baby daddy drama!

Stephanie - posted on 06/21/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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Ok mom's i have a lot of baby daddy issues going on. Me and my son's father split up almost 3 years ago when i was pregnant. My son's father was abusive towards me, i couldn't tell you how many times cops were called because of him. It is a on going battle with my son's father. He didn't pay child support for a year, worked underneath the tables for cash. Then income tax came around and he decided to go ahead and pay his back child support. Well it didn't last long until he was behind again. That's not even an issue i dont depend on the child support money. My husband has been there for my son since he was 13 months old, my son is about to be 3 in a couple of months. My husband is daddy, not because we forced it but because my son knows who takes care of him. Besides the point. My kids "father" went missing a couple of months ago for a week straight on a drug bendge with his girlfriend then he lost his job. A month later him and his gf got into a fight she stabbed him at his OWN house. He had to be life flighted to the hospital. Spent a week in ICU. He never ONCE bothered to get in contact with me those 2 months. Never called and asked about my son or nothing. Now he is making my life a living hell. He don't call on the days he supposed to see my son but yet he calls and emails every single day besides saturday (the day he is supposed to do visit). Accuses me of not letting him see my son because i wont respond to his harassing emails and phone calls . He thinks he is going to take my son to his house. I fear for my son's danger. My son doesn't know who his "father" is, he knows who his daddy is, the man that is there every day the man that takes care of him and provides for him. My son's "father" Slanders me all over face book, even started me a page.... wasn't he sweet. https://www.facebook.com/AccusedDeadbeatOrVengefulMother What do ya'll think would be the best situation to do as the moment...

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Jaime - posted on 07/09/2012

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Stephanie, I wasn't dealing with abuse issues when I went to court. I was merely seeking full custody for my son because his father was unreliable and came and went when he felt it was necessary. I really think that in your situation, the only kind of advice that is going to be of any help to you is legal advice. Like Kristi C mentioned, write down and record as much as you can, take it to a lawyer or legal aid and get started with the court proceedings. It won't do you or your child any good to prolong the battle...it's going to happen regardless, but better it be in the direction of having things resolved so that your son is not in danger of coming into contact with this man that is clearly unfit. I hope you can get things started, but you won't really know what to do until you talk to a lawyer. Also, you might consider counselling for yourself to help deal with the stress of the situation...I can imagine it's been a tough road, and having someone that can help you sort through the mess will make all the difference :)

Kristi - posted on 07/09/2012

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Based on my experience and in my opinion only, I will say the following:

Number 1--get the drama OFF FB, I didn't even bother reading it because I have an exhusband who apparently shares a brain with yours. If there are threats of violence, take a picture with your phone or email it to yourself, if you can even do that on FB. But you'll want that for documentation.

Number 2--(again this is only my opinion) if you are truly concerned for your son's safety and based on this post, I would be, file for a protection order immediately. This next action was my choice and I was prepared for my consequences, if they came, but when I found out about the pyschological abuse and the ATTEMPTED parent alienation, I kept her and refused to let her go back. I had physically custody (because he moved over an hour away) but as far as everything else it was joint. So legally, he could see her whenever he wanted to, within reason. Since he knew, that I now knew what he and his 3rd (since me) step family had been doing, that kept him at bay for awhile.

Number 3--Keep copies of every text and every email, good or bad. Let his calls go to voice mail, if it is important information about your son, you can call him back. Save all the voice mails. Document everything, if you're not already. Do not engage him anymore. This seems a near impossible task but continuing this way will only hurt your son and you in the long run. You could rent a billboard in Times Square that says, "I AM WRONG, "YOU" ARE RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING. PLEASE FORGIVE ME! YOU CAN HAVE FULL CUSTODY OF YOUR SON AND $1,000/MO CHILD SUPPORT" and he will still trash talk you, lie about you, blame his entire miserable life on you, won't matter. So just stop. Like I said, only valid, important information about your son, otherwise respond to nothing. The people that know and love you know he's full of crap. Those are the only people you need to be concerned about. Keeping your nose clean by not sinking to his level will look good in front of the judge, as well. Go on about your business with your husband and son.

Number 4--Have your attorney get the ball rolling in court. This takes a long time. As much as the court says they care about children, they don't. His safety and well being come in second to their back logged schedule of criminals "who were there first" and other parents in the same boat as you, who have been waiting 5mo or 9mo for this date. That is why the emergency protection order is so vital. Dig your heels in and hunker down, because unless you can get him to agree to something out of court, this a long and rocky road.

I know I may sound bitter or angry, but I'm actually happier than I have been for awhile, mainly because my daughter is now blooming! This is my experience but from what my attorney told me and from what I've seen some of my friends go through, it happens all the time. There are worse cases than yours and there are easier cases than yours. None of that matters. Focus on the here and now and how you can be EFFECTIVE when making choices and decisions. Don't forget to love on your son because sometimes when we're out in the field fighting for their safety and well being, we forget that they are right here, right now and still need us in the home base. Good luck to you. I hope some of this helped, at least, a little. Stay strong.

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Jaime - posted on 06/28/2012

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"Jaime- I posted this on here because i was seeking advice i know i need legal advice but not all the time is it easy to talk to a lawyer VS talking to other single moms that are in the same situation. Thank you"

Exactly...you asked for advice and I gave it. I'm a single mom and I've done the court battle myself so thus I was sharing my knowledge of the situation. You're welcome :)

Stephanie - posted on 06/28/2012

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My husband does want to adopt my son but I have to go to court and fight to get the sperm donors rights terminated which it shouldn't be hard. I will be speaking to a lawyer next week about everything.
Jaime- I posted this on here because i was seeking advice i know i need legal advice but not all the time is it easy to talk to a lawyer VS talking to other single moms that are in the same situation. Thank you.
Mariah- I have tried making my son and his real father try having a relationship. But you can only push so far until you throw in the white towel. Legally my husband is my son's Step father but in reality his is his daddy. You can't force somebody to be a father/daddy or mother/mommy if they don't want too. And that is exactly what the sperm donor is doing. Everything he does is out of spite and to get at me because i have moved on with my life and not dwelling on my past.

Jaime - posted on 06/27/2012

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Hire a lawyer and go to court to get full custody of your son. Above all you should be seeking legal advice for this situation. If you fear your son is in danger when he's with his biological father then you need to do something about it.

Mommy - posted on 06/26/2012

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That FB page is really ridiculous. That's all I can say right now. #speechless

Mandian - posted on 06/26/2012

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Is there any way your husband would adopt your son? This sounds just like my ex. My husband just adopted my daughter and we don't ever have to deal with my ex again.

Mariah - posted on 06/24/2012

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If you fear that unsupervised visitation could place your son in danger then you would have to petition for supervised visitation through court. If you have not done so and the existing order says he can take his son on his days then that is what you must follow. If a judge has deemed him a fit parent entitled to certain days then that must be followed until you prove otherwise in court. I must admit I find reading both sides of this situation very interesting. I am a bit biased because I am the SM to two young girls whose mother has done nothing but lie in court and to all involved and tried everything she can to Alienate them from us and our families. She will say any crazy thing about their father who is in fact is an amazing parent! I wouldn't be with him if he wasn't! There is something to both sides. Remember above all else to make it about what is best for your son. If his father shows up to pick him up at his scheduled time, great. He may be a deadbeat, he may be having issues, he may not be perfect, but that will always be his dad and he will always share a piece of him no matter what. Sometimes fathers are young, immature, or ill equipped to be parents but can outgrow it or re-prioritize their lives. They should always be given every chance to have a relationship with their child as long as it does not harm the child. Maybe a good place to start would be to offer reunification for them, therapy for both your son and his father where someone helps them to reconnect and can offer direction and support to his dad to improve his parenting. This would also create an environment that has an element of supervision by a professional that can report any serious issues and step in if there is something negative happening. I'm glad your son has such a great SD, as I know the blessing of raising young step children and the nightmare of dealing with a hellish Bio parent. Good luck and I hope his Dad can get his life together and fix things before it's too late to know his son.

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Keep a log of all the activities. Take it down from Facebook because it coul be considered cyber bullying against him. Contact the police and ask for a restraining order.

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