Laziness in potty training.....

Erin - posted on 04/07/2010 ( 26 moms have responded )

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Hello ladies. I've seen a few posts lately about people not wanting to see 3 year olds in diapers.



My son is 2 1/2 and really has no interest in the potty yet. He knows what it is and that pee and poop go in it and has even sat butt naked on it but has no desire to sit long enough to do anything. I think that it's best to let them go at their own pace just so it's less stressful for both of us and it's a much easier transition to wait until he is ready.



What does everyone think? Is it laziness to wait until they are ready, even if it isn't until they are 3 or should we push them just to get it over with?



(for the record this post was not about anyone, so PLEASE don't be offended)

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Minnie - posted on 04/08/2010

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Yeah, Teresa, I think the difference is you following their natural interest and not expecting success immediately vs. someone shaming and pushing a child who obviously isn't ready yet.

Minnie - posted on 04/08/2010

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Julia, there is a difference between going to school and a physical and mental development. You can plop your child on the bus and he'll get there. You can't force a child to hold his pee and put it in the acceptable place because you think he should be able to at a certain age. Sounds like forcing children to put themselves to sleep because one thinks they should at a certain age. Everyone becomes potty independent. No healthy adult walks around in diapers.

Julia - posted on 04/08/2010

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so lets see what else we shouldn't PUSH our children to do...at 5 Mommy I don't want to go to school. OK honey you don't have to go to school anymore. It's called a milestone for a reason. YOU ARE THE PARENT!! Which means sometimes being the bad guy and making them do something that they don't want to do. (I say WANT because once they stay dry throughout the night means they are physically READY to be potty trained) Hell you don't even have to be a bad guy you can make them want it by getting excited about it yourself. Big boy/big girl underwear OOHHHH LOOK AT YOU BEING A BIG BOY/BIG GIRL!!!! Honestly that's all it takes to get them excited about the potty!

My daughter was potty trained at 2 1/2...and it pissed me the hell off. I was deployed to Iraq and her father and grandmother did NOT want her to grow up. I would put her in panties when she was with me and she would do fine for a week. Next week she would go back to her father and diapers all day. Finally after a month of this going back and forth I had a 2 hour screaming match with my ex about it when he finally agreed to go along with the potty training...within 2 weeks she was golden. Within 2 months no accidents!

It's really not that hard...get yourself excited about it and guess what your kids will get excited about it too

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Jane - posted on 04/08/2010

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Well, I'm not sure I would call it laziness cuz' I think changing diapers is more work then potty training (LOL). Standard statement from most pediatricians is that parents should even BEGIN to worry about kids not being potty trained until the child is 3 years of age and in some cases, with boys, it could be a little older (those darn pre-men - hehe). I didn't push my kids but by 2-1/2 they were both out of diapers. With my daughter, now 20 years old, I tried at about 2 but she refused....so, I left her potty chair in her room and waited for her to be interested in it and within a few months, she wanted to use it and we were done. With my son who is now 16 years old, he wanted to do EVERYTHING his big sister did so when we introduced the chair to him at about 2 1/2, he did it and it was done.

Kids have to be ready...forcing them doesn't work. And like Lisa said "I see no adults in good health still in diapers" so I wouldn't worry about it :)

[deleted account]

I never push my kids. My 3 older children were trained anywhere from 2 to 3 years old. Only 1 was easy, the other 2 not so much. My youngest just turned 2 and has no desire what so ever even though I've tried everything to just get her to sit on the damn thing for more than 20 seconds so I just quit and will wait until she has more interest. You would be surprised how much a couple of months makes the world of difference when it comes to training so I wouldn't stress out about it yet.

Emerald - posted on 04/08/2010

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You are totally right to wait until he is ready, pushing the issue will just cause problems. I tried to potty train my daughter at 2 and 1/2 and she wasn't interested at all, I tried again 6 month later when she was 3 and she potty trained in 3 days, had maybe 2 accidents in that time and has never (in 7 1/2 years) wet the bed. When he's ready, you will no. And don't let anyone tell you you are lazy.

Sally - posted on 04/08/2010

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3 seems really late to me. For daytime, at least. Night is a whole different ball game. Depending on sleeping pattern and schedules, ect. Not being potty learned by 3 though, well it is hard for me to thnk that a child would not be ready by then.

Rosie - posted on 04/08/2010

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i think it should start when i a child shows signs of being ready and even then, if they don't want to, i'm not going to push it too hard. none of my children would potty train until they wwere 3. i tried at 2, they WERE NOT INTERESTED. i'm not going to force my child to do that until i feel he's ready. sure i'll gently nudge them in the direction that they need to be, but i'm not going to force them.

anybody who thinks they can get my children to do something they don't want to do are just ignorant, plus a little mean in my opinion.

[deleted account]

I haven't read past Julia's post yet, but if I waited til my girls were dry at night to start potty training them they WOULD have been in diapers til they were almost 5. So.... I guess I made the wrong decision by potty training them at 2...... ;)



And since I am the one that said I wouldn't potty train my son til he is 3 I wanted to add that the first time he pooped in the potty he was 15 months and it was HIS idea. Anyone that thinks I'm not doing things 'right' is welcome to come take over my life for me. :)

Niemah - posted on 04/08/2010

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Yeah I've definitely heard boys are harder to train than girls. My daughter has pretty much been training herself since a little before her 2nd b-day, in October. Some days are better than others and she still has an accident or two at nighttime but I feel the best thing to do is let them go at there own pace. Once you start forcing them or punishing them it deters them from wanting to go.

Amanda - posted on 04/08/2010

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Yeah, I don't see how you can "make" your kid become potty trained. I do see how you can traumatize them and make them never wanna become potty trained... lol... My son will be 3 next month, and much to my irritation, has yet to be potty trained... we've tried the "three day potty training" we have tried taking him every 20 minutes, we've tried praising the heck out of him when he actually does go on the toilet... he is sooo not into it!! He has gone before, pee no poop though... I think sometime this summer he will start getting it, he's been sitting himself on the toilet a lot this week *not that he's actually gone pee or poo at all* so hopefully it'll be sooner rather than later.. I think I will cry if he's not potty trained by the time I have my baby-to-be... I'm so not trying to buy diapers for two lol I think also, if you try to push it and your child isn't ready, you're just gonna stress each other out. Not a good situation for either of you.

Amy - posted on 04/08/2010

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we tried and tried with my daughter. she LOVED to pee in the potty since she was two - but as a game before bed or bath. She didn't really get the concept and quite frankly would rather have played. We started to press the issue a bit and she went the other way and wanted nothing to do with it. Although the key with ours was to get her to want to do it. Once daddy told her we could use the money that we pay for diapers for things like ice cream and gum and without diapers we could have longer days at the zoo and more time at parks. she pretty much trained herself in a week. we've only had two nighttime accidents and it was right before her 3rd bday. we gave her panties and she LOVED them. it was all a pride and look what i can do that got her to. also a little kitchen timer we called the "potty bell" helped. We'd set it for half hour intervals and made it a game. who could get to the potty to pee first. pretty soon she had to go between dings and just went and we kinda forgot about the bell.

i've heard boys are harder to train, but i think it's funny that my one year old comes to me and says "pup" when he's gone poop and wants changed. who knows, maybe he'll be easier. ????

Jackie - posted on 04/08/2010

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My LO is only 14months so I haven't crossed that bridge yet however my brothers little girl had a hard time potty training. They kept pushing her and working with her and they got NO WHERE! They talked to the doctor and he said, "Leave her alone", the more you push, that harder she is going to resist. So they did and low and behold, it wan't 2 weeks and she never wore another diaper.

C. - posted on 04/08/2010

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If your child is showing signs of wanting to use the potty, then potty train them. My son started showing interest at 16m. We tried potty training, it didn't work, so we're taking a break. Though my husband would like my son to be at least partially potty trained when he gets to visit next month, I really don't want to push my son. I started getting obsessive about it b/c my husband was "he better be potty trained by the time I get out there" (bear in mind that he really has not been around young kids that much, so he doesn't know a good age for it). But it started to scare my son, so it was better to take a break than to keep pushing him.

Although, I do think that letting a child over 3 years old run around in diapers in a bit much, but that's just my opinion.

[deleted account]

I can see both sides of it. I've heard boys are a lot harder to potty train. That they take a lot longer. I only have girls, so I don't know. When I see a 3 yr old in diapers, my first response is laziness on the parents part, but it is 9 times out of 10 a boy. So I think maybe it does have to do with gender. ♥ Plus, I understand that all children are different in their learning abilities..

LaCi - posted on 04/08/2010

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I haven't pushed mine at all. He'll be two in June, he does have a bit of interest in the potty. He's really proud of himself when he pees in it, so I just let him do his thing right now. He is currently running around the house naked, hopefully he'll use the potty and not the sofa lol. But I agree with letting them learn at their own pace, I just encourage him to use it as much as possible but there's no hurry. Annnnd he just brought me the potty lol. I do hope he gets the hang of it soon though ;) So far he's used it pretty sparingly since 18 months. He knows what to do, he's just gotta do it more often.

Lady - posted on 04/08/2010

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There is a huge difference in PUSHING them into it and GUIDING them towards it. All children needed guided and encouraged into potty training but if there is NO WAY they are going to do it then trying to get them to do because YOU have decided it's time is never going to end well. I have potty trained dozens and dozens of children over the 15 years I have worked with children and have a LOT of experience in this and I'm not trying to be a know it all because I'm sure there are others on here with even more experience than me and of course each child is different, but there is no set rule for ages when it comes to things like this - you really have to go with the child. You can have an idea of when you want to start and give it a go but if it's not going to happen then I say leave it for a while and try later. I was hoping to train my first son before my first daughter was born when he was 2 years old - we tried for a couple of months but he really wasn't getting the hang of it no matter how many times I got him to sit on the potty - he was getting stressed and so was I so in the end I gave up and left it for a few months. The potty was still around and sometimes I would encourage him to sit on it but didn'i PUSH him if he didn't want to. By the age of 2 1/2 he was ready to try again and was trained in a couple of weeks with no stress. My girls I left until they were about 2 1/2 before even introducing the potty and they were both trained night and day in no time at all - with out the need for taking them to the potty every 15 - 20 minutes. Potty training doesn't have to be the big deal a lot of parents seem to make it - if you leave it until the child is ready it is just a natural progression and over and done with before you even know you've statred!

Amanda - posted on 04/08/2010

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I wonder sometimes if any of these 3 year olds have even spent time on a potty yet. It actually shocks me when children over 3 are still using diapers around the house. Children can be potty trained without stress under the age of 3. I dont think its laziness, I think parents dont want to upset their children, or are to busy to be putting a 2 year old on a potty every 15-20 minutes, until they pee. I also know a few parents who would rather have diapers on a child then deal with the mess of an accident (children wearing diapers at home will take way longer to learn to potty train). I understand toddlers in diapers out in public, sometimes you cant predict if you will be near a potty when your little one needs to go, but at home potty training should at least start by the 2nd birthday. In our house it starts by the first birthday (this does not mean we push our children, they still have the choice, but the potty is introduced and when they start removing diapers on their own no more diapers are used within the home).

Lady - posted on 04/08/2010

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I really think you should let them do it in their own time - I'm pretty shocked at the amount of posts asking if it's alright to try and potty a child under the age of 2! Why would you even attempt that?
I think one of the most importants parts of potty training is not stressing out - the child and you - and if you try an push them into it before they are ready you risk frustration on both sides and it will take longer to achieve the end result.

Sunny - posted on 04/08/2010

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My son is about to turn 3. We have always had the potty out and at around 18 months he went 10 days straight using the potty with no accidents, than suddenly thought 'no i dont like that anymore' lol So i didnt push him to keep doing it, than about 3 weeks ago i came into the lounge room and the potty was full! He had taken off his clothes and nappy went to the potty (even used about 30 wipes lol) than put his nappy and clothes back on and kept on playing, with out even a word! Hes been doing the same thing everyday since. (I've been leaving his pants off to make it easier. I have no idea how he redresses himself nappy and all so well) So im all for letting them go in their own time. I havent done a thing and have a toilet trained boy!

Emma - posted on 04/08/2010

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I don't think its laziness, all kids are different my to have to very different personality's and have both have there own speed. My daughter who is now 3 was an early talker she started saying actual words at 6 months and by 9 months was doing sentences and at a year would talk your ear off she still dose.where my son who is 2 says a fuw words only. My son learned to walk at a much younger age than my daughter did.
My daughter was fascinated with the toilet and she decided at age 2 enough with the nappy and was 100% toilet trained within a week (day time) i still kept the night time nappy on for much longer than she would of liked but i wanted to wait until we moved house and there bathroom was next to there bedroom, the first night in the new house she point blank refused to put a nappy on for bed and has been nappy free ever since (excluding the one case of diarrhoea where i put her back in them as she had the squirts and was getting really upset if she did not get to the loo in time)
My son is fascinated with the loo but not in the same way he loves flushing things down it and has no interest in sitting on it at all, when he is ready it will happen but im not going to push him into it.

Jocelyn - posted on 04/07/2010

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My son was three in January and we've just getting him potty trained now (and it's actually going pretty well) I did want to start earlier, but I wanted to wait until he was talking so that he could tell us (he has a speech delay). But the months went by and he never said anything, so I said f this, I want him out of diapers now! So I buckled down, but after a few long days of not having any luck (and me getting very upset about it), I stopped. Tried again two weeks later with success!!! I don't know if he would have gotten it any sooner even if we had started at 2 years or even 2.5 years.
I don't think it is necessarily lazy to wait until they are ready, I think it would be lazy parenting to NOT try when they ARE ready! Many of the kids I know started pt-ing around 2 years or so, and for most, they finally got the hang of it around 3 years. In my experience even if they are ready, you still have to push them to do it.

[deleted account]

Hi Erin, no, it's certainly NOT laziness.Yes, wait till he's ready. Don't push them, they'll get there!

[deleted account]

You are a very smart woman! :)



After spending a LONG time potty training twins I decided that I'm not going to even attempt to potty train my son unless he turns 3 and is still in diapers. He just turned 2. He spends a lot of time w/ his cousin who is 11 months older than he is and mostly potty trained, so he's already started potty training himself. Sometimes he uses the potty, most of the time he doesn't and I'm totally ok w/ that.



I don't really care if anyone thinks I'm being lazy cuz I KNOW I'm being smart. ;)

[deleted account]

IDK...I really pushed Carleigh hard to learn because I wanted her out of diapers by this summer because last year at the lake with diapers was a nightmare...so yes, she was potty trained by 2 years and 2 months of age, and is now 2 years and 8 months old and only has the occasional accident, she is still in a pull up at night for safety but most nights could do without one at all...but I really worked hard...and I think she really wanted to or it wouldn't have gone as smooth as it had...we literally did it in 7 weeks I stared the week before she turned two. I think if your ready you can show some interest but if your kids not ready then its going to be a struggle and you should just put it on hold or you could turn them off of potty training longer than they would have originally taken.



I wouldn't look down on someone who has a 3 year old in a diaper because that could happen to anyone really, its mostly on how hard they want to work at it and how interested they are to pursue it...but by the age of four I might start looking at the parents approach to the situation.

Minnie - posted on 04/07/2010

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I see no adults in good health still in diapers.



We let children learn to sit up, walk, and talk at their own pace, why force another milestone that involves a lot of physical and mental development?

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