MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Amy - posted on 02/15/2010
we don't really do it. doesn't seem to make a difference. we tried it for a bit with our daughter but she just ended up not caring. when we asked her to do something because it was how to act properly, what we were doing, etc, she did just fine. i hear some people say it works, but doing the thing itself should be a personally fulfilling reward. "look what i can do all by myself" or "I made people happy because i was nice around them today" is a better end attitude than "haha, i got my candy/money/whatever".
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Lady - posted on 02/15/2010
My children get rewarded for good behaviour and denied privileges for bad behaviour, I've never used bribes as I would rather they choose how they wanted to act in a certain situation not be bribed into it.
I saw a programe once where they did a study of children performing a certain task and half the children were told if they did it well then they would get a reward and the other half were just asked to do it with no insentive. The children who had been bribed half hearted attacked the given task with only the end reward in mind not caring about how they performed or what the end result was they just got through it as quickly as possable to get what they had been promised. The other group of children who had not been promised any type of bribe saw the task in a completly different light and tried their best to do it as well as they could because the achivement of a job well done was reward enough for them.
I think bribing children gives them the wrong message and in future they will then expect more and more for doing things they are meant to be doing anyway. Sometimes praise is the best reward you can ever give a child.
What gets me is when the kids are already misbehaving and the parents tell them they can have a treat if they stop their behavior. NO!! They are being rewarded for bad behavior!
Example: Yesterday at the grocery store a 4 or 5 year old girl was screaming at her mom. Mom said, I'll put your treats back if you don't stop. She didn't stop. Treats did not go back. In fact, she started screaming louder for a Lunchable and mom said, okay, but you have to stop screaming. Jeez...
Another example: At the mall several months ago a girl was crying and clawing at her parents. Parents screamed back, nothing changed. They told her she was already getting a bear so she needed to stop crying. She did not stop. I happened to get behind them in the check out line. She still had the bear and they were buying it for her. And she was still crying. They told her if she stopped crying they would go to the playground when the left the store. WHAT???? She's already getting a bear...and for what?? Acting like a brat???!!!
I'm not down on bribes or rewards but there is a right way and wrong way. Unfortunatly too many parents use it in the wrong way.
Yeah i bribe my kids all the time lol i did the potty thing too one sweetie for a pee two for a poo. I bribe my older kids to behave when im shopping by saying behave and i'll buy you a bag of sweets on the way out. Dont think it hurts when its little things.
Terri - posted on 02/13/2010
I think it depends on what u are using for the bargaining tool when it comes to bribery.
I am all for bribery to help kids in certain ways but some parents take it to extremes.
For example when I was toilet training my daughter for bribery I would use a marshmallow to get her to use the potty.
To the other extreme, my friend promised her son a Nintendo DS game if he started using the toilet!! Now compare the extent of the bribery of that one, a marshmallow compared to a DS game???? Go figure!! So I think it depends on the situation and the content you use in the situation.
I'm realistic about picking my battles, so I think it's ok to bribe unusual situations where good behaviour is expected such as flying. I also don't think it hurts to give occasional treats for good behaviour, but I never tell my son that he will get a treat in advance so it doesn't really count as bribery.
I'm against using bribery as a regular parenting method to make kids bahave, but this is happening more often now that people have the means to do it. I also think that too many parents give into their children and then call it bribery to make it sound like they thought of it before their kid started throwing a fit. This worries me slightly because I think it could lead to adults who only do the right thing if they stand to benefit from it.
Amy - posted on 02/12/2010
well bribing or rewarding? Because I could see some think there similar. I don't plan on rewarding for good grades, etc. If they did do really well I may be more willing to allow them to do something they want to, but in my mind they earned it. I don't think I plan on doing an allowance system, but I might if our children start deciding they want to buy there own things, then again they would have earned the money.
I'm more than willing to reward our children for things they did, but it will all be with in reason and well earned.
Meghan - I think that's interesting what your mom did, I never thought of that. My sister and I both followed those rules and didn't have the $5,000 to inspire us to not do them.
I don't think its such a negative thing...I remember when my sisters and I were young I was maybe 6 or 7 our mom made a deal with us that if we never started smoking, didn't get pregnant, weren't abusing alcohol, and were graduated or still in college she would give us each $5,000.00 on our 22nd birthday...and we have all made her proud I am happy to say...I don't know if it was the influence and appeal of the 5,000.00 promised or that I really just didn't want to do those things...except at 25 years old I still have yet to see that $5,000.00 lol...I don't really care, I think the moral is that I grew up to be a productive member of society without some of the bad habits...sigh...the money sure would be nice though...even half haha!
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