MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Sarah - posted on 06/14/2010
It is unbelievably ironic that all of you are telling me that I need to respect YOUR decision on what you do to permanently scar your child's body without realizing that you are disrespecting your child by not allowing them to have a say in what happens to their body.
I am forcing my views on you and I'm the bad guy? You're the one forcing needles through your kids' ears without their permission for no reasons other than purely cosmetic ones.
I have asked this many times to many people and never gotten a straightforward response.. Would it be alright to pierce your child's ears against her will at age four? Seven? Seventeen? Why does an infant have less of a right to have a whole, unaltered body than anyone else?
Please stop asking me to "respect your opinion" when you are blatantly disrespecting your child's rights.
Amber - posted on 05/15/2010
I have a friend who actually actually works as a piercer (not the gun type but certified by the state with piercing instruments) And he said that he can always tell when very young children get them done because their ears grow and they are uneven and the holes don't match up.
I personally think that it's up to the parent and not a big deal, but I was just throwing that out there. It shocked me that you can see such a difference, but he showed me how off a lot of them are.
I do know that's it's tradition in some families and cultures. My grandma was from El Salvador. Every baby girl in her family had it done. She asked my mom if she was going to do ours and my mom decided not to. My grandma was ok with that. I don't think people that pierce their kids ears are horrible parents or anything. It's just not for us. Like Sara H., my mom made a big day out of it. I was 11. It was fun. I look forward to that when my daughter gets older if she wants them done.
@Sarah Richter....I DO respect your opinion and I DO understand what you're getting at and on some level I DO agree with what you're saying BUT what I do have a problem with is when you tell someone that their child will grow up thinking, " my parents thought there was something wrong with me "......that's the ONLY thing about your statements that's bothered me. I didn't think there was anything wrong with my daughter AND more importantly, from my own experience ( my mother had mine done when I was 3 months ) I NEVER felt that my parents loved me less nor did I at any time think " there was something wrong with me "......to be quite honest, until I joined COM's I never realized that it was such a big deal....I don't really have an opinion on what my mother did by piercing my ears young.....I didn't hate, I didn't love it! I just think it's absurd to ASSUME what another person is feeling.
Like I said before, I TOTALLY understand what you're saying and in the event that I have another daughter I might not make the same decision to pierce her ears.
Sarah - posted on 06/25/2010
Sure! Why shouldn't little boys have their ears pierced? It can look just as cute on them, right?
As I've stated previously, I would never pierce my child's ears until they were old enough to ask for it to be done and understood the responsibility required to take care of them afterwards. If my son wanted to get his ears pierced once I thought he was mature enough to properly deal with the recourse I would let him.
Sarah - posted on 06/25/2010
I left my earrings out for over 2 years and they didn't heal over!
Having your babies ears pierced may only hurt as much as a vaccination......but a vaccination could save your life, earrings are just for decoration.
On the "looking like a boy thing" my youngest was forever being referred to as him! Even dressed head to toe in pink! haha :)
The whole idea of doing it so she won't look like a boy is goofy. Case in point, when I was a baby, my mother had a specific outfit for me called the Bo-Peep outfit. It was long, pink, ruffled pants with a dress that was pink and all lacey ruffles. It also had a bonnet of all pink lace. She still had people tell her what a cute boy I was - in 1972.
CLARISSA - posted on 06/24/2010
I had my daughter's ears done at three months. And I did them specifically because I though she would look good in them. I won't lie, and like a previous poster stated, everyone always though she was a boy; but I assure you it was mostly because I though they would look good.
She didn't even cry or flinch when she got them. Now, at six months, she's just fine. I don't have any issues with her messing with them, or trying to pull them out. If later, she decides she doesn't want them, then she can take them out.
Denise - posted on 06/24/2010
Yes, both my girls had their ears done when they were under a year and I do not regret it. Only thing I made sure they had them done by a piercer, not at a store with an earing gun as they cause more tissue damage. Also made sure that they had good quality hypo allergenic earings.
My youngest was bald until almost 3 and I was just so tired of people commenting on my little "boy"
Suzette - posted on 06/16/2010
"The HUGE difference between earrings and nail polish etc, is getting their eyes pierced is permanent! Yes, you could take the earrings out, but once she's old enough to decide she wants them out, the holes will be well and truly opened up, takes a LONG time for them to heal over, and even then, there will still be signs of them."
Actually, it doesn't take that long for them to heal over. Mine closed up in a matter of a week, and it was because I took them out to clean them and forgot (literally) to put them back in. I now have to get them repierced, which I plan on doing at some point, I just keep forgetting because well, my memory sucks. lol.
As for the pain that they get put in, it hurts no more than a vaccination shot. I've talked to my OB and a couple of pediatricians about it and they both say that it doesn't hurt them any worse than a shot, I've been told that it actually hurts less more often than not.
As far as 'for looks', yes part of it is for looks. It's also so that they don't have to remember the pain of it. It's a lot more painful later in life to have it done. At least it was for me, I can't speak for everyone else. It's a personal choice for each mother and what they want to do for their child.
P.S. @Sarah Moulton.......I'll admit I did it because of looks.....my daughter is damn cute, ESPECIALLY with her lil' diamond earings. I've seen other lil' girls with there's done and I didn't like it but I will admit that it DOES suit my daughter and I like it!
@Sara Dodson......that's a valid point! I'm not offended AT ALL.....I am pro-choice and COM'S, specifically THIS debate has brought certain things to my attention. Like I stated before, IF I do have another daughter, I probably won't make the decision to pierce her ears as this debate has brought certain issues to my attention.....I just never looked at it that way before. To be honest, it was tradition to do it young.....mine were done young and without giving it much thought, I chose to do Roxanne's. Although I probably won't do it again, I DO stand by my decision.....I don't regret getting hers done!
@Sara Hopkins.....the church question wasn't directed at you or anyone else, specifically. It was just an anology that makes sense to me. I'm sorry if I upset you? I wouldn't take Roxanne to church but my MIL does.....I don't have a problem with anyone who takes their children to church or teaches them THEIR views, I just personally wouldn't do it!
I hope this helps clear some things up?
I also want to add that this debate has definitely made me think about whether or not I would pierce my daughter's ears again.
I think the long and short if it is this:
Babies are, children, human beings not fashion accessories. I don't agree with piercing babies and children's ears in the same way I don't agree with circumcision. Thankfully over here in the UK circumcision is only carried out for medical reasons. You say you'd like your daughter's ears pierced so why not get her a tattoo whilst you're there? I'd say let her have them pierced when she's old enough to A) decide for herself and B) keep them clean herself. Over here in the UK the majority of piercing establishments won't pierce anyone under the age of 5 or 6.
Heather - posted on 06/16/2010
I think it looks silly and if I had a little girl, I wouldnt do it. I have a son who I did not have circ'd either, so I agree with Sarah R. on this one...I cant see the point of permanently altering your child without their permission and for purely cosmetic reasons.
To the poster who said she pierced her sons ear...were you joking? I guess the 80's really are coming back!
Jackie, I am quite sure that the majority of people you see in a day do not compliment your childs ears....depending on where you go in a day, that could be hundreds of people...seriously, that statement is just silly lol
Sarah - posted on 06/16/2010
The HUGE difference between earrings and nail polish etc, is getting their eyes pierced is permanent! Yes, you could take the earrings out, but once she's old enough to decide she wants them out, the holes will be well and truly opened up, takes a LONG time for them to heal over, and even then, there will still be signs of them.
Whether your daughters cry for a minute or and hour, it's still causing them unnecessary pain, a little baby or toddler has no concept of "looking pretty" all they know is someone is hurting them for no reason. It's for the parents benefit, the parents idea of them "looking pretty"
As I said before, it's no skin off my nose if you choose to pierce your babies ears, I don't think it makes you a bad mother or anything, but for me personally, I fail to see the point. All the arguments for doing it seem to not ring true. I think a lot of women do it because they think it looks "cute", they just don't want to admit to it being purely a "looks" thing. :)
You're still putting holes in your child. Even if she takes them out later they could scar. It's not the same as painting her toes because that can be removed (without the possibility of scarring). She could also make the decision to get her ears pierced when she gets older. I'm just confused as to why it's her body one minute and not the next.
Sherri - posted on 06/15/2010
Sara for the same reason I can decide to vaccinate, cut there hair or leave it long or trim there toe nails or even paint there toe nails. because they are to young to have a say this is not a huge big deal that everyone is making out to be it is a two second pinch and don't have be any more permanent than toe nail polish. They won't be getting pregnant when they are an infant when they get pregnant they are old enough to make those decisions on there own at that point.
I'm assuming the church comment is directed to me? If it's not, I apologize, but I'm going to answer anyway. I honestly don't get the point of that post anyway.
While my daughter is under my care, I'm going to teach her what I believe to be the truth. I will welcome questions and allow for exploration. When she is old enough, of course she can chose what she wants. It has been demonstrated on here that despite an upbringing in church, many people will still turn away. I would be devastated if that happened, but I will still love my daughter and I realize it is her choice to make and not mine.
Okay, let's get back to earrings unless someone wants to start a new debate.
I find it unnecessary. Since we're bringing up things unrelated to ear piercing, Dana, you're pro choice, right? (I only bring you up because I thought I just read that). So in that post you said it's her body and her choice. Why isn't it her choice in this situation? Just an honest question because I notice that some pro choicers are pro piercing babies. Please don't be offended, I'm honestly curious.
Suzette - posted on 06/15/2010
I agree with Dana, again, on both counts. While I understand, and respect, Sarah's opinion, I believe that to assume what a child feels or will feel when older or what their parents feel is presumptuous.
I also agree with Dana's later statement, "So why take a child to church? You're forcing your views on them! Why not wait until they're old enough to decide what they wanna believe or whether they want to attend church?"
Allison - posted on 06/15/2010
Well, I'm sure that kids with pierced ears will be fine - at least I don't think the ear peircing will damage their psyche in any way - lots of my friends did it. But I am still with Sarah R. that it seems a strange parenting philosophy to do permanent, unnecessary things to your kids without their consent. I liked the analogy to doing it when they're 4 or 10 without/aginst their consent - just seems plain wrong to me. And I do think circumcision falls *almost* within the same category, with the caveat that some parents do it for hygenic reasons and not just for looks - which is different than peircing ears. Not saying that kids will suffer real permanent damage from either, and of course we raise our kids however we want and they are shaped by our decisions. But the whole parenting philosophy of circumcizing, peircing etc. does disturb me deeply. Of course we all want our kids to be cute/handsome, accepted, etc - but I just don't think children should be treated as dolls we can change however we want to meet our own standards of beauty or cute-ness or whatever. Especially when that involves permanent changes that are painful and have the (small) potential to get infected and cause actual harm. Seems sad to me, but it's just my opinion of course.
Marissa was the one who said she KNOWS her daughter will like them. I'm sorry I wasn't more clear. The post was addressing both of you and I should have pointed out which part was meant for you and which part was meant for her.
Honestly, I don't remember the pain when I got them done at age 9, so I think that is a silly argument on the other side. But then again, maybe I don't remember the pain because on that day the excitement of getting my ears pierced far outweighed any pain I might have felt. What I do remember is picking out which earrings I wanted and looking in the mirror for the first time after I had them done. Very exciting for a nine year old! Not so much for an infant.
Like I said though, if you want them done fine. But I think it looks silly and I'd rather wait until my daughter is older and asks for it and she can take care of them herself. And we'll make a fun memory of it.
Jackie - posted on 06/15/2010
Well I personally have never made the claim in any post in any thread about earrings that I KNOW my daughter wants this. I know for a fact that I can't be 100%....no one could, as said before, we are not mind readers.
What I do know is that being a parent requires YEARS of making decisions that you feel are in the best interest of your child before you can truly KNOW what their opinion would be. It comes with the territory so to speak.
I chose to do it now b/c I think it looks adorable, and I would rather do it when my daughter doesn't remember the discomfort..and I have a problem with people who refer to it as PAIN...it only hurts for a few seconds and then it's gone....many people make it out to be torture.
You are right, I am only hearing the opinion of those who like it....point being, there are ALOT of people who meet her who like it...vs. the smaller majority who don't say anything about it so correct they possibly do not like it, but it is the minority who don't comment at all.
Chances are most people aren't going to tell a mother they hate the daughter's earrings. So you are hearing the opinion of only those that actually like it.
Personally, I don't care if you get your own daughter's ears pierced. But I honestly think it looks a little ridiculous. And as pointed out before, some people don't care to have their ears pierced. At least one person on here, and my sister are both grown women who chose not to have them done. To say that you know 100% that your daughter will want them done is a bit ridiculous. It's like saying you KNOW they will want to be a ballerina because that's what you wanted...living a little vicariously through our baby daughters?
Like I said, I don't care if you have them done. It doesn't make you a bad mother by any means. But the justification that you KNOW your daughter will want them is far reaching.
Jackie - posted on 06/15/2010
I agree with Marisa 100%. I had my daughters done at 5 mos...had 30 seconds of crying and not a single problem with them since. I am complemented on them by strangers ALL the time, so it is clearly not public opinion that piercing a babies ears is horrible as it is made out to be on COM. B/c if someone hated it they would either say that or say nothing, they wouldn't complement it.
**Disclaimer, I did not read this entire conversation, I just know all other previous earring conversations end up borderline bashing moms who pierce their babies ears and "violate" their rights...that is what my above post is referring to**
Marisa - posted on 06/15/2010
im happy with what i did. she cried for about a min tops!!!!!!!!!!!!! i do not regret what i have done she looks so cute with them in.
@sarah i respect my child rights. big woop shes had earings its not like a tattooed her. Just because you dont like it dont make me out to be a bad mother for doing it
Julia - posted on 06/15/2010
Yup both of my girls got their earrings at 9 months. My oldest had to get hers repierced at 2 because my EX mother in law was against earrings from the beginning and took them out of her ears the minute I deployed to Iraq. My EX husband then told me that she kept getting ear infections in them and that is why. However she did great from 9 months until 18 months and has done great from 2 1/2 to 4 have never had a problem with her ears.
Sarah - posted on 06/15/2010
"In my opinion, it seems that you're taking your opinion of beauty and your standards and attempting to force them upon everyone else."
Suzette - Actually, I think that is what you are trying to do to your child, should you choose to pierce their ears without them having a say in the matter. What I am trying to impose on people is a right to decide what happens to their own body. I have each of my ears pierced four times, my nipples, my navel, my tongue and my upper and lower lip done as well. I also have more than a thousand dollars worth of tattoos on my body. But, each of those marks was done only after I decided to have it done and that is the same respect I think every child deserves.
Marisa exactly how will you know that she will want them done? Are you a mind reader? I think you have a lot of surprises coming in the future if you believe that your child will want everything you want them to want. A baby is unable to disagree or have opinions of their own, wait until that baby is 10 plus and you've got a few surprises coming to you.
Sarah - posted on 06/15/2010
I personally see no point whatsoever in subjecting a baby/toddler to unnecessary pain, for no reason.
My girls won't be getting theirs done until they are at least in Secondary School (11/12yrs) then, it can be a nice Mummy/Daughter bonding type thing!
If others choose to do it as babies, then fair enough, it's no skin off my nose, and chances are your kids WON'T mind that you did it to them. However, I feel it's cruel to inflict unnecessary pain on babies. Babies/toddlers are beautiful just the way they are!!
Suzette - posted on 06/14/2010
"i can't help but think that if my parents had altered my body so soon after my birth that exactly what they were saying is that i was imperfect and something was wrong with me."
In other words, every parent who has ever pierced their daughter's ears when they weren't able to speak up and have a say in it was basically stating that they didn't believe their child was good enough the way they were?
As Dana stated, I don't feel that my parents felt that way because they had mine done as a young baby. I don't feel that they felt I was any less perfect or good enough or that they loved me any less because they decided to pierce my ears. Also, as Dana stated, while I respect your choice not to pierce your daughter's ears, assuming that you know how another person's baby may feel or to suggest that another parent's motives are something so cruel isn't just absurd, it's a bit overbearing.
"It just seems very overbearing and antiquated to me to force your opinion of beauty or social standards on your child."
In my opinion, it seems that you're taking your opinion of beauty and your standards and attempting to force them upon everyone else. As I said, I respect your reasons for not doing so with your child, please respect ours. :)
Marisa - posted on 06/14/2010
Sara. we dont have carpet so i dont have to worry about them getting ripped out they are bevled so they wont get cought on clothes or toys so no worries there. she was perfect and now shes even more !!!!! i know how i will raise my daughter and i know shell be girlie.
Mine were done at 3 months, Sarah, and I can assure you I didn't feel any less perfect than anyone else nor did I feel there was anything wrong with me just because my mom had my ears pierced.....that's just silly?! I respect that you wouldn't want to pierce your daughter's ears but don't assume to know what someone's baby might feel or suggest that because I pierced my daughter's ears at 10 months that I thought she wasn't perfect! That's obsurd!
Sarah - posted on 06/14/2010
ugh, how do you know she will want them done? do you also know what clothes she will want to wear or how she will want her hair cut? are you going to arrange her marriage as well? i mean, yeesh, you do NOT know that if you hadn't pierced her ears that she would have made that decision herself! clearly several people here are saying how glad they are that their parents didn't pierce their ears as a child or infant.
why not err on the side of caution? you can always have a child's ears pierced later on in life when they are mature enough to take care of it themselves but if you get a baby's ears pierced and they become infected or get ripped out while she's doing nothing but being a baby and rolling around on the carpet, you can't very well take that back.
wasn't your baby perfect when she came out of you? wasn't she the most magnificent thing you'd ever seen? i can't help but think that if my parents had altered my body so soon after my birth that exactly what they were saying is that i was imperfect and something was wrong with me.
Marisa - posted on 06/14/2010
I WOULD never mutilate my childs body!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont think havign tiny little diamonds are and you CRAZY if you think so i know its you own opnion but this is mine. I wished my mother would have gotten mine done when i was little. i touched and pulled they were infected soo bad!!
Personally i think it should be illegal to have anyone under 16's ears pierced. I cannot understand why anyone would want to mutilate their childs body. There is no way you can tell that your four month old baby would have wanted them done you have taken away that choice for her. My mother wouldnt let me have them until i was old enough to decide for myself which was 16 and by that time i'd decided i didnt want them anyway. Children tend not to hate their parents for having them done because they have always had them and never had a choice in the matter anyway.
Suzette - posted on 06/14/2010
Personally I believe that piercing ears at a younger age is much better for them than it is to wait. They don't remember the pain, the parents can take care of their ears properly so they don't get infected, and if they don't want them when they're older they can take them out and they'll close up.
I had my first holes done when i was just a baby. I have a total of 3 in each ear, the other two were done at the same time when I was about 13 yrs old and it hurt like hell. I would've much rather had all 3 done at the same time when i was just a baby and couldn't remember it!
To compare ear piercing to slavery, segregation, or discrimination of any sort is like comparing apples to oranges in my opinion. If one person doesn't want to pierce the ears of their little one so be it, but that doesn't make it wrong for another parent to do it. I've never heard of a daughter hating their mother/father for deciding to pierce their ears.
Sherri - posted on 06/13/2010
Well you can do what you want for your daughters it isn't bad that you don't agree. Glad that you love your daughter enough to stick us for what you think is best for her.
I also will do what is right for my children and it is okay that I we don't agree. At the end of the day we are doing what we feel is best for our children.
Sarah - posted on 06/13/2010
Just because something is legal or commonplace doesn't make it right. I could compare it to slavery, segregation, discrimination based on gender, orientation, race, or religion.
Just because it is typical where you live doesn't change the fact that over 80% of the male population of the world is uncircumcised. But that isn't what this is about. I digress.
It just seems very overbearing and antiquated to me to force your opinion of beauty or social standards on your child. The end.
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