Is it Yours or His or Both?

Emma - posted on 01/30/2012

we have 3 accounts My money, His money and our money.

I think it is important to have some money that is just yours to do exactly as you please with.

My hubby works and im a S@HM which is just a different type of work.

I am the bill payer as im a little obsessed with having everything paid in good time, I hate debt in any form so we don't have any and that's how it will be staying.

Kitty - posted on 01/26/2012

IT is our money'' and we do buy one another gifts and I dont work any more either so ya

Alessia - posted on 01/25/2012

Hubby makes the money and I manage it (because he's terrible at it). We are an equal team. Isn't that what marriage is all about?

MeMe - Raises Her Hand (-_-) (Mommy Of A Toddler And Teen) - posted on 01/20/2012

My husband and I have our own account and we share a house account. Although I am the money manager because he isn't good at it and doesn't like it. He asks me if he has enough money when he wants/needs something. I make more money and pay for much more than him but it is our money...I just like to make sure he has some, since he works just as hard as me. ;)

Cherrese - posted on 01/15/2012

We have separate accounts and our money we earn is separate. I make the most money Thank God and God blesses me with the money to take care of our child my husband pays rent and light bill I take care of everything else. We aren't lacking for anything.However it is stressful being the responsible party on all medical bills while my husband doesn't seem concern. our money matters are a huge problem in our marriage.I have an attitude were he can't tell me how or what to buy cause It's my money.He feels the same way.Pray for us cause we cant get communicate on this issue.I thank my husband Jesus for always providing for us our child is extremely bless.No one would know this if I didn't share it cause on the outside we look as if we have it going on.I thank God we don't look physically like what we are going through emotionally

Stacy - posted on 01/14/2012

I lived with my husband before we got married. We lived together for three months, bought an engagement ring and he got scared and we separated for 3 months and 3 mo. later we got back together and got a joint account then about a month to 2 mo. later we were engaged. I have kind of a controlling personality and feel like I have to be in control of everything and my personality also does not allow me to except no for an answer and things must go my way. I guess it all depends on the type of person your with and/or married to, and what type of personality you have. My husband was made for me. He really does not like to take care of the bills, so therefore I have control over them. I say what gets paid and what can wait another week, I do the shopping so if I splurge and spend on something extra on me or my son or both, then so be it. It is easier to ask forgiveness most times, than it is to ask for permission.

Brittney - posted on 01/11/2012

I am the financial adviser of our household. I know how much money comes in and goes out at all times, I do things money related like taxes. Even though HE is earning the money, I safeguard the money and I decide where the money goes. But he's okay with that.

Jenna - posted on 01/10/2012

The money is shared between us even though HE earns it. I tend to be the one who manages it--he has no idea what goes on with the money once it's in the bank. We talk about big purchases and try to limit small meaningless ones (like buying a Coke on the way somewhere--what a useless waste of money!). He doesn't need my permission to buy anything and I don't need his, but we do need to track what we spend to keep track of our budget and make sure we're not overspending.

Dusty - posted on 01/10/2012

We have always referred to the money as "ours", even before we got married. I am thankful to be one of the few younger couples who don't argue about money!!

Lexi - posted on 12/20/2011

My husband and I have had a joint bank account since we got married 8 years ago and the money from both our jobs has always been ours, with no separation. Now I'm a SAHM of two. My husband works and brings home "our" money and we decide together how to spend it. When our first son was born he was actually a stay at home dad for ten months and things switched around when we moved to a new town and he had a better job opportunity than I did. We have kind of a general monthly budget and we discuss together any extra expenses (or extra money) and how to add those into the budget. I am in charge of making sure rent and bills get paid and doing most of the household shopping. For gifts we just decide on how much we can afford and shop within that budget. We each have our own debit card for the bank account, so there is no issue of having to ask for money when I need to shop. I think it's really sad in this day and age that there are still women who feel so unworthy of financial equality and men who still control their women through money. My husband would be angry with me if I tried to call it his money and say I couldn't spend it. He is grateful for all I do to raise our sons and wants them AND ME to have everything we could possibly want or need. The only time I ask him for permission to buy something is if it's really expensive and wasn't considered in the months budget. Then we talk about why we need it and decide together if it's something we can afford right now or if it needs to wait. It's just a matter of respect as a couple. It goes both directions. If he wanted something expensive he would ask me about it too.

Rebecca - posted on 12/10/2011

ours is an interesting setup, we are connected due to family payments being in his name but they come into a joint account and it is classed as my money and he doesnt touch it. My money covers our fortnightly groceries, and filling our car with petrol for the fortnight. He works and he pays for everything else. He is in charge of all the other finances but I am kept up to date and know what we have so I wouldnt be completely lost if something happened to him. We used to have it that I had full access to his money but I was terrible at not spending money and would constantly dip into the savings for buying stuff not needed and I asked for him to change his pasword and get me my own internet banking pasword so I could acccess my own money without seeing all his.
This is working really well for us, and now I am working a little again now I am putting a little I earn into our savings or bills and I'm pleased to be able to help :)

Heather - posted on 12/09/2011

Im a stay at home mom of 2 I do babysit so that brings in some income but what I make and what my husband makes goes into the same account its our money. He has a card and so do I. We set down every pay day and figure the bills and what not. Around christmas is hard because we do the shopping separetly for obvious reasons. We just dont look at the account to give the gifts away.
Now my sis and her husband have seperate accounts and its sad to see them fight and struggle over money. She has a car payment which he drives sometimes, student loans and they are building a house and she struggles to pay it. He just says well just budget. i hate it for her!

Laura Zoey - posted on 12/03/2011

We are a team, a pertnership. We are one flesh :) everything we do affects the other. We love each other so we consider each others feelings and needs. There's one bank account and two equal names on it, it's our money, no disputes :)

Julie - posted on 12/03/2011

A woman manages the Home - Of course she should have a say... It is a team effort.
Ever read what a stay at home mom is worth should she be paid wages?
In all honesty - stats show no one could afford her!

Eron - posted on 12/02/2011

this kind of thing drives me crazy! my husband is a father...the only reason he can go out to work is because i (the mother of his children) look after his children, if i didnt then he couldnt go out to work, so yes ALL money is OUR money unless he can afford a 24/7 house keeper + childminder, if the money isnt joint then i suggest Mr Breadwinner finds out what 24/7 childcare cost him if mummy wasnt taking care of his offspring...im willing to bet he would be shocked lol x

Jeannie - posted on 11/28/2011

Were not married and we have our own bank accounts. However the money in both of them is ours. We dont keep tabs on who spends what in our relationship, or go 50/50 on anything. He's terrible with saving so i do all the saving and he does all the spending. I dont like the idea of having joint bank accounts and neither does he. Weve both seen people really burnt when theyve had joint bank accounts. My friend's husband actually took money that her grandfather had left her and spent it all on a new car without consulting her. She was going to use that money to go back to school and study. Needless to say they have separate bank accounts now.
But i also think that some things work for some people and not for others. I dont think you can judge any relationship who has separate bank accounts because thats what works for them and everyone is different.

Victorya - posted on 11/06/2011

OURs!

Becky - posted on 10/14/2011

I'm not married, but I do live with a man . . . we have separate bank accounts and to an extent separate bills . the problem is, if he has $ he spends it. Needless to say, I'm in charge of all money in the house, his income and mine. I make sure all bills are paid, there money left for groceries and gas and anything else. If he wants to buy something above his weekly spending $ he has to talk to me about it and I budget it in if I agree. I guess it doesn't work the other way round, because I buy what I want . . . but I'm much more frugal. I often don't spend much on things outside of the things we really need and I make more $ than him and contribute more to our joint expenses.



A few years ago he thought I was taking advantage of him money and he wanted control back. I gave him his money and his bills . . . it took him less than 2 months to realize that he was no good at managing his finances. He relinquished control back to me, gave me his bank passwords & all his bills and asked me to take over again & get his stuff bank on track! We've never argued over who handles money since and he grips much less when I tell him something he wants just isn't in the budget! lol!

Donna - posted on 10/09/2011

Whats his is mine, and whats mine is mine haha. Both my husband and I are finally working, but when it was just me working or just him working, it was really ours. The money pays for the roof to be over BOTH of our heads, insurance for BOTH of us to drive.BOTH of us to eat, BOTH of us to do everything

User - posted on 10/09/2011

Once you marry, it's both the husband and wifes.

Tah - posted on 06/25/2011

my husband gave control to his ex-girlfriend...we just fixed his credit.lol and are house hunting(cant live on base forever now that we have his new orders...lol), some examples..he gave her 20 dollars and said thats it until pay day(he was lying) and we need food(anyone who knows the commissary you can eat for a week on 20 bucks esp with 2 adults and a toddler grond turkey for 1.50, chicken wings for 4.00..she goes and buys a 20 dollar purse and heats up the 4 day old leftovers he meant to throw out after work..he said the edges were brown and bubbling and he knew they weren't gonna survive if they ate that..lol, so now you have a wallet, stylish, but empty...he bought burger kind that night..i said he should have fed him and the baby and gave her the leftovers and maybe she could have grilled her wallet, she would buy her clothes with bill money from the 3 stores that only gave store credit..lmbo..smart cookie...another time..he gave filled her gas tank(so she could get to school, exceot she wasn't going..lol) and his, gave her 50 bucks and said this needs to last until friday. She came home tipsy and said she went to red lobster and took her friend as a reward for helping her study and they had peach bellinis....LMBO.....(he is so glad i saved him)...lmbo..this is why he thinks he has struck gold with me..she can hanlde money, we have sex, she cooks and even i told her to stay home..she still likes to work..CHA CHING...lmbo..ill admit..she wasn't exactly a hard act to follow...

Erin - posted on 06/24/2011

I give my husband full control of the money, because I dont work. That being said, he doesnt OWN the money. He makes it, but he trusts me to spend it on the wellbeing of the family, and to treat myself and the kids after a hard day. he knows im not going to run off to the casino, or spend it on crack and hookers. The money is for the family.



Edit: I give him full control because he is MUCH better at finances than I am. He will get our money to stretch twice as long as I could, despite my best efforts. He is in charge by joint choice, and its for the best of us all :)

Stifler's - posted on 06/23/2011

I am the main person who makes decisions about money unless it's to do with getting a loan. I pay the rent, buy groceries, put money away (I know my husband's internet banking password). He has always said that it's our money and I can buy what I want within reason. Reason being that there has to be money left for bills and stuff.

Rachel - posted on 06/22/2011

Ours. My husband works and I am a SAHM. I also started n essential oil business last year, so the money from that goes to a separate account for the business. Any other money I make usually goes towards clothes or food. My husband does all our finances. We set up a budget for how much we spend on what. Then, we both have our categories and are responsible for not making them negative. For example, my husband takes care of the mortgage, car payments, cell phone bills, utilities, etc. I take care of household monies, like food, medical/misc (hair cuts, chiropractic, massages). We both have "our" money built into the budget that we can spend however we want to (it usually goes toward junk food we want, but don't need or have money for in the regular budget).
When we got married, we had different financial institutions. I was really not so good with money, but my husband is, so it has really helped to have a budget system in place. He makes me keep to what we've agreed on, but it's good because we keep on track that way and can afford things like new blinds, new washer and dryer, fixing the A/C, putting in a garden, buying grass seed, etc.
As for it being "his" because he "makes the money," I find this line of reasoning unreasonable. He may bring the money to the family, but I help keep it here and make sure we are all fed and healthy. We both work, so we both work with the money.

Kelsey - posted on 06/22/2011

we really dont have his and hers money. my hubby works i dont im 18 and have another year left of highschool because i dropped out when i had mi daughter who is now to. the money that i get to spend on me and nobody else is the money i get for babysitting which i do alot. he doesnt ask me to buy anything for him with it or my little girl i usually put that money away for stuff i really want to do like buy mins for mi cell of get myself expensive makeup/clothes w.e

Kylie - posted on 06/22/2011

It's always been our money as long as I can remember. We had a joint bank account years before we got married. My sister is the type to always keep money separate and pay her bf back if he buys her a cheese burger. I never understood it.

Maria - posted on 06/22/2011

I have completel say in the finances in fact im the one that is always literally paying the bills even if im not the one actually making the money. He brings home the check and then i do what needs to be done with money. However currently i am the one working and he is not. We are not married so technically it is MY money however i never act like that and i never make him feel like he is given an allowance or like he cant use the money as he wishes ( like if he wanted to put gas in the car or buy something to eat for himself he definitely never has to ask permission). However i know that we have argued and when he was the only one working he did say things like well its MY money and other things along that line so i never forgot that. But i feel like i am real fair when it comes to the finances and i make sure that everything is paid first then i budget how much goes into the savings and how mush is just fun spending cash SO bottom line no matter who is working or bringing in the money i am the one in charge and responsible for it :)

Tah - posted on 06/20/2011

Im not sure..lol, i mean is it our money..sure..but i still don't like ot buy his gifts out of the account his paycheck went into..Its funny...our checking account is actually the one he opened when he joined the military. I was added on when were married so i have full access to it, but we opened a joint savings account together(which i have my work checks go into via direct deposit) i also have 2 acoounts he does't have access to...he knows about them..if i decide he can take something out of one of them then i will give him the card. the other is in in my maiden name because it was set up between my ex-fiancee and I to send child support but i can use it for whatever i like as well....so our paychecks never go into the same account, Most bills come out before we even see his check via what the military calls allotments and then the rest are still paid with what goes into the checkings after that..So he does pay 95% of the bills, my check is usually for extras or vacations or those things that come up so that the savings doesn't get drained trying to fix cars etc...but overall i would say our money when married.

Nicole - posted on 06/19/2011

I think it's up to the couple how they work their finances and as long as both agree 100% in their financial agreement, then it's not an issue. What is an issue? When one in the relationship uses finances to control the other. If the finances are only being utilized by one at the expense of the other then they are not in an equal partnership.



I also think that how finances work for a couple may have to do with their family dynamics. For instance, when my husband and I both worked outside the home, we usually kept our income separate from the other, it wasn't a conscious decision, just happened, BUT we always contributed to the household expense evenly. It just happened that when a bill was due, one would pay that and the other would get groceries. Or one would pay child care fees, while the other would get the cable bill. And so on. It usually depended on our pay cycles who would pay what. It was never an issue. ALSO, even though we kept our finances separate (for some reason), we always had access to each others assets and financial statements. Nothing was hidden. Now, we wonder why we made it so complicated instead of just doing it out of one account, but I think it started that way as necessity because we both had direct deposits into our own accounts when we married and then after, it was just habit. Then, during the times that I have not worked outside of the home, we just shared my husband's salary. He's never referred to it as "his money" and any time that I would say things like "even though I don't make any money", he always tells me that my contribution is still important and that it is "our" money. I know, I have him trained well! ;o)



So, what works for one couple may not work for another and as long as both are treated equally, it shouldn't be an issue. It sounds like some of these women are not treated as such and that's just sad.

Joy - posted on 06/18/2011

It's been "our" money since long before we ever had our son. Back when we both worked, we had one bank account, all the money went into it and we took care of our bills from one pool of money. And when I stopped working to be a SAHM? Still ours. I like what JuLeah said about adding up the hours we work. And it depends on my mood, whether I'd consider sex work or not lol

Jessica - posted on 06/18/2011

In my marriage everything is our money. On occasion even though I am a SAHM I make a few bucks here and there. And that's our money too. We had a joint account before we were even married and we both have separate accounts as well. But all the money we share.

Legally when you marry you spouse you married everything. If they are in debt you are in debt. I know women that are pissed cause their husband's owe child support and they never get a tax return because of it. But they are the ones that married a man that was behind in child support. But legally they are no responsible because they married that person.

Victoria - posted on 06/16/2011

I have a joint account with my mom (just in case) and he has one with his. We also have a joint account for his paycheck as our main. We each get a little "fun" money set aside per month for our personal accounts (which we usually use for bills).
I'm luck enough to have a husband who understands that most of OUR money goes towards OUR home and OUR life. We don't make a lot of money and neither of us spends a lot on "personal fun" stuff. He thinks I'm a little nuts when I'm shopping for holidays a full year before, but now we have one girl (and one due anytime) he saw that it's a real money/time saver. Not to mention, when I "over buy" on the sale items, that means I usually have extra and we can help out other families in need.

Bevely - posted on 06/13/2011

We both work full time, the money in my account is my money, the money in his account is his money. I have no access to his and he has no access to mine. We work together though, I pay all the bills out of my account, and he gives me a check when he gets paid to do so.

Holly - posted on 06/12/2011

Lol JuLeah, I actually did that once when my mom emailed me what all those professions make (including others, like CEO for planning stuff, limo drivers/chaufers and other stuff like that). I calculated what I would make hourly, monthly and yearly (can't remember the exact amount now, but it was over $200,000 per year) and my hubby was astounded... and it's really made him appreciate what I do more :)

I'll see if I still have that email. I may have deleted it, but I'll check and if I still have it I'll copy and paste it into here :)

Cynthia - posted on 06/12/2011

it is our money. even if both partners work each pay check is shared money. if one partner dont work it is still our money. just like it is our bills. our house, our kids,

JuLeah - posted on 06/12/2011

Cooking, cleaning, driving is work. Add up your hours one week and give yourself minimum wage, see what you make.

Count everything, driving, medical appointments, hair cuts, tutoring (homework help) shopping, cleaning (a maid makes $20 an hour) cooking, meal planning, clothes shopping, gift shopping, holiday planning, volunteer in the class room, home repair, gardening (landscapers make a LOT) pet care, laundry care ..... I bet you make more then your husband and if he is smart, he knows that and values it.
I hope sex doesn't factor into this as work for you.

Bridget - posted on 06/11/2011

I guess I kind of look at the money as his. Im a SAHM with our 2 girls- I have credit cards in my name and I spend what I want- with in reason. He gets the bills, he pays the bills, I never see bills or even the balance in the checking and savings accounts. I do get to see our investment accounts. He doesnt make me ask for things, but I do anyway.

Jayce - posted on 06/08/2011

What's mine is mine
What's his is mine
What ours is mine

Just joking. We have separate accounts but we share the expenses.

Tawny - posted on 06/08/2011

Im a SAHM and my husband always says it is our money since he is the only one bringing in the money.. He lets me buy what I want but Im the only one who knows exactly how much money we have he has no idea.(he would get lost, he isnt good with money) :) I dont go crazy and buy whatever I want I see if it is feesible and do it and I do ask him here or there if it is alright if I go and get a pedicure or what not. He says as long as we are doing okay with money and he says that I deserve a ped. or what ever since I do stay at home and take care of the kids and house and put meals on the table at night for him since the man does work between 10-12 hrs a day to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. I let him know that I appreciate him and tell him that he is a good husband, father and provider... He is a pretty good man I do have to say!!

Tasha - posted on 06/08/2011

This is a great question,i struggle with this very much, I am 31 and a SAHM of one, a 5 month old boy, i have worked and for the most part taken care of myself since i was 15. I left a very good job after i got pregnant, i didnt want to go but it was out of my control, a very crappy situation. So since last year my husband has been the sole income for the household. He put me on his account, on the checks, at first i had a hard time buying anything without him, groceries, gas anything. I cant spend money on myself, he says its family money but i just dont feel comfortable spending it like i would my own money. For sure its a difficult transition for me, not sure ill ever feel good about it.

Amanda - posted on 06/08/2011

Me and my hubby consider the money he makes working to be ours. He works 12 hr shifts, but not every day. I stay at home and take care of the kids,clean, cook and things like that. When we have to decide on things to get, we talk about it together for the most part. However sometimes I do feel like he spends money on things unnecessary needed when we don't have a lot of money to work with and he gets things when I "need" something for myself. But it's my fault sometimes b/c I hardly ever actually get something for myself, it's usually something for the babies or something i have to have such as shampoo or milk. anyway i probably said too much but for the most part me and my hubby make financial decisions together and consider the money to be both of ours.

Lacye - posted on 05/12/2011

I'm in the same boat as you Allie. I'm also a stay at home mom/college student. My husband just bought me a van, but it's our van. He says it's mine but it's ours. Being married really is a team effort. whether you work inside or outside of the home.

Allie - posted on 05/12/2011

Definitely ours. We both make sacrifices.. and it goes to both of our needs and our sons needs. With that said, if I'm out shopping at Target or somewhere and see a cute dress or shoes I'll text him and see if he minds... but he does the same thing with computer gadgets. And I refer to MY car and HIS car, but they're our carS... I'm currently a stay at home mom/ student, but I'm looking for a part-time job to help with some medical bills (HIS) but being married is a team effort, PERIOD.

Erin - posted on 05/12/2011

I'm a sahm too, although we have separate accounts I get a very generous allowance each month that's for me to do with what I like and for my personal items (clothes, car lease, going out for lunch etc). Otherwise I have two credit cards that he pays for that's for the family, one for groceries and one for everything else. I find it easier having my own money that I don't have to justify, the only time I feel awkward about it is if he forgets to give me a cheque at the beginning of the month and I have to ask for it.

Holly - posted on 05/11/2011

I stay at home and hubby works, but all money is ours together. Our reasoning is that I DO work, just not outside the home. Plus, if I worked outside the house my wages wouldn't even cover daycare costs for all 3 of our kids (because the youngest is still in diapers and therefore costs more, and I'd have to find a place that would pick my oldest up from school, which also costs more). So, by staying at home we're actually saving money.

Christina - posted on 05/10/2011

I'm the bread winner in our household, and he is the SAHD. It is OUR money. I keep the check book and pay the bills (because I am better at it) but after bills, all of the extra money is spent on how we both decide. He can spend money on crap he wants without worrying that I am going to be mad as long as it is in our "extra" pot.

Brittany - posted on 05/10/2011

I see the money as ours. He takes care of the some of the bills (since they are in his name it's easier), while I take care of the others, (they are either in both our names or just mine). I let him know when I've made a payment on something. That way he doesn't freak out when he looks at the available balance (he's done that when I've forgotten >

Constance - posted on 05/10/2011

Even when I didn't earn money of my own doing ithas always been ours. For us it has always been me that handles everything finacially. He doesn't make any decisions on where the money goes or how I spend it. Part of this is because he has alway been attached to the military in one way or another, so he spends more time away from home and he can't do the things that have to be done.

I know that before one of his deployments at the debriefing for the famlies.His CO stood in front of everyone and told all the active duty members this, " I probally make more money than anybody else here. I am married and have five children ( seems like the going number for military families. LOL)." He took out his wallet and opened it. and he held up the total of five dollars. he made it very clea that it isn't the service member's money it is the family's mone and you have to make it accesible for your spouse to pay the bills and be able to fix everything that breaks the day after we leave. Which is o true everything worksfine and then they leave and the dishwasher, waterheater and car break down the day after they leave. His point was they are inthis with us so they earn this money just as much as we do.

That has always stuck with me.

Good Day! - posted on 05/10/2011

I have to laugh at the concept that "he makes the money, so it's his." Aren't we a family? Everything we do is for the good of the family. He makes the money for US to use. I stay home and care for our children and house and cook. It's all important. If it wasn't "our" money and he controlled it and didn't use it for the good of the family...then I would be totally justified in letting the kids run wild and letting the house turn into a pigsty.

And I control the budget. I'm better at it, and my husband wants me to. He technically makes the money, but I give him a weekly "allowance"...lol! Of course, when he comes to me and asks for more money...I give it to him no questions asked. I just make adjustments in the budget. It's for the good of the family. =)

Karen - posted on 05/10/2011

We have a joint account (which I don't use very often). He pays a set of bills and I have my account which I pay the household bills, and groceries. We have a business loan(which is no longer running) which he's trying to pay off and when that is done (which will be forever! lol) then I'll feel like it'll be 'extra' spending money for me.
I know my friends think we have a weird way of doing things, but it works for us and I'm too scared to 'join' our money because he'll spend it! LOL