Competitive Sports

Denise - posted on 06/11/2012

The kids are smarter than we give them credit for, and they know who lost or won/did better or worse without a score. They don't need it shoved in their face.

Stacey - posted on 03/11/2010

I am such a poor looser and so competitive, that I had to take a step back last year before I put my own competitive beliefs onto my children. I also received a full ride to play college ball, I always wanted to have a boy so that I could be the ultimate soccer mom! I have had my kids in sports since 18mo. old, I have spent thousands of dollars a year on private coaches, lessons, you name it. I even moved last year to be in a better sports oriented school district.

Are they good, yes, do they like it, are they having fun, I did not know, I never asked? So, I relized this about a year ago, and started asking them, seriously.......guess what....



They do like it, they are having fun, and they LOVE being compeitive, and they love to win and LOOSE. And they do loose, and I love those teaching moments with my children. The rides to football & baseball practices, gymnastics meets & games / travel ball are my time alone w/ my children, I talk to them about school, music, and friends, etc....

So while I have toned it down ALOT, they continue to be very involved in several sports, but they now know that they can quit when they want, and we will move onto something else, LOL.....maybe, just kidding....

Susanne - posted on 03/08/2010

My son does karate and last year he entered into his first tournament he won third place in a sparring competition and he got a trophy. I honestly believe that if he hadnt lost a few things he wouldnt have appreciated winning so much it means so much more. I agree winning isnt everything but it is a mark of achievement for all the effort hes put in.

Nikki - posted on 03/07/2010

A child needs to learn that effort and hard work goes along way and should be rewarded for their efforts. When it comes to there school work they get graded on this effort. But if all they are used to is coming out to play and no matter what in the end they are a winner when will they ever begin to try. I think a little competition does not harm a child but teach them how to excel. They need to realize that they need to work at things to become successful later on in life and that you can't just take the easy road. I think by 9 years old they are smart enough to know the difference and should no longer be shielded from the truth.

Carolee - posted on 03/07/2010

I think they should ALWAYS keep score in sports. Otherwise, how in the world would you learn HOW to score, and how to lose gracefully. I know there are sore losers, but I also think that you learn how to accept losing by actually doing it best while in a team setting. That way, the loss does not fall on just one person.



I think that, until kids are in Junior High or High School, everybody who participates should get a ribbon or something if they are playing for a prize or trophy. Even if it just says "2nd Place" or "Valued Participant" or something like that. That way they still got SOMETHING for playing.



If you don't learn how to lose growing up, there is a huge probability that you would not be as "well adjusted" as an adult as somebody who HAD learned that you don't always win when they were younger. (I'm kinda scatterbrained at the moment... I hope that last part made sense.)

Chatty - posted on 03/06/2010

I agree Kathy! As parents we need to do our part! I guess I just take for granted that I would be a good role model for my child and be their teaching them how to be a good sport, a gracious loser etc. BUT that doesn't mean all parents know their role!! It takes all kinds, right!!? LOL!

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 03/06/2010

You bring up a good point, Kathy, and a sore spot for any coach: parents. Parents should be there to encourage and cheer on not scream at the players or the coaches. I think playing sports is definitely a good way to stay active, learn to work as a team, build self confidence, etc. but a parent can ruin that and make sports have the opposite effect on a child.

Kathy - posted on 03/06/2010

I'm pretty anti-competive (if that's a word!) My girls all played sport, mainly hockey and soccer and while scores were kept, the outcome of the game was not the important thing - another cliche, but,it's not whether you win or lose but how you play the game. That was the attitude of most kids' sporting clubs I came across. Sure, it's good to keep score, it's good to get into the finals,but it's mainly about having fun and playing fair.



I generally found that it wasn't the clubs' attitudes that made the difference, it was the parents' attitude. The number of pushy parents out there - "you missed that goal, so no allowance for you, "knock him out!" "hey, ump, it was only a little push!" Lots of the parents at kids' hockey games were and are appalling! It's those sort of attitudes I loathe, and I'm sure most of you feel that way. These are the attutudes that lead to bad sportsmanship and the "win at all costs" mindset!

Chatty - posted on 03/03/2010

EXACTLY Teresa......I was just thinkin that and tryin to find a way to put it in to words! Excuse the cliche but......you hit the nail on the head! Winning and losing doesn't just happen in sports, but we can use sports to teach our children how to be GRACIOUS win or lose! It also teaches them about hard work! In the real word people who work hard should get rewarded and I feel that sports are a fun and creative way to teach kids these fundamentals in life!

Teresa - posted on 03/03/2010

If no one ever loses... how do they learn to lose gracefully in real life? Winning or losing definitely shouldn't be the MAIN focus in anything, but a healthy dose of competition is... well... healthy. :)

Kelly - posted on 03/03/2010

I think that 9 years old is plenty old enough to keep score. My son (5yrs) is in Little League (coaches pitch), and they do not keep score....this is mostly because no one ever actually scores. It's just for fun, teaches the kids the rules of the game and gets them used to working together as a team. By the 6yr old bracket, they keep score.

My son has also been in Taekwondo since he was 4 yrs old, and they do keep score in those competitions. Loosing hasn't had a negative effect on him, but winning has had a very powerfully good effect. The self esteem boost he gets from winning a tkd competition is much more than what he gets from the little league experience because he know how hard he had to work to actually win, and he knows the sting of loosing.

April - posted on 03/03/2010

I feel that 9 years old is old enough for games in which scores are kept. Softball is a real game that she could play in school or college. If she were ever to become good enough, being on a competitive team could result in a scholarship. Softball is also an olympic sport, as well.

Tee-ball, on the other hand, is not a "real sport". You won't find a college tee-ball team or olympic tee-ball. It's ok for the little t-ballers to play games without keeping score..it probably won't lead to a future career or an opportunity to go to college for free.

Julie - posted on 03/03/2010

So many kids have rough homelives where parents don't take time to boost them up....sports/music or whatever (I happen to be pro-music) often is their one link to any positives...therefore keeping score may be a dangerous thing to present them with. (unless apporached VERY carefully) I'd think that the sense of competition will eventually win out regardless so why not just give them the foundations for now, build up skills without the pressure and let "nature" take its course???

Chatty - posted on 03/03/2010

Nobody likes to lose but unfortunately it's a fact of life and we need to teach our kids about this stuff earlier than 9 years old! I played competitve sports all my life and actually had a scholarship right outta highschool to play women's fastpitch.....we didn't lose very often but.......it happened!



Ur husband is right! They need to learn and I feel that the earlier we teach them the better they'll be able to adjust.....I think this is a perfect example of why children today grow up having this sense of entitlement......they don't feel like they have to work hard for anything and I believe that the earlier you teach them about winning and losing, AS WELL AS HOW TO DEAL with these situations the better off we'll all be! They also need to understand that some kids may be better or worse than them but EVERYONE is good at something......I think sports are a great way to teach some very important life lessons! I hope this makes sense? I'm not feeling well and I feel like I'm rambling??! LOL!



My 6 year old niece is a ROCKSTAR.......but a GRACIOUS rockstar! She's just started playing rugby and comes from a long line of competitive rugby players including her mother and they've always taught her about winning and losing and playing hard etc! It's done wonders for her self esteem, teaches her compassion etc.

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 03/03/2010

I guess I should add that my niece is a VERY poor loser. When playing any game (sports or a board game) she gets mad when she loses. She will sometimes cheat. She might be better now we moved away and I haven't seen her in about 6 months. I wonder if she acts this way because she never had to deal with losing in her other activities.

Jackie - posted on 03/03/2010

I have a huge problem with this....I know where I live this has come about in the last 10-15 years I guess...b/c when we were growing up there were winners and losers. I DEF. think 9 y/o is more than old enough for a score. I think that any age is personally...but if you are going to shield them from it I'd say by 6 or 7 they are plenty old enough. I don't believe in no score though for the simple fact that they do think the world is all rainbows and flowers...and that's not healthy, and it's not reality. Why not teach them reality from the start rather than have it slap them in the face years down the road. Yes you focus on the fundamentals but in the meantime there should still be a winner and a loser. And as a side note I think any amount of sports is fine so long as the kid chooses to do them and is able to keep up with their school work. Unless you notice signs of stress I think it should be up to them (provided you have the money and the time to do all the transportation).

Jennifer - posted on 03/03/2010

I agree with what Amy said =]

Amy - posted on 03/03/2010

I think any age is okay to have winners and losers. I don't think kids should be in so many sports as mentioned above. A kid needs to still have free time and relax. Even if it's her choice.... my parents laid a ground rule of one activity per "season" for nothing else than it's expensive and they didn't want me to get overloaded. But back to the score ---my daughter is 3 and i think it's good for her to know she won't always win and won't always get her way. i don't think kids really feel too much pressure playing unless we push it onto them. my neice - 4 and daughter-3 just play - one wins, one loses, they play again.....no biggie. they sure don't seem like they're under pressure, but no coach or parent is there pushing htem either.