Co-Sleeping - good or bad idea?

Sharon - posted on 02/19/2010

WTF was Lisa reading about the japanese?



My mother and her siblings slept on pallets next to their parents. Then they went to their OWN ROOMS. My mother & her sister shared a room, their two brothers had their own room. But then my relatives weren't poor either. They owned their own home, land, apartment building and parking garage. so not your average family.



But my uncle (mom's brother) and aunt (mom's sister) are more average and their kids slept next to them as infants, NOT because of space, because of security. Their kids also have their own bedrooms and I think that if anyone suggested they sleep with their teenaged children, they'd kick them in the fkn nuts till their eyes bled. Ok, they probably wouldn't do that as they aren't violently inclined, but they would be disgusted as all hell.



My cousin had a baby shortly after I did. We compared basinetts, baby swings, child carseats etc. I wound up shipping her a basinett & a car seat because she liked the american models more.



So don't try to tell me any moronic bullshit about how the Japanese raise their kids. I suppose the lowliest peasant on iwo jima may be living that way but NOT the average public.

Dana - posted on 02/19/2010

I can imagine that everyone agrees that when children are older they need to have respect and boundaries of personal space. Like I said before there is a HUGE difference between co-sleeping and letting your older child wander in and out of your room at will.

Lady - posted on 02/19/2010

I have co slept with my four children very rarely only really when they were tiny babies first out the womb and desperatley still needed the closeness to feel safe and secure and I desperatley needed sleep. I'm not against it as such but it just wasn't the right thing for my family. Our beds too small and my husbads too big and none of us would have got a good nights sleep.
Even when I was breastfeeding I needed to get out of bed to feed or else I would have simply fallen asleep with the baby still attached then rolled on him/her in the middle of the night knowing me!! I would get up and put on the tv very quietly in the lounge and focus trying desperatley to stay awake long enough to give them a good feed - I think sitting next to my husband in bed snoring away would just make me feel too resentful and not be good for our marrige lol!
As for our room being off limits; it more or less is now that they are older, they are allowed in if they knock and can come in for a cuddle in the morning but they are not allowed to play in there. They have their own rooms a games room and the rest of the house - I think parents should be allowed their own space. The same goes for each others rooms - they must knock before going into their brother or sisters rooms and must not go in when they are not home - it's just respectful which is never a bad thing to teach children.

?? - posted on 02/19/2010

If the door is closed, mine just stands there and beats on it... I swear, it's endless, hours and hours of this fat short man banging on my door......... jk haha

Cathy - posted on 02/19/2010

In regards to Mum and Dads bedroom ... my kids can come in if the door's open!

Cathy - posted on 02/19/2010

There is SO MUCH MORE to a marraige than your sex life, and you all need to figure that out quick or your going to be in trouble. My husband and I will also use our quiet alone time in bed at nite to talk, cuddle, relax and continually strengthen our relationship TOGETHER, as a pair. And I don't care what any of you say, clearly no one has ever been to a marraige counselor, this is more important than ANYTHING else.

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2010

On the subject of kids in Mum and Dad's bedroom, i'm inclined to agree with those who say their bedroom is their own space.
My kids aren't completely "banned" from our room, they come in when they wake up. Sometimes they both jump in the bed, most of the time i tell them to go back to their room while i wake up properly and get myself sorted out! lol

They're not allowed to play in our room. For one, they have a room of their own with toys in, and there's toys downstairs too. Also, there are things in my room that i don't want them touching, my straightners, lotions, tablets, etc etc. Although they are out of reach, i wouldn't want to risk them getting hold of them.
Also, all my things that are precious to me are in my room, my books and stuff. I don't want them getting wrecked! (like most other things end up! haha!)

I think that's it's good for kids to learn some boundaries early on. Although my kids know they can enter our room to get us if they need us, they also know that it's OUR space, with OUR things, and they need to respect that. :)

Jennifer - posted on 02/18/2010

Susanne, what I mean by a habit like that is hard to break is that I wouldn't want a 3 or 4 year old in our bed just like I wouldn't want my son when he's that age to have a dummy. Our sex life is an important part in our marriage and we wouldn't feel comfortable at the age of 3 or 4 years old doing it when he's in the bed plus they're wouldn't be much room - I'm 5 foot 11 and my hubbys 5 foot 10 lol! Obviously co-sleeping does work well for some families and that's their choice to do so. We chose to have our son in a moses basket by our bed as it's recommended that babies sleep in their own moses basket or cot in your room for the first 6 months. Most habits are hard to break - I bit my nails from when I was a baby until 17 years old, my next door neighbours daughter is still in a buggy at 5 years old, one of my friends had a dummy until she was 5 year old. Fair enough some children find it easier to break a habit but lots don't and that's why you still see children of school age sleeping in their parents beds. That's not wrong but I wouldn't want it happening in our house.

Geralyn - posted on 02/18/2010

So this was more of a hot topic than a "parenting debate." Unfortunate, because I had heard about this group.



Regardless of where I fall on the co-sleeping issue, there were some really good, well thought out arguments in favor of and against co-sleeping, but only a few. When I approach any decision as a parent, I research it thoroughly from both sides. How else am I supposed to understand the dynamics in making a decision? However, there were quite a few of you that could not have possibly researched co-sleeping, even to rule it out for your family, other than your limited observations of children who have co-slept. It is impossible to draw a line of causation between the the child's sleeping or emotional difficulties and co-sleeping. The statements made are based upon assumptions that the cause is co-sleeping. I won't address the 100+ comments of mud-slinging because it detracted from the "debate."



There was much misinformation on here about co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is not about a dysfunctional family bed. It is a parenting choice. And yes, it is parenting. It is not something that is boundary-less or done because the parent is lazy and does not want to parent. There is substantial research in existence that shows that co-sleeping actually positively affects brain development as well as emotional development. That is not to say that non-co-sleeping babies have a void of brain development and emotional development. Everything we do affects their brain development - from the foods we give them, to the stimulation that we provide, etc. To point to one thing and say that that was the key to brain development, it just does not happen that way. There are so many influences. The same with emotional development.



I researched co-sleeping, including the specific recommendations on how to do it safely. I talked at length with my husband. And when our little guy came home, he immediately went into our bed. While he was very small, my husband did sacrifice his spot in our bed. However, we have co-slept as a family for much of my son's 22 months. My husband loves it as much as I do. My son loves it. It works for us as a family. He is very independent and secure, and he is an excellent sleeper. Always has been. He will have no difficulty separating when his room becomes his bedroom. It has been one of the enjoyable parts of being parents for us. We chose to co-sleep because we believe that it was the right thing developmentally for our son, and we have seen the benefits of co-sleeping and the other things that we have done. And the best part... the other morning, my son woke up at 6:00 a.m., crawled over to his sleeping father, kissed him on the cheek, and then laid back down and immediately fell asleep. That was yet another great moment spent with our son.



I commend the moms who were of the mind set that co-sleeping is not wrong, that it is really what works for the family.

?? - posted on 02/18/2010

I totally expect that when my child(ren) are older. I will expect him to ask permission to enter my room and I will ask permission to enter his room, within reason. As a way to teach respect - respecting personal property, personal space. For the same reason that I will teach him he is to knock on a door, ring the door bell, before he enters someone else's home. I will also allow him options in his room when he's older. When he can understand what it all means.



But that won't happen for years to come, since he's only 15.5 months old lol A 3-4 year old still doesn't have the full understanding of the meaning of value and personal space / property. They get that 'this is mommy's' but self control isn't exactly their forte... if you know what I mean. Babies and toddlers, don't get that. So I don't really understand the whole 'off limits' or exclusively out of bounds "this is mommy's area - do not enter" or "this is mommy's time - do not disturb" mentality...



I don't understand it, because I don't practice it, it's not in my parenting style. I have my time, my breathe, relax, reconnect time... but if that's interupted because my son needs me, well, so be it! He needs me!



When he's older and understands more, has more confidence, the assurance that if it's REALLY important - mommy will be there -- then I don't think I'll have a single problem with him feeling comfortable in his room, he won't have the insecurities to be in my bed and if something happens that he is really feeling like he needs mommy right there, I will go to his room.



It definitely won't be because I think my room should be 'my space' though, it will be because I want him to know he can feel comfortable, confident and be assured that he will be ok in HIS space - and know that mommy will have his back even if his space is a lil bit scary for whatever reason.

Isobel - posted on 02/18/2010

My kids aren't allowed in my room without permission :)

Krista - posted on 02/18/2010

Plus, Dana sends me secret coded messages in her questions, so I knew right away what she was REALLY asking. And the answer is "Only on Thursdays, and make sure you warm up the butter first."

Jackie - posted on 02/18/2010

Well then my apologies for answering your question, even though my name wasn't it there I thought it was directed at me.

Dana - posted on 02/18/2010

Well usually I do but it was directly after her (Krista's) post so I didn't. Jackie had never addressed me prior to that.

Melissa - posted on 02/18/2010

Thats funny i thought you (Dana) were talking to Jackie too. OOPS. I think if were going to ask someone a direct question we need to write there name so there is no confusion.

Melissa - posted on 02/18/2010

Thats funny i thought you (Dana) were talking to Jackie too. OOPS. I think if were going to ask someone a direct question we need to write there name so there is no confusion.

Dana - posted on 02/18/2010

I was asking Krista.

Jackie - posted on 02/18/2010

I'm not all over the place at all. I am aware this convo is about co-sleeping, but then you asked the question below about keeping the kids out of the room, to which I was on topic and answering you directly.

Your post was: "So, you would be keeping your child out of your bedroom always? Otherwise I don't see how that could be a sanctuary and it's not really practical."

Dana - posted on 02/18/2010

Okay, you're all over the place here. It goes from babies/toddlers co-sleeping to children wandering around in the room. There is a HUGE difference between the two.

I never said you didn't play with your daughter. Again, all over the place.

Jackie - posted on 02/18/2010

And we play with our daughter plenty, we play in her room, we play in the living room (turned playroom, lol). we have many great times with her in the same setting but within different walls that are considered family space. There's no reason why we can't have just as much fun with her in the living room (as we do frequently).

Jackie - posted on 02/18/2010

That's fine, but it's probably not as extreme as you think. I wasn't allowed in my mothers room growing up and never gave it a second thought, as was the case with quite a few of my friends. We don't "hang out" in our room when she is awake, so its not like we go into some banned area where she can't have access to us or anything. We only go in there when needed, and its our room so there is nothing in there that she needs or anything, so no reason why she would be in there. And same thing on the not having access, my husbands son who is old enough to stay downstairs (obviously, lol), if he needs his father or has a question or anything he knows all he needs to do is come knock on the door. we just dont' feel it necessary for our children to be able to wander in and around our room or just plop down on our bed while we are trying to get ready or talk etc., b/c like I said there's nothing (physical stuff) in our room they need. And of course any questions they have get answered, or if they actually need something from us we take care of it. So its not like once we close that door its as if they are "home alone" or anything.

Dana - posted on 02/18/2010

Wow, to be honest that sounds extreme.



I would also like to add, some of the best times we have with our son is all 3 of us playing on our bed. You should try it sometime. :)

Jackie - posted on 02/18/2010

Dana to answer your question yes we do essentially keep our daughter out of our room completely. At the current time the only time she is in our room is if both my husband and I need to be in our room (for getting ready to leave or whatever) and she is awake, since she is to young to be left unattended. But she is never in there to play or anything. My husbands son is not allowed in there at all, and as soon as she is old enough to be left downstairs playing she will be no longer allowed in our room. As well as her room will become her space as she becomes old enough for that to be practical (when she starts dressing herself, getting into bed alone etc). We feel that everyone deserves and needs to have their own space to retreat to when they want.

Melissa - posted on 02/18/2010

I agree Jo you shouldn't shrug it off. I've had debates with people on here to, because your right the wording does say a lot, whether they mean it that way or not who knows. I had asked someone a question about soy milk and cows mild then i got accused of not understanding the importance of breastfeeding, and was called ignorant.which i took great offense to because unfortunatly i was unable to breast feed, which i was very depressed about. Anyway i went off topic there, but i fully understand the need to stand up when someone talks to you like your an idiot.

Johnny - posted on 02/18/2010

It is possible to be pro-cosleeping and put limits on it. I am all for the idea of co-sleeping, if it works for you. My husband and I enjoyed it. But we also put limits on when our daughter can come in our bed, and we are going to be graduating her back to her own room soon because it is time for us to have our bedroom to ourselves again. We love to sleep and cuddle with her, but she both needs to learn to sleep on her own and we would like to be a bit more "rowdy" on our own. To us, bedsharing time was up around 14 months and co-sleeping (in the same room) time will be up around 20 months. Just because someone thinks co-sleeping is a good thing and makes the choice to do it, doesn't mean that they don't plan to make their own room "off limits" at some point.



I've restrained from any responses to Jackie's posts so far, because I have actually found them unbelievably presumptuous and rude. I wanted to wait until I'd had time to mull it over before making any sort of response. I just want to say that Jackie, you really need to think about how your words will be perceived if you don't want people jumping down your throat like Jo has. Your comments on people's marriages was really over the top and came across as incredibly patronizing. If you hope to have people respect your opinions, you really need to deliver them with less of an attitude.

?? - posted on 02/18/2010

Melissa Stewart

I wasn't trying to imply or ask anything Jo, i guess yours and Jackie's argument was lengthy after a while i got confused so when your wrote that, my thought was if your so pro co-sleeping then why make that comment about making your room off limits. I just thought it was interesting. As for attitudes being written its really hard to know what kind of attitude people have, because you cant read a persons tone. Unless someone point blank comes out with personal insults i dont look too far into a persons attitude. Oh well no disrespect intended, really.

Teresa - posted on 02/18/2010

There's more to a marriage then sex? Dang, someone should have told my ex that... Oh wait, you're right... there's cooking and cleaning too. Sorry, I know that's pretty off topic, but those were the 'reasons' my ex left me. Had nothing to do w/ love, commitment, companionship, support, and all the REAL reasons that make a marriage. And we WENT to premarital counselling. Doesn't do a darn bit of good when one of the people going is lying.... or changes their expectations w/out informing the other marriage partner.....

And we didn't co-sleep w/ our girls. ;)

Melissa - posted on 02/18/2010

I wasn't trying to imply or ask anything Jo, i guess yours and Jackie's argument was lengthy after a while i got confused so when your wrote that, my thought was if your so pro co-sleeping then why make that comment about making your room off limits. I just thought it was interesting. As for attitudes being written its really hard to know what kind of attitude people have, because you cant read a persons tone. Unless someone point blank comes out with personal insults i dont look too far into a persons attitude. Oh well no disrespect intended, really.

?? - posted on 02/18/2010

Quoting Jo:



We've slept on the couch... we've slept on the floor... we've slept in our bed... he's slept in his crib... we sleep where we get to have sleep. When we move into our house, he will have his own room there, he will be about 18 months and we're going to plan on getting him to sleep in his room when we move. But I'm not gonna make it be any harder than it has to be. We'll go with the flow and see what happens lol

Ashley - posted on 02/18/2010

We had our son sleep in a bassinet until he was four months (could roll over), because he was a tummy-sleeper and we were terrified about SIDS. He was then moved to his crib.

We never wanted to share a bed with our son. My husband thrashes around like a madman while sleeping, and I have epilepsy, so that's not a good idea. I hardly slept while my son was in his bassinet, every little twitch or peep he made instantly woke me up.

I'm not going to say anyone is wrong for bedsharing, I'm just not a fan.

Melissa - posted on 02/18/2010

Not to get in the middle of any "fights" going on but Jo you say something interesting



"Our space is limited right now, living in a 1 bedroom suite. We make 'our space' where ever we want to make our space. When we move and we have our room, our son will have his own room, and we will have a spare room... Like I said before, the bedroom has never been and will never be the only place that we utilize to strengthen our relationship, as a pair. It's what works for us. It might not work for someone else, but it does for us. When we move, we may make our bedroom 'off limits' but I doubt it lol we will try and get our son into sleeping in his own bed,"



Granted you say you probably wont, but the thought is there that you want your bedroom off limits, and want your child to sleep in his own room, so why are you jumping down Jackie's throat about it. You never mentioned until now that your child doesn't even have his own room. So you didn't really have a choice. Then when you write that you may make your room off limits when you move, makes me wonder why you even argued with Jackie. I dont know, maybe your really needing that own space but dont want to admit it.

?? - posted on 02/18/2010

I agree that I don't think there is a right or wrong. Our space is limited right now, living in a 1 bedroom suite. We make 'our space' where ever we want to make our space. When we move and we have our room, our son will have his own room, and we will have a spare room... Like I said before, the bedroom has never been and will never be the only place that we utilize to strengthen our relationship, as a pair. It's what works for us. It might not work for someone else, but it does for us. When we move, we may make our bedroom 'off limits' but I doubt it lol we will try and get our son into sleeping in his own bed, but I'm not going to make it any harder than it has to be. He's only 15.5 months old... I'm a go with the flow kinda mom and I don't see the point of putting stress on his life so early -- whether that comes from sleeping in bed with us or sleeping in his own bed. He gets to choose right now, with our guidance, when he has a better understanding of communication - then we'll figure that out when we cross that bridge.

Jocelyn - posted on 02/18/2010

Wow, I'm not going to comment on any of the others posts because there are way too many of them for me to read in one uninterrupted sitting lol. Ahh the joys of toddlers :P

Anyways, I am for co sleeping; but it has to be done safely. We co sleep for many reasons: I am breastfeeding and it helps with those midnight snacks, I love to cuddle and my hubby generally works the night shift, , I sleep better with my child in the room with me (I don't have to worry about her choking, or getting smothered, I can hear her breathing) and it reduces the risk of SIDS because the baby doesn't go into as deep a sleep. I also believe that a child needs to be comforted, they need to know that their parents are always there for them, they need to feel safe. I know I feel safer when I am sleeping with someone, so why should I make my tiny little baby sleep alone? My son slept with us until he was 2.5 years, and he's been in his own bed now for 9 months or so. My daughter who is 4 months is now with us. I love it and I wouldn't do it any other way :)

Dana - posted on 02/18/2010

I don't think it's wrong to either, I actually don't think it's right or wrong one way or the other. It IS wrong to come across as if you know what's best.

Krista - posted on 02/18/2010

Not always, no. Of course that's not practical. Our son slept in our bedroom for the first couple of months of his life, and now he's in his own room. But for the most part, our bedroom is for my husband and me, and my son's bedroom is for him, and the rest of the house is for the entire family. So when my husband and I go to bed at night, if we want to stay up talking, laughing, watching TV, cuddling, or even rubbing our naughty bits together, we can do so freely without having to worry about waking the kidlet.



I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with people in the house having their own space that they don't have to share with every other member of the family. To each their own, obviously, but that's what works for me.

Dana - posted on 02/18/2010

So, you would be keeping your child out of your bedroom always? Otherwise I don't see how that could be a sanctuary and it's not really practical.

Krista - posted on 02/18/2010

There is SO MUCH MORE to a marraige than your sex life, and you all need to figure that out quick or your going to be in trouble. My husband and I will also use our quiet alone time in bed at nite to talk, cuddle, relax and continually strengthen our relationship TOGETHER, as a pair. And I don't care what any of you say, clearly no one has ever been to a marraige counselor, this is more important than ANYTHING else.

?? - posted on 02/18/2010

You can read whatever attitude into my post that you like, obviously I can't express my tone, ultimately though - attitude or not - do you really expect otherwise coming from someone replying to that post of yours? I was giving you attitude, because why wouldn't I? When pretty much your entire post comes from looking down your nose as if you're about to school everyone on the way of life. I certainly didn't expect you to be all friendly replying to me. It sucks having attitude given to you, doesn't it?



You weren't stating your opinion, you were lecturing in a condescending, rude manner and your points are lost in your attitude. You can accept that and learn from it, or you can continue to be rude and pretentious, that's your call.



My post was on point :) I know how to debate just fine, thank you very much. I have no reason to be nice about someone being rude? I'm sorry but I'm not gonna candycoat that your attitude is a piss poor attitude to bring to a debate. The sarcastic remarks, you can call them immature if you like, but coming from someone who can't even debate without bringing herself 'down to the level' of the 'disgusting people' who she disagree's with to debate with an open mind.... I'll take that with a grain of salt.



I'm glad you and your husband do whatever you do and it works for you. But that's it, it works for you. That doesn't mean you are the know all of marriage and it just because some women commented about their sex life and the bedroom doesn't mean they are oblivious to the rest of 'what makes a relationship work.' It was rude of you to imply that and even more rude to act as though it was an opening for a lecture.

Jackie - posted on 02/18/2010

The LAST thing I have thought reading your last posts is that there is any hint of kindness or attempt at helping or understanding in your posts, so don't act like you are all open and loving to everyone. The only thing I am coming away thinking is how immature you are trying to be with things like "nice lil touch though" "duh, thank you captain obvious". Thats not how you debate. To debate you state your point, stand your ground, and stay on point.

Dana - posted on 02/18/2010

My son slept in our bed until he was a year old or so. He had no trouble moving to his bed, my husband and I preferred having him in our bed. I nursed him and it was easier for both of us. We ALL got better sleep. I find it FUNNY as all get out that someone would feel strongly about disagreeing with co-sleeping. Btw, I hope your poor attitude isn't recognized by your husbands child.

Jackie - posted on 02/18/2010

And your post couldn't possibly have more attitude in it, so don't waste your time talking about mine. Yes we communicate about little tings while my daughter is awake, but we also enjoy being able to have real, uninterrupted conversations just as much which is only possible after she goes to bed.

?? - posted on 02/18/2010

I didn't call you names at all. I stated my opinion about how you come off though. I think your posts have an air of snottiness to them that completely undermines whatever point you're trying to make. You can ignore that all you like, but don't be surprised if people respond negatively to you if you can't drop the attitude.

Jackie - posted on 02/18/2010

Gee, "Thanks" for the advice...so glad you are here to set me straight....

Someone can attack my opinion all day and I will keep debating with them b/c that is what we are here for. But I will not go back and forth with someone who is going to resort to the immaturity of name calling just because they don't like what I have to say.

?? - posted on 02/18/2010

I wish we had SO MUCH free time.. nice lil touch though -- that's exactly what I was pointing out -- the attitude is SO unnecessary.



But no, we do those things in amongst our family time, and when we get alone time after our son is asleep, when we're playing, over dinner, while we cook dinner, when he's visiting his grandparents, while we do laundry, while he's napping on the weekends. When we discuss things, it's pretty casual, so over dinner works, while we're cooking, works. If it's really serious, it waits until he's in bed or having a nap.



Here, I will point out exactly where you lose the plot, since you say you don't get it...

There is SO MUCH MORE to a marraige than your sex life, and you all need to figure that out quick or your going to be in trouble.

clearly no one has ever been to a marraige counselor, this is more important than ANYTHING else.

Jackie - posted on 02/18/2010

I have just reread your post and my post 3 times...and still don't see the connection. I wasn't talking about your relationship, I was stating that the bedroom is where we spend our quality time and defending the fact that just b/c it happens in our bedroom does not make our relationsihp weak.

My post says that at nite in bed is when we spend our quality time, and was in response to why I don't find it appropriate for our daughter to be in between us. Thats fantastic that you have SO MUCH free time alone with your spouse in all those settings all the time. Sorry but we both work for a living, so when we are home in the evening and weekends, we are spending time with our daughter. Anyone with an active child (you included) knows that you can't sit down and have a long involved conversation, or cuddle up on the couch or do anything else that would be considered quality alone time when there is a child around, because you are too busy interacting with/watching them. Yes we get babysitters when appropriate, but we don't do it all the time, which leaves at nite, after she has gone to bed that we can spend time focusing on each other. And yes, I like to be in my bed at nite, we both get up at 5am so I don't have the luxury of staying up late to hang out with my husband. THAT is what my post was about. I never said it HAD to be in the bedroom, I said that is where we choose for it to be b/c that is one of our only options. And everything else aside, who are you to tell me WHERE my relationship needs to take place, maybe we both prefer it to be in the bedroom.

?? - posted on 02/18/2010

Quoting Jackie:



And as to all the comments about how you obviously can't have a good sex life if your bedroom is where you chose to be intimate - really - I can't even begin to describe how ridiculous that comment is. Ya you can have sex wherever you want, but for me and my husband, we don't have sex with my daughter in the room - that leaves at nite when she is in bed - so yes the bedroom. And I started this by saying it can affect a marraige, but everyone just assumes sex life is the only thing I was talking about. There is SO MUCH MORE to a marraige than your sex life, and you all need to figure that out quick or your going to be in trouble. My husband and I will also use our quiet alone time in bed at nite to talk, cuddle, relax and continually strengthen our relationship TOGETHER, as a pair. And I don't care what any of you say, clearly no one has ever been to a marraige counselor, this is more important than ANYTHING else.

JL - posted on 02/18/2010

I do not do the whole following patterned parenting techniques. I follow the school of thought.........DO WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOUR PARTICULAR CHILD AND FOR YOUR FAMILY...as long as it is done safely then there should be no questioning of what is the right technique and what is wrong.

My kids have followed a combination of co-sleeping and non co-sleeping. Both kids for the first 3 months slept in a pack n play in our bedroom after that they slept in their cribs, but they first fell asleep in my arms while I was in bed and then I transferred them into their cribs. My daughter started falling asleep on her own in a toddler bed around age 2 but my son has been a different story. He still prefers to cuddle up and fall asleep in my arms and then I transfer him into his twin bed where he sleeps.

Just do what is right for your child because they are all on not the same. No one way is the absolute perfect way for every child.

Melissa - posted on 02/18/2010

I think were all a little too quick judge on COM myself included, i'll admit that. What Krista said is spot on as long as all our children are safe thats all that matter. Some on here didn't like my "you'll pay for it later" comment, but that was based the fact that every single person i know has children or they themselves, dont like sleeping alone. So it was something i never wanted to start, i dont feel that i neglect my child or deprive him of any love and affection, as some have accused on here.

Krista - posted on 02/18/2010

Nicely put, Sarah. For some families it's a great idea, and for some families it's a terrible idea, and we can't sit here and say that one way is generally superior to the other. As long as our children are safe and sleeping well, then that's the most important thing.

Sarah - posted on 02/18/2010

I think for every case where Co-sleeping became problematic, there will be a case where it didn't. If the cases that you know of were negative, then you're more likely to be swayed against it and vice versa.
There are positives and negatives to Co-sleeping so far as i can see, as others have said, it's a choice for each family to make.

I don't believe you can generalise by saying "Co-sleeping is wrong" or "Co-sleeping is right" It obviously works for some and not others.