Is Sex Ed really the school's job?

Jodi - posted on 02/10/2010

My son goes to a Catholic boy's school, and they had a sex ed program during Year 5 & 6 which INVOLVED the parents. They firmly believed that by the school arranging the program so that all the boys could participate together, they were learning in a similar way, so the "sex talk" in the school yard would be much more informed than if every parent had taught each child a different way, etc. However, it was an evening program, where there was an evening session for the parents only (to help us with OUR role as parents and also to clue us in as to what was going to be covered, etc), and then there was a session for parents AND the boys. At the end of the school session, we were sent home with a DVD to watch together with our children to further expand on some of the topics covered in the session at school.

While I had actually already had the talk with my son prior to this, I thought it was a fantastic program. Having seen the way it was put together, I am a firm advocate of the fact that I think sex ed should be the school and the parents working together. No, it is not the school's "job" to provide sex ed for our children, but I do think that schools should play a role in helping to provide sex ed, with the co-operation of parents and the community as a whole.

The program we went to was conducted by a professional - it is what he does, he is a sex educator, and goes around to schools all over the country providing this very comprehensive program aimed at young pre-teens. The schools pay him to do this for them. It was excellent. I wish the government would fund such a program in every school. This way, it doesn't become the "job" of the teachers to provide the sex ed, but provides a very professional presentation, at a level the kids can understand, and also in an environment in which they can feel comfortable.

Nicole - posted on 02/10/2010

I think if having sex ed enables a parent to be lazy, then they probably wouldn't have done a good job in educating their children anyway. If they even attempt it at all. I think sex ed should be an ongoing discussion in school (with parents allowed to be involved all the way). I mean it's a part of human biology, right? Again, I think notes should be sent to the parents covering all that will be discussed, each time it's discussed and the parents will then have the ability to have an open and ongoing to dialogue with their children and with the school. And if the parents don't get the note or wish not to discuss it with their children, then maybe it's MORE beneficial for that child to hear it at school by a licensed and educated adult, rather than their just as clueless friends.

Amie - posted on 02/10/2010

So now I've read a few of these responses and how exactly is it enabling parents to be lazy?

I talk to my children about this and the school still teaches it.

If a parent is going to be lazy they will regardless of what is happening, same with involved parents.

Amie - posted on 02/10/2010

I don't see the big deal either way. Provided they are being given a proper sex education at home. Sadly many kids are not given one because of their parents hang ups.

I'm in Canada. Where we are kids start sex education in grade 4. It is absolutely amazing what they don't already know at this age. It starts with the basics, puberty, what's going on (or will go on) with your body, how to handle it, etc.
Our oldest is already going through this and has had a lot of questions. I've sat and talked with her. I've even sat and talked with her friends because their parents couldn't be bothered to tell them what a period really is. One girl thought it meant you grew hair in your arm pits. Good grief.

Kids like those are the reason sex ed in schools is a good idea. They will get the all the information correctly in a safe manner.

When they hit high school is when they start talking about sex and giving condoms. They are taught everything, from the basics of sex to STD's to pregnancy.

I think Canada's doing fairly well in this department. Our teen pregnancy rates are falling.

Krista - posted on 02/10/2010

There are uneducated parents. There are neglectful parents. There are highly religious families. I don't think children should be made to suffer for the fault of the parents. Children need to learn about the dangers that can come with unprotected sex. They also need to be taught about their bodies and how to respect them. I'm not deluded enough to believe that every child is growing up in a warm, loving and nuturing environment. It's all very well to say it's enabling parents to become lazy but how does anyone distinguish between the children who are not being informed and the ones that are? Should the children of less upfront parents be punished with lack of information because the parents aren't willing or too lazy?

C. - posted on 02/10/2010

I agree Nicole. And I also agree with something someone else said- I don't remember if it was this thread or another one about Sex-Ed- but they said the parents should attend the classes with the students. I think that would be a wonderful idea. At least "the talk" wouldn't be fully the school's obligation, since it really isn't their job anyway.

Nicole - posted on 02/10/2010

I think there should be a combination of both and that the instruction should be led by a very caring and sensitive person that is willing to include all the major feelings of the parents. Maybe notes could be sent home to the parents so that they can do some of their own talks about the matter including their moral beliefs.

Cathy - posted on 02/04/2010

Quoting Christina:
Yes, and keeping it in schools is giving some parents the reason to be LAZY with their parenting. WE, as in the schools and other parents, are NOT responsible for teaching another person's child about sex. But b/c people DO take it upon themselves to talk to another person's children about sex, WE are LETTING the parents STAY LAZY. That's like telling the parents of the uneducated that, It's Ok I'll talk to your kid about sex.. Even though it's your job as the parent, I'll do it anyway just so you won't have to. Oh no.. The parents need to be taking responsibility for their children and talking to their children about certain issues.

That's not to say it shouldn't be in schools, but parents really need to be stepping up! If you (speaking in general) didn't want to have to have "the talk" or actually parent your child, then you shouldn't have had children at all.

Heather - posted on 02/03/2010

P.s. in HS, it sex ed was all in one class...and even after all that, i had a friend approach me as ask me what it meant to be circumcised - and the only reason i knew about that was b/c i babysat a two little boys, one who wasn't and another who was...

Heather - posted on 02/03/2010

I'm sorry that I'm so confusing...i think it's because i have just too much stuff tumbling in my head...I do think it's the parents job!! I wish my mother had done so, I was not taught in school or by my mother, it was my wonderful sister in law who talked to me a few months before i was married and a lot of stuff i had to learn through as I bumbled through it all!! it's funny now...



Like someone said in an ideal world the parents would do it. But since we have lazy parents we should have it in schools, but let's get the education of sex up a few levels...not just about how to have sex, condoms, and STD's...let's teach young children, especially young girls. all the stuff beyond sex. How a woman was built and what her body can really achieve, Teach them to really true, KNOW their own bodies and how they function. bring in the Dr., Midwives, OB/GYN rather than a lesson book and all the other bumble i said earlier. Hope that clarifies issues!

Carrie - posted on 02/03/2010

That's if the teen's are actually listening to what's being taught in the first place.I know I did not listen to very much in my classes of sex ed which were taught with gym.Sorry teach.She was to me after all a gym teacher and not a health professional learned in sexual and over all subjects that could and should have been discussed.I mean on my opinion of it.I think they should start even younger and have parents attend,So everyone is on the same page.It probably would have gone a long way to know in advance that strangers weren't aloud to touch me,And only doctor's when necessary.By not being informed by my mother or the schools I attended in elementary that left me open to be hurt.So do we let our kids be subjected to ignorance hum you tell me.The government and the church can not account for every pedophile out there but with knowledge our children do not have to suffer.

C. - posted on 02/03/2010

@Teresa.. That's Ok. But you would think that they would want something better for their children and have the talk with them! Who cares if they're embarrassed. It's a part of life.

Jackie - posted on 02/03/2010

This is to Heather...

Please do not take this the wrong way but I think you just argued the wrong side. You said it should be the parents job but then you told a story about how you were not taught by school or parents and you were left in the dark... I'm confused on where you stand...



And, when I had sex Ed it WAS boys in one class and girls in the other. We were taught all about our bodies and the functions among everything else.

Teresa - posted on 02/02/2010

Unless they had those children because no one had 'the talk' w/ them....



Sorry, couldn't resist!

C. - posted on 02/02/2010

@Cathy S.



"In an ideal world parents would be the ones who educated their children on sex. The simple fact is there are too many parents who DON'T! "



Yes, and keeping it in schools is giving some parents the reason to be LAZY with their parenting. WE, as in the schools and other parents, are NOT responsible for teaching another person's child about sex. But b/c people DO take it upon themselves to talk to another person's children about sex, WE are LETTING the parents STAY LAZY. That's like telling the parents of the uneducated that, It's Ok I'll talk to your kid about sex.. Even though it's your job as the parent, I'll do it anyway just so you won't have to. Oh no.. The parents need to be taking responsibility for their children and talking to their children about certain issues.



That's not to say it shouldn't be in schools, but parents really need to be stepping up! If you (speaking in general) didn't want to have to have "the talk" or actually parent your child, then you shouldn't have had children at all.

Rosie - posted on 02/01/2010

i believe it is a great thing to have in schools. some parents don't do a great job in informing their children about sex and it has to be taught to them somewhere. i believe that abstinence only is NOT the way to go. i'm all for abstinence teaching along with information about birthcontrol, condoms, STD'S. kids are not goiing to always go along with abstinence and they need to inform themselves on what would happen to them if they chose unprotected sex.

Meghan - posted on 02/01/2010

just checking we were on he same page about that lol...

Heather - posted on 01/31/2010

Meghan Maloy - "so the children should suffer because of lazy or inattentive parenting...this is why having Sex Ed in schools is a must...can you imagine what the teen mom rate would be if some of these kids just learned things off the street, from their friends, or the hard way after they have already made the mistake and gotten pregnant or caught an STD???????"



You're right about that...I guess i should have said that I think that if they do decide to teach sex eduation, it should be in the individual class for men and women separate - like i mentioned. I think any kids can learn about STDs and condoms and how to have sex just by walking the halls of any high school! It's the learning of your body that needs taught. I know that our health teacher was a male ( who was sexist to begin with), and to me as a young girl in HS, that's was just another reason for me to detain from taking sex ed! A male class taught by a male teacher, a female class taught by a female. Bring in the Doctors, Midwifes, OB/GYNs, talk to men about keeping clean, prostate health, the dangers, there is so so so much to learn that isn't being taught like it should be! Learn about what your body is, not just want it can do. Men need to learn about women too and young girls need to be taught about men too. I am all for that type of sex education. I fully plan on teaching my children everything I can about sex and refuse to let someone else take that critical moment in my child's life to fill with the lesson books!

Alison - posted on 01/31/2010

I think teachers should stick to providing children an academic education. It's not the schools job to socially educate people.

More families would use public schools if they spent the money on helping kids pass their exams rather than teaching things that go against their personal concience.

Jennifer - posted on 01/31/2010

I think sex ed is needed both at home and school. I live in the UK and I went to a Catholic School so we did Religious Edication and learnt about different religions view on sex. Our school did not give out condoms - I don't agree with that, if they are old enough to have sex then they're old enough to go to the doctor or a sexual health clinic to get some protection! My mam gave me some sex ed at home which supplemented the sex ed given at school and I'm grateful for that.

Lise - posted on 01/30/2010

It's the parents' job, but too many of them just don't do it and they need to get the info somewhere...

Meghan - posted on 01/29/2010

absolutely not! Sex education is the parents job and like people have already stated - a lot are doing a piss poor job about it. I was one that my mother didn't tell me a whole lot because she was taught nothing - and yet I was opting out of the sex education in school because it was all a bunch of condom promotion! I do believe in abstinence, but it needs to come from responsible parents teaching their children at home! Nothing came make up for a good parent teaching their children at home what a child needs to be taught!

Heather - posted on 01/29/2010

absolutely not! Sex education is the parents job and like people have already stated - a lot are doing a piss poor job about it. I was one that my mother didn't tell me a whole lot because she was taught nothing - and yet I was opting out of the sex education in school because it was all a bunch of condom promotion! I do believe in abstinance, but it needs to come from responsible parents teaching their children at home! Nothing came make up for a good parent teaching their children at home what a child needs to be taught!



When i was getting married, my mother didn't even say a word to me about sex. It was my SIL that approached the issue b/c she knew my mother enough to know i was getting nothing from her. What i would like to see more than anything else in sex education is the education of individual bodies! Men in one class, women in another. Not just about sex and position and condoms, and STDs all in one giggling class. Learn about your body, who you are, how you where made, and what your body was made to do. Women especially are soo left in the dust. We all know men - they have testosterone - a LOT of it. But women - oh i feel so much for these young women who know nothing about their own bodies. They think sex is just as easy for a woman as for a man - HELLO!!!! They need to realize how a man thinks and what a man sees! They need to know their bodies, know how it works, know how to keep it clean and what they are promoting. It wasn't until I talked to my aunt after I had my first child that I was told to pee after sex because it can help keep you from a bladder infection. WHAT??? WHY didn't someone teach me that stuff!! Young girls need to know the risks and measures they take on not only their bodies, but their young spirits, and the young babies they bring into this world if they chose to have sex before marriage! Liek someone said early - all this crap promoting teen pregnancies is sickening! When what the last time you saw in a movie or on tv - a good well grounded wholesome sexual relationship between a husband and wife? I can't ever recall that? So mothers please please teach your daughters! Fathers please please teach your sons the delicacies of a woman - not just the gratification of testosterone! Too many young ones out there hurt and feeling alone because they haven't been talked to or don't know who to talk to!!

Shavaune - posted on 01/29/2010

I think basic sex ed should be taught in schools. I mean how many kids are in foster care bounced around back and forth? Too many parents don't bother or wait too long also and their kid ends up pregnant before they get around to discussing birth control. However, my personal opinion is that if you want to do something right, you need to do it yourself! This applies double when it comes to raising your kids. So the school can teach my kids what they like but I plan on having an ongoing open discussion FREQUENTLY about sex with my kids. I believe it should be done in stages from about the age of 11 until there out of my house. There are soooo many issues when it comes to sex now. Especially when it comes to respect for your own body and other people's, (for both boys and girls) Diseases, teen pregnancy, birth control etc Geez I get freaked out just thinking about it! I'm sure not going to rely on some stranger to have a 1 hour conversation with my kid and think that it's sufficient.

Amy - posted on 01/29/2010

I think it's good to have a topic of it in a required health class, but doesn't need to be TOO in depth. I don't think schools should be giving out free condoms, but guide students to places that offer them.

My husband and I plan on having that discussion with our son, however because not all parents will I would rather have a class that would inform those who's parent's are not telling them about it. I also think it would be good to help "fix" some rumors, for example the pull out method.

I think it's sad that we need to go down this road, but because parent's just aren't teaching there kids that it needs to be thought to them somehow.

Jackie - posted on 01/29/2010

Here is my take... I think that the schools do not need to take FULL responsibilty in that dept however I DO think that they should continue educating children in the facts. Cause and effect, consequenced, and how to protect themselves. I think think it's the parents job to teach morals, values, self respect and right from wrong.

If you teach children, namely young teens, that you cannot have sex and teach complete abstinence, they're going to rebel. Not only will they rebel,but they'll do unprotected and without the knowledge of what can happen.

People are in for a very rude awakening if you think that your child is not going to be exposed to sex. You can shelter your kids all you want but they will be exposed to it in one way, shape or form and it's better thet they have an understanding of whats going on all around them. Not to mention, you children are human and they are going to be curious.

just sayin. I'm 27 and I have sex Ed since 5th grade (that usually taught the basics of periods and such) but now that I look back, it helped me.

Carolee - posted on 01/29/2010

Sex ed should be something that is covered in Health class. But, the parents should be responsible for teaching what they believe to their children as well.

What should be taught in school should be just the basics. Very basics of how it works, and info on STD's and that you can get some of them even without having full vaginal intercourse (some parents don't even know that... not a lot, but some).

The parents should teach their own children whether they believe in abstinence or condoms/birth control pill and what age or situation is "okay" to have sex. That part is completely up to the parent.

Krista - posted on 01/29/2010

Sex ed isn't the school's job, per se. However, where so many parents are derelict in their duty in this particular category, then SOMEONE has to teach these kids about basic reproductive health. They learn about the various other bodily systems (cardiovascular, digestive, endocrine) in biology class, so it only stands to reason that they should also learn about the reproductive system.

But, I agree with Cathy, that a "Health and Human Relationships" course should be introduced into the curriculum starting at Grade 5 and going right through to Grade 12, covering things like dating, relationships, love, marriage and divorce, pregnancy, childbirth, STDS, contraceptives, sexual development from infancy through to old age, rape and sexual assault, LGBT issues, and historical perspectives on sexuality. When I was in university, I took a Health Ed course that touched on all of that, and I found it to be incredibly fascinating and it contained a lot of very valuable information. I kept my textbook, and plan to refer to it often when teaching Sam about these things.

Meghan - posted on 01/29/2010

For a country that prides itself on moral integrity and values, it seems ironic that the U.S. has a higher rate of teenage pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases than any other developed country in the world.



People blame the media, advertisers, and a myriad of other sources as the reason behind our sex-obsessed culture. But perhaps it is what we aren’t learning that is causing the problem.



In dozens of recent studies conducted throughout the last decade, nearly every single one concluded that abstinence-only sex education has not only failed, but has in fact mislead teens and contributed to an increase in teen pregnancy and STDs. The American Psychological Association conducted a study in 2005 that found comprehensive sex education to be more effective in preventing unwanted pregnancies and STDs.



When minors are told that sex in any way, shape, or form is dirty and shameful, it discourages them from being safe when they do become sexually active because it has been stigmatized. So instead of buying condoms or talking to their parents about birth control, unprepared teenagers delve into sex without knowing how to protect themselves or fully understanding the consequences.



The Obama administration has taken note of the ineffectiveness of abstinence-only sex education and is currently looking into whether or not to adjust the policy that states not receive funding for sex education if they teach “abstinence-plus” or comprehensive sex education.



Despite what happens politically, it is important for parents to educate their children in whatever manner they see fit and to rely on school-sanctioned sex education only as supplemental information.



I think now more than ever schools need to have a hand in Sex Education...look at all of the new shows with teen moms that almost glamorize teen pregnancy...The Secret Life of the American Teenager...16 and Pregnant...Teen Moms...and that new one coming out about a group of teenage best friends who all decide to get pregnant at the same time I think its called Mom's Club...yes these shows depict how hard it is to be a teen mom but by the end of the episode every conflict is solved and everyone is fine and back to normal...I think it is kind of irresponsible for broadcast stations to air these shows in such a light and uplifting way...teens today will get pregnant and think...wow Ill just call MTv and get my own show...I think it is more important for parents and schools to work together at this, to bring the teen mom percentage down...I also think teaching abstinence only in schools is a joke...its obviously not working...in regions of the country where they teach abstinence only the teen birth rate is 16% higher than with a comprehensive curriculum...

Sarah - posted on 01/29/2010

I think sex education should definitely be taught in schools.
While i hope my daughters will feel able to discuss all issues with me, there are many children who WON'T feel that way, they need to learn these things from somewhere.

When i was at school, there seemed to be lots taught about the biology of it all, and not much on the emotional side of it. I would like ALL aspects of sex to be discussed. (Maybe they do nowadays!)

Teaching abstinence only is NOT going to work. Contraceptives NEED to be discussed.
I've no problems with condoms being handed out. I will teach my daughters to hold onto their virginities for as long as possible, however, i know that they MIGHT not listen and in that instance i would rather they had SAFE sex. :)

Kelsey - posted on 01/29/2010

I think they should tech them about the reproductive systems, pegnancy, and birth control. I dont see anything wrong with educating kids on sex. Free condoms are just weird though. It seems like it would be promoting sex.

Cathy - posted on 01/29/2010

In an ideal world parents would be the ones who educated their children on sex. The simple fact is there are too many parents who DON'T!



Teaching abstinence with no moral and ethical background is NOT going to stop children having sex.



There needs to be more focus in schools placed on the educating children on relationships and the responsabilities of them, before sex even enters the pictures. This needs to start at a younger age. There are so many children growing up in broken families and I believe that it only contributes to levels of teenage pregnancies/ STDs. They have no experience of what a truly loving partnership between adults should be like. Teaching life skills, co-operation, compromise are values that are missing from the current just 'sex-ed' classes. At the point when a child is ready to learn about physical aspects of sex they have then been properly prepared for the emotional aspects which I feel are so seriously lacking.

C. - posted on 01/28/2010

Heck no! It is the PARENT'S job and the parents need to be taking more responsibility for not talking to their children about sex! Schools are there to teach curriculums like math, science, language, etc.. Sex-Ed should stay in schools, but the parents need to be talking to their kids about it instead of leaving it up to the school.. The school systems are not babysitters and were never meant to take away the parenting aspect of the parents, that's not why they're there! By the time a child takes Sex-Ed, they are probably already starting to experiment with various forms of sex, whether it be oral or otherwise and are already at a high risk of getting some form of STDs if they haven't already gotten one.

Teresa - posted on 01/28/2010

Is it the school's job? No. Unfortunately there are too many parents that don't do their job and it's better for the kids to get that education in school than to not get it at all (or just get it from the other kids).



Not quite sure how I feel about what the school may or may not teach (not quite there yet w/ 3rd graders) though....

Good Day! - posted on 01/28/2010

I agree that it should be parent's responsibility but obviously many parents aren't taking on that task. I'm all for abstinence but my problem with it is that it assumes all kids are still virgins. Kids will take the view, "well I've already messed up so might as well keep on going." Kids, especially girls, should be taught that they can say no anytime, past doesn't matter. So abstinence in conjunction with educating about prevention and consequences is the way to go in my opinion.

Sara - posted on 01/28/2010

I think abstinence only curriculum is ridiculous. It's a total "head in the sand" type of approach. I think that school is about education and part of your education is understanding what sex is and consequences of it. The only way I think you can really make a positive impact on someone is to educate them, what they do with that knowledge is up to them and the values their parents have instilled in them. I agree with Jenny that it should be something introduced in a basic health class or science class.

Jenny - posted on 01/28/2010

Basic educational staple covered under health. The risks to the children are too huge to not have it openly and thouroughly covered. I'd say leave it to parents but quite honestly, judging by the numbe rof STD's and teen pregnancies, parents are doing a piss poor job thus far.