difference between old and young mums?

Kellie - posted on 05/15/2011

@ Stephany I was 31 when I fell pregnant with my daughter (i'm now 32) I ended up having to have a Amnio as I was high risk for Downs, I also had Gestational Diabetes.

There ARE screenings for the risks of what you were talking about and IMO and after my experience these things can happen at ANY age.

I have a 38 year old friend who has just had her first baby, you would deny her the joy of becoming a Mummy because HER risk of a complicated pregnancy is increased? She also had an Amnio, both out girls are healthy and do not have any issues or disabilities.

Lissy - posted on 05/14/2011

There isnt much difference except for a few wrinkles , maturity and hindsight .

Chogs - posted on 05/13/2011

i was 19 also when i had my first like Susanne my mother (not biological) had passed away when i was 14 as she was an older mum. when i had my first child, i was only dependant on my partner, we now have two happy healthy children and are quite secure.

Susanne - posted on 11/29/2010

Thing is though Victoria im not an exception, most of my friends were mothers in their early twenties, as was most women in my family and we all were good parents. There are crap parents in all age groups every case should be judged on an individual basis. Its unfair to group all young mothers together.

Victoria - posted on 11/29/2010

I am thankful too that my two daughters both married and had kids at the age of 35 and 32. It so happened we belong to the conservative group of parents anyway.

Victoria - posted on 11/29/2010

You are one of the exceptions. As I said there are exceptions. I congratulate you for that. Keep it up and hope there are more like you after all.

Susanne - posted on 11/29/2010

I was pregnant at 19 and seems as my mother was already passed on the only person i was dependant on was my husband. We brought our kids up with no outside help from anyone.

Victoria - posted on 11/29/2010

I agree that both old at 69 and teens under 20 years old are irresponsible moms. There maybe exceptions but mostly anyway. In my own opinion it is not advisable for both ages to be moms as well. The most responsible I supposed are ages 25-35 at most especially with the complications when it comes to older mothers. As for those under 20 yrs. old, tendencies are for them to be dependent on their own mothers to be taking care of them and their babies.

Amanda - posted on 11/26/2010

Well I was a young teen mom and I can tell you that I did the best I could without help from family and friends to give my son everything he deserved and needed. With love, quality time, shelter, food, dr visits, and new things. And I continued to do so with all 3 of my daughters. I'm now with my fiance and he has no children. My mom thinks I was too young to have a child, and that teens are still babies themselves. But I don't regret having my children early. I am actually glad I did! They will get to spend time with their grandparents and do things with them. I will be able to do more things with them, and have more in common with them. I'll get to see them grow up and see their children and enjoy them as well! Soo I don't think age matters but I would most definetly have them younger! And it's not just older moms that die yes it's more pratical but accidents happen and I know a lot of young moms who have died and their kids are left parentless....

Jennifer - posted on 10/12/2010

Jodi I agree with your post, but at the same time may I say I don't think 40 or 45 is old lol, just that for me personally I'd feel too old at that age to have children =] To me women who are 40 or 45 and having children are "older mums" as they are at the upper end of child bearing age but they aren't old if that makes sense lol!

Jodi - posted on 10/11/2010

I think it depends on what is meant by "teen". There is also a big difference between having a baby at 15 and having a baby at 18 (and graduated from high school).

Not such a big difference between 40 and 43.....

Anika - posted on 10/11/2010

I don't get what the big deal is. I know some very mature 20 year olds who'd make great mothers. I also know some dropkick 40 year olds who I wouldn't trust to look after my cat. If you can provide love, food and shelter for your child, who cares if you're 18 or 43? It's actions that matter not birth dates. Geesh.

And Joy, you crack me up. :)

Charlie - posted on 10/11/2010

Totally agree Jodi and Emma age is the number of years of life experience .

And YAAAAAAAAAAAAY Joy , thank you ignorant ageists because of you another new baby may be born to a fully capable mentally , physically and financially ready , awesome mum , now on your bike so to speak LOL get makin "dem babies ??

Stifler's - posted on 10/10/2010

I'm not against older mothers. Jeez. But age isn't only a number. Age is life experience. 15 year old that live at home and go to school (or don't go to school... whatever) haven't had any. How are they capable of raising children.

Joy - posted on 10/10/2010

Honestly, this thread has made me choose a side of the fence. My husband and I have been "undecdided" (he wants to, I'm unsure) about having another baby at my oooold and decrepid age. Thank you ignorant posters!!! In recent days, you....yes YOU....have helped me to shape my mind around the idea of actually TRYING...I know....breathe.....I'm SO OLD....HOW COULD IIIIIII......TRYING....... to have another. Fuck you all. I want one. We can afford one. We're trying. This is me flipping everyone who has an "ewww" factor about it off. BIG TIME.

Joy - posted on 10/10/2010

I just have to say.....FRIGGIN' A JODI A!!!!!!!!!!! Your last post, spot on.

Joy - posted on 10/10/2010

Age IS only a number Emma. How old are you? If you're nearing 40 like I am and someone tells you you're "too old" for anything, I promise you you'll say "NO I'M NOT". Promise.

Stifler's - posted on 10/10/2010

I'm sick of hearing that age is only a number. It's not.

Dana - posted on 10/10/2010

Some of them aren't even old enough to get a job not to mention that it's impossible to work full time and go to high school.

Sherri - posted on 10/10/2010

You make a whole lot of sense Jodi and I actually have to agree 100%.

Jodi - posted on 10/10/2010

I do see your point Jennifer, but the difference is that young women shouldn't because of emotional maturity. They are not "capable" of looking after a child on their own. Older women are perfectly capable.



You may not realise it now, but 40 or 45 is not that old. I am 41, and while my baby days are over, my body is perfectly capable of having another, and I believe I have MANY healthy years ahead of me. I don't feel any older now than I was 10 years ago. My parents are in their 60's and have just been trekking through Turkey, last year were trekking in Chile. Why would they not be capable of being parents to a 20 year old?



Teenagers are different. They are NOT capable without a shitload of help from everyone else. And if they are, then I have no problem with them having babies. But in most cases they are not.

Jennifer - posted on 10/10/2010

Jodi I agree with what you are saying but on the other hand some people may argue that once a girl has started her periods and physically able to have children so it's ok - which it's not obviously under the age of consent in any way shape or form. I think what I'm really saying is it right for women who are physically capable of having children to have a baby because that age gap is vast =]

Clarissa - posted on 10/10/2010

@stephany
Who are you to tell people when they are allowed to have children?

Jennifer - posted on 10/09/2010

Dana I wouldn't say you're old...there should be a average age mum group for 30-40 I think hehe lol...although I know the average age here in the Uk is around 27 or 28 but we could just lie =p

Stifler's - posted on 10/09/2010

LOL Jennifer I want to leave the community but the posts crack me up and sometimes I can't resist the urge to post really stupid things and see if anyone notices that I'm not being serious.

Chatty - posted on 10/08/2010

That's what I'm saying....APPARENTLY we're OLD, Dana! LMFAO!

Dana - posted on 10/08/2010

See, young mums, age 20-30....what about those in between 30 and 40. :P

Jennifer - posted on 10/08/2010

I'm 20 and wouldn't say a woman whos 32 is an "older mum", to me an "older mum" is 40 plus and that's probably because in medical terms women over 40 are older mums lol! And Emma I am not a member of the teenage mother/young mums community because when I looked at some of things posted on there I was like...erm maybe not! I am a member of the young mums aged 20-30 group though =]

Stifler's - posted on 10/08/2010

That's because they are 12/13/14 and 'that's old enough to have a baby'. I swear half of them are trolling CoM from some of the posts I've read on the teenage mother/young mothers community.

Chatty - posted on 10/08/2010

According to the Young Moms community here, I'm considered an older mom. Pfft! lmao.

Stifler's - posted on 10/08/2010

My mum had me at 29 and my youngest sibling at 42. He's 8 and she's back at work at 50. She loves it and I don't think that's too old to be a mum as my sister and I have moved out before 20 and by the time he is 20 he can fend for himself just like we did and they will still be working.

Dana - posted on 10/08/2010

Yes, Sherri, I don't consider myself an "older mom" you might not either but, to moms that are in their early 20's I am.

Anika - posted on 10/08/2010

I watched a programme about older mums recently and found it really interesting. I would not consider those mums selfish, more unlucky. In the case of the 70 year old Indian woman, her husband has fertility problems. They tried for years with no success. In Indian culture you're not a real woman if you don't have a child. If you take it in that context, you can see why she'd want a child. When she had her baby, the whole community celebrated. Even though that mother is now dying, that child will not want for family to love and care for her. It wouldn't be my choice, but I can see where she's coming from.
And the Spanish lady that recently died, she spent all her fertile years looking after her sick mother. Same thing happened to my Great Aunt. She spent all her time looking after her sick mother and then her husband came back from WW2 an invalid. So sad. It's easy for us who have been blessed with children to criticise other's choices but what would you do in that situation? Just say "Oh well, no babies for me"?
Personally, I wouldn't try for a child past menopause, but if the mother can provide love, a family and a home for that child then who are we to judge?

And as far as teenage mums goes, again, that's just cultural. There was a time when late teens/early 20s year old mums were the norm. Again, if they can provide love and a home then I see nothing wrong with them.

Like someone else said, judge the actions not the age. Age is relative anyways.

Joy - posted on 10/07/2010

Sherri you're right, I completely took that out of context. My bad. Comment deleted. I just get so sick of the line that gets drawn between what's "too old" and what's "too young" when really all that matters is the quailty of the parent and the ability to take care of their children. It's also a really sensitive subject for me because I didn't choose to start having a family so late. Life happens. Have a good night.



Edited to add : Loureen (as always) hit the nail on the head for me in her last post.

"As a twenty six year old mother ( had my first at 24 ) i find it hilarious that some women are calling 30-40 year old women old , WTF ? haha i dont know about you but i have many friends ranging from 18 to into their 50's and there is no real difference between them , to assume thay cant keep up is ignorant and portrays a stupid steryotype that doesnt really exist until up into the 80's , i mean my mother is mid 50's rides a motorbike , runs everyday , has the skin and body of a twenty year old and could run rings around many of you so called "young" mums .



Your body will tell you when you are to old , hello menopause not some young filly who needs validation and the use of degradation towards older mums to feel btter , IMO if you feel the need to put down a womans abilities purely because of age it shows a great deal of immaturity ."

Sherri - posted on 10/07/2010

Joy you are an older mom and there is nothing wrong with that. FYI I was an older mom when I had my last child as well. How is that a dig?? Dana said she was an older mom at 32 there is no way she is considered an older mom. However, a mom close to her 40's is considered an older mom and there is nothing wrong with that at all. I think you misunderstood completely!!



I am flabbergasted I can't even relatively see how that was hurtful to anyone, for telling one woman she wasn't an older mom at 32?? If you are close to 40 you don't consider yourself an older mom? How do you not? I always considered myself an older mom when I had my youngest.

Stifler's - posted on 10/07/2010

It's a blatant dig at older mums by "teen moms" trying to make themselves sound better because they're younger and "have more energy" or whatever. I don't know why there has to be such a divide between the 2 on here if everyone is as "mutewer and reddy to hv kids" as they say.

Sherri - posted on 10/07/2010

Why Emma?

Sherri - posted on 10/07/2010

Dana you are not considered an older mom in my book older mom to me is older than 35 closer to 40.

Stifler's - posted on 10/07/2010

This is a troubling thread.

Charlie - posted on 10/07/2010

As a twenty six year old mother ( had my first at 24 ) i find it hilarious that some women are calling 30-40 year old women old , WTF ? haha i dont know about you but i have many friends ranging from 18 to into their 50's and there is no real difference between them , to assume thay cant keep up is ignorant and portrays a stupid steryotype that doesnt really exist until up into the 80's , i mean my mother is mid 50's rides a motorbike , runs everyday , has the skin and body of a twenty year old and could run rings around many of you so called "young" mums .

Your body will tell you when you are to old , hello menopause not some young filly who needs validation and the use of degradation towards older mums to feel btter , IMO if you feel the need to put down a womans abilities purely because of age it shows a great deal of immaturity .

Dana - posted on 10/07/2010

Being an "older mom" rocks! I had my son at 32, it's no different than being 23 other than the fact that I lived my young adult life with my husband before we added a child into the mix. Those that say you have more energy or whatever are obviously young because they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. 30 or 40 isn't old...freakin' idiots....

Joy - posted on 10/07/2010

I think the teenager who gets pregnant and steps up to the plate and takes care of her child is honerable. I think it's creepy that the woman had a baby at 69 but I would never think it should be illegal for her to make that choice.

I had my first child, a son, when I was 36. I didn't intentionally wait that long, but rather, just wasn't ever able to get and stay pregnant before then. I'll be 40 soon and we are talking about / planning / considering having another. It's not about how old I'll be when my son is X, Y, or Z years old. It's about what kind of mother I'll be. I'd also like to add that, even if a woman CHOOSES to wait until her late 30's - 40's to have children, as long as she is able to care for them properly and be a good mom, whose business is it then? Don't judge until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes.....

Jennifer - posted on 10/07/2010

Maturity and financial stability matter more IMO than age. I was 19 when I had our son but I was married, and we had our own house. I don't agree with underage teenagers having babies and I don't agree with people over the age of 50 having babies either. The idea of even a 45 year old having a baby is hard to get my head around because when the child is 20 the mother would be a pensioner!!! Each to there own - people can do what they like.

Jodi - posted on 10/07/2010

"@ Jodi - I'm not embarrassed at all. A few mothers posted comments about older mothers being mistaken for a grandmother and being "horrified" at the thought of having mother in her 50s. I think its a pretty shallow reason to condemn having kids in your 30s and 40s - not an issue to me at all, but definitely an issue to some who responded on this thread. "

Petra, that is why I said the only reason I was quoting you was because you were the most recent person to raise this point. Sorry, I wasn't suggesting you had this issue.

Ashley=) - posted on 10/07/2010

Age is not an issue to determine what type of mother you are.16 0R 69 you can still be fantastic mothers.I do believe in being realistic and the 69 year old wasnt being realistic..whether or not she was a fantastic mom or not..its not fair & very risky also at 69 to have a baby.Personally in my opinion.

Ashley - posted on 10/07/2010

Depending on the person i think that 45 is not to old to have a child. I now 45 year olds with more energy than 25 year olds. That being said irresponsibility will always depend on the individual do i look at all teen moms and think how irresponsible no, yes some are but alot are doing dam fine jobs as for having a baby in her 60's it is irresponsible but im sure the baby will be happy to be alive and i do believe she had family who was set into place to care for the child before she even delivered.

Sabrina - posted on 10/07/2010

first of all I ALWAYS say mom not grandma A LOT of moms r having kids later in there lives these days and there is no reason to be horrified about the mistake. I am 29 someone thought my son who isn't even 2 was my little brother. I guess they assumed I was too young/young looking to have him or it was an honest mistake. I look my age and didn't understand the mistake but thats all it was.There is NOTHING wrong with women past 25 having kids people come on. As long as there rsponsable in making sure every precaution is taken to ensure the babies health. As I previously posted I am n great health and yet had a ton a medicalproblems during pregnancy and I was 27(gestational diabetes,predlampsia,high blood pressure etc).U can't determine what your pregnancy is going to be like at any age or the health of the baby til there here(luckily my guy is perfect).Don't bash mature women wanting a family or teens for stepping up. As long as every1 is doig there best ther is no need to judge

Petra - posted on 10/07/2010

@ Jodi - I'm not embarrassed at all. A few mothers posted comments about older mothers being mistaken for a grandmother and being "horrified" at the thought of having mother in her 50s. I think its a pretty shallow reason to condemn having kids in your 30s and 40s - not an issue to me at all, but definitely an issue to some who responded on this thread.



What I mean is that my age was NOT something I even considered when deciding to have a family - our stability and financial security were the deciding factors.

Sabrina - posted on 10/07/2010

absolutely correct.We all make mistakes and hopefully we just do the best we can.

Jodi - posted on 10/07/2010

"The idea that my son may one day be embarrassed of my age was not a factor when my partner and I agreed to start a family."

Petra, I am only quoting you because yours is the most recent post with this point.

I was 36 when I had my daughter (and my husband was 40) and I just wanted to add that now that she has started school, here are my observations:

My daughter is the youngest in our family. She is 5. Our oldest is 18 (my step daughter, but I am older than her mother, if that is any consolation).
- Some classmates are the youngest in their families and most of their parents are a similar age to me, some are older, some younger.
- Some of her classmates' parents are having a second family - their first families are already grown and left home.
- Some of her classmates are the oldest in their family, and therefore have baby brothers or sisters, or even siblings not yet thought of because the family is in its infancy.

Such dynamics are not entirely unique to these times. Even when I was a child these dynamic existed. There are always youngest children, oldest children and the middle children.

So where is the embarrassment?