Domestic Discipline?

Kathy - posted on 05/02/2010

The whole submissive thing sickens me!

Alison - posted on 05/02/2010

Quoting Sara:

~~~~~~~~"Sorry to bring this one up again kids.

I kept reading all these "happy marriage" testimonies and kept thinking there has to be someone out there who is willing to admit they don't like this lifestyle. Found her. And it breaks my heart. http://www.circleofmoms.com/track_link.p..."~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Wow, that is a sad storey.

This lifestyle doesn't appeal to me anyway, but I still feel that if there is a sexual enjoyment element and both parties are happy with the arrangement then it's fine. This was the impression that I always got from reading about DD, but obviously this isn't the case here and it's ruining this woman's relationship with her husband. An adult woman being afraid to admit to a speeding ticket is just messed up.

This is one of those situations where I have learned something from a debate and altered my opinion.

Amber - posted on 05/02/2010

If my hunny ever spanked me when I wasn't asking for it....he'd be in deep trouble and shouldn't stand close to open windows bc I'd push him out :) haha
I think if you are doing this as fun, then go for it. But you should NEVER make one person submissive to the other on an every day basis.

And the most frustrating thing that I read was that it CANNOT be the other way. So it's either men dominate or the lifestyle isn't for you....really? It sounds like a bunch of men who aren't strong enough or brave enough to tough it out against men trying to have some sense of power over another person, and masking it as religion.

Emma - posted on 04/26/2010

I really don't think this woman realised fully what she was getting into, she says she enjoys a light spanking while in the bedroom. i think she thought she was getting into BDSM where she would still have control even when playing submissive.

I showed my hubby the site and he was shocked, and then had to laugh as he said he would be to scared to try and put me over his knee As he really likes having his own teeth lol.

We also discuses that the men who do this are probably incredibly insecure and lazy as they think the only way to keep there partner is through control and lazy as if your wife has to do all that you say you don't need to put the work in to have a healthy partnership.

Lady - posted on 04/26/2010

Sara after reading that didn't you just want to post a comment telling her to run for the hills? How can anyone acctually think that a loving husbang can treat his wife in such a way and I'm sorry but the women who are trying to get her to submit to that lifestyle are weak minded pathetic specimines. TAKE SOME RESPONSABILITY FOR YOUR OWN LIVES!!! They are not children they are grown women, they shouldn't need to be told what to do or how to behave, they need to grow up. A marriage should be an equal partnership - this is sick and it makes me really angry ahhhhh!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 04/26/2010

Trully what ever flots your boat BUT if my DH came home and tried that he would be out on is A%% with in minuts. Just what are you teaching your children??? It sounds like Domestic Abuse to me and sickens me. I'm pagan but am still insulted for all those I know that are Christion. I would not blindly fallow anyone's rule nor would I expect someone to fallow mine. As a couple you are a Partnership not a dictatorship and to use faith as an excusse is SICK!

Suzette - posted on 04/26/2010

It's just wrong that they use this as a religious thing. It's not supposed to be that way if it's a lifestyle choice for both people... and if the BDSM community caught wind of this they'd be all over his sorry butt!

Jocelyn - posted on 04/26/2010

Oh that's just so sad.

Good Day! - posted on 04/26/2010

Sorry to bring this one up again kids.

I kept reading all these "happy marriage" testimonies and kept thinking there has to be someone out there who is willing to admit they don't like this lifestyle. Found her. And it breaks my heart.

http://christianddgroup.typepad.com/my_w...

Suzette - posted on 04/26/2010

Gillian, I completely agree with you... if they're getting their rocks off by doing the spanking, handcuffs, whatever... more power to them if they're being safe about it! But using religion to abuse... not right!!!

Suzette - posted on 04/26/2010

I agree Emma. That's why I disagree with the entire aspect of using the religious thing as a "front" for the BDSM culture, lifestyle, whatever/however one chooses to define it. I've known many people into the BDSM style. If they ever heard of this whole religious thing they'd flip their lids! Many of them take it very seriously with the safe words and their partners. It's asinine that these people are leaving it so wide open for abuse.

Emma - posted on 04/26/2010

I Think BDSM is considerably more responsible than these people, as BDSM has a cutler of consent, they implement safe words, so at any time things will be stopped straight away if ether person is no longer happy.
Where as these people are not putting safety measures in place they are leaving the door open for mistreatment and abuse. plus using religion as "justification" which is removing there culpability for there actions, always a dangerous mix

Lady - posted on 04/26/2010

Each to their own in that case, as long as both parties are getting what they want and no one is doing something they don't want to do then I couldn't care less what kinky stuff they get up to lol!!

Suzette - posted on 04/26/2010

Gillian, I didn't post the religious ones. I was talking about the others in an earlier post in response to this thread... LOL!! I don't buy the religious stuff. I am talking more about the whole BDSM stuff.

Lady - posted on 04/26/2010

I've seen the film "The Secretary" I know there are people who enjoy that lifestyle, the first link didn't work for me so I can only comment on the second one where it's done in the name of christianity - I doubt there are all that many women that are doing for pleasurable reasons but more because they think it's what god wants them to do and think they will get their reward in heaven - total bullshit sorry don't buy it!

Suzette - posted on 04/26/2010

LOL Emma, that's what I said!!

@Jennifer, there are wives who do it to their husbands. They're called a dominatrics (dominatrix). They are sometimes referred to as Mistress, Ma'am, etc. (refer to the link I posted earlier for more info on BDSM and the "lifestyle.")

And outside of religion, the men are referred to as Master, Sir, etc.

There are also slaves and submissives, two totally different things if a person is into that whole lifestyle.

It's not all about religion. I personally think that these people made it about religion to make themselves feel better about being kinky or wanting this lifestyle (like Emma said)... but that's just my opinion.

I think the whole thing is pretty funny really.

@Gillian, Jennifer, and all others who think this is domestic abuse or violence... there are some who actually do this kind of thing to get off on being violent to their significant other. But, the majority are nothing like that. If you'd met the people I know who are into this sort of thing, it would make more sense and you'd see that they truly are loving toward one another and have a very healthy relationship. It's just a kink that they're into, and some turn it into a lifestyle.

And there is a common misconception that one of the partners was abused as a child, it's not always true. (At least not in the people I've met.) Sometimes they're just damn kinky! lol.

(No, this is not my lifestyle, but a little spanking never hurt anyone, as long as it's done properly and in the right moment!)

Emma - posted on 04/26/2010

LOL................ is this for real ?
Really stop hiding behind religion just embrace the fact your kinky and into spanking lol

Jennifer - posted on 04/26/2010

That's disgusting! I wonder who thought of this as an idea? A man perhaps as otherwise it would be the wife doing it to the husband. Violence is not acceptable in any circumstances!

Lady - posted on 04/26/2010

Yes Sara when I told my husband about this thread he was quite upset and irrate that any supposedly loving husband could ever treat their wife in such a way, he couldn't even read the link.

Good Day! - posted on 04/25/2010

The whole "Christian domestic discipline" thing disturbed me so much that I did some research on it this weekend. I ended up on some websites that made me blush and I had to click out of real fast. But besides that, this is what I have concluded about the women that agree to a domestic discipline marriage.

1. They missed out on real discipline as a child and it left a "hole" so to speak. Some of the testimonies from the women talk about how they want boundaries and guidelines and someone to tell them what their limits are. So they look to their husbands.
http://www.takeninhand.com/decades.of.di...

2. Some are really into it as a sexual thing. But because they are Christian, I'm guessing that becoming involved in the BDSM lifestyle wouldn't be "appropriate." So they convinced their husbands to try domestic discipline under the guise that they are trying to become a picture perfect submissive wife.

Now I'm positive that those two categories do not fit every scenario, maybe not even half, but that is my feeble attempt to understand why a woman would allow her husband to punish her like this.

Now about the husbands...I don't know how a loving husband could justify doing this to his wife. My own husband is as conservative and old fashioned as they come, but he would never dream of touching me in such a way. He's big and strong, but always so gentle around me. I'm sure he would cry more than me if he were to spank me for punishment, especially in the ways described on the websites.

Jane - posted on 04/25/2010

OK, couldn't read much because I was disgusted. I guess that pretty much states my opinion.

Suzette - posted on 04/24/2010

Actually, (And I'm sure I'll probably be disagreed with) this isn't all that uncommon. There are even those who don't believe this is all that disturbing... if you take away the religious aspects. (That I find disturbing.) Why? Well I've never read in the bible about anything relating to spanking your partner as a form of punishment... I don't think many religious people would take to this well. I find it sort of ... laughable really. The site really did make me laugh, not disgust me.

Perhaps it's because I know many people who are into the whole BDSM lifestyle. And for those people, it truly is a lifestyle. It's not about men "ruling" women, or women "ruling" men. It's about their preferences in life, how they feel most comfortable being submissive to their partner, pleasing them, etc. (Not so much sexually either.) More information can be found at this website.

"Many people practice some element of BDSM in their sexual lives without even being aware of it. They may think of "S&M" as "That sick stuff that people do with whips and cattle prods and stuff," yet still blindfold one another from time to time, or tie one another down and break out the whipped cream..."
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html

Personally, I think that religious website has taken it a bit TOO far into a whole different realm and made it about the whole 50's thing where men are the only dominant ones, women are supposed to be submissive, and if they don't do as they're told in some instance, they're punished to a degree. That's sickening.

Jocelyn - posted on 04/24/2010

The Elisabeth Burns site; that just seems like a fetish site. If it's use in context like that, then I'm ok with it. But that's because it is pleasure based. Some people are just masochist (what Elizabeth is catering to). But the Christian site; totally different. It is meant to keep your wife obedient and submissive for her entire life. I would think that after years of "discipline" from your husband you would become a shell of a woman.

Kathy - posted on 04/24/2010

Yes, Belinda, to me it does sound like a cult. There are groups that go in for various sexual practices, like spanking, and maybe this is one of those? But masquerading under a religious guise, which is rehensible.

Maybe it's just plain old domestic violence. Whatever it is, it makes me sick.

Belinda - posted on 04/24/2010

You think it is like a cult?

Kathy - posted on 04/24/2010

Sick! Even verging on the pornographic - you know, those kinky sites? Some people get their kicks out of sadism!

Kristy - posted on 04/23/2010

One word...sick!!! Okay more words, I would argue that this is domestic violence. I feel that any woman willing to put up with this kind of treatment probably has horrible self esteem. Isn't marriage supposed to build you up not pray on your weaknesses? Just saying...

Charlie - posted on 04/23/2010

There a huge difference between spanking through sex and spanking for these incredibly disturbing reasons .



Sex spankings :

Welcome by both parties .

is used to pleasure , yes some people find pain pleasurable .

Its not done in a demeaning and degrading way .



The other type are the exact opposite , its degrading , oppressive and the most important factor , done to cause physical pain , to harm and not to derive pleasure .



Abuse is described as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner to keep the partner in a state of fear and intimidation .

Alison - posted on 04/23/2010

I don't personally subscribe to CDD, but I can debate this from both sides of the argument when it comes to the issue of personal freedom.

Is it classed as domestic violence? I'm sure it is in some situations, but not all. Is spanking as a sex act classed as domestic violence? Again, I'm sure it can be in some situations, but not all.

Before anyone goes getting all offended by my post, I'm not condoning domestic violence or even saying that I agree with CDD. But I don't think we can label every marriage like these as abusive. There is an element of consent between 2 adults involved here, but I can also see how people could easily be manipulated by their abusers to think they are giving consent. I can see both sides of the argument here.

Good Day! - posted on 04/23/2010

if you google "elizabeth burns" you can find the first website. It is about domestic discipline in which a woman administers it and it does not claim to be Christian based.

Teresa - posted on 04/23/2010

Where did you find this? W/ people that actually agree w/ it? I just want to plead w/ them to realize that this is NOT ok! :(



I know I'm posting a bit much on this. It's hitting me quite hard now. :(

Teresa - posted on 04/23/2010

OK... now I've actually checked out that second site (first link didn't work for me) and I'm not sure whether to puke or cry or both. I figured what it was about, but actually READING about it..... completely appalling. :( :( :( :( :(

Shelley - posted on 04/23/2010

Its very warped

Jocelyn - posted on 04/23/2010

It's worse than how you would treat a child!!! Even if you spank your kids, you NEVER hit them with an object (which is what the site suggests). You don't spank them repeatedly until they cry and you don't belittle the child. This is just wrong on so many levels.

Sara - posted on 04/23/2010

I don't understand why you'd want to treat your spouse like a child...I find this disturbing as well!

Rosie - posted on 04/23/2010

i think i vomited in my mouth a little. FUCKING RIDICULOUS!! anybody who uses religion to excuse domestic violence is just as crazy as a westboro baptist church member. (and for those of you who don't know, i really, truly, not just metaphorically, think they should be put in psych wards)

Belinda - posted on 04/23/2010

I'm just amazed that there are enough people involved in this that there are websites!!! I just cannot wrap my mind around the whole darn thing!

Teresa - posted on 04/23/2010

There is absolutely NOTHING Christian about domestic violence. It makes me sick to see all the different things various twisted people try to do in the name of Christ. Disgraceful!! :(

Good Day! - posted on 04/23/2010

The thing is, nowhere in the Book does it say anything about hitting your partner. It does say for men to love their wives as Christ loves the church. I wonder if Christ would physically hit any of His followers? Don't think so.

Jenny - posted on 04/23/2010

I do not believe in excusing anything at all for religious reasons. Domestic abuse being condoned is just so wrong. How does one become so delusional to beleive this is an acceptable way to treat another human being? And their children will grow up thinking this is normal behaviour. It is simply disgusting.

Jessica - posted on 04/23/2010

And people wonder why a majority of the world has issues with religion! I realize this is (hopefully) not a common practice amoung the christians on COM. I can't ever imagine being a submissive doormat for my husband! If Derek even once thought (nevermind acting on it, just thought) about hitting me he would be out the freaking door so fast and Id call the cops, there really is just no excuse for this, I don't give a crap that they think that there book says its ok....gah, that really got under my skin.....

Jocelyn - posted on 04/23/2010

o_0
Wow. I really don't know what to say. The only place spanking is acceptable in our house is in the bedroom ;)
And writing lines? Really???
"I will not nag. I will not nag. I will not nag."

"When a woman has not been punished for some time, the memory of the painful
spanking she received due to her bad behavior will start to fade and the wife's attitude may change for the worse. With a regular maintenance spanking she is reminded of just how painful a punishment spanking is and that she is required at all times to act accordingly."
Holy shit really? I have no words for that statement. It's just unbelievable.

Chatty - posted on 04/23/2010

OMFG! WTF?

Shavaune - posted on 04/23/2010

Umm, isn't that domestic violence? You can call it whatever you want but hitting your spouse is wrong and illegal. Woman are not children and I really find it sick that someone would "punish" their spouse like that. As if a woman could possibly spank her husband as hard as he could spank her. You know damn well that more than a couple freaks with beat the shit out of his wife just like some people beat their kids and call it "spanking".

April - posted on 04/23/2010

hell no...i would never be okay with this. i agree very much with Gillian on this.

Lyndsay - posted on 04/23/2010

This is so degrading. I would not be okay with this, from either position. It kind of pisses me off how people use Christianity as justification for these types of things. It makes me feel bad for those Christians out there who are actually decent human beings.

September - posted on 04/23/2010

Weird! I only enjoy being spanked when sex is involved :)

Heather - posted on 04/23/2010

I dont get how spanking your wife is supposed to make your marriage BETTER? What self respecting woman would consent to being punished and spanked by her husband? This is not even referring to being spanked in a sexual way, which I can understand since there is some pleasure that comes from that for some people, but getting spanked because your being a "bad wife" is just ridiculous and archaic.

Stephany - posted on 04/23/2010

From the second link: "Most CDD marriages do use spanking, generally for serious offences, such as the "Four D's" (Disobedience, Disrespect, Dishonesty, or Dangerous [as in dangerous choices... reckless driving, disobeying doctor's orders, etc]). Some CDD marriages also use non-corporal disciplines, such as writing lines, or the temporary forfeiture of a favourite privilege. Again, every marriage is unique, and CDD is much more than just corporal punishment or spanking."
I dare my husband to try this on me. There is no way I would ever be okay with this, and I think it's disgusting that there are some people who still behave this way. Gross.

Good Day! - posted on 04/23/2010

I don't know what to say either. Who spanks the man when he does something wrong? Too many things wrong with this.