How do I teach my baby to fall asleep on his own?

April - posted on 03/29/2010

he is reverse cycled...he doesn't nurse during the day except first thing and nap. i try offering solids frequently but he refuses most of the time. he would still like to be EBF if i didn't insist that he eat something everyday

Jackie - posted on 03/29/2010

THe best way to start that is by nursing him before bed like usual...but when you transfer him to the crib, wake him up A LITTLE BIT. Not like wide awake playing, just enough so he sees whats going on, and let him fall back into a deep sleep inthe crib. and keep doing this with him more and more awake each nite until he's wide awake smiling at you when you tuck him in.

Jackie - posted on 03/29/2010

April, does he eat a full feedings worth when he nurses at nite, or just take a few sips and fall back to sleep. You need to determine if he's actually hungry or has just formed a habit of nursing to sleep. If its just habit you need to break that before it'll happen. Most 15 mo. olds don't still need a nite time feeding...esp. not multiple feedings so quite possibly just a habit you have created. He will need to learn to fall asleep on his own awake that way if he stirs at nite, he knows how to go back to sleep wtihout you.

April - posted on 03/28/2010

i will be wondering this, as well, my 15 month old falls asleep nursing and wakes frequently to nurse. he slept thru maybe ONE time in his whole life and only bc he was sick.

Amy - posted on 03/23/2010

I agree with Gillian - what have you tried already? I do have a cousin whose baby JUST started to go to sleep on his own. They got him this little turtle toy that lights up "stars" on the ceiling. She nurses him, then tells him it's bedtime and gives him his turtle and he just looks at the cool star lights and the falls asleep watching them. I'll be wondering this myself pretty soon. My son falls asleep nursing, so he doesn't really go to sleep on his own yet.

Jackie - posted on 03/22/2010

We also have lived by the routine. same as Megan from about 4 mos we've done the 730-8pm bedtime and my daughter gets up between 7 and 8am....and all the research you read will state that babies thrive on knowing what to expect. and by knowing what to expect it helps them start to settle down. But there are many options, you can stand with him and rub his back until he falls asleep, you can just sit near him if that calms him enough (then move further and further away as he gets comfortable), you can do CIO or any modified version of it (many on here will attack you on that one...so dont' get discouraged, there is NOTHING wrong with it. I'd be happy to offer you supportive advice on it if you want).

But Gillian is right...it's most helpful from our end if you post both how he falls asleep now (where, when, how etc), what you have tried, and where he sleeps.

Meghan - posted on 03/22/2010

here is another article I found that might help...


on her own is not an easy thing to do. You have to be strong. I did a great job with my oldest child, but to this day I have trouble with my younger children and bedtime. The trick is to outlast them. Your baby will cry her eyes out and be totally pitiful when you first try to get her to settle in to sleep on her own. If you are satisfied your baby is not wet, hungry, ill, colicky, or in immediate danger, you will need to tolerate the crying if you want to help her get into a routine.

Trust me on this. My oldest child went to bed so consistently that I was able to get work done after she was in bed. But I caved in with my two younger ones, and to this day I am exhausted by the time I get them to bed.

Better Now Than Later
If one parent has a work schedule that lets him (or her) see the baby only after she's gone to sleep, consider keeping the baby up a little later. It is not going to hurt the baby to create a schedule that gives her more time awake to see Mommy or Daddy. The key here is to remember that you are in control. No matter what time you set as bedtime, you're the one to choose it, not baby. Being in control with an infant is more feasible if you can get past the crying. Once the child is really conscious of his or her own power to manipulate you, you will find yourself in an all-out war.

Most of all, you want to establish routines early in the game. In the case of my two younger children, I didn't do that. As I said, I caved. Do I pay for it now? You bet. Now that I have figured out the game, am I better at it than I used to be? You bet. It just would have been easier to establish patterns early on rather than battle them out now.

A Schedule Can Set You Free
If you can, try to get into a routine for all the baby's basic activities. If you can establish some consistency with bedtime, meals, and bathtime you are off to a very good start. But keep in mind that these schedules are merely tools for managing your life. Allow yourself the flexibility to be spontaneous once in a while. If you never go out because you do not want to ruin baby's routine, you are headed for problems. You are no longer in control—the schedule is. So, although you want to establish a basic schedule, don't be afraid to break it once in a while. Babies are much more resilient than you might think. If they stay up a little later than usual they will be a little more fussy. It will not be a tragedy.

Womanly Wisdom
Setting a standard bedtime for your kids is for your benefit. Grown-ups deserve some downtime of their own after spending all day with an infant, so you don't want bedtime to leave you too exhausted for anything else afterward. Work together with your partner to try to create the bedtime ritual that works best for you.


http://life.familyeducation.com/sleep/ba...

Meghan - posted on 03/22/2010

I found a strict rouine to be helpful...my daughter goes to bed every night at the same time no matter what, and we have been doing this since she was about 4 months old when she was sleeping through the night...her bed time is 7:30 pm every night M-F...pretty much our whole lives are structured and planned out to the half hour, but thats just what works best for us...I found this article on babycenter.com maybe it will help you...

Expert Answers
Deborah Lin-Dyken, pediatric sleep disorders expert
You can't really teach your baby how to self-soothe, but you can provide him with the opportunity to teach himself. Given the right circumstances and the right stage of development, usually between 3 and 6 months of age, it will happen on its own. It's like learning to crawl: If you always carry your baby, he'll never have a chance to discover crawling, since he'll never be on the floor long enough to figure it out. It's the same thing with self-soothing: If you always nurse or rock your baby to sleep, he'll never have a chance to learn how to soothe himself to sleep.

How can you help your baby do this? First, you need to set the stage, which includes two things: a regular bedtime and a consistent routine. A bedtime that occurs at the same time every night will set your baby's internal clock so that he's naturally sleepy at a predictable time. The bedtime routine should happen in the place you want your baby to sleep and include three or four soothing activities, such as taking a bath, reading a story and having a cuddle, that let him know it's time for "night-night." When the bedtime routine is finished, put your baby to bed drowsy but awake.

Many babies will surprise you and drift off to sleep without much protest. Other babies, especially older ones who may have come to depend on being nursed or rocked to sleep, will need a bit of practice. Remember, self-soothing is just like crawling — it takes time and opportunity. You can teach your baby all at once and wait outside your baby's room, checking on him as frequently or infrequently as you wish. Or you can make it a more gradual process, sitting next to your baby's crib and easing yourself farther away each night — sitting in the middle of the room, sitting in the doorway and so on.

If your baby is used to breast- or bottle-feeding as he goes to sleep in your arms, you'll have to break his need to suck to sleep. You can move your child's feeding to earlier in the bedtime routine or slowly reduce the number of ounces or number of minutes of this feeding. Or when you see your baby starting to drift off during a feeding, promptly end his meal and finish the rest of the bedtime routine before laying him down.

Although some people believe that you should never wake a sleeping baby, keep the big picture in mind. On any particular night, waking your baby after he's drifted off may seem crazy, especially when you're beat and have a million things to do before turning in yourself. But when you remember your long-term goal of helping your baby develop the ability to soothe himself to sleep, both at bedtime and when he naturally wakes up during the night, it's well worth doing.

What happens if you've given your baby plenty of chances to self-soothe and he just can't seem to do it? Take a step back and try to figure out why. Perhaps he's simply too young and doesn't yet have the developmental ability to self-soothe, just as a 3-month-old can spend hours on the living room floor yet still won't be able to crawl .In this case, wait a few days, weeks or even months before trying again.

Or maybe your baby is too tired — and thus too overwrought — to settle down by himself. In this case, try moving his bedtime a bit earlier so he isn't a complete wreck by lights-out. Finally, think about whether you're really giving your baby an opportunity to find ways to soothe himself, or are rushing in to comfort him at his first peep and depriving him of the chance to figure it out on his own.

Most important, keep your goal in mind: Developing the ability to soothe himself to sleep will enable your baby to snooze for longer stretches and put himself back to sleep when he naturally wakes up during the night, allowing him to get the rest he needs to grow and thrive. What's more, self-soothing is an important life skill that will serve your baby well not just at bedtime but also in other situations, such as when he's separated from you at daycare or even when you momentarily walk out of the room, when he gets frustrated trying to master all those other important skills such as — you guessed it — crawling, or when he's just feeling fussy.

Lady - posted on 03/22/2010

I always find it easier to give advice if I know what you have tried already - have you tried things like standing next to the cot, leaving him to cry, playing music any of those things? Does he still get a bottle or are you still breastfeeding? What do you do at the moment to get him to sleep?