Can you believe anyone would do this to a child?

Evelyn - posted on 01/08/2013 ( 13 moms have responded )

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http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/learn-t...

This article is about a young mom from "TEEN MOM" that decided to wax the eyebrows of her own three year old. A baby! I could not believe this. Its wrong. The child could have been burned or worse. And to top it off she had just gotten $16,ooo worth of surgery to make herself look good. This really makes me cringe. I would never had thought about doing this to my kid!

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Denikka - posted on 01/23/2013

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I wasn't attacking you Amanda, even if you may have taken it that way. I maybe should have made it more clear, but the *you* I used in any of my posts was a much more general *you* in regards to the general population.

Appearance will always be important. It's a fact of life. If you took a person and sent them into a office job interview and they were wearing an oversized t-shirt, sweat pants and had no makeup and hadn't brushed their hair, you wouldn't be looked at twice. Take the same person and dress them in decent clothing, do their hair, etc and you'll at least be in the running.
People judge first with their eyes. There has to be SOMETHING on the outside that makes you notice enough to make you want to approach.

I honestly find it hard to believe that you never, and have never, done anything to improve your appearance, at any time. Not necessarily day to day, I'm much more into comfort as well, throw my hair up, no make up etc. But when I'm going out somewhere nice, out to dinner or whatever, special occasions, etc, I DO wear a nice top, do my hair and put on a bit of make up.


I don't disagree with you that many people take it too far. But I think there's a HUGE difference between getting major plastic surgery and doing something small to make yourself feel good, like plucking/waxing your eyebrows, putting on a bit of make up, etc.
I never said that I agree with what Farrah did. I understand what may have been her reasoning behind doing it, IF it was vanity based...or if it was in fact a teaching moment for her daughter. I have not been in that particular situation, I have an idea of what I MAY do. But I don't know for sure. I just see no reason to give the cruel people extra fodder. They'll find enough on their own.
I see no real harm in what Farrah did, excluding the fact that Sophia could have been burned by the wax and I would have chosen a different method had I been in that situation and had I made the same decision. I could not count this as child abuse, as some people are saying. I cannot see this as detrimental to Sophia. She got her eyebrows waxed. . .I'd be much more upset if this was another case of a small child on a strictly controlled diet (heard of that one before. Toddlers or even infants being on strictly controlled diets so they wouldn't get *fat) or something like that.


ETA:

I reread what I wrote there, and understand where you may have viewed it as attacking and personal. I apologize. That wasn't my intention. I was attempting to make a point and may have over stepped some bounds there :)

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Amanda - posted on 01/24/2013

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A person's quality can be judged by far more than appearance. Their demeanor, body language, and personality can tell you far more than their hair and clothes.

Unless it's a base impulse (such as hair being an indicator of fertility and health) then it's frivolous IMO. There is nothing wrong with doing things to enhance your beauty, *I* just don't feel the need. Not because I'm a beauty queen, but because I am comfortable with my appearance. Keeping yourself groomed (clean) is not the same as changing your body for beauty. If a person wants dreadlocks, why should I judge them? If a woman doesn't want to shave her legs, why should I judge her? If a man would rather wear jeans and a t-shirt and go unshaven to a restaurant than dress up nicely, why should I judge him? I do my best to keep my judgments (based on appearance) to a minimum. I will never walk in their shoes, why do i have the right to judge them without knowing anything about them other than how they look? Which is why I said, I find it sad that instead of us saying 'she's beautiful!' we say 'It keeps people from picking on the child.'

Of course people will continue to be cruel especially if there is a chance they can control their surroundings using that behavior. It's when people stand their ground and say 'Hell no!' that change begins. And we desperately need a change.

Denikka - posted on 01/24/2013

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Judgement, based on appearance, can be and is a survival skill. Sight is a humans most important sense. We judge almost everything by sight. Most of our communication is non verbal, instead it's body language. Generations of programming cannot be erased so easily.

Judgement based on appearance can absolutely be a helpful tool. If you have no (I mean absolutely NO) physical attraction to a person, you're not going to consider them as a love interest. Someone's appearance can say a lot about them. It's not always accurate, and usually doesn't give the full picture, but in many cases, we are expected to make at least some relatively quick decisions in regards to other people. And by quick I don't mean instantaneous, but without the ability to form the absolute full picture by knowing that particular person over an extended period of time.
Going back to my job interview example, in a matter of maybe half an hour, you have to judge whether that person is going to be a good fit and benefit for your company. If they come in with sloppy clothes, hair unbrushed, etc, it's not unreasonable to assume they don't care much about getting the job. It's also not unreasonable to connect their lazy grooming may translate to lazy work ethic.
If you're out on a first date in a nice restaurant and the guy shows up smelling like BO, greasy hair, sloppy clothes, unshaved, ungroomed, etc...he may be a really nice guy, but in the matter of a couple hours, you need to make a judgement as to whether or not this is a person you'd like to involve in your life. It's not unreasonable to assume that along with poor grooming, he's got poor housekeeping as well.

A persons appearance says a lot about them. Including how much they care about respecting the surroundings they're in and the people they're around. I would never wear crappy clothes to a formal wedding. That would be disrespectful to the bride and groom. I wouldn't wear crappy clothes to a nice restaurant on a date, that would be disrespectful to my partner.

There is nothing wrong with natural beauty. I completely agree with you there. But there's also nothing wrong with doing small things to enhance what you already have. There's nothing wrong with taking pride in your appearance and doing what you can to look good (well groomed, nice clothes, etc), at least on occasion.

Amanda - posted on 01/24/2013

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Call me a dreamer... but I still don't agree on the appearance aspect. If you are not the change, there will be no change. Even though I haven't brushed my hair in 6 months I still get good looks, and have still be told I am beautiful by strangers.

On a more personal note, of course when I was young and beauty meant the world to me I did what I could to make myself more appealing. Once I had my first child I realized that I didn't want him going after girls like me, and I didn't want to teach him that what is on the outside counts because it doesn't (unless you've got on a KKK hood.) Judgment, especially on appearance, IMO leads to prejudice. I would rather be a dreamer, than bathe in the cold reality.

Amanda - posted on 01/23/2013

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I was trying not to make this personal because... well honestly I *don't* wear make-up. I *don't* cut, style, or brush my hair. I *don't* wear fashionable clothes because honestly I find the more expensive a garment is the more cheaply it is made. I *don't* do extreme diets, I *don't* worry constantly about my body or my looks. I *maybe* pluck my eyebrows once a month. I *DON'T* give a big fat sh*t what they think of me. I am ME and if they can't see that and don't want to get beyond my appearance, then I don't need to know them. And yes I want my children to see that I won't compromise my own personal beliefs because some magazine/commercial/show/etc. says I should.

Let's keep this friendly and agree to disagree.

Denikka - posted on 01/23/2013

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If your child had a disfigurement, a tumour (non life threatening, purely disfiguring) or lacked a limb or body part, or was in some other way to be considered physically abnormal, would you not do your best to change that?
Prosthetics, for example, are about MUCH more than functionality. They allow a person, not just children, to appear normal. That's why they make them the way that they do, More and more now, they are getting them much closer to a *normal* limb than the functional, but not aesthetically appealing, metal claw like apparatuses. And yes, they are putting those limbs on very small children.

No..I realize that a prosthetic limb is not on the same level as waxing a 3yr olds unibrow. But there's still that similar bit of *vanity* that goes along with it.

Besides, how do you know that Sophia (Farrah's daughter) DIDN'T ask her mom to do it? I can guarantee that Farrah grooms her eyebrows, probably by waxing. Sophia has more than likely seen this as some point. So it's not unreasonable to suggest that maybe she ASKED to have it done, to be like her mommy. I asked to have my ears pierced (and got them) when I was 3.
It may not have been about vanity at all. It could have been that Sophia had been pestering Farrah and Farrah had finally given in to show her that it hurt and was, in fact, NOT something that she wanted to do.
That's the thing. No one in the public really knows the motives. If I was in that situation (kid nagging me to get it done, allowing it to prove a point) I know I sure as hell wouldn't do it at home. I would have a professional do it. Just on the basis that they have the experience to do it RIGHT and know the most effective way to get it done.


ETA
And really, the point is not moot when that is exactly what you're teaching your children. Natural is not good enough when you choose embellishments (jewellery, non functional clothing, makeup etc). So if YOU, naturally, is not good enough, how can your children believe of themselves what you don't believe about yourself?

I reread that and it sounds a lot more cruel than I meant it to be. I don't mean to attack here, just wanted to point out. It's like telling your kids not to smoke while puffing on a cigarette with a 2 pack a day habit. Or telling your (chubby) kids that different body types are beautiful while on your 3rd extreme diet this year so far and constantly complaining that you (at a normal weight) are *soooo fat and disgusting*.
Modelling one behaviour while talking about another is relatively ineffective.

Amanda - posted on 01/23/2013

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Everything you've said is moot when you're willing to give in to the idea that your children and what they were born with/as is not good enough.

It's entirely different when the child asks to be changed in some aesthetically pleasing way. It's another when the parent does it regardless of the child.

Denikka - posted on 01/22/2013

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You're beautiful, why do you wear makeup
You're beautiful, why do you cut/style your hair
You're beautiful, why do you wear attractive clothes
You're beautiful, why do you shave/wax/remove hair from your armpits/legs/whatever else you may or may not shave/wax/remove hair from
You're beautiful, why do you choose stylish glasses
You're beautiful, why do you wear jewellery

Your children are beautiful, why do you dress them in nice clothing
Your children are beautiful, why do you cut/style their hair attractively

Why do anything to make yourself different from what you are completely naturally at any given time? Why not stick to complete functionality and avoid anything else?
Because looking good (according to our societal norms, which differ from place to place) makes us feel good about ourselves. Knowing that others find us attractive, even that random person walking down the street gives us a rush. It feels good to be noticed for positive things.
And..because yes, there will always be that asshole who will do their damnest to drag you down if you step one toe out of that societal norm.

And being in the public eye, especially being in the fashion world, like Farrah is, makes it 10 times worse. There is a standard that's set and, in that industry, a bad hair day or a bloaty day can sink your career. Look at how they tear apart celebs in the tabloids for everything from no makeup to cellulite. You want to subject a toddler to growing up with that? No thanks...
People can be cruel. I see no reason to give them more fodder to tear my kids down with.

Amanda - posted on 01/22/2013

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I find it sad that instead of people saying 'that girl is beautiful why would you do that?' we are basically saying 'well it keeps the mother from having to defend her daughter.'

Janice - posted on 01/22/2013

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While definitely not the best parenting decision, I can understand why the mom thought is was a good thing to do. If this girl was on a reality show than I'm sure there was assholes criticizing the little girl. My daughter has a bit of a unibrow and for a while now my hubby has used a tool on his beard trimmer to remove it. It bugged him more than me and so he found a safe solution. When my daughter sees daddy shaving she says "do me", it takes 30 seconds and its obvious she doesnt understand the vanity of it . Do I love that he does this, no, but hopefully it will stay no big deal. I would never wax anything on my kid because it would be painful and possible harmful.

Sherri - posted on 01/19/2013

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Eh I wouldn't do it but it certainly is far from poor parenting because she opted too. I have seen/heard of far worse. Pageant moms have been doing it for years for their little girls and more fake nails, make up, tanning, waxed legs, hair coloring, highlights, flippers on and on.

Denikka - posted on 01/09/2013

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As soon as I saw this was someone from Teen Mom, I figured it was Farrah.

It actually makes me kind of sad to see how demonized she is.

Just to clear something up, she didn't get the plastic surgery to *make herself look good*. She's a model. That's what she does. Her body changed after her pregnancy and she felt bad about it, not to mention that her modelling career went down the tubes. She got the surgery not just to look and feel better about herself, but also as a strategic career move.

As for the eyebrow waxing, okay. Maybe not the BEST idea. But in some ways, I can see where she was coming from. Sophia (the little girl) does have a pretty bad natural unibrow. As someone who has gone through bullying, I can tell you, that I personally intend to do everything in my power to ensure that my children don't have to deal with certain embarrassments like I had to deal with.
I didn't have a unibrow, but I did develop body hair pretty early (like when I was under 10). I was very active in swimming and it was HORRIFYING that my grandma (who I lived with exclusively since age 5 and part time before that) wouldn't let me shave under my arms until I was almost 13. I couldn't wear shorts because my leg hair was so bad, and I wasn't allowed to shave them until I started to do it secretly at about 14. I spent a large chunk of my childhood being completely embarrassed about my body hair.
I should also mention that my grandmother never shaved or waxed or anything. We didn't have any magazines around. We didn't watch TV that catered to the *beautiful people*. I never had those unrealistic ideals flashed in my face. I just wanted to be normal, like my friends.

I can understand what Farrah may have been thinking. If she starts waxing/plucking now, her daughter will never have to experience the name calling or looks or whatever. She won't have those people in her life that go *oh yea, remember when, back in grade 1 or 2, when you had that horrible unibrow!!*

Let's face it. No matter what we say, we still judge on looks. Looks are still important, and I think in some ways they should be. Not to the extremes that some people go, but they ARE an indicator, one of many, that allows us to form an opinion of other people and whether we want those people in our lives, especially in a romantic relationship.

Would I have waxed my 3yr old's eyebrows because they had a unibrow, probably not. But I would have considered an alternative, which is mentioned in the article:
"Sometimes people use eyebrow razors that are not harmful, and a much better alternative to waxing."

Jodi - posted on 01/09/2013

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Can I believe it? Yes I can, unfortunately. I've seen a lot of stupid over the years. It's absolutely appalling. I really feel sorry for that poor child and her feelings of self image and self worth as she gets older.

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