Giving up the family pet

Rebecca - posted on 01/04/2011

@Caitlin -- Sarah is trying to be inflammatory because she was reprimanded in another debate for engaging in personal attacks against me and others. She's going through every single conversation in this Board created by me and making similar comments. Just ignore her or report her. ;-)

Caitlin - posted on 01/04/2011

Sarah - you don't read other posts before you post do you.. seeing as this is all resolved.. a little late to the party...

Sarah - posted on 01/04/2011

Get rid of the Cat lol

Caitlin - posted on 12/22/2010

I'm glad you made a decision and have an adoptive family that is open to you changing your mind, that is great. Also great news that you can relax a bit before the twins arrive!

Joy - posted on 12/22/2010

Rebecca, I'm really glad it's working out for you and your kitty :) I love that the new family is giving you the option to change your mind. That gives you the chance to breathe and see how it goes once the new babies get here. I still can't wrap my head around how many small children you're going to have at once lol Seriously....you're gonna need nerves (and eardrums) of steel woman! Again, my hat's off to you :)

Julia - posted on 12/22/2010

it was either the cat or my son....I voted for the cat. My girl kitten is Cleopatra only kings and queens in my house!

Rebecca - posted on 12/22/2010

BTW, I love the name Leonidas for a cat!!

Julia - posted on 12/22/2010

ok then you have my vote to re-home him...because I would have done the same thing with Leonidas if he hadn't stopped the howling. And I don't even have 1 set of twins. Unless you count Irish twins.

Julia - posted on 12/22/2010

On a side note I thought I would say I am currently re-homing my two dogs. I am an Army wife who has 3 children, 2 in diapers, my 18 yr old niece living with me, 2 cats and 2 dogs. I am starting school in Jan and have a full course load with 4 classes. I know my limits and I know that no one in the house helps me (except my 4 yr old she feeds the cats for me otherwise I feed and water the dogs, take them out, clean the litter box, bathe the dogs...everything by myself) I know once school starts I will have ABSOLUTELY no time for dogs. So my mom is coming down here to pick them up for me and take them home where she has my 3 nephews and 1 niece that can help take care of them the way that they need to be.

Rebecca - posted on 12/22/2010

Julia -- he's neutered and has been since the day we adopted him five years ago.

Julia - posted on 12/22/2010

I hope I help. I have a pure bred blue point siamese male cat. Leonidas used to do the same thing howling all night. We got him fixed the howling stopped immediately. He is a WONDERFUL cat now! My 1 yr old will pull his tail and he just lays there actually cuddles up for more! Siamese cats are a wonderful family pet especially for households that have small children. I would suggeest that you don't get rid of him yet but try and get him fixed. It may help.

Denise - posted on 12/22/2010

I am so happy that it all worked out for you.

Rebecca - posted on 12/22/2010

We have found a new home for Oliver and his new Mommy is coming to pick him up today. His new home will have three other Sphynx cats for him to play with, one of which is his sister. I'm really hoping they will all get along!! I think if he is able to acclimate to the "colony", he will be much happier there since he will have three other cats to play with. The new family said they would be happy to bring him back if we find we change our minds. His new home will also have two much older kids -- 10 and 12. Crossing my fingers that Oliver does great there!

Sally - posted on 12/22/2010

Right about the time our eldest was getting mobile our ferret was getting geriatric. Shewas trying to catch him and he was pooping on her toys. It was not a safe situation for either of them. Conrad went to a shelter. I have never felt a moment;s regret for that decision. I understand love of a pet, but your children (and your sanity) have to come first.
Good luck

Johnny - posted on 12/16/2010

Sometimes, people choose to rehome pets for the animal's best interests, not just their own. Not all animals can comfortably and happily adapt to the addition of children to a home, and the animal will be the one who's life will change for the better when placed in an environment more to its liking. When I asked my vet about whether my kitty would be happier elsewhere, it was because I am concerned for his health. I was relieve to hear the vet say that he seems to be fairly happy and bonded to us, which was what I wanted to hear. I think it is actually much more cruel to keep an animal in a home where their circumstances make them miserable just because a human might feel guilty. I've got no patience for people who buy the cute kitten and then get tired of it when it grows into a cat and drop it off at a shelter. But no one who cares enough about their pet to make the decision to rehome in the animal's best interests should be condemned, IMO.

Nikkole - posted on 12/16/2010

I love animals dont get me wrong but i dont view them the same as my children if you can give your cat to a great home that is awesome and i think you should do whats best for YOU and your family!

Brittany - posted on 12/16/2010

We recently found a new home for our cat. She is the sweetest thing ever.... except she would pee by our back door. We tried everything that we could think of, none of it worked. My MIL is a huge cat person (she has 5), and so are a lot of people at her work. We had her ask around to find someone who would take the cat and keep her an indoor cat (as being an indoor/outdoor can majorly change a cat's personality). She found someone and the kitty has been doing really well at her new home.

There are times where you have to make those decisions. It's not like you are planning on throwing him into some shelter where he might be euthanized before he gets a chance to be adopted. Finding a new home takes time (it took us 2 months), and is hard (I cried); but do what is best for your children.

Joy - posted on 12/16/2010

Sherri, I never said your opinion was wrong and I wasn't trying to change your mind about it. It's a debate forum and I was simply trying to at least get you to see that there are reasons why sometimes giving up a family pet is the right thing to do. I mean, isn't that why we come here to share ideas? I like seeing things from an opposing view because it helps me to understand people a little more. Maybe that's just me though. I mostly wanted you to know I wasn't trying to start anything with you. You came on here, said basically, "This is how I see it and anyone who thinks any differently is wrong." And I was just trying to show you a view from the other side. That's all :)

Kate CP - posted on 12/16/2010

I find it interesting that my fellow rescue workers are all of the same opinion that for THIS situation re-homing the animal is in the best interest for the family AND the animal.

April - posted on 12/16/2010

Rebecca...I think you should give him up. You'll feel like a jerk at first, but it seems to be the best thing for your family AND for the cat.

When I first read the title of this thread, I thought "oh boy" because I have a friend who is constantly giving up pets. A cat, a dog, another cat...and now she wants to get her 4 year old a pet for Christmas. If she had posted this...I would have said, "Oh for Christ's sake,what's wrong with you?" Upon reading your post, I was sorry I judged so harshly before reading it! I hope it all works out.....def keep us posted!!!!

Denise - posted on 12/16/2010

So glad to hear that, as I often hear of Sphynx being re-homed over and over again, as people think they are so interesting and do not realize the care they require. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. Good luck with your twins.

Rebecca - posted on 12/16/2010

Denise -- I am working with our breeder to find him a new home. The home we are looking at is actually where one of his sibling's lives and is about 15 minutes from our house, which means we can still check in on him. Sphynx are definitely more high maintenance that other cats! Ollie is our third Sphynx and we do love the breed.

Denise - posted on 12/16/2010

Hi Rebecca, Wow two sets of twins, wonderful but I am sure very busy. I have 4 Sphynx and do Sphynx rescue. These cats are very different than any other type of cat. I always tell people that they are high maintenance and not for everyone. They also do not adjust well to moves. If you got him from a breeder, please contact them and ask them whether they will take him back, as many will. If not then please contact a Sphynx rescuer who will ensure that this cat goes to a home that is able to deal with Sphynx behaviour. You can contact me at jessevch@hotmail.com if you would like some help. I belong to the North American Sphynx Rescue and am in touch with people across North America who do Sphynx Rescue.

Sapphire - posted on 12/16/2010

Rebecca, I love the suggestion of keeping in touch with a new owner for several weeks to help you feel comfortable with your decision. Maybe an exchange of emails on a weekly basis to put your mind at ease in knowing how Oliver is reacting to his new surroundings. It never hurts to ask for an update. Good luck!

Mary - posted on 12/16/2010

Sheri, like you, my animals are permanent, integral parts of my family. I confess to feeling a bit of (perhaps irrational) judgement of people who surrender a pet because they have become an inconvenience when the family dynamics change. It's just not how I am.

However, I don't have a set of twins with another set on the way. I have to say, as dedicated as I am to my dogs, I simply do not think I could continue to give them the same amount of time and attention that they are used to. Hell, I'd have to get a sitter just to walk them everyday - and finding someone to watch two sets of twins under three would be damned hard.

I would rather see an animal surrendered than face the possibility of abuse and/or neglect. As someone who volunteers at a shelter, I have seen this more times than my heart can bear.

It is clear from Rebecca's posts that she loves this cat, and is concerned about finding the best possible home for him. Sometimes, the most responsible, and selfless thing a pet-lover can do is admit when they are not that home.

Laura - posted on 12/16/2010

Sheri, I respect your opinion and admire that you have been able to work pets into your family without problems. I have been fortunate to be able to do the same. I would like to point out one thing about your comment on getting rid of your children before your pets though (Yes, I understand that you clarified that it was stated as a joke): I actually worked in a residential treatment facility with abused kids and remember a resident that had parents make that exact decision. These adults terminated their parental rights. The chose not to even attempt to work with the mental health professionals or the courts to get their child back. This resident became a ward of the state, legally having no parents. These adults (I can't even conceive of them as parents) kept the family dog though! So just be mindful that as far-fetched as your joke may have sounded, that exact decision has been made before, even if rarely. I don't think I would have even noticed, much less cared, if I hadn't had the experience of seeing that type of decision being made. It made me think long and hard about becoming a parent...

Sherri - posted on 12/15/2010

I don't care at all that people disagree with me.

Minnie - posted on 12/15/2010

Yes, that does get frustrating when someone does that. I wasn't disagreeing with you. I think you need to do what keeps sanity in your family and gives Oliver the best care he can have.



I mentioned my last post partly because it seemed like Sherri was getting annoyed by people disagreeing with her- I thought it was a debate *shrugs*

Rebecca - posted on 12/15/2010

@ Lisa -- absolutely, but it's contradictory to say that you "had no intention of saying anything more" and then keep going on and on and on about a topic. It's enough already. Sherri disapproves. Got it. Don't care.

Lyndsay - posted on 12/15/2010

Your cat shoulds really annoying... not to mention I think hairless cats are hideous. I would just get rid of him.

Minnie - posted on 12/15/2010

I don't remember anywhere that Rebecca noted "this is not a debate."

Anyone is free to argue anyone's opinion I would then assume.

Sherri - posted on 12/15/2010

You don't have to like it but all I was trying to get across is my animals are just as important as my kids. It is ludacris to get rid of your kids well it is just as ludacris to get rid of your animals.

Caitlin - posted on 12/15/2010

Well, I gotta say my respect for Sherris opinion went right out the window when she said she'd get rid of her kid first, even in jest, that's not an opinion i'm going to take into consideration at all.



Rebecca - I try to stay open minded about most things, because everybodys situation IS different, and personalities ARE different but in the long run only YOU know what's best for you Rebecca and I can tell you it's been 13 months since I rehomed my dog, and I still miss him terribly, but for 6 months after the rehome, I asked to correspond with the new owners to make sure he was happy and they sent me photos, so when I think about him now, it's not him all sad in the corner wanting so badly to be a part of everything, but him and his "brother" running through the snowy fields the family walks through every day, and curling up on the floor in a yin-yang shape with his "brother". I'd maybe suggest asking if it is possible to get an update or two form the adoptive family (either directly, or through the organisation if the family isn't so keen on the idea) if that's the path you choose, because ultimately I have to say it made my decision a lot easier and it made me happy kknowing he was in a good home, and from what I get from your posts, I think that's what you really want.



Good luck in your decision, it's not easy, but you'll do what works best for you. (oh and I cried for like 2 weeks after he was gone, and my eyes still well up with tears sometimes, the difference is they are happy tears - and when you kids are older you may have the chance to be a great home to another cat(or other animal of your choice).

Sherri - posted on 12/15/2010

Excuse me!! Don't be rude Rebecca!!

Rebecca - posted on 12/15/2010

Then stop talking, Sherri.

Sherri - posted on 12/15/2010

Ultimately what I said was a joke about giving my kids away Rebecca but what it does come down too is I would NEVER give any of my animals away EVER.

Sherri - posted on 12/15/2010

Rebecca I don't keep bringing this up everyone else does. I gave my two cents quite a while ago and had no intention of saying more. I am sorry if you feel differently. You asked for an honest opinion I gave it. Ultimately you will do what you feel is right no matter what I say or feel. I guess don't get offended if someone disagrees if you ask everyones opinion is all I am going to say on that one.

Rebecca - posted on 12/15/2010

Obviously, Sherri, you don't have your priorities straight. I'm sorry to hear your children are disposable. Mine aren't and their best interests take precedent over an animal any day. I guess maybe I should just "change my behavior" and start parking my kids in front of the TV and not working for a day so I can pay attention to the cat. Jeez....

Nikkole - posted on 12/15/2010

WOW kids are way different than animals i love animals but if i had one and i had it before kids and i had a baby and my dog tried to bite my baby that dog would be GONE!! My mom taught her dog to bite someone when she said get em or you were play fighting with my mom or if you move the dog and she dosent want to she will bite you ive actually have been bitten several times and my mom thinks its funny but if that dog bites one of my babies ill kill her im not putting up with that dog bitting my babies!!!

Rebecca - posted on 12/15/2010

Umm...caring for 2 sets of twins for 10 hours a day is not the same as caring for and NURSING one set of twins 24/7 plus caring for 3 YO twins at the same time. It's insulting to even suggest you can compare your situation to mine. You get a break at the end of the day -- I don't. You won't be up nursing every 1 1/2 hours all night long for weeks. And that's assuming both twins blissfully fall back to sleep after feeding (which is rare). Plus, your three kids are substantially older than my kids. Judging by their pictures, the oldest is at least 10, if not older. If I had three older boys hanging around my house to help me out, things probably would be different. Have you ever nursed and cared for newborn twins? No. You don't know what you are talking about. You have no idea what the time commitment is. Plus, any cat, even 2, isn't the same as a needy, demanding cat. Different animals have different personalities. And the cat isn't being punished. Finding him a new, loving home where he will get the attention he needs isn't punishment. It's only punishment in your mind because you are assuming that the cat will feel abandoned or punished by going to a new home. For all you know, the cat will be thrilled and flourish. Here's an idea, Sherri -- why don't you come over to my house and act as a night nurse for me for free for the first three months of the new twins lives and then I can keep the cat!

Caitlin - posted on 12/15/2010

Well sorry, i'm glad you're not MY mom.. yeesh..



(and i'm resisting saying what I really want to say)

Sherri - posted on 12/15/2010

Then the owner needs to change there behavior. Just because she now has children is not an excuse. Caitlin seriously DROP IT I am not going to change my view on this. I would give my kids away before I would EVER give one of my animals away.

Caitlin - posted on 12/15/2010

But if the animal is being punished inadvertantly as well, because even if you love something, sometimes it's best to let it go for it's own good. I'm sure it CAN be done.. theoretcally anything can be done, but the question is for the well beign of the animal and for the owner, because if you are overtired, recovering from a c-section (most likely, i'm just assuming though because they are twins) and most likely waving goodbye to sleep for the next few months at least, having a howling cat minght just send you over the edge, and anything to help avoid PPD is a good thing IMO because that's harmful for everyone.. (I know personally I was close to barging across the street and setting fire to my neighbours house just to stop the damn sound system that kept waking up the baby Not wise, I think he deals drugs..)

Sherri - posted on 12/15/2010

Your situation is a completely different case. She COULD figure out how to make this work. Heck I have 2 sets of twins that I care for 10 hrs a day plus my 3. I also have 2 cats and a dog and I still make sure that I spend the time to give them all they need. It is doable if you choose to make the effort. It isn't the animals fault and somehow the animal is the one and the only one that seems to be getting punished for doing nothing wrong.

Caitlin - posted on 12/15/2010

Sherri.. I wonder why you are 100% against it.. Are you against the reason I rehomed my dog, because my daughter had severe allergies/asthma and I couldn't take the daily antihistamines and steroids I had to give my 6 month old to keep her skin from weeping and bleeding all the time? Should I have just gated him into the basement or left him in the backyard? because any contact between the 2 resulted in my daughter covered in hives and itchy as hell. Was that wrong too? Where if the line drawn?

My dogs was miserable his last month or so here, because he was always told to go back onto his dog bed, and all he wanted was to be petted and loved. Is it fair to exile an animal just because you don't have the time, or should you leave your babies cry because the cat wants pats too (and just imagine 2 babies and 2 toddlers.. super woman indeed). I know my dog is much happier in his new home, and while it took hiim a week to adjust, he settled in just fine and now enjoys long walks with his new family, goes for car rides gets treats etc... a cat needs the same kind of attention, and just because they aren't as big and all you have to physically do is keep their food and water bowl full and litter box clean doesn't mean that's all they NEED! Just like people they need affection and time as well!

Rebecca - posted on 12/15/2010

I've officially talked to my breeder about finding Oliver a new home. She doesn't think she will have any trouble finding him a new place -- there is normally a waiting list for Sphynx cats. I still am not 100% committed to the decision though and still feel really guilty about even considering it. Sigh.

Laura - posted on 12/15/2010

While I prefer that pets be a life-long commitment, I also understand that situations occur, both expected and unexpected, that change family dynamics regarding pet ownership. The birth of children is one reason many animals are dropped off at shelters and rescues. So to answer your question, yes, sometimes it becomes not only neccessary, but even beneficial to the animal, to find a new home. If you know that the needs of your cat are not being met, then it becomes more likely that the cat will start having other behavioral issues as well such as eliminating in inappropriate places or becoming aggressive.

Rebecca, only you know your situation better than anyone, even though you did a great job of communicating here. It already sounds like you have given this issue a great deal of thought and care, weighing options that will yield the most benefit for all involved. Now you need to make a decision! This isn't a matter of "right or wrong"; this is about coming to a decision that suits you and your family. As has already been pointed out, each person has different tolerence levels and only you know what your limits are. Do what you feel is in the best interests of you, your kids and the cat.

I say this a die-hard cat person, too: I have always had multiple cats, even when my daughter was born. I consider myself lucky in that we have always had more laid back cats. I wouldn't have hesitated, however, to find a good home if I felt one of my cats was stressed and "unhappy"! The mental well-being of companion animals is important, too, and needs to be taken into consideration--which it sounds like you are doing. Hope this helps and good luck making your decision!

Hayley - posted on 12/15/2010

I think you need to do what's necessary for your family. If you feel that re homing would be easier on your family then do it. It's a gorgeous breed so I bet you wont have much of a problem finding caring new owners that can give him what he needs.

Sherri - posted on 12/15/2010

Joy I gave my answer to the OP not to you and I will not explain myself to you. I feel you opinion is equally as wrong as you think mine is.

Toni - posted on 12/15/2010

We had 2 cats before I had Ethan, one was a ginger tom - Charlie and the other was a Maine Coon tom - Vinnie (he was massive and still growing). All through my pregnancy people kept telling me to get rid of them, but I refused - we had issues getting pregnant and so they were my babies I loved them. However, after we had Ethan we couldn't afford them, Vinnie ate 3x the amount a normal cat ate and was the size of a small dog (naturally they are a large breed of cat - he wasn't overweight) and we could not keep up with their needs. After much discussion and heartbreak we decided that not only was we not really able to afford them we wasn't giving them the attention they needed because 1) I didn't want them by my newborn and 2) we were so busy with Ethan.

It just wasn't fair on them they needed more, so we arranged for a family friend to adopt them, she lives on a small farm in the countryside and both of them are so happy in their new home, it broke my heart and I felt like a real dick but it was for the best and we can still see them when we want.

I will probably never again get a pet because I like that I am not constantly cleaning up after one (just my son now) and I feel that our home is no longer missing anything. Sometimes doing things that seem hard are needed and are the best thing for everyone involved.

Oh and Rebecca 2 sets of twins wow you are super woman!!!