Kids in the delivery room?

Jackie - posted on 03/02/2010 ( 21 moms have responded )

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So I saw this on another post...and I have had this debate/conversation with people in the past too. What does everyone think about having siblings in the delivery room? Or anyone beyond you and your husband (or coach) for that matter? Is it appropriate (specifically on the kid front)? Is it necessary (for anyone additional? Does it interfere with what should be a "family" time? Etc etc...very curious to see what people think.

I personally think the delivery room is solely for the mom and dad (or coach)...plus medical professionals obviously. You are bringing a new life into this world that you created, I just don't think theres any need for any other distractions. Especially not children, I'm against that for much more than the need for mom and dad to bond. The things a child will see are not anything you would let them watch on TV, so why should this be any different....it' is just not a place fo rthem. Not to mention labor can be very long and slow, or fast and chaotic...either way, mom needs to focus on delivering....not babysitting. And things can turn bad in an instant. would you really want (god forbid) your child to watch mommy have a fatal complication...b/c it can happen....in an instant...to anyone. So no, you can't say oh teh nurse would get them out of the room....they are there to take care of mom, not babysit, and when something bad happens thats their focus. SO I just think 1. too many things could go wrong, 2. its not anything they need to see and 3. its meant to be a 1 on 1 bonding time.

Really the only time I could see ANYONE else being in teh room was what someone posted about maybe bringing in your teenage daughter just to show her the reality of it...but i'm talking older teen who already knows full well what its all about....and even then not sure I would do it.

I'm all for people wanting ot meet the baby right away, my mom was in the next room and could hear my daughters first cry, and met and held her 15 minutes later...but no reason for anyone to come in/be present until everyones cleaned up and mom has held the baby.

Curious to hear what others say.

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I have a friend who has three kids. Her 2 year old daughter was present when her son was born. A year later, her 3 year old daughter and 1 year old son were present when her second daughter arrived. They managed just fine and her oldest daughter has very fond memories of watching her siblings come into the world. She is in no way messed up over it, even though the third child was delivered naturally.

In my case, I would probably not let my daughter in the delivery room. I want a VBAC so there are many things that could happen. It's very high risk. If I had the possibility of a very normal delivery, I would consider letting my daughter be a part.

C. - posted on 04/12/2010

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Well, with my son, all I had were my mom and MIL at the time b/c my husband had just reported to his first duty station in HI a little more than a month before (long story). So for me, it was a couple people that wanted to be able to share that experience that COULD share it with me.

Will I have my son in the delivery room with my next baby? Probably not, unless there is no one available to watch him.. But I plan on setting that up long before I'm due.

I don't really think that kids should be in a delivery room.. But other family members, I can understand, especially if your SO can't be there with you.

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I don't think children of any age should be allowed in the delivery room. You can educate them all you like but the fact is they shouldn't have to go through seeing a labour where there might be complications or where the baby isn't breathing when it is born and there's a panicked rush to resusitate. If something like that happened it could affect them for their whole life and if the baby does not make it how do you expect them to feel - like they could have done something to help? Labour is scary enough for the parents so why expose your children to it?

Emma - posted on 04/12/2010

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Before giving birth i wished i could of gotten someone else to do it for me as labour was just a scary thought. Why i would not of considered taking a kid in, We where so broke when my daughter was born i could only afford to do the important doctors visits during pregnancy and could not afford the birthing classes so i was walking in blind as it where
all our money went on giving birth in a privet hospital as the government one near us is beyond discussing...
My hubby had one job and that was to demand drugs for me i wanted him to have a T shirt expressing my wish for pain relief. to both of our shock and horror i was 10cm when i walked into hospital way to late to get my epidural :-( lucky for me it was ok as my daughter just popped out with no problem or pain meds needed, so i did not bother having with my son who also just popped out with no pain meds needed.

LaCi - posted on 04/12/2010

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Not for me personally, but if I had another it would likely be by c-section So I'd rather not have my son watching then hack open mommy's gut.

Julia - posted on 04/12/2010

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not so much that as her pooping....(she's gonna kill me if she EVER finds out that I said this!!!!)

Emma - posted on 04/12/2010

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Im sure it was good birth control, lol
the sight of a crowning dead would make sure you double banged it lol

Julia - posted on 04/12/2010

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"Raising a child inchurch/providing strong guidance is another way to help estab. a strong foundation for modesty, properbehavior, self respect, and responsiblity, for their actions as teen girls/teens"

Are you serious? SO because I don't raise my children with any kind of church my daughter's are going to be the whores of the school? And haven't you heard of the "good" catholic girls?

Holy crap....I want my children in the delivery room with me. I believe that bringing a new family member into the world is a FAMILY event. My daughter watched me in labor with her sister she was fine with it never bothered her at all...she missed the birth because she had been in the hospital all day and was getting completely restless, I literally gave birth 20 minutes after she left. I was pissed. I will have both of my girls in the delivery room with me this time around for when baby brother makes his appearance (ages 4 and 1).

PS I was in the delivery room with my sister when I was 16, 19, 20 and 21 (yes she gave birth 3 years in a row) and let me tell you that was the BEST birth control!!! Yes I was having sex (at 19 - 21, not at 16 but it was great motivation for me NOT to have sex at 16) but I made damn sure that I double tapped....meaning I was on birth control and he used condoms! And it seriously didn't scare me into not having kids at all since I am obviously pregnant with my 3rd child and wondering when my hubby and I are going to try for number 4!

Emma - posted on 04/12/2010

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I had my hubby and my sister in for both of my kids births, She never asked i invited her and my hubby was happy for the support lol
I would never of taken my kid in i think it would be distressing to the child the first time my hubby looked like he was going to pass out when he saw the head,

Johnny - posted on 03/03/2010

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I would definitely consider having my daughter present for my next birth. We are hoping to birth at home, so she would be in her own space, and not at a hospital. I do not think I would bring her along if I was going to the hospital, it is not a child-friendly space. We would prepare her and educate her beforehand, make that there was someone around specifically to look after her and what she needed (probably my mom), and she could leave the moment that she lost interest or was no longer comfortable. I think it's wrong to force a child to witness something like that if they are feeling at all upset. I would not want her standing and watching the "business" end of things, but I hope to have a water birth so that won't be as big an issue.

I've known quite a few people who were present at the birth of their siblings, and all of them were very keen on the experience. When I was in high school, one of my classmates helped at the birth of his little sister and it changed his whole demeanor and attitude to life, much for the better. He talked about how it changed him into a more caring and thoughtful person, and it was true. I think it can be a wonderful time for the family to bond as a whole unit. It was just myself, my hubby, my doula, and my midwife for my first birth. Nice and intimate. Next time, I'd be fine with adding my mom and my daughter (my dad would NOT want to be there, lol).

Lyndsay - posted on 03/03/2010

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Well... I had my mom in the delivery room with me because I had nobody else at the time and I didn't want to be alone. But I would NEVER allow my child in the delivery room! I think they will bond just fine as siblings, and that is not something he really needs to see. As a sibling.. my mom had my little brother when I was 10, and I wouldn't have gone to see it even if I was offered. To me thats just wierd and unnecessary.

Julie - posted on 03/03/2010

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Kids need to be kids.....they can "bond" in other ways when its more appropriate, this is a special moment for you and your hubby... family/kids can come in even minutes after the birth but not during. As far as the teen girls....as a 16,17 yr. old girl that would've scared me into never having kids at all!!! i understand the angle but if communication is functional between girl and parents; most girls get a sensible idea about sex/birthing babies. Raising a child inchurch/providing strong guidance is another way to help estab. a strong foundation for modesty, properbehavior, self respect, and responsiblity, for their actions as teen girls/teens

[deleted account]

Personally I wouldn't have my son in the labour room when I have our second child. Call me selfish but it's impprtant for mother and father to have a quiet moment when their child is born before anyone else sees the baby. Plus if the child was young it would be likely to distress them especially if anything were to go wrong. And I personally don't think many teenagers would feel comfortable watching their mother so exposed - I know I certainly wouldn't lol!

Jocelyn - posted on 03/02/2010

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I think if they are older and actually understand what is going on, I would allow them in the delivery room if they wanted to be. I wouldn't allow a toddler tho. Well at least not my toddler. He is so sensitive, he would freak if he saw me in pain. He came in with me when I went to the chiropractor once and flipped because someone was "hurting" me, and I was wrestling with my hubby once and he pinned me and I started going "oh ow ow get off" all in jokes but Conner saw and started bawling because he thought I was in pain. I had a home birth for my second and Conner was almost 3 years old, I sent him to grandmas. It was fast and fairly painless due to hypnobirthing, but I wouldn't have been able to concentrate if he had been there. And if I couldn't concentrate then I'd have been in pain, and he would have been freaking and then I'd be freaking, a vicious circle lmao.

Becki - posted on 03/02/2010

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for the birth of my first child my husband, his mom and sister (along with medical staff) were all present for the labor and birth. my mil was there for support and my sil was there because at the time she was 16 and we wanted her to the learning experience. i am happy both of them were there. for the birth of my second just my hubby and again my mil and midwife. by the time i had my 3rd, my oldest was 10 and she really wanted to be there when her sister was born. my husband supported the idea, i did not but at the same time i wanted my daughter to feel apart of the experience. i struggled with this decision my entire pregnancy. when the time came she stayed in the waiting room with her grandpa and sister during labor. my husband and mil along with midwife were in the delivery room for the labor. i did not want to traumatize her or make labor harder on myself (this was natural labor). when it was close to time to push my mil went out and got my daughter so she could witness the birth of her baby sister. what happens next i could leave out but i think i should include it. after the birth she got sick. thankfully her grandma was there to take care of her. to be fair she had been up since 3am and eating junk food with grandpa. we have dicussed this many times and she says seeing her sister be born was the best experience of her life and she wouldn't change it for the world. they are now 12 and 2, the bond they share couldn't be any stronger. she is like a second mom to her baby sister. i never regret allowing her to share this experience. we do have other children who did not wish to witness this and that was ok by me.

Leah - posted on 03/02/2010

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I would not let my son in the delivery room with me.But when my son was born I had my husband and mom in the room.To me it seemed natural for my mom to be there with me she brought me into this world and both her and I wanted her to have the experenice of seeing me bring a new life into the world.

Carolee - posted on 03/02/2010

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It's a tradition in our family to have the father and one more person in the delivery room with you. My dad and uncle saw me be born. My ex and my mother saw my son be born, and my husband and my sister will be there to see my daughter be born. I couldn't handle more than that... and I'm not quite THAT comfortable with my in-laws! I definately don't want my son in there, though. He would freak out because mommy's in pain. He's very caring, and very sensitive about when I get hurt.



If a child is older and can handle it, though, I see no problem with it.

Melissa - posted on 03/02/2010

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Depends on the children....

Mine would FREAK out....as they did when A Baby Story came on tv....
I have seen others who've been raised to see birth as a natural part of life and not gross or scary at all. There should definitely be a MIL or someone close to the family to remove the child if s/he gets scared or things get complicated with the delivery.

To each their own, I say

Christine - posted on 03/02/2010

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I have 2 teen girls ages 12 and 13. I became pregnant with my third child and sat down and discussed this with my teens. Of course one wanted to be in there and the other didnt. To be honest I felt like it would have been a wonderful experience until I went into labor. My labor only lasted in total from beginning to end 2 1/2 hours. By the time I got to the hospital I called my mother in law and told her not to bring my daughter because my labor was going so fast that I had to go natural in this delivery.I was very scared and was afraid of her experiencing what should be a beautiful thing and it actually changing her mind. My labor pains were strong I couldnt get myself together and was terrified of delivering without a epidural!You could only imagine what was going on in this delivery room.Needless to say by the time my mother in law arrived my daughter was with her against my wishes but I already delivered my new addition to the family. All I could do was thank god she didnt have to see this delivery.Its all about personal choice and your childs maturity level.Birth is a beautiful thing! After having 2 children you deliver much faster so you have to look at the whole picture and decide with the family what would be best.

[deleted account]

I don't think I would let my kids in the delivery room. It's a little much for a kid to actually see that! LOL But I guess it's up to the family. Maybe an older child who understand to stay out of the way, but if something did go wrong it might traumatize them. I did let my son see my dog have a puppy when he was 2 and he was pretty excited. I was pregnant at the time and I thought it might click in his head about how we were going to have a baby. Except as soon as the first puppy was born he said "Look! It's a kitty, YAY!" LOL

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