Domestic abuse when it affects our children

Glenda - posted on 02/19/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi this was sort of a follow on from another topic about when to report sexual abuse of children and there had been a comment about the level of domestic (verbal and physical) abuse in some homes which over short and long periods has a cumulative affect on the child, their behaviour, their sense of self, their brain development (read Dr Bruce Perry's work interesting....). I note that a lot of people seem quick to say they would report sexual abuse, what about where they know a friend or family member or even themselves are exposing their children to threats, violence, verbal and physical abuse, in the home - would they report that as well ? or how do people feel about what type of impact it has.

In our State the victim does not get a choice (eg mostly the mother) about whether she reports the violence or not, Police can charge the offender without her consent. Is it not the right of the children to be protected from harm ? and what do people feel/ think about women who continue to have relationships with abusive men in front of their children ? or worse still know that the abusive man physically and emotionally harms their children, yet continues the relationship ?

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The abuser has so much psychological control over the abused that it is difficult to leave the situation. I feel sorry for women in this situation. I know some people blame them for not leaving, but I can't find it in me to do that. I blame the abuser that makes them feel like there is no other way.

My husband was a paramedic in a small town and got calls from one particular woman all the time. She was always beat up, but never chose to go to the hospital or file a report. And there was nothing the paramedics could legally do to help her unless she was willing to help herself. She felt that if she did something, her abuser would make things much worse for her. In her mind it was a lose-lose situation. So sad. I don't think there were any children in this situation, thank the Lord.

Yes, I do think police should step in. It may be the only way some of these women find a way out. And they should be given assistance of some sort. Counseling, at the very least, so they can learn that their abuser has no power over them and they can stand on their own two feet.

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Shelby - posted on 02/19/2010

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Here is the odd thing. In VA same way. The state will push charges now, With or without a complainant. I mean yeah Its great to have a witness, yet one is not needed. It was not always like that. I grew up in a very abusive household, It was very difficult to get out. I think women that continue to stay in an abusive relationship needs help, emotional and psychiatric help. And if she is staying and letting her children be abused also, then they should be taken away from her.

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