step and will be really difficult to settle into. I have am going to take the chance of being attacked but I have the best behaved ten yr old step son but I still find that he can annoy the crap out of me because he takes up so much attention when he is at our house. Call me selfish if you must but every person is different and some settle into being step parents with hardly any issues but others struggle and don't realise how hard it is to be put on the back seat all the time.

Jen - posted on 08/09/2010

I would also toss in a question. If your fiance knows that his daughter's mother is so bad, why has he and his family not sought custody of her? Why does HE continue to allow his child to go from place to place every few days? Does he pay child support by any chance? I guess I'm just shocked that no one, not a single person has stepped up and said, "We will take her full time and give her a home and love."

I'm not liking the character of anyone in this play. My heart bleeds for this poor child who really is being abandoned by everyone. No one cares about her enough to give her a stable home. No one does anything but throw toys at the problem and hope it goes away.

Jen - posted on 08/09/2010

Keep away from the child and family. You first state there is no baby mama drama but then go on to call her mother a whore who goes out and gives the child no attention. So is there drama or not?

Do you honestly think you will have a happy, successful marriage when you can't stand a 3 year old? I grieve for your own child.

Liz - posted on 08/09/2010

I feel so sorry for this little girl, she is only 3 for goodness sake!! Give her a break. She clearly needs someone to love her for who she is. Not judge her!!! Be her friend, get to know her & put your own selfish stuff aside. She would be so confused why she is now getting 2 mum's & the last thing she needs is you making it harder than it already is. Embrace your new child, she is a gift not a burden, hundreds of people would do anything to have kids. Be thankful for what you have!

Starr - posted on 08/08/2010

I have 3 step children ond 2 of my own with my husband. Now first I will say, that no matter what people tell you you can never love another child like your own. But my dear you dont even sound like you love this little girl at all. To me it doesnt even sound like you have given her a chance. She came from the same blood as your fiance and the same blood as your son. It will be a huge adjustment for you to be a step mother but from the sound of things you are too weak to take that wonderful job on! I have my differences with my step children everyonce in a while but we get over it. Let me add too that mine are not 3. Get a grip on life girl. Think about how you would want a step mother to be to your son. Like you? Cause believe me if you continue to stay shelfish your son will have a step mother too!

Jessica - posted on 08/07/2010

Sounds to me like you do have drama with the kiddo's mother. I get that I sounds like she is a gem of humanity, but, don't down play the effect that this has by denying the reality of it.
Gina C. noted that Dad possibly gives in because he feels guilty. Maybe that is true, why has he basically abanonded this child to a mother who, by report, seems inadequate to the task of providing the kiddo with the stability that she needs. Dad needs to stop feeling guilty and grow a pair for his kid. As a father it is his responsibility to protect this child he is not doing his job. OP should have taken that into account before deciding to have a child with and marry this man. I have gotten way more conservative regarding these issues in the last several years due to the work that I do. I may not agree with Dr. Laura about a lot of things but she pegged it when she said, "Choose wisely, treat kindly." In the same way they used to say watch how a man treats his mother to determine how he will treat you. I think you have to watch how he treats his other children to judge how he will treat yours.
Let go of your anger at this child and her mother. If no one else is going to provide consistency for this kiddo maybe you need to step up to the plate. But, watch out when you start trying to parent other people's children things get sticky. Good luck, I do not envy you.

Barbara Ann - posted on 08/07/2010

Why is it necessary for the "MOM" to be crappy? This is a one sided discussion and the "MOM" is being attacked. For what reason? To excuse the behavior of the adult/child this little girl's dad knocked up? Pregnancy hormones are not to blame for this asinine behavior. She should have thought about what was going to happen, before she spread her legs. News flash... if someone really reads what she has written and understands it, evidently "Mr. Dad" isn't doing a very good job. I don't know a man that has gone through a divorce that the "Mom" isn't somehow the bad guy. The funny thing is, the new bimbo thinks she is going to come in and change things, just like the "last one" thought they were going to do. I almost guarantee, this one here will be alone in 6 months or less, unless of course the dad suffers from a profound level of stupidity.

Holly - posted on 08/06/2010

I agree with the other ladies. My oldest (my stepdaughter who lives with us full time and hasn't seen her bio mom since January 1) has a slight resemblance to her bio mom and it used to bug the crap out of me! But then, after a couple weeks (and being diagnosed with PPD - aha!! - and going through counseling), I remembered that she is my little girl and I can't help how she looks. I can only love her with all I have and make sure she grows up to act like me (as opposed to her b***c bio mom).

I remember a thread on the young mom's board quite a few months ago that was similar to this question (but there were 2 kids and the situation was even more screwed up) and what I told her was "When you marry a man with children, you take on both him AND his children. You CANNOT love him, but not them."

Here's some more advice.

1: That is not fair you your hubby. He should be commended for wanting to see hs daughter and it is unfair to him for you to try to ruin that time with your bitchiness.

2: That is not fair to the children (ANY children). Do you honestly think the child can't feel the hate vibes from you? Really? Kids are SOOO much more intuitive that a lot of people give them credit for. Instead of hating her (or resenting her, or whatever), show her love and kindness. Kids emulate what they see and feel and they learn to act that way in turn.

3: That is not fair to your relationship. How can you have a full relationship as an example for your kids (all the kids) if you cannot FULLY accept him (and no, you cannot fully accept him without accepting the child as well, it just doesn't work that way). If this is a problem now, believe me it will become a bigger and bigger problem as time goes by. It's called the snowball effect and once it gets rolling it is incredibly hard to stop it without at least someone getting hurt.

I really, truly hope you guys can make it all work out in the end. Please try your hardest to see past physical appearances and remember that she is a CHILD. That means she still has time to be molded into either a good person, or a brat. Which one is decided by the ADULTS around her and if the adults are acting like children, well it's just a recipie for disaster...

K. - posted on 08/06/2010

My oldest daughter is four and tells me all the time that she's my friend. I correct her. I'm not her friend, we have nothing in common at the moment besides for our DNA. 20 years from now when hopefully she has her own husband and children, that's when we can be friends and not just mother and daughter. So if you're going to try to make this work start with that. You've previously stated that you have tried to be her friend. Well stop. She doesn't need a friend. She needs a stable parent. That should be you. Don't be afraid to do it.

Erin - posted on 08/05/2010

It is really hard on young children, especially at age 3, to go from one house to the next! If she is being hopped around even when she is at her primary residence... :( Can you fathom the crap she goes through??? I had my friend's 5 yr old for a wk, we did this when he was 4 w/NO problem FYI because then I was a SAHM and he had a constant caregiver, well !@ 5 I worked so he was going from me, my husband, babysitters, friends when w/husband, etc. and he pooped his pants soo many times *he was trained for YRS!* but that and a lot of attitude, was how he responded to being flipped through ppl! Is it right? Well I would like to say no, but they are soo young they don't know what else to do!!!

The best thing for her would be to have a stable home environment! I would suggest you and your fiance give that to her??? But your issues w/her would need to be worked out before you did that! Your comments about bio-mom sound to me like there is in fact baby mamma drama! I also don't think you should hate that your husband's daughter looks like her bio-mom. :( You can't control genetics! If you could not handle someone else's kids then you should not get yourself in this kind of predicament!!!

I think you and your s/o need to nail down discipline rules. Because once you have your child and that child is of an age to copy...the favortism that plays out in this household will bite everyone! You need to get that girl & YOU on the ball and soon! Because once you have YOUR child if you don't have both of you in check shit will hit the fan!!! She will act out because Daddy has a new baby and she isn't it no more, she will feel like she is being replaced, and THIS will make her act out EVEN MORE! Which if you don't work on YOU will only cause you to hate this child!!! THAT for sure will NOT help this situation and will drive the biggest wedge between you and your s/o! If you can't learn to love his daughter because she is HIS flesh and blood, then you will lose your s/o!!! Family counseling! SOON!!! Good luck!

Brandy - posted on 08/05/2010

As soon as I read the beginning line where you referred to his daughter as "the only problem" I knew I wasn't going to like the rest of your post. I have a friend who married somebody with a child and is similar towards her stepdaughter as you are to your fiance's child. She really has no understanding for the poor little girl and doesn't seem to listen to any of us who have our own children because ours are all younger than her stepdaughter and she just says "oh, you wait until yours are 4 and then you will see why I have to treat her like that" but the problem is she used to say that when her stepdaughter was 2 and our children were babies and we were trying to get her to lighten up. Well, I can tell you now that her stepdaughter is alot worse than she was 2 years ago when they first got full custody and I think it is a result of a lack of understanding and neglect because of pure selfishness. This friend and I have actually grown apart because of the way she treats her stepdaughter. Don't spank your stepdaughter for doing only what she is allowed to do in her primary residence, talk to her and explain to her what is not acceptable at your house and why. Spend time with her, plan activities. If you only get to see her every second weekend, you would think she would be too busy doing things with you guys to act up. If you believe she is lacking in social skills, join a playgroup to get her out in the world and prepare her for school. Ignore tantrums completely. Spankings don't fix much of anything, usually and especially in a seperated family, the problem is deeper than just discipline issues. Try to remember that she is a child and yes, sometimes she is just seeing how worked up she can get you but you win if you don't respond to it and it is because of her life and the mess that it is right now, not because she hates you. Set a good example by staying calm and showing her how to properly talk through a situation and communicate her needs with you by communicating with her. As for not wanting to look at her because she looks like her mom, maybe you should have some counselling to try to get over this anger you have towards her mother. It is not fair to her for you to hate her for something she cannot help. Hell she's 4, it's not fair to her for you to hate her for any reason, what-so-ever.

Lisa - posted on 08/05/2010

Well I can tell you if the situation is this bad now, it's not likely to change, it will just get worse for YOU. If everyone is catering to her they will continue to do so alot of times out of guilt of her circumstances. The worst thing I could hear though was how much you hate this little girl, she may be a brat but like others have said she is 3. I went thru my husband having a daughter when we got married and she was 6, her Mom was a devil and has done everything she can to turn his daughter against us but I never took it out on her. Her Dad and I were a united front and loved her. She is 25 now with kids of her own, Im glad that I can say I know I did everything in my power to help her thru this difficult time for her. I would really question if you should even get married, you might just save yourself some heartache.

Charlene - posted on 08/05/2010

The sad thing here, is that you sound jealous that your fiance has a child with someone else and you are taking it out on her.

Sure, she may act bratty, but it's not her fault, it's the adults in her life. And like someone already pointed out, that includes you.

Your fiance needs to step up and start discipling her. You need to grow up and stop hating this little girl for the way she looks (WTF?!) and acts.

Isobel - posted on 08/05/2010

I used to have a neighbour named Nikki...her parents left her to play outside all day and night and never taught her anything, let alone discipline.

She came to our door one time (without knowing us) and asked if we had any popsicles...my husband gave her one (and one to all of the other kids who were playing)...then hours later she returned alone...to ask if she could come in and play.

Even when my ex-husband jokingly responded that we had no toys (I had yet to have our first) but she could come clean the toilets, her response was "OK".

She, over the years displayed a lot of aggressive and nasty tendencies; she was violent and rude. But you know what? I never once, EVER blamed her. She was a victim of a family that didn't care for her. period.

If you cannot deal with this child, and you dislike her as you posted, you have NO place marrying her father. It is your job as a parent to see BEYOND what has been done to her, and WHO she looks like and BE THE ADULT.

If you can't, then it is your responsibility as an adult to remove yourself from the situation.

Teresa - posted on 08/05/2010

I get what you are saying April, but at 3... it's not the child's fault that they act that way. It's the grown ups in their lives not being able to deal w/ it properly that allows it to continue.

Heather - posted on 08/05/2010

Yeah, I have to agree with the others on here...grow the fuck up. You cant stand to look at her because she looks like her mother? It sounds like you are the one with the problem...she is a 3 year old! Some people really should not have kids.

Gena - posted on 08/05/2010

I won't attack you either. Maybe because your preggo your emotions are running a little higher. If you truly want to spend the rest of your life with this man then you have to find a way to make this work. What is best for the child is that you get full custody of her and get her some therapy for all the crap she has been threw. I'm sure her dad gives in to her because he feels guilty because her mom is so crappy. I can see where you would be upset that she looks like her mother because her mother is the reason she acts the way she does but remember that is not her fault. You are going to cause a huge problem with your man if you treat your child together better than the little girl. she will know it too. she will be even more angry. Now is the time to intervene & help her while she is still young. If you can't handle her now what will you do when she is a teenager? I am praying God gives your strength to make the right choices here.

April - posted on 08/05/2010

ok...everyone who thinks the OP is acting childish...have you ever MET a child like the one she is describing? I have! Madison is my 3 year old neighbor. She's the most spoiled little girl I have ever met. One day she came to my house and DEMANDED that i let her in to play with my son's toys. I told her no and what did she say? She said "Well then I am going to break in through the back door!!!" I could not believe a 3 year old would say something like that...but there she was in the backyard trying to wiggle the door open.

before you say nasty things about the original poster...there could be information about the situation that she hasn't shared. there just might be more to the story.

i don't think the OP was trying to be selfish or act childish. she really sincerely doesn't know what to do with this little girl and is asking for our help.

I was so shocked by Madison's behavior that i didn't know what to tell her mother. i just couldn't fathom a child going to such an extreme to get what she wanted...there was no way in hell someone was going to tell this girl NO.

Olwen - posted on 08/05/2010

I'm laughing reading everyone's comments. Usually i get so angry on personal attacks on people but I really can''t blame them here. You sound like a child jealous of the attention that you sibling is getting. Your basically asking your partner to choose you over his daughter. She is 3 and needs your love and attention, instead of the anger and hate that you've spewed all over this email. I feel so sorry for the little girl. You are making a very sensitive and painful situation for a 3 year old WORSE. Would you like someone treating your child like that, think about that the next time you glare at her with hate in your eyes.

Barbara Ann - posted on 08/05/2010

Evidently, this little girl is emulating the behaviors of the adults that surround her. It is not the little girls fault that the "ADULTS" in her life do not know how to behave properly... YOU INCLUDED! I'd bet my last dollar, you are a bitch to that little girl and you treat her terribly. "You have tried to be her friend", are you kidding? She is three years old! Your soon to be husband is an idiot and you're lucky I am not that little girls mother because I would break my foot off in your ass! You are the paradigm of what I hope my daughter will not have for a step-mother. I have a suggestion for you... GROW UP!

Rosie - posted on 08/05/2010

blaming this little girl for looking like her mother is a bit childish. i cn understand the hesitation to make this work, but really, if you want to marry her dad you need to find a way to make it work. make sure that your fiance KNOWS that you expect him to start parenting his child, if he doesn't your relationship isn't going to work.

Amanda - posted on 08/05/2010

im gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and say its hormones.... no offense but for your sake i hope your fiance doesnt happen to see this... if youre so worried about her being potty trained why dont YOU start helping her out??? it will be good practice for your son... i have step dad.. i call him dad he's more than anyone could ask for in a father dont you want her to be able to look at you that way even though you arent her real mom?? you sound very ignorant...you know when someone doesnt like you and they dont have to tell you right?? you think just because shes 3 she doesnt know everyone is right grow up geesh

Tanya - posted on 08/04/2010

Have you ever thought that the reason she gives you such a hard time is because of what her mother may say about you. Maybe she is caught in the middle and can not handle it at 3 years old. You should be nice to her.

She is just a little girl that has gone through so many changes all ready. She had to deal with her parents splitting up and one of them moving to a new house. She has had to deal with sharing her dad with you and now she has to share him with a baby.

From the post it seems that she may stay at a lot of different places. How would you feel if you had to stay at a different house every 2 days? If she is being passed around to different family members while her mother has her then she may just be acting out for attention. how would you expect a 3 year old to know what the rule of so many different houses are.

Jane - posted on 08/04/2010

Blending families even with the best behaved children is a very difficult and touchy situation and it takes hard work and agreement from all parents to make it work. Right now, I see you are in a situation that is toxic. While your fiance MAY seem wonderful to you but honestly, he is not. He is not a good father to this child if what you say is true and if he's going to have different disciplining skills with your new baby to come, then the issues will just get worse and your marriage is doomed.

I would say, at this point in your life that you have a frank discussion on how your blended family is going to work. Will this 3-1/2 year old get to continue to have preferred treatment over your son? What is acceptable behavior for both children? Are you able to discipline his daughter in your home? There are so many more questions that need answering that I can't even list them. If you two cannot agree on equal treatment of the children and applying important discipline and guidance to both children, then honestly, it's a deal breaker in my opinion and you should not marry or even live together.

I'm sorry if these seems harsh but if things continue down this road, you'll be divorced OR extremely unhappy and miserable. Save yourself from this and do not stay together for the sake of YOUR baby!

Amber - posted on 08/04/2010

OK..I'm not going to attack you for your feelings...because they are your feelings. But if you intend to marry this man, you need to get a handle on them. You cannot show her that you feel that way.
And if you're already having issues with your fiance before the wedding...is it really a great idea? If you aren't allowed to have a say so in how his child acts in your house, do you really think he respects your opinion? And how can he treat one child so easily, and another so strictly?
It sounds as if you all have some issues to get through. And that child needs a much more stable home environment.
If you think she's a brat...then you have to DO something about it.
I do sympathise with you, because it must not be an easy situation. But if you have done nothing to change the situation, then it is just as much your fault as it is everybody elses. You need to set household rules and make her listen.
DO something, that is the best advise that anybody can give you. Discipline her, make your fiance step up and be a parent, and love her like your own.
Good luck.

Kelly - posted on 08/04/2010

If her mother is a whore, be the mother she doesnt have....no matter how much this child looks like her, her mother isnt HER...and if u expect your fiance to treat the children the same in terms of discipline, then you must treat them the same as well and LOVE them the same

Krista - posted on 08/04/2010

I think you're putting an awful lot on that little girl. If she has behavioral issues and a lack of discipline, whose fault is that? Her parents. So why be mad at her -- she's an innocent victim of her environment.

That little girl deserves to be with adults who will love her and will bring her up properly (and who will not resent her for looking like her mother -- WTF?). If her mother won't do it, then you and your fiance need to step up, because otherwise, I can guarantee that it'll be much worse when she's 13 and completely wild. It'll tear your marriage apart.

Your only chance right now is to not be "friends" with her -- be a MOTHER to her. And I'd advise you and your fiance to get your asses to family counselling, pronto, to deal with all this resentment. Because it sure as hell is not going to get any easier when you've got a newborn thrown into the mix.

Erin - posted on 08/04/2010

Poor little girl. I feel bad for her situation, not your's.

Isobel - posted on 08/04/2010

yeah, full custody is a great idea...then this poor child will be stuck full time with a woman who cannot even stand to look at her...nice.

Rachael - posted on 08/04/2010

Obviously she is looking to you for an example of what she should be, since her mother is practically out of the picture you need to do your best to show her how she is supposed to act in your house.
You cant change how she is anywhere else but you need to give her positive attention and show her what the rules are ant that they need to be followed.
Kids arent born knowing the rules and it is the responsibiluity of the adults who care for them to teach them, its not going to get better and your child will immitate her behavior, set her straight while she is at your house.
All she is probably looking for is your attention.
Remember she is a child!

Joanna - posted on 08/04/2010

She's just a child who hasn't had much discipline, there's no need to call a 3 year old a brat for that. I think you need to take a look at YOURSELF.

If you are going to marry this girl's dad, you will have to become a mother to her and love her for all her faults, and find a way to discipline her when need be.

Meghan - posted on 08/04/2010

I can speak from a little bit of expierence. My ex's son wasn't quite this bad...and I wasn't so upset with him...but it caused HUGE strain on our relationship. But you def. need to get over the resentment issue in regards to her mother. I would hope you are venting and went off there b/c basically this little girl's behaviour isn't her fault or just her mother's fault-it is the adults in her life's fault-INCLUDING your b/f's.
I agree that a child shouldn't run the house and that kids need dicipline. Maybe you could try one on one time...get your b/f to watch the baby and you and her go get ice cream, and just talk! try to have fun and get her to trust you. It is really hard on the child to see daddy with someone new and I bet she is also having a hard time adjusting to not being the baby anymore.
As far as the discipline thing goes I don't really have any advise cause I got so tired of it that I just gave up and would walk out of the room (NOT the best way to handle it). You both need to get on the same page though or else this isn't going to work!

Alison - posted on 08/04/2010

This totally sounds like a recipe for disaster. If you marry this man, you must become a mother to his daughter. What she needs more than anything is a stable and loving mother to grant her the security that she has never had.

If you are determined to make this family work, you need to try to get full custody of her and love her like your own.

Teresa - posted on 08/04/2010

If you can't handle the kid she is and he isn't willing to work w/ you on her behavior then I really don't see how this relationship can work long term. Something has to give or everyone will just end up suffering.

I realize you are about to have a baby w/ this man which definitely complicates things, but that's just another of the many reasons I am against premarital sex.

I realize nothing I've said is very helpful and I apologize for that, but it's the only 'answer' I've got.

September - posted on 08/04/2010

Being a stepchild myself and having grown up with my most wonderful stepmom I think that you need to love her like she is your own. Set aside all of the dislike and try just loving her. Include her in things, don't let her feel or see your frustrations, she may be acting that way because she can sense the feelings that you have towards her. You have to also keep in mind that you're invading in on the very little time that she does have with her father and she may not like that. This is why it’s important to enjoy family time as a family when she is visiting. Good luck!

K. - posted on 08/04/2010

Kids can sense things in adults. They can tell when they're not liked or wanted. You can't stand to even look at her because she looks like her mom? WOW. And you don't think she can pick up on that tension? For some reason, you're bitter. And I agree with Sally and Laura. Grow up. All kids go through stages, some worse than others. You are definitely not helping this little girl however based on your post.

Amy - posted on 08/04/2010

Wow, I'm sorry you'r fiancee's child is so spoiled. Honestly if she isn't disciplined then it's not going to make a difference. You should be talking to your husband about how to discipline her while in your household. It's his daughter too. It's a lot better for her in the long run if someone starts to punish her for acting that way and to ignore the tantrums. Your soon to be child will take on the child's behaviors at least while she is around.

She may not be your child but she is your fiancee's so he should have say at least how to punish her while in your household.

Also, is there any chance you both can get more custody of her and help discipline her more? I know some people in a similar situation as you and the father getting full custody and full control over discipline made a HUGE difference.

Sally - posted on 08/04/2010

I am with Laura.
There is nothing to say except maybe "wow". She is a child. You are the adult. Grow up. The one who is acting spoiled is you. If you did not like how your boyfriend treats his child, you shouldnt have had a child with him.
The whole post leaves me feeling kind of sick.
Poor kids have no chance.

Isobel - posted on 08/04/2010

Do you really want people's opinion on this? cause I don't see how I can give you my honest opinion without you calling it a personal attack.

If I were your fiance, I would call off the wedding.