Breastfeeding ideals

Merry - posted on 12/03/2011 ( 219 moms have responded )

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If everything went perfect.

No pain.

No biting.

No bad latches that hurt.

Perfect birth

Bonding goes beautifully

No post pardum depression

No engorgement.

No having to return to work.

No having to return to school.

No unsupportive family members.

No unsupportive public.

No unsupportive doctors.

Baby latches well.

Baby is gaining weight well.

Baby is happy to nurse.

No weird or sexual feelings while feeding.

Baby eats quick meals and doesn't tie you down for hours sucking.

Baby sleeps well at night.

Baby will for sure be able to wean whenever you want, no fuss.

Etc.



If everything was perfect for you and accommodated breastfeeding perfectly, how long would you continue? Keeping in mind the health recommendation is 2 years but maybe only 15% of women nurse beyond the first year. What is it that's stopping us? And if it were all perfect, then what?

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[deleted account]

@Kel, maybe it would be better if you stopped being such a martyr for your kids.



I don't mean you should put your kids in daycare and start working full-time for Gerber while chain-smoking bra-less -- but maybe have more of an identity outside of all the sacrifices you've made for your children that make you feel superior to other mothers.

Mary - posted on 12/06/2011

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"I don't think ANYONE would have a problem taking someone elses SCREENED blood for a blood transfusion..."



Actually, you are quite wrong about this. As a nurse, I have seen more than a few people who desperately needed transfusion balk at the idea of accepting a stranger's blood. In fact, when I worked in CCU, I have witnessed people die because they refused a transfusion. I'd loved to say that they are all Jehovah's Witnesses, but they weren't.



After the advent of AIDS, as well as increased public knowledge of Hep B and other things transferred through bodily fluids, a lot of people got funny about exposing themselves (or their kids) to the bodily excretions and fluids of others, known or unknown. Even with the vast improvements in screening techniques, some people remain adamant in their stance...and this would include breastmilk.

Lise - posted on 12/05/2011

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I would ABSOLUTELY feed my dd donor milk if I needed. I don't know the cow that provides the formula... ;-) I donated over 1000 oz to a good friend, and felt so good about being able to donate - and her lo thrived on my milk, as my dd had.

I have looked at the info regarding what is in formula versus what is in breast milk (http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/breastf...) and I would absolutely take breast milk from a trusted source over formula. Hand's down. Again, though, it's not for every parent. Before I started nursing, I never would have said that - but nursing for 25+ months has changed my views, as has the research I've read.

Merry - posted on 12/05/2011

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Kel, you and I are on the same page on a lot of things. But somehow you're wording it badly. You sound attacking and offensive.

I'm extremely pro bf but I'm wanting to back up formula right now!

I have to say, formula has come a long way. It's about as good as it can get without being the real deal.

Yes I think there's many common side effects from being formula fed. Some of them are minor, some could be moderate. But really, in the end, formula is growing sime normal decent healthy kids!

My brother was entirely formula fed. He's not sickly and dying :P

Would I use formula? No, not likely. I've successfully nursed two so far and even if I couldn't for some reason I have a good network of lactating friends who I'm sure would help me out with extra milk.

But I simply can not stand bashing moms. Any moms. Moms who do everything opposite me or not, if they are feeling attacked then it's wrong.

Sharon tried harder then you could imagine to bf. she pushed herself more then maybe she should have to try and maybe sometimes she is still upset thatit didn't work. It's not anyone's place to judge. And being rude to her is just not cool.



So backdown and realize how your words are comming accross to others.

Krista - posted on 12/14/2011

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What you're not realizing, Kel, is that experience is a subjective thing.

You had a tough time with breastfeeding, you stuck it through, and you're proud of yourself. That's great. I sincerely mean it.

But for you to then turn around and say, "Well, I had a hard time and toughed it out, so EVERYBODY should be able to"...well, that's not so great. On the outside, someone's experience might look like yours, but you have NO IDEA as to that person's history or their psyche, or their own personal circumstances.

You just don't.

So to say that because you did it, everybody should be willing to do it...well, it shows a pretty marked lack of empathy. Everybody's experience is different. So until you've walked a few miles in their shoes, I would suggest that you stow the judgmental comments.

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/15/2011

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Thank you Jamie.



With my first child my mental state was out of whack becuase her father (my first husband) was an utter ass and I couldn't deal with everything else. My bi polar was really hard to deal with as well. I was not in a good mental state to take care of my child let alone breast feed her. But I am DEFINITELY NOT a failure. Nor do I have any issues when I argue with someone who is being so cold towards another mom's choice and calling it a selfish excuse. May I add that my first child (like myself who was soley formula fed) has no allergies, no asthma, is not obese (51 inches and 52 lbs, she still has a pair of 3T capris that she wears as shorts) has had no serious illnesses aside from kidney reflux which is genetic, can understand Spanish as well as English (Puerto Rican babysitter for 3 years) and is at the top of her class in reading, spelling and math.



By the way. I can breast feed while walking around a crowded festival with my baby in a carrier and I can breastfeed at night in my sleep! :D I don't think it pwns the cancer or the C-section though, but it does make me talented n'cest pas?



ETA: Sometimes you get what you give.

Jamie - posted on 12/15/2011

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I agree with the previous posters about attempting and not beating yourself up if it doesn't work out.

For me, I wanted to do everything I could to successfully breastfeed. My own experience breastfeeding made me really passionate about doing that for my children.

However, even with all of the reasons that breastfeeding wasn't going to be easy in my particular circumstances, I ended up being one of the lucky ones.

My son was born two months premature via c-section and I didn't even see him for three days. The odds were not in my favor. I knew it was only a matter of time before his sucking reflex would develop on its own and I was ready. I sat for 24 hours with him on my breast in the NICU and he eventually got it.
I know women who do FAR MORE than this with their full-term babies and they still can't breastfeed.
It is so specific to mother, and child I can't imagine why anyone would judge another person and think it is a lie or ignorance when they say they can't breastfeed.

Historically, trouble breastfeeding is not an uncommon thing. A lactating relative or neighbor would help out. This is still a very common practice in developing countries.

And with my other son, I basically won the lactating lottery breastfeeding him. He came home at four years old. The chance of breastfeeding him would be almost zero. However, he asked me to breastfeed when he saw his brother doing it. He had been breastfed up until the date of relinquishment by his birth mother and it was a great source of comfort to him. I was lactating already so there was basically no trouble. Other adoptive moms work their butt's off to breastfeed and a drop of milk is sometimes a huge accomplishment for them- not even getting to the latching on issue.....
So, for me, I would try as hard as I could and then if I still couldn't realize it is not uncommon and nothing to be ashamed of.
I do get sad to hear women say they wanted to breastfeed but gave into peer pressure of pushy nurses that said due to their situation thought it would be too hard- so they didn't try.

However, if a woman said she just knew she never wanted to, or started feeling her mental state wasn't well from the stress of breastfeeding- that is their business and no should judge.

Janice - posted on 12/15/2011

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At the Dr. :)

When pregnant with my daughter I figured I would try BFing but if it didnt work oh well. Yet, when she was born the urge to BF was overwhelming. Suddenly formula seemed like failure. I did struggle to get BFing going - 2-3 weeks of a baby with minimal growth. But it was worth the effort, my daughter BF 17 months. ANYWAYS, no other mom I know has ever said they felt that way and I enjoyed reading your post on it.



In general when a mom says she BF for 3 months but then stopped because returning to work made it impossible, I do not judge her. Moms must do what is best for their family as a whole. I just think its crazy that so many women dont even try just because formula is good enough or they just dont think their baby is worth a little bit of discomfort (emotionally or physically).

I dont believe my children will be geniuses. However, unless you have a really good reason, why wouldn't you give your baby a food that reduces their chance of being ill, obese, ect. Sure 90% (picked a random %) of formula babies will be healthy but if breastfeeding makes increases this to 91% then it is worth it for my child.

Unfortunately, if pumping goes as poorly as it did with my daughter, my son will have to get formula sometimes when I find a job in 4 months or so. Its not what I want but I have to go back to work.

Yes, I believe all women should try to make breastfeeding work but I also understand that there are many understandable reasons not to.

Lise - posted on 12/15/2011

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@ Toni:
"I look at my son (who is 2yo) and just cannot imagine bf'ing him, he is so big."

I get you on this one! I remember looking at pictures of a friend's 2 year old when my dd was just born and thinking, "I'll never make it to 2. She looks so big and so old!"

But you know, you just don't see that as you're going. It's not like my dd turned 1 (or 2, for that matter) and grew into a little girl overnight. ;-) She has been working her way there slowly, and in my eyes she is still my little baby girl. I can't imagine NOT nursing her right now, even though she is over 2. I'm sure she's the same size as my friend's 2 year old was, but she still looks like the same Kait to me. :)

Terra - posted on 12/15/2011

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Wow this has really devolved to a lot of name calling and rudeness. It's kinda hard to call someone out for being rude and condescending by being rude and condescending. it really doesn't help either side of the argument to start acting like a bunch of catty high school girls. Can we please try to get back to having a nice grown-up debate. You can disagree with someone without stooping to their level. If you are going to bother to get go down to their level in the first place maybe you could try and see things through their perspective instead of just name calling and being snide.

Jodi - posted on 12/15/2011

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"right now i'm rather confused"

It's called sarcasm and one upmanship.

[deleted account]

I am aiming for a year with my daughter ( who is 6 months old) as I look at my son (who is 2yo) and just cannot imagine bf'ing him, he is so big. but then with him I only managed to pump for three weeks as my milk dried up (with the pump and he wouldn't latch), looking back I have a feeling it was down to his jaundice but I trusted my midwives opinion.

As to which is better my ff son slept better, was far more independent, and easily went to other people...my bf daughter will only sleep with me, is far less independent than my son was and has to be in a great mood to go to someone other than me BUT with all that said I much prefer bf to ff, I hated messing around with bottles and sterilising, I hated worrying if I had enough milk or if it would curdle in the summer, or how I could warm it up (my son was always sicker if it was cold milk). But that is for me, it doesn't make someone any less than me for not bf and it doesn't mean that for someone else ff isn't easier or better...

Maree - posted on 12/15/2011

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I was bf for 2 years...clearly it didn't make me a genius because right now i'm rather confused !!!

Johnny - posted on 12/14/2011

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You know, I have to admit that I am thrilled that succeeding at breastfeeding for 23 months after a breast reduction gives me permission to be a total snotty judgmental ass to other women who are clearly not as fucking fantastic as I am. Rock on!

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/14/2011

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I thank the powers that be that I'm not an insufferable bitch because I've managed to breastfeed and my SIL didn't even try. :)



LOL Krista. Maybe she wasn't breastfed hence the grammar errors?

Maree - posted on 12/14/2011

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Dr Barry Trueman..love the name btw



I do feel like bf-ing is a vital part of mothering.



Once again,not to cause offense as this is just MY feelings but...I feel as if deciding to bf is the very first decision we make as mums. I know me make decisions when pregnant but after the birth,it is the first.



I feel like if i make that choice and go on to stick it out...and succeed,it gives me a huge amount of confidence with everything else. There are lots of decisions we make as parents,many are probably more important but to me,if i am able to succeed in the VERY FIRST decision which i know will have huge benefits for my child well into the future then i feel that i can succeed in everything else or at least have the confidence to give it a bloody good go.



If i did not try,or succeed in bf-ing,then i would be feeling like a failure and i would lack motivation for the other important things to come.



I thank God that i was able to do it because after having to have a c-section and being completely devastated,if i had been unable to bf,i would have been struggling with all the other ups and downs of parenting. It took me a while to accept that i may never have a natural birth again and bf-ing really helped me to overcome the disappointment i was feeling and focus on all the good....like...I had just had a baby and should be happy instead of angry and disappointed.



I know many of you don't feel the same which is why you see bf-ing as no big deal but that's just my thoughts.



My son is no genius even though he was bf for 18 months,i do not believe he would be "gifted" even if he was fed for 5 years !!! .

Maree - posted on 12/14/2011

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OMG...someone other than me is copping it !!! Woo hoo !!!
I am just so excited that there is someone else on here that has SOME of my views...not all !!! but some !!! Cynthia you are even more over the top than i am...I LOVE IT,GO GIRL .LOL
I have been waiting quite a while to not be the only one to be passionate,forceful,judgmental among other things...about breast feeding.

Krista - posted on 12/14/2011

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Would Cynthia's post be considered emblematic of the word "irony"?

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/14/2011

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Cynthia, maybe you should consider your posts before you post them? You come off as rude, insensitive and inconsiderate and I doubt you mean to be that way.

I'm not even going to touch the grammar and spelling, I'll just be generous and assume you're on a mobile phone.

Cynthia - posted on 12/14/2011

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im not cuzing at anyone so dont get all worked up...I never put anyone down or think that a child is being abused cuz they dont get BF.....dramatic....and YES i do believe my son and daughter are in schools for the gifted because I BF for so long plus their always healthy...I have friends that formula feed they know my opinion I dont disown them nor them me...your all taking it offensively...maybe you ladies taking such offense should ask yourselves why....

[deleted account]

K, I'm not reading all the responses on page 10 yet and after 2 days of a dead computer I should know better than to come back on this post...

But... as a mom who chose to breastfeed her son for 3.25 years and can't understand why anyone wouldn't choose to breastfeed... I have to say this.... sometimes being a little 'selfish' is what MAKES someone a better mother. If breastfeeding is NOT something you want to do and you would resent anyone 'making' you do it... NOT breastfeeding and being a HAPPY mother IS in the best interest of your child (so hey, kind of actually NOT selfish).

Yes, we are mothers and in general the needs of our kids come first, but if you are not taking care of yourself and/or are doing something that is making you miserable all 'in the best interest' of your kid.... you are failing your kid more by not being content and stable.

K, rant over... off to read what I skipped over. ;)

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/14/2011

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Well said Sherri, well said.

Laura, I've seen a lot more rudeness and judgement on this site from women who breastfeed towards women who use formula than I have ever felt by the public. I don't know maybe it's because of where I live, but I felt a lot more judgement when I had to use formula for my older child. No one really cared when I breastfed my baby at a playground or in the library.

Okay how about my brother and I were on formula because our birth mothers gave us up for adoption and the woman who adopted us had a legitamate 'excuse' to give us formula and we didn't get allergies, asthma, lead poisoning or who knows what else. It's nice to know that some women are claiming others are making up excuses to not do something they don't feel comfortable with.

I'm quite proud of myself for managing to breastfeed my 9 month old since day one after a terrible labour and a 12 hour long cluster feed where I whined on the phone until my husband told me to call a nurse and tell her to take the baby into the nursery. My mom couldn't breastfeed and it was so long ago that my mama doesn't remember it and my mom's younger sister couldn't do it for long because she had to have an emergancy surgery so I got odd looks from my family, but not from the public. I'm still doing it even though at times it drives me crazy and I wish my husband could lactate so I could get a break. But I'm not about to gloat about it or say: Look at me I'm breast feeding even though it's so hard! That doesn't make you too many friends or influence other women to want to breastfeed.

Being negative, telling formula feeding moms that they're making excuses because they're selfish and acting as if your child has a magical edge on non breastfed children (like myself) isn't going to garner any love, interest or respect from non EBF moms.

Merry - posted on 12/14/2011

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Kel I think it sounds like bf made you feel like a good mom dispute your hardships being young and single, it was a battle to win like it was for me. I felt like if I formula fed that ment I failed as a mom. I was insecure and breastfeeding made me feel I was a good mom.

Maybe sometimes we stress the importance of breastfeeding to unconsciously make ourselves feel better for 'succeeding'

This is interesting to think deeper into why some moms do and some don't breastfeed. Obviously to some of us it's a vital part of mothering and to others it's simply an option they never cared to explore.

I was so excited to breastfeed! I was 20 and wanted to be a mom more then anything and in my life moms breastfed.

In others lives no one breastfeeds so they see it as less exciting or important.

Maree - posted on 12/14/2011

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I have been lucky enough to have never been judged for bf-ing.
Not that i think anyone has any reason to judge someone for doing the right or healthiest thing for their child but still...i've never felt judged.
Maybe people did but never said it to my face or maybe i was just so damned proud of myself for getting through such a shitty time that i simply didn't notice !!!..lol.

I wouldn't say,the first time round that it worked into my life...i had to work part time 5 weeks after my son was born because the dad wasn't willing to help out...so i had to pump and it was hard being at work,before the milk even had time to settle. The leaking,bleeding,mastitis and pain was almost unbearable. There was nowhere to express at work so i had to do it in the toilets and i didn't even own a pump so i hand expressed till my joints were aching.
I am so incredibly proud of myself,being so young and single and still bf-ing for 18 months. People commented a lot on how good i was to feed that long,but the way i looked at it was that it was the first few months that were tough...it was no big deal after that.

Second time round,it does fit in well with my life. I am married and don't need to work...and i got a electric pump this time. I got lots of help in hospital and had lots of time at home while the milk settled.I had lots of help from my husband and was able to heal from the c-section and rest when i needed to.

My daughter is 8 months and all is going very well,hopefully she will be willing to feed for at least 2 years. I weaned my son at 18 months,i don't know why...but this time i know better so i will do better,also i am 10 years older this time.

I don't feel like i need to justify what i am doing...i just wish others saw the benefits as well but as you say Laura,maybe the benefits are not seen...if its just that "they must be there somewhere" then really there isn't a lot of point suffering for something you can't even see,in some peoples opinion. In my experience,the benefits for bf-ing and the risks of ff-ing ARE obvious,if i am talking about people that i know...but in other peoples experience it is the complete opposite.

Krista - posted on 12/14/2011

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Oh Krista your better than I am I never boiled water. My kids only got water straight out of the tap

We're on well water, and we had only just had the well dug less than a year earlier. We'd had it tested, but I was still a bit leery. Hence, the boiling, and hence, the Brita.

And I really DO wish that people would stop judging each other. Breastmilk is the ideal norm. Fine. We all know that. It's what nature intended for us to feed our babies. But nature also intended for babies to come out of our vaginas. And nature also intended for us to have long fucking armpit and leg hair.

A baby is important, but a baby is part of an overall family. And every family has to do what is right for their situation and their dynamic. Breastmilk isn't going to make your kid an invincible genius. It simply is ONE aid in your child reaching his or her full genetic potential with regards to intelligence and health. There are plenty of other factors out there.

So yes, breastmilk is wonderful stuff. But I DO wish that people like Kel and Cynthia could understand that sometimes people have to weigh the pros and cons of things. And the pros of breastfeeding do not ALWAYS outweigh the cons -- not for every family. And just because they haven't breastfed, it does not mean that the child is being abused, or deprived, or is destined to grow up an idiot.

So give it a fucking rest, already. It's formula, not rat poison.

Minnie - posted on 12/14/2011

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But those of us who have it work well into our lives tend to have to back ourselves up a lot to rude judgemental people so we learn all the intricate 'benefits' to justify our nursing and so we start feeling that our babies are vastly superior to formula fed ones because if we don't push all the benefits to others we get judged harshly.

That's interesting, Laura, never thought about it like that.

Merry - posted on 12/14/2011

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Bf fit easily into my life as a mom. So I continued. I went into it cuz I felt it was the best thing to do, I fought through all the crap cuz I wouldn't accept quitting or 'failing' and once I got it all going smooth I didn't want to stop until he was done!
Now I DO believe breastfeeding makes a big difference in the health of mother and child. But I do NOT think that formula is a death sentence or even close.
But IMO, natural is always going to be far better then artificial and living cells has to be healthier then dead cells.
Idk if the difference is obvious or seen at all, but it's got to be there somewhere.
It's just common sense. And everyone I know agrees with this!
But if it doesn't fit into your life then you most likely try and move on and know that odds are the child will be no worse off on formula. But those of us who have it work well into our lives tend to have to back ourselves up a lot to rude judgemental people so we learn all the intricate 'benefits' to justify our nursing and so we start feeling that our babies are vastly superior to formula fed ones because if we don't push all the benefits to others we get judged harshly.

Sherri - posted on 12/14/2011

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Nobody has said it is a waste of time or energy Kel. I just think you and a few others need to understand that just because bf'ing is so important to you. To others having to go back to work, the utter discomfort, the needs of their already family just have to take priority over bf'ing.

Maree - posted on 12/14/2011

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I don't think the choice is ALWAYS selfish but i do think it is a lot of the time.

I have also called it an uneducated choice as i believe that it is sometimes. That is not meant to upset people,just that i think lots of women don't breast feed because that isn't what they were taught growing up or they are embarrassed to breast feed,don't think it really matters either way etc. If they did their research then decided not to breast feed...it would then become an EDUCATED choice.

I feel badly for people who make an uneducated choice because they didn't know any better and then regret the decision.

If a person researched and still doesn't believe that bf-ing is necessary then i do think that is wrong.
Everything you read suggests that is IS necessary.
It isn't about whether or not someone elses child grew up fine...it is about YOUR child and how YOUR child will grow up.In my opinion,saying "my child grew up fine" after the fact...is wrong and SOMETIMES selfish.

If you choose not to believe the studies then that's fine,it isn't my child so i have no say in the matter....i just wish more people would say they just don't want to bf..not make excuses about why they COULDN'T...unless it really is true !!!

I can't help but think though,when a person reads studies saying how much better bf-ing is than ff-ing and all the risks that go along with ff-ing....that they still say it's no big deal.. that choice is made out of selfishness. They choose to decide that it STILL is no big deal or that their comfort,emotional health or whatever,is more important. I agree that sometimes it is...mum does need her health to look after the baby but again,i don't think this is always the case..lots of women say they are not coping because they simply don't want to cope or they were never really ready to make the sacrifice.

I consider it exactly the same as saying that you have read and heard all about what smoking does to your body but think" who cares,it won't happen to me and anyway someone i know died of lung cancer and didn't even smoke"...those attitudes don't make sense to me but i guess that is where i am different to most..i don't think like that. If i am told and many studies have shown something to be bad for you....i would do everything in my power to avoid that thing and do something healthier rather than make excuses.

I am interested as to why people don't believe the studies.

I am interested as to why pretty much everyone lays their baby on it's back because studies have shown that it decreases the risk of SIDS. People generally don't say "I didn't die from SIDS so it's fine to lay baby on it's stomach"...they lay baby on their back because they read that you should!!! What is the difference between that, and studies showing that ff-ing is risky? Why do people believe one study and not another? Is it a convenient excuse? Is it because people don't believe that anything bad will happen to their baby?

Forget about what was said in 1970 or 1980 or any other year...NOW bf-ing is recommended yet hardly anyone does it. Why???

Is it simply that you or someone you know grew up fine so it isn't necessary in your view?
If so,why do you think the studies are done and pretty much forced down peoples throats if the studies are all wrong?

Seriously,i'm not being a bitch,i am trying to understand what goes through peoples minds when they dismiss something that i consider incredibly important !!! Maybe i am wrong,maybe i am just not seeing something that everyone else is seeing and bf-ing really is an unnecessary waste of time and energy !!

Sherri - posted on 12/14/2011

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They are not excuses it is not selfish. It is a choice plain and simple. Also the only thing taken negatively is your judgments of others, instead of just doing what you think is best for your children and let others do the same for theirs.

Babies needs are met just as well and happily with formula.

I have done more research than you will ever know and no it is not the be all to end all. I can guarantee your children are no better off then mine.

You are no better or special because you opted to do extended breastfeeding. For me it wasn't all an option for my first two I had to return back to work and I worked for a construction company in the office with 10 men. All they had was a garage or bathroom so nope could not pump at work either.

Cynthia - posted on 12/14/2011

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Wow some are taking it negative....i dont need u to justify your "Excuses" to me.....it is selfish...u dont want to BF cuz it makes YOU uncomfortable or grosses u out...yes its a choice.....but a selfish one...its all about mommy not babys needs...i dont like my nipples bit and sometimes it is uncomfortable but i put it aside....and YES breastmilk is GOLD...do your research...maybe if more women didnt take it so negative or offense to it they can actually learn some good info on breastfeeding....

Sherri - posted on 12/14/2011

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I am with Emma. I did breastfeed but would never go longer than 5 or 6 mo's. If I can even make it that long. So far with three kids the longest I made it was 4mo's with one.

Children thrive whether they are fed formula or Breastmilk. Breastmilk isn't some magical thing that is pure gold. Is it better than formula sure but is it some kind of miracle that you child will only do better being breastfed HELL NO.

Maree - posted on 12/14/2011

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Oh finally....some people with the same opinions as me. (does this mean i am not the only judgmental bitch in the world? lol)
I have been waiting for this day for ages...thank you Cynthia and Janice for being 2 of the very few to say what they really think and not just say what people want to hear !!!!!!

Stifler's - posted on 12/14/2011

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I live in a pretty hot climate... breastfeeding was VERY uncomfortable with the sweat pouring. Also my boobs were chomped to shreds and the kids never stopped screaming. There WAS NO POSSIBLE WAY to overcome that. I don't care what anyone says.

Stifler's - posted on 12/14/2011

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I dont have to justify my "excuses" to you. If I don't want to breastfeed... this is the 21st century... I don't have to...

Lise - posted on 12/14/2011

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If you feel uncomfortable breast feeding, then that is a reason not to do it. I don't believe it's selfish not to put yourself continually in a situation in which you are not comfortable. Think it's gross? Don't do it.

That being said, I find it sad and unfortunate that women DO find it uncomfortable (emotionally, not physically), or gross, etc. I think working to get rid of those thoughts for
The general public is the way to go rather than making someone feel bad for how they feel. If in your gut you aren't comfortable, no amount of "you're doing the wrong thing - bf even if you don't want to" is going to help. Your stress will then probably affect your supply, which will probably make you feel like a failure on top of already being uncomfortable. It's a bad cycle. I do think that bfing is best, and I'm honest enough to say I often feel bad for the babies who don't get to experience it, but I think it's best to change the public mindset rather than saying someone should do something they cannot fathom themselves doing.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/14/2011

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Cynthia, what do you want a gold star? Yes I know that was rude. But I cook, clean, work and raise my kids too. Doing so and breastfeeding doesn't make you a superhero. Especially in this day and age when you can make chicken alfredo with frozen broccoli, preshredded cheese a can of mushroom soup and premade pasta. And we don't have to pump water to wash clothes and dishes. I'm a SAHM mom now and I was a care aide back in New York

Janice, I don't know why my SIL is uncomfortable (not unbelievably) she just is. I don't believe it's supportive to say that a woman's choice is selfish. That's her choice to make whether or not she wants to breast feed her child.

It's not ours to make and it's not our place as breastfeeding moms to judge moms who have CHOSEN not to breastfeed. The last thing any mom wants is to have her decisions belittled by 'well meaning' strangers. I believe it's sad, callous and selfish to believe that your way is the only right way to go about something.

Janice - posted on 12/14/2011

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I am much like Cynthia in that breastfeeding is so important to me that I dealt with issues as they came and didnt let it deter me. Sometimes I do have trouble understanding why sooo many women choose formula from the get go.

However, I think there is a much bigger issue. Megan, why was your friend so unbelievably uncomfortable with breastfeeding? She is not alone, many women are uncomfortable and I think that is sad. All the problems that are listed in the OP are assumed by many women as inevitable and so why even bother. Most of the issues can be overcome but many women are receiving bad info from everywhere, often from the pediatrician. The more women who BF the more we can all support each other when issues occur.

Cynthia - posted on 12/14/2011

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I can understand if for medical reasons a mom can not BF....Ignorant are the moms that cant realize that breastmilk is the best for baby...u might take it as rude when it should be taken as a learning experience to tell moms to BF more and for longer....I also work...have 3 kids to care for....I cook...clean...I want to go out...I want my me time but most of the time I dont get that...i could if i was a lil more selfish....my kids will be grown one day and breastfeeding them as long as possible could be one of the most unselfish things you could for your child.....

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/14/2011

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Cynthia, I believe that it's more than just a little rude to call moms who don't breast feed selfish or to say that they do it for selfish reasons. You don't know all these moms and it's quite rude and ignorant to say that non breast feeding moms with bio children are selfish.



My SIL doesn't breastfeed because she was just uncomfortable with the idea. It was her choice not a selfish one either. And I'm not about to call her selfish just because she doesn't feed her baby the way I feed mine.



ETA: Emma, with my older daughter I used bottled water and a Brita pitcher. I would boil the water too.

Cynthia - posted on 12/14/2011

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Alot of women have excuses on why they dont BF......most are selfish reasons...I thought when a mama has kids its not about you anymore....I like to drink once in awhile.....I like to go out...I love spicy food.....I take pain meds if im in pain...ive also BF all 3 of my babies my son weaned himself at 1...my daughter till she was 5 yrs old......yes 5...now my 2 yr old is still BF.....I love it...my kids are healthy..smart and close to me....NOTHING..not my soar cracked bleeding nipples...baby biting...people looking at me weird....can stop me on giving my babies the most beautiful...rare....healthy gift of all......BREASTMILK....

Stifler's - posted on 12/13/2011

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I half boil the kettle from already boiled and cooled kettle water and use that or warm the water first in the microwave. I think breastfeeding would have affected my lifestyle hugely which is probably why I couldn't do it.

Sherri - posted on 12/13/2011

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Oh Krista your better than I am I never boiled water. My kids only got water straight out of the tap. Although I never sterilized bottles or pacifiers other than when they were brand new either.

Janice - posted on 12/13/2011

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Wow, somehow missed Wangdoodles post. I 100% agree. The only issue my kids have had with a food is caffeine. I drink decaf and I prefer gingerale soda anyways. My daughter grew out of it and so by 5 months I was drinking regular coffee no issue. But in general I am not the healthiest eater -way too many sweets and my daughter grew off of breastmilk no problem.

Janice - posted on 12/13/2011

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I dont know how often it really becomes an issue but because of bacteria saving bottles that have been drank from is against daycare regulations in NY. So it must really be somewhat of a risk to do so. Its also against regs to not hold a bottle for any baby under 6 months because feeding is supposed to be a bonding time. Its considered "best practice" That being said I can totally understand not wanting to waste formula which is why I just personally find it silly that women choose to pay for formula when their body makes the perfect food. Of course it isnt a choice is some cases. As the post states there are road blocks but many can be dealt with.

Dyan you dont need to pump and dump when you ocassionally drink unless your still getting engorged. Alcohol gets out of your milk like it leaves your blood. So if you drink you just need to wait a few hours after you stop to BF again. You could pump a bottle or 2 and go out no problem.

Krista - posted on 12/13/2011

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Yeah, I've heard the same thing about saving bottles. The only time I saved them would be if he only had one or two sucks and changed his mind. I'd give the nipple a wipe with an antibacterial wipe and pop the bottle back in the fridge.

Bottles were a pain in the ass in the early stages, when I had to boil and cool his water. (I couldn't afford to rely solely on the pre-mixed cans of formula -- I only used those if we were on the road.) Once he was older and I didn't have to boil his water, it was a lot easier. I just ran water through a Brita and kept it in a cupboard, so that it was room temperature, and made my bottles from that.

Minnie - posted on 12/13/2011

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I'm sure how far everyone is willing to adapt to having a breastfed baby is different. For me it didn't much affect my lifestyle.



There aren't any particular foods that make a baby gassy. Beans, garlic, cabbage, etc. do not make a baby gassy- its a myth. WE get gassy because of the bacterial breakdown of the cellulose in our large intestine. The cellulose doesn't get into our blood, thus it doesn't get into our milk. We don't make broccoli milk :). Some babies can have a bovine protein allergy that can affect them through the milk, but it's not a given across the board. We never had a problem.



While I'm not a big medication taker breastfeeding didn't stop me from taking some pain medication when I needed it. Most drugs are either compatible with breastfeeding or have a safer alternative. Cold medications with pseudephedrine tend to be the exception, but we all know there are natural remedies for the common cold.



As for drinking, I chose not to go out when Adelaide was young (when Evelyn was breastfeeding we didn't drink, it was sinful, oh noes, haha), but we had plenty of people over. I've never waited after having a drink or two to nurse. I've been nursing Adelaide over three years now and she is flexible with being apart from me now, so going out isn't an issue. Our issue now is being able to pay a babysitter, jeez they're expensive.



Every woman has a valid reason to not breastfeed at all or go past a particular time limit. It just wasn't a hindrance for me because I managed to work around it or be flexible. Everyone's tolerance is different.

Rosie - posted on 12/13/2011

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it's not advised to save bottles because of the bacteria. i used leftovers occasionally-not very often though.
i didn't warm the bottles, just used warmer tap water, put as many scoops as needed and shook the bottle. like 10 seconds of my time. i could also make a few of them and keep them in the fridge and just give them to my boys cold. they preferred it cold when they were past the newborn stage. and for the bottles just rinse and stick in the dishwasher, not all that hard. although i didn't have adishwasher with my first one, so it was rather annoying, but to me handwashing ANYTHING is annoying, lol.

Jennifer - posted on 12/12/2011

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Everything went perfect with my oldest. He was latched and nursing before we left the delivary room, and I bf him until he was 6 months and I had to go back to work. I wanted to keep pumping and feeding, but could not find a pump that would work, nor was my work place friendly to the idea(20 years ago) and said I could in a bathroom stall. They did not even want women seeing me do it! I slowely dried up, and I hated it. My second daughter was early and could not latch on. I tried until i bled. I also tried every pump I could find. I HATED it as I was a SAHM with her! It was so unfair. My last was full term, big healthy baby, but still would not latch on. She lost over a pound before I gave up, but I did find a pump that worked! I pumped for 8 months, then dried up. I really hate that snotty b*tches would look down their noses at me. With my son it was because I DID breastfeed, and it was not popular then. With my last it was because I 'wasn't' bfing! I put more into pumping than anyone I know! I was still getting up and pumping every 3 hours long after the baby was sleeping all night. I pumped and dumped while I was on meds and in the hospital for a seriuos infection. I had enough stored that she never had formula, went a full year on breast milk. I worked my *ss into the ground to do that, but every time I fed her in public I got stares and rude comments.

If everything had gone right, I'd have probably weaned at 18 to 24 months. I just can't see going much longer than that.

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