Boys and girls sharing a bedroom?

Kelina - posted on 01/03/2012 ( 39 moms have responded )

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Just curious what everyone thinks-would you let a boy and a girl sibling share the same bedroom past the toddler stage? why? why not?

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Sally - posted on 07/21/2012

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In the vast majority of the world for the vast majority of human history, the whole family slept together. Even today, in most places, either the whole family sleeps together or the kids sleep with mom and dad sleeps alone and sometimes boys move in with dad at either weaning (4-8 years if done naturally) or puberty. The modern industrialized West is the only culture that's so hung up on sexuality at such young ages and we don't seem to produce any fewer perverts than anywhere else.

Sherri - posted on 01/18/2012

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Actually Dusty there is no law in any state in the US about siblings of the opposite sex sharing a room. The only time this comes into play is if CPS is involved or you are a foster parent.

Sally - posted on 01/09/2012

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The idea that families should split up to sleep is less than 100 years old and even then only in the Western world. It's based far more on getting people to buy bigger houses and more furniture than on any benifit to the people involved. In most of the world the whole family sleeps in at least the same room if not the same bed until the kids get families of their own and sometimes even after that.
As long as they were comfy with it, I'd let them sleep in the same bed until puberty and the same room until they were ready to move out. They'll let you know when it becomes a problem for them.

Kimberly - posted on 01/06/2012

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My 15yo girl, 12yo boy, and 9yo girl all share a room, by choice. There is one room in this house that my elderly MIL can't get to because it is down steps. She wanders at night and wakes people up. We have an unused bedroom that any of the kids could use, but they prefer to share and not get woken up.

I do not worry about sibling molestation because I do not think that my kids are predators just waiting for an opportunity.

Jenna - posted on 01/04/2012

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Yes I would and I do. I don't think it should be an issue until puberty. We have five children and the setup of our house is such that we have one really huge bedroom and a second smaller one, in addition to the master. We have three boys, then a girl, then a baby boy. Baby needs his own room right now because we're having sleep issues with him, so we have the four other kids sharing the huge room. They sleep in separate beds (two sets of bunkbeds). The oldest boy is 8, followed by a 7-year-old brother, then a 5-year-old brother then the 4-year-old sister. It works out well and they are doing just fine like that. We will move the girl to the smaller bedroom and the baby to share with his brothers when he is old enough and able to sleep in the bottom bunkbed.

On another note, I shared a bedroom with my two little brothers until I was 8 and they were 7 and 5. From that point on I always had my own room, but when I was a younger teenager, my baby brother, who was born when I was 8, would come into my bed at night when he was scared because my parents wouldn't let him in theirs. I usually didn't notice he was there until it was time to get up in the morning. That was when he was about 5 or 6, so I was 13 or 14. I don't think that was a big deal either.

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Taylor - posted on 07/22/2012

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When i grew up my brother and i ~twins~ shared one until we were 15 and finally got a house with another bedroom. It's not the big deal a lot of people make it out to be.

Julie - posted on 07/08/2012

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I grew up with 4 siblings, 3 boys and 2 girls. We shared ONE bedroom, two sets of bunk beds and one twin, until the oldest was 12 and youngest was 9.

When we finally moved into a larger house. The girls shared a room, and boys shared another.

However, 3 of the siblings were step-kids who only came on the weekends.

So for years, all the way through high school, My brother and I, (18 months apart) would occasionally sleep a night in each others room.

Separate beds, always respected privacy, and only good times and memories that I have because of it :)

Now, we got along. If there is fighting, or space issues, split them up if you have the option so they can get along.

Jamie575 - posted on 07/08/2012

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i think as long they get along and they want to let them as long they want. lot time they get long lot better.

my daughter is good friend with girl. her brother is 12 she is 11. they share bedroom. they along so good. both are well manner kids. my daughter go over for sleep over, he been just good to her as he is to his sister

Starfish - posted on 02/01/2012

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I don't really find anything wrong with it. I'd probably be less comfortable when they're teenagers, but until late last year, my 5 and 6 yo shared a room (girl and boy, respectively), and though I've moved the 5 yo into a room with my 7 yo (both girls) since, sometimes they get too rowdy and I send the little one back to her brother's room. And unless we're able to move into a bigger home, eventually, somebody's going to have to share a room with my boy-on-the-way, and I'd really only trust our 16 yo or 7 yo (girls) with that...so, once again, we're going to have some cross-gender sharing again one way or another.

Stifler's - posted on 01/30/2012

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I wouldn't make my kids share a room at all. I like to sleep at night.

Ania - posted on 01/29/2012

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My kids will share the room probably into late toddlerhood maybe beyond. We have only two bedrooms. I don't see a problem with that maybe because I don't have a choice haha, but seriously I think it creates bond and of course problems sometimes too, but I don't see anything wrong with that

Emma - posted on 01/28/2012

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I have a boy (4) and a girl (5) and they had there own rooms but by choice now have done what Medic Mommy's kids have done.

The both have there beds in the small room, which is just used for sleeping and the bigger room has turned into there play room.

This happened about 2 weeks ago, and both are loving sharing there room and having a play room.

Ive noticed they have been sleeping a lot more soundly since they moved in to the same room.

[deleted account]

I don't have issue with it. I shared with my brother until I was 9, he was 13. My kids choose to share a room, son is 5 and daughter is 8.

Dusty - posted on 01/17/2012

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I'm not sure about where you live, but here in Indiana, the law is that when one of them hits the age of 7, they have to be in seperate rooms. I think 7 is a pretty good age to seperate them though, even if the law in your state gives an older age.

Merry - posted on 01/15/2012

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Ok I'll expand :) right now my whole family sleeps in one bed. So whenmy oldest son moves out of our bed I wonder if my daughter will want to join him in a different room. I'd be fine with them sharing a bed until around puberty age. Maybe 9-10 yrs or so. Then I'd say seperate beds but same room is fine til they want their own.



Now as for sibling molestation. What about an older brother raping his little brother?

Or a big sister molesting her little sister?

It's kinds sexist to assume only big brothers could molest little sisters isn't it!

So unless you're advocating for no siblings ever to share a room then I don't see a real way to prevent any horrid acts between siblings.

Merry - posted on 01/15/2012

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If the kids are fine with it it's fine with me! They can change clothes in the bathroom if they need privacy.

There's no age I'd say is too old, it's all based on when one of them asks for their own room.

I think it would be sweet to have kids who enjoyed sharing a room regardless of their genders.

[deleted account]

until one of them hits puberty i don't see a problem with it. i shared a room on and off with my brother until i was 11.

Kellie - posted on 01/06/2012

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That's just beautiful! I love how kids just are.

Pfft nothing wrong with them sharing especially if that's what they want/need. Nothing to do with anyone else.

Medic - posted on 01/06/2012

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Also my parents have rooms for them but ended up combining their rooms there also because one would just go and sleep in the others bed. Now atleast they sleep in their own beds.

Medic - posted on 01/06/2012

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It is... they were never going to share a room but on our daughters first birthday our son asked for her to move into his room so he could make sure she was safe. We actually thought it would have only lasted a few weeks and he would be sick of her but it hasn't and now they have a hard time sleeping without eachother. He has a loft bed that goes over her toddler bed. I want my kids to be close and if this is what makes them happy right now then I will enjoy it because one day they may be trying to kill eachother. Lots of people have told us we shouldn't keep them together but our kids do everything together, if it is something that the little one can't do usually our son will not do it just because he wants to do things she is big enough to do also. The people talking trash have kids that can't stand eachother.

Medic - posted on 01/06/2012

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My son is 5 and my daughter will be 2 (3year 4 month age gap) and they share a room by their choice. They sleep in the small room, large enough for their beds and dressers and have the big room for a play room. We have decided to leave them together until they want to be seperated because it makes no sense putting them in seperate rooms just for one to go sleep in the others room anyway.

Amanda - posted on 01/05/2012

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I would probably have them share until they were old enough to start school. After that I would separate them to give them they're own privacy.

Sherri - posted on 01/05/2012

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As I said we will have to agree to disagree. I just can't see your point in this what so ever.

So if it doesn't work for you don't do it. However, many many people don't and will never have any other option but to have siblings of the opposite sex share a room and they shouldn't be made to feel they are doing something wrong Kelina or that just because their children share a room that something will happen. Because honestly the likelyhood that anything ever will is slim to none.

Also teens having sex isn't even in the same ballpark as siblings having sex. That is on a totally different level and honestly what teen have you ever met that was turned on by their own sibling?? None that I have ever known or met.

Kelina - posted on 01/04/2012

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Sherii may I present this to you another way? how about teenagers having sex. If it's going to happen it's going to happen but that doesn't mean we have to role out the welcome mat does it? My husband and I are strongly against kids of the opposite sex sharing a room. I would never want to find out that something happened between my kids and there was something I could have done to prevent it-ie not allowed them to share a room.

Sherri - posted on 01/04/2012

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Well I can't see your view and won't so I call truce and say we will have to strongly agree to disagree on this one.

Kellie - posted on 01/04/2012

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I don't believe I said that sharing a room is the cause of sibling incest or molestation, just that it may present more of an opportunity for it to occur, and for that reason it may be a valid concern for some people.

Sherri - posted on 01/04/2012

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I am in no way being snide or with attitude. Also your article and yes I just read ever word never even mentions sharing a bedroom in the article let alone that being a cause. Actually what is mentioned more times then not is prior abuse to that child by an adult who then in turn abuses a sibling.

Sorry Kellie I stand by everyone of my original statements. You have yet to produce or state anything that would even relatively give me pause that it would or will be a problem in the least. I stand by if it is going to happen it will whether they share a room or not.

Kellie - posted on 01/04/2012

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As with all forms of abuse you need people to REPORT it to get Stats for it.



I also think it's a stretch to assume the law agrees with you simply because there isn't a law to say otherwise.

Kellie - posted on 01/04/2012

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And how did I "jump on your post" I was simply offering an argument as to why there may be a valid opposite sex siblings sharing a room concern.

YOU are the one who reacted with attitude.

Here is a study from the Australian Institute of criminology which may just back me up a little

http://www.aic.gov.au/events/aic%20upcom...

"Prevalence studies consistently appear to suggest high rates of sibling incest and that abuse by a sibling may in fact be more prevalent than other forms of child sexual abuse. In Goldman and Goldman’s (1988) Australian prevalence study 57% of people who had experienced intrafamilial sexual abuse reported that the sexual contact occurred with a brother or sister. An earlier USA study of college students (Finkelhor, 1979) found that 94% of reported nuclear family incest involved siblings. A more recent study undertaken in the United Kingdom reported similar findings, with sibling sexual abuse reported to be twice as common as intrafamilial sexual abuse perpetrated by a father or step-father (Cawson, Wattam, Brooker, & Kelly, 2000)."

Sherri - posted on 01/04/2012

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Who said mine holds more weight than yours? you opted to jump on my post that was meant for the OP not you personally so if anyone feels their opinion holds more weight here I have to say it would be you Kellie not me.

Also there is zero statistics to back up what you are saying. If you want to have your opinion hold water you need to be able to back it up and you can't. There is not one law in any state in the US that states boys & girls can't share a bedroom why? Because even the law agrees with me that there is no problem or evidence there is more molestation because they share a bedroom.

Kellie - posted on 01/04/2012

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The statistics show (in my country anyway) that you are more likely to be abused by someone you know such as a close family member. While you're right in saying if it's going to happen it will wether they're sharing a room or not, if it is happening or going to happen and they're sharing a room isn't sharing a room proving better access/opportunity for it to occur? Maybe?

There are a 2 types of Pedophiles, Opportunistic ones who may never have acted on their feelings but have been presented with the opportunity so they take it (such as that close family member), and those that will just grab the nearest kid and offend at ever opportunity with whover presents them selves.

Why does you opinion hold more weight than mine btw? How come you get to determine what is a legitimate argument?

my argument is legitimate, just because it may differ from yours doesn't make it less so.

Sherri - posted on 01/04/2012

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If that is going to happen Kellie it will whether they share a room or not. Quite honestly what are the stats that it happens more because they share a room then it does when they don't? Prove those stats to me Kellie and maybe your comment will hold more water.

Kellie - posted on 01/04/2012

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incest and sibling molestation perhaps Sherri?



It can and does happen.



We are lucky enough to have 3 bedrooms so our kids (unless we have a third after this one I'm currently cooking), so they won't be sharing and will have their own rooms/space which I think is important.



But if they had to share then no matter what their sex they'd be sharing for as long as necessary.

Sherri - posted on 01/04/2012

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Yes......yes.....yes......yes there is positively no reason why it is any different for siblings of the same sex to share a room vs. siblings of the opposite sex. Plus no one with all the debates on this one has come up with one legitimate reason why it is or would ever be a valid concern. It is ludacris to me that anyone in their right mind would have a problem with it.

[deleted account]

You do what you have to. If you have the space to split... it's fine to split from birth. If you don't have the space to split... it's fine to share til someone moves out of the house. It totally depends on the situation. Either 'extreme' can work and so can a bunch of different middle ground combinations.



My brother and I shared a room til he was 6 (or 7) and I was 3 (or 4). We always lived in a 3 bedroom house during childhood, so it wasn't an issue. When my parents split (I was almost 16) I had to live w/ my mom for a couple of months. She moved from HI to WA into a 2 bedroom place and I spent a month or two on the floor of my brother's bedroom. Several months later I was sharing a one room cabin w/ my dad and my brother for about a year.... Never had any problems whatsoever... except the fact that dad and bro SNORE! lol



My kids (10 year old twin girls, 3.75 year old son) have a teenaged stepsister and a 6 or 7 year old stepbrother and a baby half brother. When my kids are at their dad's house 2-3 times/year... ALL the kids share a room except the 6 month old baby boy sleeps w/ his mom and dad. There will be a boy and girl bedroom eventually, but the teenage sister and her little brother currently share and always have.



Like I said... you make due w/ what you have and that's perfectly acceptable. :)

Audrea - posted on 01/04/2012

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I have a 5 yo boy and a 4 yo girl and they have shared a room since they were babies.. I don't see it being a problem until they decide they need/want more privacy. I'm currently pregnant with baby #3 so a bigger space is going to be needed and then they will be separated... I will have 2 boys and 1 girl.

CJ - posted on 01/03/2012

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I'd say, for the most part it shouldn't be much of a problem until one of them hits puberty (at which point most kids want more privacy), as long as they generally get along. At one point when I was about 9-10, I had to share a room with my 2-3 yr old brother for a year. We didn't have much issues (other than the occasional him getting into my stuff issues which will happen even without sharing a room), but had I been forced to share a room with my older brother instead it would have been much more of an issue. As we didn't get along on the best of days being in the same room for anything. Sharing a room would have been a big mess. I think my parents put me and my younger brother together mostly becuase my older brother had hit his teens by then, and they didn't think he'd be too happy sharing his room with either of us by that point.

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