DO YOU YELL?

Lyndsay - posted on 12/15/2010

I yell to get my child's attention, but I don't stand in front of him and scream in his face. Sometimes I raise my voice if he is being particularly loud and hyper, I find it gets the message across much faster in those situations.

Julianne - posted on 12/14/2010

I dont yell out of anger at my daughter. I couldn't ever see me doing so. Shes only a year old, I doubt my stance will change.

Louise - posted on 12/14/2010

When I had my older children now 19 and 16 I was a yeller as they just infuriated me all the time fighting and brawling all the time. Now I am an older mum I am more layed back and I do not shout at my daughter and nor do I need to. I change the tone in my voice if I am not happy with her and that is enough for her to change her behaviour. I think if I had had a boy and a girl first the house would not of been so noisey. Having two boys two and a half years apart made for a mad house full of testosterone and it was difficult to make yourself heard anywhere. Now eldest has left home for uni and youngest son is now out at work all day I have just the 2 year old at home who has all of my attention. My yelling days are over :-)

Chatty - posted on 12/04/2010

I "get it" too!

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2010

I got the joke Sherri. Teenage boys need everything repeated at least 5 times and even then need a clip across the ear to get their attention the 6th time you tell them......

Jo - posted on 12/04/2010

LMAO I have the same problem Shannen, when I get mad, and I am trying to not show my anger/annoyance - I turn to laughter. It's automatic.

It's the same deal when Gabriel does something, he KNOWS he's not supposed to do, but ends up getting stuck in my big stew pot... It's hard to not laugh!!!! He KNOWS he's not supposed to play with it, he KNOWS the reason he's not supposed to play with it is because he/it is the perfect size to get stuck in it... and yet... he still does it LOL it's so annoying cause I don't want him to accidently damage a really good pot, and I don't want him to accidently hurt himself - but OH MAN, FUNNIEST thing EVER to see his butt and legs stuck in there while he has his hands out going "hold hands, stuck!"

I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, I'm gonna have to address this myself sooner or later too lol

Sherri - posted on 12/04/2010

It was kind of a joke ladies!!

Shannen - posted on 12/04/2010

Worst thing has happened the last 2 days and it's bloody aweful. I am having issues with miss 4. She wont do anything. I am refusing to get mad with her because she seems to be thriving off my anger. But anyway yesterday and today she has efused to clean her room. While i have been calmly telling her to do it and that if she does it she will get things back again she has been Grabbing onto me and not letting go screaming " Mummy NO" i'm finding it really hard not to get angry which is resulting in me laughing (when i get so angry something switches in my head and i find everything funny it's so hardto control) which is making her worse ( well duh i know) does anyone know anything i could do to help myself and her?

Sorry to go off topic....i might have to start a thread on this.

April - posted on 12/04/2010

well i was a teenager once and yelling never worked on me. there goes that theory ;) I have yelled at my son a few times and felt guilty about it! I will tell him not to do something and he'll get that twinkle in his eye and do it AGAIN! I don't want him to learn to yell..so I'm becoming more patient and trying to find other ways to teach him not to do something.

Chatty - posted on 12/04/2010

Sorry, but I have to disagree with you Sherri. I'm sure you're not surprised though....

Sherri - posted on 12/04/2010

Sorry once you have teenagers the no yelling rule goes flying out the window. I swear a teenager doesn't get anything unless you are yelling.

Christina - posted on 12/04/2010

I will admit I yelled this morning! I am a nurse and work late hours. Saturday morning is the ONLY morning I can actually sleep in a little and try to catch up on what I miss during the week. (On average, I get 3hrs of sleep a night.) My eight year old daughter kept coming into my room at 8am today asking me questions. After her 5th trip to wake me up and ask me questions she already knew the answers to, I finally yelled at her because I had told her three times already to let mommy sleep a bit.

Toni - posted on 12/04/2010

Yep some days they both go at it on the same night, those nights I just want to stand in the middle of my house and scream SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although I can't it's bad enough they yell loud enough to wake Ethan up - I knock the doors and ask them to keep the noise down because they are disturbing him grr (it takes everything in me to remain civil on those nights)....hopefully in the future I will be able to afford to move away from my screamwich the only screamwich I like starts with the prefix ice- ;-)

Barb - posted on 12/04/2010

Aww Toni that's discouraging, so you are sandwiched in.. a screamwich

Toni - posted on 12/04/2010

Tell me about neighbours yelling, I really think Ethan will learn all the words I don't want him too from the neighbours. All they ever do is yell profanities at each other. They also make me not want to yell and unfortunately both sides do it - although one side only when the dad is drunk (about twice a month) and the other side when her teenager is being lippy.

Christina - posted on 12/04/2010

I'm not perfect and I yell. I don't like to yell, but I do. I hate myself for yelling, but sometimes it happens.

Barb - posted on 12/04/2010

YES!

Seriously though, i don't often, i'm a growler. A teeth gritting snarler when i get frustrated and angry.

I think i've only gone full on mental and completely lost it twice. It's been rare enough that i recall the utterly shocked looked on everyone's faces, included my husbands. First time i've ever had such undivided attention and then they all slunked off into their own areas and the house was soooo quiet for the rest of the day that i felt horrible. no laughter, just hushed whispers, it was kinda sad really. I don't even remember what either time was about now, but it just wasn't worth it.

Besides, the neighbors that are a 1/4 of a mile away yell enough for all of us on this thread!!

Meghan - posted on 12/04/2010

I try not to yell AT him, but I am a loud person and I tend to yell TO him often. Oddly enough he has started to be loud (geez, don't know where he gets this stuff from). I think one of the key factors is the context or aggressiveness in your voice. Now, I am in no way suggesting it is okay to yell but if you are flying off the handle and screaming, I think that would scare a child and it isn't effective. If its (like some of you have said) a firm loud STOP to get their attention, that could work.

Chatty - posted on 12/04/2010

While I do yell sometimes, I strive not to. I'm ALL about positive parenting and there's nothing positive about yelling.

Gina - posted on 12/04/2010

I admit I yell, I'm a loud person,I got 5 brothers and sisters, you yell to get heard!. My family are used to me been loud, it's when I'm quiet that scares them! My daughter knows she's in trouble then.

Hayley - posted on 12/04/2010

Yelling is pointless. If you do it too often kids just channel it out and you get stressed and possibly a nasty head ache.
I find it easier if my child is misbehaving to walk straight up to them and talk to them face to face explaining why their behaviour is unacceptable and what I want them to do about it. :D

Stifler's - posted on 12/04/2010

My husband and I have always had the rule of no yelling at each other. So why yell at the kids unless we're yelling in fun.

Jayde - posted on 12/03/2010

No i dont yell. Except when my daughter & i are playing games & its a fun thing kids LOVE squealing & making loud noises so i do it with her when we sing & play but i don't yell at her.

September - posted on 12/03/2010

We do not yell at our son because I like to give him the respect that I like to be given myself, I don't like being yelled at so why yell at our son. I think that when safety comes into play of course raising your voice is different or yelling up the stairs to let the little one know that dinner is ready, that's done in a calm loving voice even though my voice is raised. No, yelling is not all the same it really is dependent upon the situation. I feel it's wrong to yell at children when correcting unwanted behavior.

Toni - posted on 12/03/2010

I can honestly say I have yelled at my son once, I was incredibly tired and he was being a toddler and messing when he had been told not to. I am not proud of that but it was also a wake-up call for me because I do not want to be that mom that yells at her kid.

I now just lower the tone of my voice and turn on my mommy voice, which works really well. No yelling needed.

Yelling in play is great fun and shows kids they have different tones, it helps them to learn and develop and is completely different to yelling at your kids, as is yelling information for them or to get their attention.

Kelly - posted on 12/02/2010

Do I think it's acceptable? No.

Does it make my kid listen to me? No.

Do I yell? Yep.



I don't think yelling at a kid will scar him for life, or hurt him long term, but I don't want J yelling at me and I feel that yelling at him sets a bad example.

So why do I do it? I have no friggin' idea. I've had several surgeries on my throat, so yelling is actually very painful for me. You would think that would put me off, but no. Not to mention the fact that, in our house, it never improves the situation and always sends J into a screaming, not-to-be-reasoned-with tantrum. Yet, I still do it :/



I find that turning the lights off (or music or TV off if they are turned on) and lowering my voice to a whisper tends to get his attention the best, and keeps him calm and reasonable. Unfortunately, more often than not, my first thought is to yell.....I wonder why?





EDIT: btw, I think there is a difference between calling out to a child and yelling at a child. Also, I think yelling in play is different than yelling at a child b/c the child gets to yell back and the emotion is happy, but I don't like loud play....no reason, it just tends to get on my nerves.

Amanda - posted on 12/02/2010

I'm going to be honest and say that I do yell. Not constantly but I do. My kids are almost 7, 4, almost 3 and almost 2. They listen pretty well, and are really good kids. But there are times when my fiance will have to raise his voice to get there attention to quit being to loud, or for fighting or arguing. He is way better at that than me. :) I try to raise my voice and they all ignore me. I also do in home daycare and I try my hardest not to yell at the kids when others are here. So my main yelling time is at night before bed. My youngest stomps and throws fits before bed. I try to be nice and patient but it gets frustrating sometimes. So I do have to yell. And also my 7 yr old asks for it I swear! Lol...yelling is different than raising your voice though. Yelling is a lot louder and brings more a point taken type thing. ANd yes there is a difference in yelling. YOu can yell at the kids to quit doing something, or yell for dinner, or yell to quit pulling someones hair. It's a lot different.

Amy - posted on 12/02/2010

Honestly, I do yell. I'm not proud of it, but I do. It started when I got pregnant and the hormones were raging. Now that it's been a few weeks I'm still starting to get back to normal and I'm trying not to yell as much anymore. Also, if I was ever a stay at home mom I'd be yelling so much I wouldn't have a voice! That's why I work, I love my kids to death, but I can't handle them 24/7 with out help.

LaCi - posted on 12/02/2010

I yell. Mostly to get his attention. "Ey!" "No!" "Don't even think about it!" "NICO!" "Careful!!"



We yell when we wrestle, when I throw him, when I chase him.



There's a lot of yelling going on, actually.



Most of it's happy yelling though. Some attention getting yelling. I do yell *dinner* or *bites* when food is ready.



It's all different.

Johnny - posted on 12/01/2010

I don't think yelling is all that useful. At least, it does not work with my daughter. I've been known to get frustrated and do it occasionally, but I wouldn't call it a parenting technique. It's more the thing I do when I'm stuffing a chicken and she suddenly starts eating the cat food. I yell when it's the only thing I've got. Otherwise, I find getting quieter is actually far more effective.

I sometimes yell at my husband, but only so that he'll hear me, because I'm really starting to think that he needs to get his hearing checked. I'm a pretty docile person, until I married him, I don't think I'd yelled since I was in my early teens and going through that "rough" phase.

Amber - posted on 12/01/2010

Ashley~ "Anyone one who says they never yell is lying its the amount thats the hard part."

Nope, not lying. I haven't yelled at anybody in years. It's just not my style. I've lived with my SO for 5 years and never yelled at him. We have a four year old, never yelled at him either. I've yelled TO him, or raised my voice to get his attention. But I've never yelled at him.
It may not be common, but a person who doesn't yell at their kids is possible.

Good Day! - posted on 12/01/2010

I won't say I never yell, but it's rare. With the exception of yelling out the door, "Jason, time to go!" or something like that. If my kid was about to run into the street (she never has) and a car was coming, I would yell. But I don't yell as discipline, not often anyway. I feel that is shows you've lost control, and I want to be the one in control. I'll change my tone when disciplining, but I focus on not yelling.

Nikkole - posted on 12/01/2010

I am guilty of yelling i HATE doing it it makes me feel like a bad mom but somtimes my son just hits a nerve after me telling him NO 100times! My whole family yells so i try to watch home much i do yell! Its funny when my sisters yell at each other or my mom yells at my sisters my son will say HEY EVERYONE CALM DOWN JUST CALM DOWN and he will raise his hands in the air its to cute!

Ashley - posted on 12/01/2010

Anyone one who says they never yell is lying its the amount thats the hard part. The less you do it the better its going to work when needed.

Candi - posted on 12/01/2010

I yell. I feel like I have to sometimes. My hsband has a booming voice, so when I speak, its as if a mouse is whispering, so I have learned to yell!! Sometimes I will yell at the kids when they jump on my last nerve and take it for a joy ride. Or my son will tell me he has a science fair project due on Thursday and its wednesday night!! I ask him in a loud voice "Are you kidding me? What are you thinking?" I love my kids more than anything, but sometimes you have to do things to get their attention.

Krista - posted on 12/01/2010

I'm not much of a yeller, really, but I do raise my volume and lower my tone (so that my voice is sort of loud and stern) if Sam's doing something dangerous, like trying to stand up on my rolling, swiveling office chair.

Sherri - posted on 12/01/2010

Oh ya I fully admit I am a yeller not so much at my 4 yr old but at my teenagers oh heck ya.

Shannen - posted on 12/01/2010

I'm naturally a loud person. I do yell and i hate it. I try so hard not to yell but most of the time because they are used to me yelling it seems it is the only way to get the kids attention. I know it's not the only way but when i'm at my wits end it gets them to listen.
Yelling is not effective and i have been using the no yelling method instead and it make a huge difference when i don't yell, they don't know what to think when i don't.

Rosie - posted on 12/01/2010

i'm guilty of yelling. i don't like it that i do it, but i do. my oldest is having issues right now and i've been yelling at him way more than necessary. i would love to have another way to deal with our situation, but it is what it is, and he is who he is. i'm trying at least.

as for yelling up the stairs theres no problem with that. yelling when you're angry just shows your child to yell when they are angry (as i am finding out).

Amber - posted on 12/01/2010

I don't yell at my son. I have raised my voice to get his attention if he's running around yelling, or if he's downstairs. Or, as Joy discussed, when he's doing something dangerous and I must get his immediate attention.

If he's doing something naughty, and I am getting upset, I put him on the naughty bench or in his room. Then, I walk into another room and calm myself down. After about a minute or two, I'll walk back out and tell him what he did wrong and why he can't do that.
All of that being said, I'm a pretty even tempered, non-yelling person to begin with.

Jodi - posted on 12/01/2010

I do raise my voice at times. I am much better now than I used to be - I've actually found a LOT more patience with age. With my son, I used to only have to raise my voice an octave and he would stop whatever it was he was doing. With my daughter, I get more response if I lower my voice. Weird huh?



Sometimes, just to be listened to I have to yell. Example, I had my step-son right in front of me one day, but he was distracted by the TV. I was just asking him to put his shoes in his room. I asked and he didn't flinch. I raised my voice to be a little louder, and he still didn't hear me. I then yelled his name, and he jumped a mile, but it got his attention!!! Both boys are like that sometimes - they seem to get very easily distracted, and I need to raise my voice to get through the noise :)



And yes, there is a difference between yelling up the stairs or down the hall to them and yelling AT them. Personally, I think yelling at them doesn't REALLY solve anything except to make us feel better by allowing us to vent our frustrations.

Teresa - posted on 12/01/2010

Yelling to your child is fine. Yelling at your child is not. That being said, I am a yeller.

Jo - posted on 12/01/2010

As I was reading your reply, Kate, my son started jumping on the couch to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song lol

Joy - posted on 12/01/2010

I can tell you what I do, and what I think is the right thing to do. Sadly, the two aren't the same....yet. I have been known to raise my voice to Jacob if he misbehaves and has gotten on my last nerve. Usually it's at the end of the day and my patience has worn thin. I don't scream at him ever, but yell? Yeah, I've hollered at him before to stop whatever he's doing or told him to go to his room because Mommy needs a time out. In a perfect world, I think that it's not always the best thing to do, to yell at him and for the most part I don't. I don't see a problem with yelling up the stairs (if we had them lol) that dinner's ready, or trying to get their attention in a loud room. Or to keep them from doing something dangerous like running into the road or touching a hot stove. Sometimes the yelling "STOP!" or "NO!" can just come out while you're reaching and grabbing for them to bring them back to safety. I firmly believe that's the reason why so far Jacob has never burned himself on the stove. He loves to be on a stool right beside me no matter what I'm doing in the kitchen. For awhile, I wouldn't let him up on the stool to watch if I was at the stove because I was worried about him getting burned. One day I let him and when I turned to drop a spoon into the sink I told him "don't touch...it's HOT". Soon as I turned, out of the corner of my eye I see his little hand reaching out and I (all in one quick motion) yelled "NO! DO NOT TOUCH!" and scooped him into my arms to get him away from the stove. That, I don't see a problem with. He's never tried to touch it since and now he stands beside me at the stove all the time.

Kate CP - posted on 12/01/2010

Yea, I yell. Not ALL the time, but there are instances where I hear my voice getting louder:
Don't jump on the sofa, please...PLEASE don't jump on the sofa...SAM STOP jumping on the sofa...STOP JUMPING ON THE SOFA NOW!!!!