Do you want your children/daughter in laws to breastfeed?

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/04/2011

Kel, I just don't believe in one sure thing. I breast feed and my 9 month old is much better (if scrawnier because she was only 5lbs 10oz at birth) than my 5 month old nephew. But there are always other factors involved. My SIL is a smoker and drinks quite a bit (I don't know if she smoked or drank during the pregnancy, but I think my brother would've done something if she did) which also can contribute to health problems with the baby.

Do I think maybe my nephew would be in slightly better shape if he was breastfed. Yes, but that wasn't up to me. Besides he was in NICU for his first day of life because he was having breathing issues and was having trouble with a bottle.

Also like Sharon I do get offended when people use terms such as poison, nasty stuff, and dead cow milk. It makes us breast feeding moms sound like stuck up snobs.

Sapphire - posted on 12/04/2011

To go back to the original topic, I honestly do understand wanting and desiring your daughters/future DILs to nurse. I honestly understand the key of education and positive benefits. But the fact remains that it's not your baby to feed! You already nursed yours. Just accept the fact that you will still love your future grandchild, hug, cuddle, cradle regardless of what he/she is fed.

Maree - posted on 12/04/2011

Lise,i wrote the same thing as you....twice ,yet people still don't seem to get it !!!! Sometimes it feels like im banging my head against a brick wall which is why i start being judgmental then get in trouble for it ..If people don't want to get it...they will flat out refuse to contemplate the fact that they just might be wrong and claim it's all about choice and the mums happiness etc...This is why I'd be disappointed if my daughter didn't bf,because her thinking would be wrong and she'd be deluding herself...I would want her to get her head out of the sand and quit with the excuses (not saying everyone is making excuses btw)

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 12/04/2011

Well, there goes that thread...

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/04/2011

I'm not debating that maybe he would get sicker maybe he wouldn't. Because he doesn't smoke, he has a low stress low risk career (almost), he doesn't drink and he at least tries to be healthy.

I mean my nephew is bottle fed and he has had more illnesses in 5 months than my 7 year old (who was breast and bottle fed) has had in her lifetime. But who's to say that later on in life she won't suffer from epilepsy because her paternal grandmother has it and he won't?

The fact is that I get over colds quicker than my husband mostly because of his scarred lung tissue due to two bouts of pnuemonia and reaccuring bronchitis because his dumb ass decided to swim in a cold lake from May to September for years in northern BC. There are many other factors besides how you were fed as a baby. My husband's extreme outdoor lifestyle and jumping into lakes when he shouldn't've contributed to his chronic bronchitis. He also has dyslexia and ADHD. He has to have me figure out government forms for him when I'm not even a citizen of this country. Or spell out words.

Meanwhile I'm the smart one without scared lungs and dyslexia.

Maree - posted on 12/04/2011

Yes but what I am saying is maybe if your husband was bottle fed he would be EVEN WORSE than he is...and if you were breast fed then maybe you would be even healthier than you are.

As for genetics,my sister has allergies and was ff. Her 3 boys were bf and no allergies.

My brother has asthma and allergies,his girls were ff and also have asthma and severe peanut and egg allergies.

My other brother no asthma,neither does his wife,they ff and the baby has asthma,allergic to pretty much every food and severe eczema (he is only 6 months)

Another brother,allergies although not severe,his child was bf and has no asthma or allergies.

I was bf for 2 years and was very sickly. Had meningitis and chicken pox so badly that i almost died,the specialist told my mum had she not bf me for so long i would have very likely died as i also had malnutrition and severe reflux . Many uneducated people said she should just put me on the bottle without a second thought. Thank god my mum knew better and didn't do that. I had the potential to be so much sicker than the other 4 yet i got through it and the worst i have now is hayfever.

so as for genetics...well it doesn't seem to work out like that but that is in my family,obviously i don't know every persons situation.

No matter how you you look at it or what spin you put on it (I don't mean YOU meggy,just people in general)...there are immunity benefits to bf...straight from birth the baby is protected against many illnesses if you bf. We are just very lucky that children are immunised against a lot of things these days or i think people who bottle feed would be singing a different tune. Their children WOULD get sick...very sick. Most serious illnesses are not really a big issue to anyone as at a fairly young age they are immunized against.

Sorry for going off track again but I wanted to reply to Meggys post.

Sapphire - posted on 12/04/2011

"Sharon, you say "extreme pro-breastfeeders are the ones who need to reconsider their attitude" - why?"



Lise- a lot of the debates of forumla/breastmilk tend to turn negative based on name calling. "Nasty formula" "Dead cow" "*I* would NEVER...." So when I read this type of post it is degrading and condescending. I did nurse and I also used formula for my one and only son. At less than 5 pounds at birth, and such little milk supply, I was starving my kid. But I kept at it and sought assistance. I was part of a nursing mom's group that did nothing but BASH formula. But by 6 months and my baby was still only about 10-12 pounds, I HAD to use formula. Failure to thrive. How about failure to produce enough milk to sustain a kid! Formula fed my baby, who is now a very healthy almost 7 year old and working on curriculum above his grade level. I absolutely appreciate your comment that you acknowege that breastfeeding is not for every mother, and it's a choice that each mother makes. Thank you for those remarks.

Lise - posted on 12/04/2011

Meggy - if you hubby gets sicker than you and he was breastfed, imagine how badly he'd be sick if he HADN'T been! :) That is what most research supports with breastfeeding - not that the bf babies are healthier than ff babies per se, but that babies bf will be healthier than if they had been ff. So, let's say my dd gets sick 1 time per year, maybe it would be 2-3 times if ff. Or if she gets sick for 1 week at a time, maybe it would be 10 days if ff. A baby who is ff and gets sick 1 time per year may have been sick once every TWO years if bf. At least, that's how I understand the research.

For anyone interested, here is a TON of research-based info on the benefits... http://www.kellymom.com/bf/start/prepare...

Sapphire - posted on 12/04/2011

Bingo! It's HER body, and therefore her decision to make. No one can dictate to another mother, no matter the family relationship, how to feed her baby. Isn't the goal of a well-fed, happy baby, happy mother the key? It just simply would not be your baby to feed. All the education in the world on the positive benefits of nursing could easily go right out the window when it is someone else's reality. I have never, ever shunned or degraded any nursing mother. Yet I need to continuously hear how damn awful formula is?! Really? And no one has disputed the health benefits either. But the reality is that formula kids thrive just as well, are just as healthy, and just as intelligent.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/04/2011

Kel, please read my post about how my breastfed husband gets a LOT sicker than me even though I was formula fed. I also have cousins and neighbours who have more allergies than myself or my brother so again I stand by what I said before. GENETICS :)

This is why so many formula fed moms get pissy with breastfeeding moms. So many of them are 'oh it's not poison but'. Sorry but I'd never trust someone else's breast milk. If I had to adopt I'd rather put my faith in science than some random person's milk.

Maree - posted on 12/04/2011

I think (most of the time) if a breast fed baby gets sick then it is probably going to be a lot sickerf if it is formula fed and if a formula fed baby is quite healthy then it would be even healthier long term if it was breast fed.

I think definately genetics plays a role but what some people fail to see...or maybe just don't want to admit...is that breast feeding IS much healthier no matter whether a doctor can pick a breast fed baby or whether your kid is healthier than mine or whatever !!!

It just is not possible for formula to be even close to what breast milk is .... now I'm not saying formula is poison (although i would NEVER feed it to any child of mine. No offence to Meggy but I won't be adopting so it is irrellevant to my situation) but it is what it is !!!! ...Inferior to breast milk. That is said as a fact and not to upset anyone,just a plain and simple fact.

I personally would not take the risk of giving formula as i have a family history of allergies.I am the only one out of 5 brothers and sisters that was bf and the only one that has no asthma or allergies,however it is still in my family so in my opinion,still a risk. Giving formula would make it much more likely that my children would develop allergies as well as the usual illnesses that are more common in ff babies such as ear infections,tummy bugs etc...as well as them being more likely to get chicken pox and other things that they are not yet immunised against,my children while breast fed have my immunity so i wouldn't be too concerned about them getting any nasties while they are very little.

I would think if my son,daughter,daughter in law decided not to breast feed without giving it a VERY good go...then i would be disappointed in them,especially my son and daughter who were bf for ages and will be well informed of the benefits of bf and the risks associated with ff.

If,knowing that their child could easily be exposed to chicken pox,whooping cough,gastro etc(which is quite common where I'm from)...make an informed decision NOT to bf or give up because it hurts a bit,I'd have to say I'd be upset,angry,disappointed and a range of other emotions because what I would be feeling is that they were willing to potentially have their newborn baby suffering rather then for them to suffer a little while settling in to breast feeding.

My kids will be educated on this so i will know that any decision they make (especially my daughter as it will be HER body) will be a decision made knowing all the facts.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/04/2011

Very true Sharon, I agree 100%.



Yes, breastmilk is best, but there are many mothers who can't breastfeed for one reason or another. Just as there are MANY people who were formula fed as infants and are healthier than their breastfed counterparts, myself included.



I'm a care aide, I've seen people who were most likely breastfed with Alzheimers, dimensia and strokes. It's about genetics and lifestyle not which method is superior.



And even though I breastfeed I wouldn't be upset or dissapointed if my daughters decided not to. It's their choice and their babies. Just as long as they follow the lable instructions for formula feeding I would trust their judgement in the matter.

Lise - posted on 12/04/2011

Sharon, you say "extreme pro-breastfeeders are the ones who need to reconsider their attitude" - why? Why "extreme pro-breastfeeders" and not extreme pro-ff? I have a hard time thinking anyone can doubt the benefits of breastfeeding - research supports it. It is healthy for the woman breastfeeding AND the child receiving the milk. The first 3 ideal ways to feed a baby, per the WHO, are with breast milk while formula comes in 4th. This is not to say those who choose not to breastfeed are wrong or evil or anything; it is a choice every mother makes for herself and what works best for her family. Breastfeeding is simply not for every woman. But there are extremists on both sides - and as a breastfeeding mother, I don't appreciate those who tell me it's sick, wrong, embarrassing, disgusting, secondary to ff, etc.



In answer to the OP question, I would ABSOLUTELY want my DIL or DD to breastfeed. Why not? Would I push it on them? No, but that wasn't the question you asked. I would be upset if they chose not to; it is supported as a healthy thing to do. Why wouldn't I want a baby to be fed in a natural, healthy way intended by the human body? And why wouldn't I want my DD or DIL to have all the protection that breastfeeding provides against cancer?

Sapphire - posted on 12/04/2011

You're right Sara, this thread does stray because judging will never go away. It is always thread after thread of the BFing mom judging the non-BFing mom. It's never the opposite. But, to stay on your original topic, and like I previously answered before, I will not interfere with the way my future DIL decides to feed my future grandchild. If she nurses, great. If she uses formula, great. If she asks my opinion then I have nothing to hide or sugar coat by sharing my experience. All I would ever wish for is a happy mother & happy baby.

Sapphire - posted on 12/04/2011

BF & FF kids both get sick, both get allergies, and run the gammut from the epitomy of health to the occassional illness to the extreme sickness. I find the attitudes of those in the "superior" attitude to be far less compassionate and empathetic to parents who chose not to breastfeed, struggled to nurse, or decide on formula from day one. It should never matter how another mother feeds her baby, as long as the baby is being fed and nourished. Attitude IS everything, and extreme pro-breastfeeders are the ones who need to reconsider their attitude about their negative connotations towards other mothers who simply feed their child differently. Lighten up a bit!

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 12/04/2011

K, we're straying a little bit. We could debate BF vs. formula FOR.EV.ER, but that's not what I wanted. I was simply curious if moms BF or not would be upset if their daughters or DIL's didn't breastfeed (or did).

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/04/2011

Pretty much Sherri. I'm pretty bad, I mostly decided to breastfeed because it was easier and more economical than bottle feeding. My mom was pretty put off by my decision because she wasn't able to breastfeed and didn't know how to act except to tell me to put a blanket over myself when people were over or use a bottle.

My husband also has ADHD and dyslexia and he was breastfed.

Sherri - posted on 12/04/2011

Agreed Meggy if I took my 14, 13 & 5yr old to a doctor no doctor on the planet would ever be able to tell which ones were breastfed and which weren't. Especially since the sickest of all my kids was the one breastfed the longest and 3x's as long as the others. He coincidentally is the only one of my kids with ADHD and had chronic ear infections as an infant too.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/04/2011

Laurelei, I have to disagree that even a doctor could tell. I'm adopted and was formula fed (oh the HUMANITY!) because there weren't other options. I'm healthier than my husband who was breastfed. The worst illness I had was chicken pox. I never even got pink eye! My husband had pnuemonia twice and his lungs are so scared that he gets bronchitis anytime he gets the common cold and it has a tendancy to morph into pnuemonia. His brothers were also breastfed and have bad allergies and would get sick a lot too.

My older daughter had both and the worst she had was kidney reflux and that's gentic. My baby is breastfed and she only gets colds, but my nephew is bottle fed (and had some issues during birth including the cord being wrapped around his neck twice) He's had a lot of digestive issues, pink eye and ear infection in the first nearly 5 months of his life. This is something that neither my brother and I experianced as bottle fed babies and children.

I believe that genetics has a lot more to do with how healthy you will be than whether or not you were breast fed or bottle fed. Telling a bottle feeding mom that her kids aren't going to be as healthy as a bf baby is kinda like telling a bf mom that she shouldn't breastfeed in front of her older kids because she'll traumatize them.

Lise - posted on 12/04/2011

As much as I support bfing (and I do - I ebf'd my dd and am still nursing at almost 26 months), I do NOT believe you can tell a difference between a ff baby and a bf baby. Every baby is an individual in weight, appearance, etc. I DO believe bfing leads to healthier babies in the long run, but I don't think you can see an visible difference (except, sometimes, in the method of feeding ;)).

Laura Zoey - posted on 12/04/2011

I'm sure a skilled dr could tell who was or wasn't breastfeed when looking over medical charts. There is a difference in the large scale. It's not made up. Child to child there's many variables as to who is healthier but in the grand scale, breastfeed kids are healthier.
Breastmilk is living, changing, healing human fluid.
Formula is dead cow milk that is always the same

Maree - posted on 12/04/2011

Lining children up and trying to pick the ones that are breast fed is a little silly as obviously they all look pretty much the same don't they??? It's the general health that makes the difference and that, i'm sure you would not be able to see by looking at a line up.... Also their attitude to breast feeding when they are older is important...but i guess if you don't feel that breast feeding is superior to formula then i suppose their attitude to it would make no difference to you.

I find the line up comment that i hear from people very often rather thoughtless and desperate for an excuse actually because if you think about it,breast feeding really has not a lot to do with what a 6 year old happens to look like on the outside and as everyone would know....kids get sick no matter how they are fed so you will find sick kids in every class...

I'd say i wouldn't be able to pick the bf kids in a class but i'm sure there would be very few....especially when there are silly comments like " pick the breast fed kids in a class "...when people say things like that it teaches the younger generation that there is no reason to even bother trying as there is no real difference either way.

In fact there are many benefits long and short term...if you care to read about them,if not then i guess you just keep on making silly comments and burying your head in the sand.

Sherri - posted on 12/04/2011

I agree with Sharon 100%.

Lise - posted on 12/04/2011

Absolutely. And I would her any way I could.

Liz - posted on 12/04/2011

My mother-in-law (who never breastfed) has such an obvious distaste for breastfeeding that it did discourage me a little in the early days when I wasn't confident as a new mother. I know she had no intention of doing that -- she's from a different generation that didn't breastfeed for the most part.



She was trying to support me in the only way she knew how: by letting me know if I needed to or chose to use formula, that I shouldn't feel guilty about it. But it had the effect of discouraging me, because my son nursed very frequently (every 1-2 hours) -- maybe because I only have one milk-producing breast due to cancer -- and it made me feel like my milk wasn't enough for him. What I needed was for someone to tell me that it was normal and to suck it up! And to pat me on the back for my (post-cancer) efforts.

Sapphire - posted on 12/04/2011

"Sharon it sounds like you would actually discourage a daughter in law from breastfeeding."

I most certainly would not discourage a future DIL, or ANY parent, in their choice as to how they fed their baby. I would prefer my future grandchildren to be fed, whether it is breastmilk or formula. First time moms hear all kinds of horror stories ranging from labor, delivery, nursing, etc. For you to make the claim that sharing my personal experience will permanently impact her viewpoint on breastfeeding is far-fetched, IMO. Perhaps my future DIL comes form a long line of breastfeeders. Perhaps she will be like me, the very 1st person in the family to attempt nursing. Perhaps sharing my personal expereinces will motivate her more. But I actually do take a slight offense to your comment about scaring off new moms and keeping my experience to myself. It might not have been the norm for YOU to have a horrible nursing experience, but it was the norm for me and countless other moms who nursed. If I am asked about my experience, I will share it. In the grand scheme of things, I would prefer a well-fed happy baby and happy mother for a future grandchild and DIL.

Laura Zoey - posted on 12/04/2011

Sharon it sounds like you would actually discourage a daughter in law from breastfeeding.
Yes it's all true but telling expectant mothers of all the awful painful miserable things you went through will affect her perminently as to how she views breastfeeding.
Would you prefer future daughter in law not breastfeed?
I'm not saying this is true about you but I know one family here in my town where the mom and sisters convinced the newest mom in the family that she was not maki enough milk and they scared her out of nursing because they all had problems and couldn't. It seems one family member had a hard time and so she affected every other new mom and held her back from succeeding. Knowing this particular family' I think they just don't want anyone else to succeed where they feel they failed.

As I said, I don't know you so I couldn't accuse you of wanting to sabatoge future mothers, but I've seen it before and maybe you would be best off lateron if you didn't scare off new moms with the full story of whatyou went through, it's not the norm to have such issues!

Minnie - posted on 12/04/2011

Human Milk 4 Human Babies. Gay couples have already found plenty of informal milk sharing for their infants. :)

Liz - posted on 12/03/2011

He's 15mo -- I have no idea if he's gay. :) LOL



The idea of men lactating... I know it can be done, and it probably says something horrible about me, but the thought of it grosses me out. :)

Sapphire - posted on 12/03/2011

It is not my business how my son and his wife decide to feed their child. Plain and simple. Just please feed the baby. If my future daughter-in-law asks my opinion or my experience, I will share with her that I was able to nurse for a short time, had a lot of difficulties, and my son (her husband) thrived on formula. In fact, I disliked nursing, found in difficult to bond, and was miserable. Once we switched completely to formula, the burden was lifted and I became a happier mother. Formula is not evil. I have said this time and time again- line up a classroom of any grade level kids, and you can not tell who was breastfed and who was raised on formula. Besides, my role as a grandmother is not to raise the baby. That is for my son and his wife. I will offer advice when asked or provide resources when needed. But it is not my business to tell other parents how to feed their child.

Katie - posted on 12/03/2011

absolutely! if they can and they want to!! I love breastfeeding I prepared myself at the beginning of my pregnancy when I was 20. I read a lot and talked to other mom's about it. I hope my son will encourage and respect his wives choice to breastfeed or not.

Laura Zoey - posted on 12/03/2011

Well some men can lactate if they try hard enough :) some hormones, lots of pumping.....isn't your son young yet? You think he's gay?

Liz - posted on 12/03/2011

Maybe there won't be a daughter-in-law in my future, but a son-in-law -- in which case they will need formula. :)

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 12/03/2011

I want my daughters to do what's best for themselves and their children despite what society, judgemental people, and anyone else says or thinks

Rachael - posted on 12/03/2011

i really wouldn't care. only they would know the reason why they are choosing to breastfeed or not to breastfeed so it's entirely their decision and i wouldn't even voice my opinions on what i think they should do

Tania - posted on 12/01/2011

I have 2 sons. If my future daughter -in - laws don't breastfeed I would bud out. They have mothers to give their opinons and judge them....it won't be my place I'm not their Mom.
I'm happy I was never judged by my MIL. I didn't breastfeed, I counldn't even at least try to breastfeed and no one ever said a word to me.
If my future DIL want an opinion I will give it but ultimately its their body and their baby.

Lexi - posted on 11/30/2011

I would hope that my daughters in law will breastfeed, I do believe it's best, but it would be there choice. I believe even more strongly in the importance of parents making their own personal decisions about what is best for their family. There are things my mom and dad don't agree with me on when it comes to my parenting and it's very frustrating to be constantly told that I'm doing it "wrong" and to feel like I don't have their support. I would have to just trust my sons and daughers in law and believe they've made the best choice for them.

Teresa - posted on 11/29/2011

And I certainly know about being judgemental. I've always been a fan of breastfeeding, but used to think extended breastfeeding was wrong and actually tried to convince my friend to NOT be breastfeeding her 2 year old. Yeah, I'm surprised she never smacked me, but she was SO patient w/ me... and very confident w/ her decision. I often wish I knew where she was now so that I could apologize to her. I had NO right to try and tell her she was wrong, but I was young and couldn't understand why everyone wasn't raising their kids the same way I was. Then I learned that every kid, parent, family, and situation are different and it's none of my business as long as the kids are being well taken care of. ;)

Teresa - posted on 11/29/2011

OH... Duh, Krista.... I should've realized that. I thought I knew you were in your 30's. You ARE older than me. Not by much though... I just turned 35. ;)

My son didn't nurse til 'natural duration' either... even though he stopped at 3.25. If I had pumped for the month he was gone.... He'd probably still be going. lol

I DID fall apart as a single mom though, Kel. I had two 6 year olds and a newborn and I was a wreck. NOT for them... they kept me going, but for ME... I was totally fallen apart for quite a few months. If my son hadn't taken to breastfeeding at 34 hours old... and kept going almost continuously.... it wouldn't have happened. I was completely spent.

Julianne - posted on 11/29/2011

their bodies, their babies, their choice. i will be supportive what ever way they go, formula or breast

Minnie - posted on 11/29/2011

Just a thought: if mothers who breastfeed for only a week didn't try hard enough, what about other arbitrary time limits?



I mean, I'm nursing my three year old. I believe in natural duration breastfeeding. What if I said that a mother who weans at two (because she made it to the minimum by WHO standards) isn't a good enough mother because she didn't push through to three, or four?



How would that make an 'extended' breastfeeding mother feel? That she didn't try hard enough? Didn't live up to someone else's standards? Would she say "you don't know my personal situation, I had to make the choices right for me- it wouldn't have worked well to continue pushing through to three years old because [my child was a distractible nurser, I felt 'touched-out, I had to send my child for visitations with his/her father]" - are those acceptable 'excuses' to wean?



Can you see where I'm going with this? :) It's moot for us to place an arbitrary acceptable time limit on an attempt at breastfeeding. We don't know the mother's situation at all. A mother who felt really great for nursing to two years old really wouldn't like it at all for someone who nursed even longer to look at her breastfeeding relationship critically and compare.

Krista - posted on 11/29/2011

@Teresa: I was 17 when I had my breast reduction. I was 34 when I had Sam, and I'm almost 37 now.

So I'm actually quite IMmature for my age!!! ;)

Carrie - posted on 11/29/2011

I have a 10 year old son who was a bottle baby from the first moment he was hungry. I was uncomfortable with the thought of having to breast feed in public, & was a single mom, doing everything on my own. There are things I missed with the small support system I had... However there are many things he, & I did get to do that strengthened our bond. I believe how a new mom chooses to feed her newborn is personal, & shouldn't be questioned by anyone, & that no one should be made to feel badly for it.

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 11/28/2011

I breastfeed and honestly I think I'll lose my mind sometimes because there are certain times I want a break and my baby won't take a bottle. Sometimes I think she only wants to be with me because I have the fresh milk.

I'm also adopted and can honestly agree with Johnny's end paragraph because if it hadn't been for formula there is no way myself or my brother would be alive.

My mom has no idea how to react to me breastfeeding because she was never able to choose between breast or bottle. The choice was made for her when she found out that her and my dad couldn't have children. She has no idea what to say to me when I'm upset about sore nipples, my baby only wanting to nurse and my baby biting me except that maybe I should stop now since I did breast feed longer that with my first daughter.

I honestly would be happy with my daughters if they chose to breastfeed on their own. However I wouldn't look down on them or imply they were bad moms for not breastfeeding. It's their choice. And as long as their babies weren't malnurished because they couldn't afford to use the recommended amount of formula I wouldn't intervine.

Breast feeding can be difficult and it doesn't come naturally to every mom and every baby. I couldn't get my older daughter to nurse from me or even eat from a bottle for months. Her father was no help. My mom couldn't help with breastfeeding and I was so overwhelmed that I didn't think of getting more help. Plus these sites weren't around as much so I had no idea what to do. My 2nd baby took to breastfeeding no problems. But she doesn't sleep or nap.

My mom is just happy that I'm doing what I can to keep my children happy and healthy and that's all any mom can expect.

Johnny - posted on 11/28/2011

The problem I have with the tone of this thread is it completely misses the point that we are all so unique that it is just ridiculous to apply any analysis of our own tolerances, our own thresholds, our own experiences, and our own desires to any other mother. I truly and strongly believe that breastfeeding is better than formula. Why else would I have worked so hard at it? But I also believe that we need to recognize that for some women, it just is not the right choice. It is not even always the right choice for a baby. A struggling broken mother who just happens to breastfeed is not going to be in as good a place to parent as a mother who turns to formula to regain her sanity. And while breastfeeding is the healthy normative choice, it isn't so much better for a baby that the misery of a mother can be overcome by it. Unhappy moms generally raise unhappy kids.

Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps one of the reasons that breastfed children do better in many aspects according to research might be because they had mothers who adapted to motherhood more easily, had greater success at early infant mothering, were perhaps more supported in their roles, and also had other advantages such as more education, more child development knowledge, and better access to good general nutrition. Because statistically, mothers who breast feed tend to have all of those advantages. If you read the research closely, when studies control for parental adjustment, peer and family support, education level, and other nutrition, breastfed kids are not all that much different from formula fed kids. I really don't see any evidence that breast milk is a magic elixir that can cure all the ills that would come from being raised by a mother who is miserable caring for you.

I do think breast milk is better. There is no argument there. I just don't think it is so great that we can afford to push mothers into nursing and forsake their mental wellness. The world is a far different place than it was before formula. Back then, breastfeeding was the only option, or wet nurses, so it was totally normal. There was no questioning of the decision. If the baby didn't get enough breast milk and the family couldn't afford a wet nurse, the baby died. Infanticide was a frequent occurrence. So much so that a pope in Rome started some of the earliest homes for abandoned babies as to slow down the number of dead babies floating past in the nearby river. So if you think that pressure, judgment, and condemnation of mothers who make a different choice than yourself is going to have some great outcome for babies, you are sadly mistaken. Breast is best, no doubt, but it isn't perfect.

Maree - posted on 11/28/2011

Just thought i'd clarify something...I don't mean to say that women 'don't have the right' to fall apart.
I could not let it happen though because my son only had me,i didn't have support from his dad and my family thought i should just 'suck it up' basically,they said i made the mistake now i have to deal with it.

If i had fallen to pieces then my son would have had to fend for himself,i didn't know how or where to get help so it simply wasn't an option.

I want to be different when my kids have a family,i want to be there for them even though they are grown...unlike what i experienced.

Now with my daughter,i suppose i could fall apart and my husband would be there to pick me up but because i knew better i have done better this time and i am able to cope very well without help.

Just wanted to clarify so you didn't think i was saying that women HAVE to cope and have to suffer when that isn't what i meant.

Maree - posted on 11/28/2011

The reason i consider it to be SO important is because i genuinely believe that it is superior to formula and that in many many cases makes a huge difference to a child as well as an adults health, basically for the rest of their life rather than just the 2 years or however long they are bf for.

I am aware that lots of people don't believe in the studies and will say their ff baby has never been sick and that bf babies they know of get sick more etc etc however what i feel and have experienced is totally the opposite so i have to go with that.

If had not bf my children and they developed asthma,eczema,food allergies,got gastro bugs,ear infections etc then i would feel guilty forever and i would believe that my decision was the cause(whether or not it was actually the case).

My kids don't have and never have had any of these issues although both had reflux and i have been told by my paediatrician that formula will most likely cause bigger problems with reflux.

In my family and also friends,the babies that are ff seem to be the ones with the major issues like Asthma,eczema and food allergies where the bf ones don't. Most are from families that do not have a history of these problems so it does scare me that formula is the cause in a lot of cases and not genetics.( although i know that genetics is definately a reason for many childhood problems) I wouldn't risk ff-ing as i honestly believe my children would end up with problems like i have seen so many times in others.

We have Asthma and eczema in our family and my brothers kids are the only ones who now have the same issues and they were ff.(3 kids in total) My sister,another brother and my kids have no problems at all and we have 6 between us,all bf for between 18 months and 3 years.

As far as the daughters in law thing goes....well 2 of them didn't bf and 1 did...not really sure how my mum feels about 2 of her sons marrying women who didn't bf but that will be something i will ask her,I know she is proud of my sister and i though !!!

Oh and ps...You are not the only one rambling,I do a lot of that these days and exhaustion really doesn't help my tolerance levels so if someone pees me off i tend to snap at them. A full nights sleep would be great!!!!

Teresa - posted on 11/28/2011

Well... trying is better than nothing I guess.

The thought that I don't have the right to fall apart would be the thought that could've destroyed me. Who the heck says I don't have the right to fall apart from time to time? Being a parent doesn't stop a person from being human. It doesn't matter if YOU think a person has a legimate reason or not for how they feel or what they do. YOU aren't them and as my best friend recently told me... It doesn't matter what other people may be able to cope w/.... the struggles that you have are just as real to you as their struggles are to them.

You can make the choice to do a good job and be a good parent w/out making the choice to breastfeed though. It's what... 1-2 years (generally) out of the next 18? More than 18 actually since you NEVER stop being a parent.

I loved breastfeeding, but choosing to breastfeed had absolutely nothing to do w/ the fact that I'm a good mom. Breastmilk is a good food and it's free (and was easy to me). That's why I did it. I would be just as good of a mom if I had chosen formula... That seems to be a point you are still missing.

Granted, I know you said you're trying, but it's almost like you pride yourself on the fact that you pushed through so much. I DO think it's great that you did cuz I know I wouldn't have been able to, but still... such a SMALL part of the big picture here and it seems like you're making it to be the most important.

And now I think I'm senselessly rambling and repeating myself... I'm tired. lol

Maree - posted on 11/28/2011

Yeah i get that,if you are not coping and are not being a good mother then i guess you have to make a choice.....I am very confident that i am a great parent and pride myself on being a great parent even at 20 and being single. I was a good parent even through the pain and agony of it all. I really think i made the choice to do a good job no matter what.

Like i said before,i was completely devastated because of the c-section and the pain of it. I could have let that be a reason to fall apart or not to look after my daughter properly,fall into depression or whatever but didn't let that happen (although i am aware that depression is mostly out of our hands anyway).

My point being that i think a lot of the time there is definitely a choice to push through issues and still be a great parent. There are so many times i could have just given up...so many issues that seemed like were going to be the death of me (other than bf-ing of course) but i had to be stronger than that. I brought this child into the world and i don't have the right to fall apart or to be number 1 anymore.

In saying that, to me you are an absolute star for bf-ing twins...easy or not !!! the thought of that to me is terrifying.

Many people quit bf-ing for good reasons and many more just don't...plain and simple...those are the ones i can't help but judge. I am really trying to change my attitudes and coming on here gives me lots of different points of views that i really appreciate but i'm not quite there yet....trying hard though..lol

Teresa - posted on 11/28/2011

Breastfeeding WAS easy for me. If not... I probably would've quit cuz even w/ as easy as it was... I just about lost my mind w/ the twins anyway. If I had tried to push through any major issues... I would've been completely useless. Not only as a mother, but as a human being as well... That's why I can't/won't judge cuz I only know myself and I am NOT anyone else nor do I want to try and BE anyone else. ;)