Bored and looking for a good debate?? LOL!

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Johnny - posted on 02/22/2010

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You don't have to be gay to be able to imagine how it would feel to live in a society which totally condemns your deepest emotional and sexual feelings. Just consider how you would feel if society was overwhelmingly homosexual, and that all benefits and laws in society were designed to support homosexuality. If you could not marry a man even though you were born loving men and you had to live your life afraid that people would discover your real feelings for men. You too might be tempted to hide in a marriage to a woman who you cared for (but were not deeply in love with or attracted to), to try to make it work, and to follow society's dictates to have a child with her. It might be a mistake, it might be unfair to your partner and child, but we all want and need love. Sometimes we will fake it just so it seems like we are getting it. Think of all of the myriad of loveless straight marriages.

Our society may be slowly evolving to accept homosexuality and perhaps soon more countries will legalize gay marriage. But there continues to be an enormous amount of bigotry, hatred, and ignorance towards gay people. People who are strongly discriminated against have every right to blame society for screwing up their lives. 30 years ago things were a hell of a lot worse for gay people, and in many places thing are still pretty bad.

I've known several gay people who were married to a person of the opposite sex at one time. They did not act out of malice, but in a need to fit in and be loved. My former boss is a United Church minister who came out after his marriage split up and has since re-married a local alderman. I am friendly with his daughter, who is a well-adjusted and happy person who I've worked with on a few projects. She's just happy that her dad found true love and that her mother had a chance to re-marry a man with whom she could have a deeper relationship. She knew growing up that something was not quite right in her parent's marriage, but of course they hid the truth from her. Her mom had actually known for years that her husband was gay, but kept his secret for him because she did love and care for him. Her parents are still extremely close, they are pretty much best friends.

I know it does not always work out that well, many spouses and children can be deeply hurt by this. If society was not so intolerant, perhaps people could be more honest about who they really are, not hiding their misery behind some facade. And that goes for more than just homosexuals.

I love love too.

Alison - posted on 02/24/2010

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It looks like we need to start a debate on gay parenthood. Are we suggesting that gays should have the right to marry, but not to be parents???

I have my own personal beliefs on homosexuality, but when it comes to the law, we need to consider what is best for the people. Encouraging faithfulness between any two partners actually reduces the risk of std which is better for society! It also (in theory) will make people happier, which means more spending and less crime, which is also great for society.

On the topic of gay parents, I'll just say that there are all kinds of undeserving heterosexual parents out there. If a gay couple has love to give, they should go for it. The good news is that they cannot end up with unwanted children!

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45 Comments

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Melissa - posted on 02/23/2010

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Open my heart further to what? I dont take things personal on here so no i dont feel bullied. I enjoy conversation.

Rosie - posted on 02/23/2010

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i do agree with you to a point melissa. i would never marry someone just because we got pregnant just to go with the social norm.i've been there before, and chose not to marry him just because society thinks i should've. not marrying someone that you have a child with is actually a LEGAL option in our society. marrying the same sex IS illegal (in most states) in our society. i can only imagine the way i feel being illegal, and what i would do in that instance. i am glad that you have no objection against gay marriage, but i really hope that you can open your heart further. i hope you don't feel bullied or anything cause that's not what i want, i just want LOVE!!!! :)

Melissa - posted on 02/23/2010

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I feel sorry for the women these men are married to, or the men that lesbians are married to. Now that its more excepted they are able to go and be with whom they want, but here they're husband\wife has a spent a life with someone who will never truly love them the way they deserve. I think thats sad. Im talking in general not just about the examples given. I honestly dont care what is "accepted", i do what makes me happy. It is unfortunate that gays are treated they are, and i dont blame for being scared, I just dont agree to fake marriage just to fit in with society.

[deleted account]

Carol: I love love but I also LOVE a good success story; THANKS! ♥

Has anyone heard the saying, FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT! ??

Melissa - posted on 02/22/2010

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I disagree with marrying because 2 people have a child, I thought you said he married first then had a child. But either way life is way to short not to live it the way you want to. I think people are wayyyy to influenced by society then when they make a mistake or have a regret they blame society. I say own up to your decisions. He could have not gotten married and stayed a "bachelor", ive never heard of people being threatened for that. I just dont thiink marriage and having children is a joke. I dont know this man and i wasn't alive 30 years ago, but its unfortunate he felt forced into marriage. I just hope his decisions haven't had a negative effect on his child.

Rosie - posted on 02/22/2010

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you are right he did in a way choose to get married and produce a child, but that was 30 years ago. back then, and even now to an extent, heterosexual people were forced to marry if they got pregnant out of wedlock. why did they get married if they didn't want to? because society pressured them into it. we all have this fabulous idea of what a perfect family is supposed to be like, and it affects our decisions dramatically. i know waaaaay to many peoople that have gotten married because of a child, then gotten a divorce. while they still chose to end up that way, do you think that would happen if our society didn't have the negative connotation (sp?) about unwed parents? if they actually had the choice without outside pressure i'm sure different decisions would've been made. only diffference in the case of gays marrying heterosexual, is that their lives were threatened on a daily basis.

Melissa - posted on 02/22/2010

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Ive never been a person to by into what society thinks it right. Now im not gay so i dont how it feels to be in a situation like that I just dont understand how someone could have a child, knowing they're gay, not only is it his life but now its affecting his childs life, and how could he do that to the person he married. He made those choices to have a phoney marriage and produce a child, i dont think we can blame society for that. Regardless of what perceived as "right" he shouldn't have brought a child in the world. I dont know, but if he was "born gay" how could he even have relations with a woman. I say either you are or your not, I love men, and i couldn't imagine being with a woman. I would think its the same way gays. If he likes men how could he even pretend with a woman. Thats why i think some choose. The gay people i know have never been with the opposite sex, and wouldn't even try. As for bi-sexuals, i dont even understand that.LOL

[deleted account]

yeh, I saw the gay marriage debate on the welcome page, but I didn't bother to open the thread because I've seen so much of the same debate on COM that it's got a bit old. Had I known there was some good drama on the thread I would have opened it. lol.



I think most religious people fear that if gay marriage is legalized they will be forced to perform gay/lesbian marriages even though it goes against their religious beliefs. And if they turn someone away, they will be charged for discrimination. Most have no intentions of deliberately discriminating against someone who is not heterosexual, it is just against their religious beliefs about marriage.


That is a good point Nicole. This is the main reason the debate gets fuled by religion.



I don't personally approve of gay marriage and thats why I'll never marry another woman. I've got no interest in pushing my view onto anyone else because I couldn't care less what other people do or who they marry.

Rosie - posted on 02/22/2010

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oh no melissa. i was definitely being sarcastic. i truly don't understand why anybody would think that they choose to be that way. why would anybody think that gay people choose a life of discrimination? i don't believe any of them do, they are just that way. are gay people so hard up for sex that they just decide one day to say "hey, i could choose to be attracted to people of the opposite sex, but that's too easy, i know!!!! why don't i choose to like people of the same sex and not have the same rights as anyone else, get discriminated against, AND maybe take the chance of loosing my life at the hands of a gaybasher." it seems so ridiculous to me that people would actually think that it's a choice.

and if even if someone refuses to believe it's a choice, there is still no reason why people can't choose to love who they want to love. i'm friends with a gay man and this past year he was lucky enough to live in a state that finally allows gay marriage. he's been with his husband for at least 13 years that i know of. he tried the straight thing, even got married and had a kid. unfortunately, it took him too long to finally come out due to society's negative conotations about the gay lifestyle. he didn't get married because he was straight and then divorced because he chose to be gay. he got married because of what our society thinks should be a "normal" relationship. he tried hard to make it work, but ultimately he ended it knowing he couldn't keep up the lie any longer. it's just sad that the gay lifestyle is considered so horrible that people have to keep their true feelings to themselves. he ended up bringing a child into this world. while i know that is a choice that you make when you have heterosexual sex, it's also something that our society deems "normal", and what better way to pass yourself off as "normal" than to have a child? it pisses me off to no end that his kid was born into a situation like that, and i don't blame him for it one bit. our way of thinking and hating needs to stop so more situations like that don't happen.

[deleted account]

Since my 'religious beliefs' make me who I am I can't keep them out of my debates, so.... I'm staying out of this one. :)

Melissa - posted on 02/22/2010

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I couldn't care less if someone is gay or straight. People will fall in love with whoever they want. What about people out there who have had marriages with opposite sex then all of a sudden they fall in love with someone of same sex. I agree some people are born that way because they would never want to be with someone of opposite sex, but some people do choose. Besides gays and lesbians are a lot more excepted in todays day then 20-30 years ago. Granted hate crimes still happen, and thats unfortunate but i dont think someone should hide who they really are.

Lady - posted on 02/22/2010

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They are gay because they are born that way the same way you were born straight, and no I don't think she's saying she would want to be killed if she was gay she's saying that people get killed and abused and discriminated because they are gay so why would anyone choose that life if they had a choice.

Nicole - posted on 02/22/2010

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I think most religious people fear that if gay marriage is legalized they will be forced to perform gay/lesbian marriages even though it goes against their religious beliefs. And if they turn someone away, they will be charged for discrimination. Most have no intentions of deliberately discriminating against someone who is not heterosexual, it is just against their religious beliefs about marriage.

Melissa - posted on 02/22/2010

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Kati, are you being sarcastic? Are you saying you would want to be killed if you were gay? So if people dont choose to be gay then why do you think they're gay?

Lady - posted on 02/22/2010

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Yeh I read about the ignore button on the thread (it's not been deleted) - the one on leaders forum was gone by the time I got up :-(

Rosie - posted on 02/22/2010

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i wonder if that kaye lady is on this forum? i'd like to be able to change her views. she seemed pretty adamant that gay people choose to be that way. she said she knows plenty of gay people and they all told her they chose to be that way. i know i'd definitely choose to be persecuted, killed, and discriminated against all for my chance to get some vajayjay! gimme a break, gay people don't choose to be that way. all of their arguments are lame, and it really irritates me how close minded some people are. where's all the love?!

Sharon - posted on 02/22/2010

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My comment about an ignore button was also in the "debate" what a joke, it might be on page two? if it wasn't deleted.

[deleted account]

the ignore button was on the Community leaders forum lol

she said we need an ignore button on threads so you don't have to look at the stupid ones lol...and I agree!

[deleted account]

Gillian: I'm so confused? What ignore button?......I went back and reread the entire post and I still can't figure out where Sharon typed anything about an IGNORE BUTTON!??

P.S. If there was an ignore button I think peopel would be ignoring all day long! LOL!

Lady - posted on 02/22/2010

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Sharon love your idea of the ignore button for deleating ignorant comments that add nothing to the debate. Soory I missed out on the fun last night. There are deffinate disadvatages to being in a different time zone

[deleted account]

Meghan: I think we just started a new one? LOL!

Joy: I totally agree with you, I just misunderstood something you typed and interpreted it the wrong way! I find that a lot of these debates are fueled by organized religion and you can pretty much guess where people stand based on their religious beliefs or lack there of in our case!

Sharon! Ur pic is hilarious.......what is that? LMAO!

Melissa - posted on 02/22/2010

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It sounds like the good debate, would be peoples thoughts on religion, not gay marriage. I personally have never been to church, never read the bible and dont intend to. I live my life my way not the way people believe i should. How about everyone else. Oh and i hate when they lock conversations, I think they should just let people battle it out.

JL - posted on 02/22/2010

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It is on the Welcome page but it has been locked so no one can post anymore.

[deleted account]

I'm confused...where is the gay marriage debate...lol...im logged off for 24 hours and I miss all the excitement!

JL - posted on 02/22/2010

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Oh No Dana, I agree with you that the gay marriage debates are fueled by religion and I don't want to hear what the bible said anymore as a reason for disagreeing with gay marriage. I didn't think you were attacking rorganized religion at all.



Personally, I do not agree with organized religioun so I stated In My Opinion so that I would not offend anyone who does because I do feel like the bible thumping should be left out of the debates concerning legalizing gay marriage.

JL - posted on 02/22/2010

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Uh, IMO leave religion out of it that is a personal private thing separate from law. I fail to see how gay marriage will prevent anyone from praticing their personal religious beliefs. Separation of church and state is important for a reason it not only protects the government and people from being over taken by religion but it protects religion and peoples personal religous ideals from being over taken by government.



THerefore when gay marriage is legalized no church will be forced to perform gay marriage ceremonies because they are private entites and their rights are protected by separation of church and state but government agencies will be expected to recognize gay marriage. I just don't get the anti gay marriage arguements concerning the slippery slope theories. It pisses me off when people start argueing....that if gay marriage is legalized then that will lead to some slippery slope where people can marry their sister blah blah...How stupid come on...what does incest have to do with it..and really as if millions of people have been sitting around waiting for gay marriage so they can marry their famliy members...UHHH!



I love love..I support gay marriage.

[deleted account]

Nah, I never got in on that action the first time around so here goes......Although I might not understand gay/lesbians why shouldn't they have the right to get married? Please tell me the bible isn't ur only defense? LOL! I find that A LOT of these debates are fueled by religion!!?? Where does everyone stand?

Johnny - posted on 02/22/2010

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I was so sad that I missed the gay marriage debate. It really got good. I love it when people just get all ridiculous about things, one way or the other. It's so entertaining when you're bored. I'd start anther thread on the topic, but it would probably be flogging a dead horse.

[deleted account]

Man, now I'm bummed I missed it... I have a lot of strong feelings on that! I'll have to go look for it tomorrow!

Erin - posted on 02/21/2010

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Yes!! Kati, that debate on gay marriages was good! I wonder if they will reopen it tomorrrow? I knew it would get good, the OP wanted it to be a clean debate....yeah right. You can't put something on COM THAT controversial and expect it to be all nice and sweet.

[deleted account]

ha ha! You ladies are funny! I always come on here when I'm bored and looking for a good debate! :)

Rosie - posted on 02/21/2010

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what a funny picture!! lol! me too, i can't fall asleep tonight, although i should try. the whole gay marriage thing on COM was getting pretty good, but they had to lock it!

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