Get kids off Facebook!

Meghan - posted on 06/16/2010 ( 39 moms have responded )

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(CNN) -- In a move likely to earn him few Facebook friend requests from tweens, a New Jersey middle school principal is calling for parents to yank their children from all social-networking sites.

Anthony Orsini sent an e-mail blast to the Benjamin Franklin Middle School community in Ridgewood, New Jersey, on Wednesday, urging parents to take down their children's online profiles on Facebook and elsewhere.

"There is absolutely no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site!," he wrote. "Let me repeat that - there is absolutely, positively no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site!"

After issuing a rallying cry --"It is time for every single member of the [school] Community to take a stand!" -- Orsini enumerated the reasons he opposes social-networking by his students.

The main problem, he wrote, is that tweens do not have the resilience to withstand internet name-calling.

"They are simply not psychologically ready for the damage that one mean person online can cause," he said.

His school's guidance counselors for years now have been mediating spats that originated online, Orsini said. The last straw for him was students' growing use of Formspring, a social-networking upstart where members ask and answer questions about one another.

Orsini singled out the site for scorn in his e-mail to Ben Franklin Middle School parents, calling it a "scourge" that exists "simply to post mean things about people anonymously."

"The nicest thing you see [on it] is, 'Jane is a slut,'" he said In a phone interview with CNN.

Formspring did not reply to a request for comment on the principal's campaign.
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A Facebook spokesman pointed out that many middle school-age children are formally barred from the site. "We prohibit children under the age of 13 from using Facebook both for safety reasons and to comply with the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act," the spokesman said.

In his e-mail, Orsini also warned parents that the casual cruelty of an unsupervised 12-year-old online is a more realistic threat to their children than the oft-raised specter of sexual predators.

"The threat to your son or daughter from online adult predators is insignificant compared to the damage that children at this age constantly and repeatedly do to one another through social networking sites," he wrote.

In recent years Facebook, MySpace and other social-networking sites have been blamed for the suicides of teenage girls in Missouri, Massachusetts and New York. Parents complained the girls were traumatized by nasty comments posted on the sites.

Inez Bunza, the parent of a student at the Ridgewood, New Jersey, school, said she agreed with the principal's point, but her daughter was "completely up in arms" when she broached the possibility of shutting down her Facebook account Wednesday. She said she remains hopeful they can hammer out "an amicable solution."

Orsini says that, on the whole, parental response to his e-mail has been overwhelmingly positive, and that parents as far away as Israel and Korea have e-mailed him to say, "thank you for saying something."

Fans of Orsini's zero-tolerance philosophy toward student social-networking can also friend him on Facebook, of which he is a member.

here is a link to a short video on the topic... http://www.cnn.com/2010/TECH/04/30/princ...

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39 Comments

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Marsha - posted on 06/30/2010

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when my daughter gets to be 13 she can have her own FB account, she will be monitered closely by me (i am the parent afterall!! ) she and i will sit and play on my fb account while she feeds the fish and takes care of petville. she loves to talk to my cousins and her uncles on my fb while i am still monitering the use

Liane - posted on 06/25/2010

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Even with proper parental supervision, I truly do not see any reason/need for a young child to have a FB page (or any other social networking page). And, to all the parents who lie about their childs age in order to establish a page for them; I truly believe you are only contributing to the mental that "the rules don't apply to me". It may seem very minor to you but what your child hears is "the rules really don't matter and lying to get what you want is ok". This can and will only lead to problems later on.... don't we already have a generation of folks that think laws/rules/limits only apply to everyone else and not themselves? Now, once they hit age 13 it should definitely be monitored very closely by the parent. If you are a parent that doesn't want to spend the time overseeing their FB activity then don't let them set up an account!

Ellen - posted on 06/25/2010

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My kids and I have FB and I'm privy to their accounts!! If I don't have their password, then they don't get FB. THAT SIMPLE. I'm the parent.

Michelle - posted on 06/23/2010

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My opinion is like so many other issues, it goes back to something called "parental responsibility". I know it's unheard of today. But just because times have changed doesnt mean we have less responsibily as parents. KNOW YOUR CHILD'S PASSWORD! If your child is under 18 he or she is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! Not facebook's or any other website. You have every right to go on your child's page and see whats going on. If one of there contacts are bullying them or posting inapropiate materials, block that person. As a society we have gotten so slack and lazy. We think "oh, my daughter is 13 now I only have to provide her a home, food, clothing. My job as a parent is over" Or "I just want to be her friend I don't want to make her mad." Grow up and be moms and dads!

Jennifer - posted on 06/23/2010

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Oh well! They will be 13 in a couple of years so lying that you're 2 years older fair enough...but lying saying you're 21 is just mad! But I agree all interent access should be supervised. When we first got the internet when I was about 11 my mam made sure the parental controls were on and she set it up so that everytime I'd been on she would be sent an email saying what websites I;d been on =]

Jodi - posted on 06/23/2010

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Yes, that's the way they design websites with age limits.....



So with FB, it is 13, if they are under 13, they just have to put the right birthdate to get an account (yes I faked my son's birth date), and what do you know, they are approved.....need I say more about parental supervision (which, in our house, any internet access is fully supervised).



But you know, all those wonderful porn and gambling sites....do you think they ask for certified copies of birth certificates, photo ID, drivers licence...... yeah right.



ANYONE not supervising their child on the internet needs a really big wake-up call.

Jennifer - posted on 06/23/2010

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Ah right Jodi I didn't realise that!

Jodi - posted on 06/22/2010

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@ Jennifer
They actually have no choice but to lie about their ages.....If they put their real date of birth, it won't let them open an account :)

Jessica - posted on 06/22/2010

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I have to say that I am glad that I missed the whole social networking thing back in my pre-teen and high school years. I probably would not have done as well in school (as I would probably have been online often, taking away from homework time), and it would have only added drama to a stressful enough time in my life! Also, I am happy that most of my memories from those years are 'real' memories. So many children and teenagers now just sit in front of their computer during their free time. That said, I think like anything, its fine in moderation. However unfortunately, most parents I know at least, don't seem to monitor their child's online time nearly enough.

Susanne - posted on 06/22/2010

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To be honest i check every friend they accept and they are all either classmates or family if i dont know who they are then the boys wont accept them.

Sarah - posted on 06/21/2010

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I think the real issue is children not being monitored. All kids are going to behave innapropriately when they are not being watched- and that's the parent's job. I think a lot of parents are clueless as to the dangers on the internet, whether pedophiles or bullying and b/c they think of it as a safe device, they don't even bother to check out what their kids are doing. I'm sure FB won't be the think when Zoe is old enough to want whatever the craze is, but I can say my determination will be based in part on her age/maturity and in part on whether or not I want the hassel of monitoring it. :)
Personally, I'm more concerned with the 16 yr old girls and their sexy pics than the nasty things 13 yr old say to one another.

Jennifer - posted on 06/21/2010

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I love facebook but what I hate is children having profiles where they lie about their age - perfect example my two sister-in-laws. One is 10 and the other is 12 and they have their year of birth as 1989 which would make them 1 year older than me at 21 years old. There parents obviously don't monitor what they do online and the number of people they have added, or have been added by who are around aged 20 is just mad!

April - posted on 06/21/2010

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hell, i'm trying to get MYSELF off facebook. i definitely think that a lot of people spend way to much time on it, including myself. it's time to get out there and DO things instead of being attached to the computer all the time!!!!

Susanne - posted on 06/21/2010

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My two oldest sons have a profile they are 11 and 10, they are closely monitored i regurlarly go on their page to see whats been happening. I check and approve their friends list. My oldest son has only once been threatened by a classmate on facebook. I was sat beside my son at the time and replied to this boy myself telling him that i would be speaking to the headmaster and his mother in the morning. No problem with the boy since. Now do my sons spend their lives vegitating in front of the computer playing farmville i think not. They are both members of the Scouts organisation, they attend martial arts classes twice a week, one of them goes to cricket training after school. Thats without the socialising they do with their friends, the only time i see them these days is when im driving them to the cinema with their mates or to one of their activities so they are hardly missing out by having a facebook page.

Jodi - posted on 06/21/2010

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Bugger, the links didn't work properly......

Heather - posted on 06/21/2010

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I dont have a huge problem with kids using the internet...but I dont really think that it is necessary for a kid to have a page...a teenager is one thing...but young children dont really need to be on a ADULT social network site. Kids should be playing outside with their friends, and not wasting time playing farmville or any of the other pointless, mind numbing games on facebook...how about planting a real garden? Much more rewarding in my opinion. Its even more annoying when people give their pets a page...what is the point of that??? lol I am going to go cyber bully fluffy now....

Amber - posted on 06/21/2010

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I don't think that there is anything wrong with it when it is closely monitored. I don't think that any child should be on the internet unsupervised. If internet bullying is going on, then you block the person in question and talk to the parent.
You shouldn't take things away from kids because you think that they will be scarred for life. You show them the proper way to handle the situation and how to correctly use technology. You mold them into a good adult by showing them how to behave.

Charlie - posted on 06/18/2010

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My 10 year old cousin has an account , i have access to her entire profile , i check in regularly to see she only has friends and family , i have set it to Alcatraz privacy , i monitor pictures she posts and she uses it in a high traffic area where we can all see .

*Lisa* - posted on 06/18/2010

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I agree Jodi. I think the most important thing is parental supervision. If you know exactly what your kid is doing on there, it's fine.

Jodi - posted on 06/18/2010

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I don't see what the big deal is if they are being supervised. My son has had a FB account since he was 11. He doesn't know the password, so he can only log on when I am around to supervise. He is not allowed to add a friend without my approval, add an application without my approval, etc. Most of his friends are family and school friends. The family all live hundreds of KMs away from us, so it is a good way for him to stay in touch with his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I actually think it has been a positive tool for him. Just because he has a FB account doesn't mean he is up to no good, or he isn't out interacting with his friends face-to-face. He probably logs on twice a week. As I said, I don't see the big deal.

My daughter is 5 and is quite adept at using a computer. She has a few programs here which are extremely educational, and I think are of benefit. In my opinion, if they are supervised, not using it as a primary form of entertainment, and they are still interacting with other children, spending plenty of time with other play, it really shouldn't be an issue. Moderation is the key, and then neither extreme will be a problem :)

Tanya - posted on 06/17/2010

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I think having a child that is 18 months work a computer is wonderful. It may cause trouble in the future if he learns how to work it better than you. lol With so many careers available working with computers I think its great to start them early.

I do think you have to be very careful no matter what they are doing online. If an entire school is having a problem with what is going on with facebook then the principal did the right thing.

Parent do need to try and play a bigger role in what is going. This means everything from homework to friends.

*Lisa* - posted on 06/17/2010

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My little sister (13 years old) was a victim of cyber bullying. A few girls from her school posted some pretty yuck things about her on her facebook. When they started threatening her with violence and calling the house also, my dad took her to the police. The police basically said it was her fault for having a facebook account when she was under age. Cyber bullying is a real issue. I don't see the need for a kid that young to be using the net that much. I'll hopefully encourage him to make physical friendships and go out and play sport, or do something useful rather than living on the net (like his mum these days hehe).

Sherri - posted on 06/17/2010

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Okay I agree no child belongs on the computer until they start school. Mine didn't even know how to turn a computer on until around second grade when a lot of there homework had to be done on line.

Secondly my kids don't get to go ride bikes or play with the neighborhood kids because we live on a street with 5 houses on it and we are the only house with kids. It has such a hill on it they go way to fast on the way down and can't ride back up and are only allowed on Sundays when the road isn't so busy. They are also not allowed off our street because we live off a very very busy through way. They do play board games actually we did that yesterday but you can only do this so many times. Mine are also 13 and almost 12 so I do think they are mature enough to be on the computer. Now that is summer break I give them an hour a day. My 4 yr old doesn't have a clue about the computer and I am going to keep it that way until Elementary School.

Erin - posted on 06/16/2010

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My son (almost 4) has been able to manuver his way around on his kid websites to play games since he was 18mos! He is quite proficient! As he is my oldest and not yet 4 I have not had to worry about social networking sites...i think that if there is an age of 13 for it then he will not get one before then. I don't see the point of being online all day/night long...he will not have a computer in his room, that will always be in the family room far as I'm concerned.

I can't help but think that if a kid was being bullied it wouldn't matter if they had an account or not! Because one of their friends likely will and will have their friend online in a heartbeat to show them what is being said. And if that doesn't happen then they'll have all the other kids going around snickering as they walk through the halls regardless. Teach kids to have tougher skin? IDK? Homeschool them if its that bad? Sure you can punish kids who are bullying but I don't think that really stops it? Don't you just get more shit because you tattled??? I don't know what a good answer is to kids bullying? I don't think social networking sites is going to make much of a difference here? Maybe they make it easier, but it'd happen regardless! I had a friend get pissed off at me when we were freshmen, she spread a rumor telling literally MAYBE a handful (5) ppl that I got pregnant by someone other then my boyfriend and it was spread throughout the school before 1st break! AND I was still having ppl ask if I was pregnant in my SR yr of HS! How rediculous is that?

Meghan - posted on 06/16/2010

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my personal opinon, the internet doesn't need to be used by any child until they start having to research for reports...and even then it will be monitored. Remember the days where we had to open a book and actually write out a report??
I am not into these online games and chats or whatever kids are doing these days. If my son wants to chat with his friends he can call them on the home phone..if he wants to play a game he can organize a game of tag with the neigborhood kids or ride bikes...or GOD FORBID set up a board game. He may not be happy with me, but my job as his mom is to protect him and look out for his best interest..Technology is just way out of conrtol and there are too many weirdo's out there.

Rosie - posted on 06/16/2010

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i just don't see a problem. if they are getting bullied online, they are getting bullied in person as well, or via text message. should we not allow them to do anything ever again in fear of bullying? i was suicidal when i was a middleschooler from bullying in person, no facebook back then.

the problem isn't facebook, or middleschool, or cellphones, it's the school, and parents fault for not putting a stop to bullying, and making sure their impressionable young teen learns how to deal with it, and know that they have self worth.

if my child wants an account at 13, he'll get one.

Meghan - posted on 06/16/2010

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Holly you should try out the www.togethervill.com site and tell me how you like it! Its aimed for kids just her age here is a link with more info on the site.

Holly - posted on 06/16/2010

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My daughter does not have a FB page (she's 7 1/2), but she wants one. She loves playing on Treasure Isle and that is the main reason she wanted one, so we made a compromise. She can play on the game on my profile and we hijacked her grandpa's profile for her to play on as well (with his permission of course!). She does not have either of the passwords and she is always monitored (whenever she is on the internet, not just when she is on FB). SHe is also not allowed to play on anything else on either account, just the Treasure Isle game.



She has an account on PixieHollow.com (a children's social networking site run by Disney using the Tinkerbell Fairies as the base) and she is happy with it. It is for kids her age and she realy likes it. It's a great alternative for us and the chat is moderated in real time (unlike BarbieGirls.com, which she had an account on for a while. We deactivated her account when things started getting a little iffy on there though... long story). Girls cannot type names (unless someone's name is Hope or another "real" word like that) and they also have options for "speed chat" which are pre-typed phrases and words. Most of the girls use the speed chatting because it's faster and easier.

Meghan - posted on 06/16/2010

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I have had a facebook page way back since you had to be a college student to have one...I think it still needs to be this way personally...18 should be the lowest possible age to have a FB page IMO...

Sherri - posted on 06/16/2010

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I have there privacy settings for friends only so nobody else can see there page, My husband and I set there passwords. They are only allowed on where they can be supervised. Every friend needs to be approved by my husband or I. Which basically means only family, close friends, and people at school need to be friends I am actively aware of. I also go on randomly and check all messages, conversations back and forth to make sure content is appropriate and we have also shut off chat on FB so they can not chat/or IM with anyone. All pictures must be uploaded by myself so I know they are all appropriate family shots only etc. Also I do not have any private info on there profiles either. Town, age, school name, anything that could lead anyone to know where they are located. etc.

Meghan - posted on 06/16/2010

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I just don't think I would even feel safe letting my daughter have one at 13! I have been exploring the www.togethervill.com and I must say it is appealing...if anything is to happen she will have that instead of a facebook.

Teresa - posted on 06/16/2010

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Since the age is 13 to have an account, my kids won't be getting one before that. Not sure yet if they will at that age or not since I've got 4.5 more years to think about it. ;)

Meghan - posted on 06/16/2010

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Im asking because Im on the fence about ever giving my daughter a page...maybe by then it wont be such an "in" thing by the time shes old enough to have one.

Meghan - posted on 06/16/2010

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Just out of curiosity...what made you trust them and the rest of the facebook users...and what made you sure something horrible could never happen?

Sherri - posted on 06/16/2010

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1 is and they were both on before 13.

Meghan - posted on 06/16/2010

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Sherri are they under the age of 13?

Sherri - posted on 06/16/2010

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I am still allowing my kids to keep there accounts I am not taking them off.

Meghan - posted on 06/16/2010

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I posted something earlier about www.togetherville.com It seems like it would be a good compromise...



http://togetherville.com/



In other words "Parents be Parents!" It is sad commentary on our society that a principle would even need to say this. Unfortunately the biggest problem with our education system is our parents, maybe we need to put them in detention instead of the kids.



I totally agree. Middle schoolers need to develop "real" friends. Face-to-face, not fake facebook friends. The isolation from parents, conversations, literature, nature, music, and so much more, is crushing the future lives of so many adolescents - it should concern us all.



here is a link to facebook's safety for parents page...

http://www.facebook.com/help/?safety=par...