He wants a baby and she dosnt

[deleted account] ( 116 moms have responded )

Found this on another debating forum:

Ok... I ran into this post in another group. Male reproductive rights. I know that it is the chicks body and she has to carry the baby and give birth, and the men nothing. But she has options. The men don't have options. If the chick chooses to have the baby, he is forced to pay child support even if he didn't want the baby in the first place.

A very good friend of mine, was in a relationship with a women for 6 months. They had talked about having kids, like most couples do. They both wanted kids. He is 32 and really wants to be a father. His dad left him when he was 6 months old and he didn't hear from him until he was 28. So being a dad is a really big deal to him. She got pregnant, he was so excited. She told him that she didn't want it. He told her that he would raise the baby. She could sign over her rights and never have to worry about it. No child support. No strings. She made her decision and he was heart broken. That was his baby too. Why can't he have a say? I don't think that anyone should be forced into doing anything. But when you create a baby together, should the men have a say?

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Mary - posted on 11/29/2010

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Leah, I just think you are responding emotionally, and not rationally.

And to answer one of your questions - YES, if you never, ever want kids, the only 100%, totally foolproof way to ensure that is to NEVER have sex. There are some pretty good methods of birth control out there, but none of them (short of a hysterectomy) is 100% reliable. I personally have delivered two babies in my career where the IUD was delivered along with them. I have also cared for more than one baby that came about after a tubal ligation, as well as babies conceived after the father has had a vasectomy. Nature is funny that way - some people try desperately to conceive, and cannot, while others do everything in their power to prevent it, and still end up pregnant.

Regardless of your pro-life or pro-choice stance, the reality of reproduction is that only a woman can carry a child to viability, and a father's rights (and responsibilities) only exist at the discretion of the woman until the moment that cord is cut.

Rosie - posted on 11/29/2010

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so leah since the father has all these rights over your body since it's his baby and all, would you get an abortion cause he wanted you to even though you didn't?

[deleted account]

Don't want a child? Keep it in your pants. That's why I'm a huge fan of stressing abstinence only. Yes, birth control exists and it's a wonderful thing to inform people of.... but it isn't 100%. If you aren't willing to accept whatever consequences may come w/ sex... don't have it. Period.



I know that's not a very popular opinion, but it's mine and it's one that will never, ever change. :)

[deleted account]

I have a male cousin that got his girlfriend pregnant. She didn't want it, but didn't want an abortion either (thank God). She gave birth & handed the baby over to him. That was that. Now he is a single dad...
I think this woman should have just done that. Killing a baby when you know someone else will want it & take care of it is so selfish... B*tch!

Mary - posted on 11/29/2010

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I've thought about this one before, and it all boils down to this..."Life isn't always fair." In an ideal world, no one would ever have sex with a person until they discussed and agreed upon all of the what if's prior to engaging upon what could possibly result in pregnancy. However, that is pretty much NEVER going to happen.

Unplanned pregnancies exist - always have, always will.

I agree that, ideally, the father's input would be considered. But, at the end of the day, it is her body, and her choice alone that counts. We as women have been given an incredible gift; we have the power to carry and nuture a life within us. It is, ultimately, what separates us from men. However, this gift comes with a price; the depth of this "price" varies from person to person. Some of us pay very little, and some of us will lose our life in the process. There is no guarantee ahead of time just how much any one of us will be asked to give in order to carry a child - nor is there even a promise that your sacrifice will even give you a living child.

If life were "fair" both sexes would be able to carry a child within their bodies. However, the biological reality is that it is only a woman who can do this. It is her body - and therefore, her choice.

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Pauline - posted on 04/04/2012

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I'm also in the same situation. I want a second child and my husband does not. I really feel frustrated and hope that I don't feel any resentment later on.

Petra - posted on 12/12/2010

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Its been mentioned a few times, but Father's Rights advocates in this scenario have got to be aware that a father's rights to the fetus would include the right to abort. You really can't have it both ways, and the law recognizes that for good reason. While the fetus is dependent on the woman's body for survival, the woman rightfully claims ownership over any and all decision-making with respect to her body. Like Jenny said, when men grow a uterus, they can have those rights too.

It is unfortunate when a willing man loses out on his chance to be a father. Them's the breaks. Be more choosy about your partners and take more precautions in preventing pregnancy. If you don't want to have children, for fuck's sakes, try not to by putting at least some safeguards in place. If you do want to have children, make your partner aware so that they have a say in any potential pregnancy risks. If you're not on the same page with either of the above, quit fucking around.

Jessica - posted on 12/09/2010

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Why should a man decide if a woman risks her life? Child birth is dangerous and can be life threatening. Not to mention it can ruin your career and all other important things. I have a daughter and #2 on the way and I dont like the idea of abortion but my work tried as hard as they could to make my life difficult while i was pregnant but were careful enough to keep it all above board so i couldnt do anything about it. My pregnancy was pretty crap to. I had pneumonia when i was 11-14 weeks and i had a big iron defficiency so i was buggered all the time. I went 12 days overdue with bub and had to be induced because my waters broke by themselves but she just didnt want to meet the world. I heamoragged really bad aswell so recovering afterwards wasn't a walk in the park either. I have a beautiful little girl to show for my hard work and i cant imagine how a woman would feel going through all that just to give it up to make a man happy. If the man wants a baby find the girl your meant to be with forever and have a baby with her. You can give up your baby and still get post natal depression

Alecia - posted on 12/09/2010

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i absolutely think a man should have rights. that baby is HALF him. if the woman is simply giving it up bcuz she doesnt want to raise it, but the man says he will, then i feel SHE has no right to have an abortion. the father should get to keep his baby. to me, that would be murder.

Haley - posted on 12/09/2010

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I think the father should have a say but if he told me to get an abortion,I would tell him to go to hell.

Jaime - posted on 12/01/2010

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If a woman does not want to be pregnant, then she should not have to be pregnant. And we can argue that there are many things in life that we don't want to do but have to do; however we're not talking about taking out the garbage or brushing our teeth...we're talking about growing a fetus into a living, breathing baby...and that is no small feat. If a woman is not willing to accept the responsibility of carrying a fetus to term, then abortion is her best option...regardless of any potential father that is ready and excited at the prospect of being a parent. It's selfish on both parts...to want to be childless and to want to be a parent...so that argument is moot. This is simply about who owns the choice to abort, and as much as it is unfair or selfish...it is the woman's body, so it is the woman's choice.

Lacye - posted on 11/30/2010

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LOL Dana. I was paying attention.

Jayde, read Layce Fly's post, especially #4 to see why Kati was joking about the baby screaming.

LOL see! I told you so! *big hugs to Dana!*

Shontae - posted on 11/30/2010

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Awww. Even though I can probably understand how the mother might not want to go through the 'trouble' of carrying the child knowing she doesn't want it, I also think that her aborting the baby was selfish. If there is an option, and what sounds like a good one (sign over rights, no child support), why not let the child live with someone who will love it? But then, maybe as a woman she would hate to live with guilt of having a child in the world that she has no part of. *shrug* I agree that men should have the right to decide to. Definitely and Especially if he's excited and ready to be a father. Nowadays, there aren't many who are....

Rosie - posted on 11/30/2010

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i wasn't directing anything toward you lacye, i was talking to the other laci. :)

Barb - posted on 11/30/2010

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no Lacye, i knew you weren't being mean, i wanted to make sure you knew i wasn't directing my statement towards you. Thank you, I'm glad I didn't either. He's my Jr.

Barb - posted on 11/30/2010

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On topic i would like to point out a child isn't an accessory. No matter how bad this man may want a child, if the woman doesn't want a child, he shouldn't want that woman as a mother for his child.

Think of this poor kid and his/her self esteem knowing that mom didn't want him/her, how heartbreaking. And not just for the child but for the father to see the child go through that knowing he picked that mom. Through his selfishness to want a child he put the mom through misery and may have a child who is always wondering what is wrong with him/her that mom didn't want them.

This may devastate the man now, but in the future he will find a mother for his children and appreciate it all the more when the child is wanted by both parents.

Lacye - posted on 11/30/2010

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I know you weren't directing that at me Barb when you said you kept your child. I was just saying I'm glad you kept your baby and really I am. I wasn't being mean about it. :)

I'm not sure what I said that would make Kati say the fetus was screaming but I don't watch videos like that. For one thing they do make me sad when I watch them but I do think the only acceptable time the mother should give up a child without the father's permission is when she has been raped. Plus not all birth control is fool proof.

[deleted account]

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Thank you ladies

Barb - posted on 11/30/2010

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Jayde, read Layce Fly's post, especially #4 to see why Kati was joking about the baby screaming.

Video's that are used to promote an agenda are very often sensationalized, twisted and distorted to heighten your emotions in order to cloud your logic.

Rosie - posted on 11/30/2010

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the imaginary scream is non existant. at least i can't see it, but then again i'm not a sonographer. most abortions are performed before 20 weeks when a fetus CANNOT feel anything, physically or mentally. there is evidence that fetuses after 20 weeks can feel pain. sure that upsets me, but really, less than one percent of abortions are performed after that week, and its almost always for medical reasons.

[deleted account]

I tried watching the video yesterday but sorta tuned it out once I realized it was a "Christian based" thing. No offense to any believers, but I cannot take anything about the church's stance on issues like abortion seriously. I can accept and respect that a Christian person would be morally opposed to abortion but when the church starts putting out videos and selling books about it, a switch in my head flips off and I'm done.

Barb - posted on 11/30/2010

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Lacye, i wasn't referring to your posts when i posted that at all. That was definitely directed towards Leah and her thoughts that a man should have rights over a woman's body.

Jenny - posted on 11/29/2010

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What if someone NEVER wants kids. Should they remain virgin until their dying day? It's call an IUD.

What if a couple decides that they're done having kids? Tubes tied

I know 2 people who concieved with an IUD.

My tubes are not only clamped but cauterized with the sections removed, 1 in 1000 will regenerate and get pregnant.

Jayde - posted on 11/29/2010

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I agree with Teresa
"She had her right to choose what happens to her body when she chose to have sex... now she is chosing what to do w/ a baby's body and 'disposing' of it should be wrong under ALL circumstances."

I didn't watch the video posted on here because i knew i would cry,but even reading Kati's post saying that its clearly crying made my throat close up, &gut churn to nearly vomit & i'm holding back the tears. All i'm saying is look at your gorgeous, precious, miraculous children & tell me that it wouldn't be wrong or painful to shove a knife into them, twisting it & killing them, whether done now or in your uterus...

Lacye - posted on 11/29/2010

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Good for you Barb for keeping your baby. I don't think I explained myself clear earlier. I'm sorry for that. I think that if one parent wants the child, the pregnancy should go on and when the child is born the parent that wants the child, should keep it. That is what I think.

Barb - posted on 11/29/2010

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*Left eye twitching at the ignorance*

I dated my son's father for two years before i became pregnant with my son. I was on the pill and he wore condom's. He was of the same faith as i was. We were both practicing Christians and deeply religious. His condom broke and 6 weeks later i realized i was pregnant. When i told him he begged me to get an abortion. He was 21 and i was 20. Needless to say i didn't get one. But i am most certainly glad he did NOT have control over my body in order to force me to. There was nothing in his character to indicate he would ever have suggested such a thing. Sure he wanted kids "someday" just when it became a reality it scared him and that is what he jumped to.

"mind over matter" This shows how little you know about sex. Sex begins in the mind with the release of hormones and chemicals for someone to ignore your attitude long enough to bang you.

Lacye - posted on 11/29/2010

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1, I don't believe in abortions, except for that one reason and I could understand a woman doing it because it was not consensual sex, it was rape. The man took the choice from her.

2. I wouldn't know anything right now if my mother aborted me because I wouldn't be here. Simple as that.

3. Get a grip because what I said was nothing personal, it's a debate. You don't have to get rude with me about things.

4. Children that are in the womb, especially at an early developing point, do not have feeling sensors or vocal cords. The baby screaming is your imagination.

Charlie - posted on 11/29/2010

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Oh I love that question ! " how would you feel if you were aborted "

LOL It is one of the most idiotic questions and is totally illogical .

It is completely the womans choice , she is the ONLY one with any say over what goes on with her body .

LaCi - posted on 11/29/2010

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If my mother had aborted me I never would have known it and I wouldn't feel ANY way about it because I was never fucking conscious. As a being, I never would have existed. No big deal.

Krista - posted on 11/29/2010

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Oh, and Leah, I'll save you the trouble of typing:

You're glad I think so, and that's my opinion.

Krista - posted on 11/29/2010

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Leah, I really don't see what was so ridiculous about the conversation. It just seems to me that you didn't like being called out on some of the inconsistencies and bad logic in your statements, so you're taking your ball and going home.

But, if you're done with this "nonsense", then that is utterly your prerogative. I'm sure we'll manage to muddle on and continue our discussion without you.

Rosie - posted on 11/29/2010

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this isn't a debate about abortion leah, it's about whether a man should have the right to tell a woman what to do with her body. you never answered my question, so i'm assuming you're throwing all the smoke and mirrors around to avoid it.

Leah - posted on 11/29/2010

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I'm done with this nonsense the rest of you ladies have a nice day and enjoy your ridiculous conversation.

Krista - posted on 11/29/2010

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You said, and I quote, "How would you feel if your mother had aborted you?" Your question implied emotional pain, not physical pain.

And even if you WERE talking physical pain, you were speaking in present tense about a past event. So let's just say, for shits and giggles, that my mom had aborted me back in '74. Well, how would I "feel" right now? I wouldn't feel too darned much, either emotionally or physically.

Leah - posted on 11/29/2010

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So your assuming that if your aborted you wouldn't feel a thing. Babies do feel actually.

Krista - posted on 11/29/2010

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Which comment of mine are you addressing, Leah? The one about how I wouldn't feel a thing if my mother had aborted me? That's not opinion...that's fact.

Or were you addressing my point about how that aforementioned argument is nonsensical?

Or were you addressing my earlier point about how "keep your legs shut if you don't want a baby" is a simplistic argument to a complicated situation?

Just looking for a bit of clarification, due to my apparently piss-poor reading skills.

Krista - posted on 11/29/2010

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I wouldn't feel a thing if my mother had aborted me. That argument is utterly nonsensical.

[deleted account]

Leah, you said, "If people don't want a kid, DON'T have sex."

EXACTLY! Same goes for the man. A man has sex with a women KNOWING that IF she gets pregnant, it's HER choice ultimately whether or not to carry the pregnancy and have the child. How can he or anyone else be surprised after the fact?

Krista - posted on 11/29/2010

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Leah, you're being unnecessarily rude. I do read quite well, thank you very much. You wonder why people on this forum have issues with you? It's because of snarky comments like that.

An IUD is not 100% foolproof.

Besides, I was focusing more on addressing the first part of your post, where you said that if people don't want a child, they shouldn't have sex. I was simply addressing how unrealistic that argument is.

Leah - posted on 11/29/2010

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How would you feel if your mother aborted you? You wouldn't be here right now if that happened,would you....



I know how I would feel because my mother was in a situation like that. Pregnant with me and no father around. Not going to go into exact details but if it wasn't for her I wouldn't be here. She was a single mom too,raising me and my two older sisters by herself. I owe her my life. I wouldn't have a wonderful life it wasn't for her.

Lacye - posted on 11/29/2010

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no it's not. I wanted to have my tubes tied after my daughter was born and told that I couldn't because I only have one child. Yes I do have an Implanon put in my arm but those things are not fool proof.

Krista - posted on 11/29/2010

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Leah, I DO wish you wouldn't delete your posts. You deleted your one about how you felt sorry for the baby, and now my response to you about it looks completely random and nonsensical. Anybody else reading this thread who didn't see it there earlier would think that I'm just randomly posting responses to the voices in my head. It just really botches up the thread and destroys a lot of its continuity.

Lacye - posted on 11/29/2010

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it's not as simple as that. what if a woman is raped and got pregnant and decided to abort the child even though the man wanted her to keep it. To me, that would be the only acceptable time to abort the child, even though I do believe in father's rights.

Krista - posted on 11/29/2010

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Krista-If people don't want a kid,DON'T have sex. How hard can that be. Mind over matter(the power of your mind is stronger than the body). If you don't want a baby you never should have had sex in the first place. Simple as that.



Simple, all right. Too simple, in that it doesn't address a lot of different factors.



What if someone NEVER wants kids. Should they remain virgin until their dying day?



What if a couple decides that they're done having kids? Do they stop having sex? Or what if they want to space out their pregnancies? Do they abstain for three years?



The "if you don't want to have kids, keep your legs shut" argument makes for a good sound bite, but there are a lot of factors that it leaves out.

Rosie - posted on 11/29/2010

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ahh, the things you apparantly have no clue about my dear. men lie, men can be completely wonderful, and then as soon as you get pregnant, BAM!! they're gone. there's a huge difference between having a relationship with someone and actually making a baby. sometimes it's just to much for the man-or woman- to handle.

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