Male rights to opt-out of child support in unwanted pregnancies

[deleted account] ( 50 moms have responded )

Court cases have arisen in recent years as a result of a woman becoming pregnant against the wishes and intentions of a man, and the woman carrying the baby to term, and subsequently demanding child support from the unwilling man. The question is whether a man, who never intended to have a child and would have opted for an early abortion, should be obligated to pay child support, or whether they should have the ability to opt out of child support during the pregnancy. This, many argue, is necessary to establish equal rights between the man and women, as women have dominant rights to choose whether to carry an unborn fetus to term or seek an abortion irrespective of the position of the man.

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Jackie - posted on 04/26/2010

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I agree it does take 2, and I am pro-life but I know most of you are pro choice and would be fine with the girl having the option to just end the pregnancy....if she has that power without his agreement, he should be able to opt out without her agreement...but I do agree 100% it would be a decision that would have to be made before birth, and would relinquish ALL rights to that child at the same time.

Suzette - posted on 04/26/2010

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Ramona,

"Another thing, the woman may not have wanted a baby either....but may have been against abortion for reasons of personal conviction. So, should she be able to opt out of paying for it too?"

If neither party wanted the child and the man opted for abortion, thereby opting out, but the woman chose to have the child because of 'personal conviction' then she made the decision herself to keep the child. She always has the right to choose to give the child up for adoption which would be her way of opting out of paying. (Unless the father wanted to take the child on himself and give her the option to opt out of paying.) But if she chose, solely on personal conviction, then it should be her responsibility in my opinion.

Ashley - posted on 04/02/2010

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If a man didn't want the child, he should not be forced to pay for it. Simple as that. That being so, if he truly does not want any part of that child, he should then sign over rights. I believe once that is done a woman can't go after him for child support ever. I 100% agree with LaCi and Meghan.

[deleted account]

I think you would need to determine what consent of having a child is...I mean there is ALWAYS a possibility that through the act of sexual intercourse a child could be the end result! If the dude don't wrap it first then I would take that as consent to have a child, personally...taking a girls word for being on birth control is NOT enough to keep from having a kid! Abortion is NOT birth control!!! Nobody could force me to get one period! And frankly I would be worried about forcing someone to have a baby they didn't want!!! You might end up with a child w/FAS...that would be sad!!! I do think that a guy should have a say, I think that a chick should give him the baby if he wanted it and she didn't, I DEFINITELY think that Dad should get dibbs if Mom is giving the baby up for adoption, but there is NO WAY IN HELL that anyone would EVER make me get an abortion just because THEY didn't stick it in with the thought that a baby could be made! So in regards to paying support for the unwanted baby, I would then revert back to consent to have a child. If they didn't wrap it they pay...unless of course momma doesn't want him to have any say in it! Frankly I think that if Dad opted out first thing he might regret that decision later...maybe counseling first??? I think a lot of times even if the baby is planned men aren't always ready to be a dad and it scares them!

Mary Renee - posted on 02/17/2011

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What? If a man stick his penis in a woman than he better be prepared to help pay for the results. That's it. I don't care if he wanted her to have an abortion. Maybe it's against her religion.

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Suzette - posted on 04/26/2010

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Ramona, as I stated in an earlier post, it's different state by state for birth fathers who sign their rights over or have them severed. Just because they sign their rights away doesn't mean that the state can't come after them for child support.

Ramona - posted on 04/26/2010

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Anyway, a birth father CAN sign his rights over....what are we talking about changing here?

Ramona - posted on 04/26/2010

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Yeah i just think that when you make the decision to have sex you make the decision to become a parent if birth control should fail. It'd be great way for dead beats to get out of paying if men could "opt out."

Ramona - posted on 04/26/2010

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Anyway, HOW MANY deadbeats would say "well, I didn't want it so I am not paying!"

Ramona - posted on 04/26/2010

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Another thing, the woman may not have wanted a baby either....but may have been against abortion for reasons of personal conviction. So, should she be able to opt out of paying for it too?

Ramona - posted on 04/26/2010

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Umm....if the man REALLY does not want to take the responsibility to parent, it is HIS responsibility to make sure and wear condoms, even if the woman says she is on birth control. If he does not want to risk it with condoms, he should chose not to have sex, or he should gt a vasectomy. For a man to act like a victim when he chose to have sex without a condom is just ridiculous! It takes two!!!!!!!!

SarahJane - posted on 04/25/2010

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What worries me in this situation is if you take precautions against pregnancy such as birth control, condoms, or what not and it fails... then both parties need to be responsible. Now if it is tampered with then that's different.

[deleted account]

If he were going to pay every month I would care since we could get off welfare and be better off financially then we are right now. Since that won't happen then I don't care if he pays or not until I can get MYSELF off welfare since anything he pays now just goes to the state anyway. Once I'm off welfare he'll owe the state all the back support, but start owing me current support... THEN I'll care, but there still won't be anything I can do about it. He's always worked for cash, told the judge he would never pay, doesn't care if he loses his license..... :(

[deleted account]

My MIL got my FILs license taken away (drivers & business) for failure to pay child support! I know that they could always drive on a suspended & only get under the table jobs, but boy thats gotta b inconvienent somewhere down the line!

[deleted account]

Well, my ex would opt out of child support if he could. He can't, so he just doesn't pay it and no one really cares.



I know not everyone shares my beliefs, but I can't argue against them because I have them for a reason.

Amanda - posted on 04/24/2010

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I think that men should definately be able to opt out. I think it should be something agreed upon before they start having sex though, like documented somehow(that sounds wierd, but it would clear up the he said/she said crap). I don't think you should just be in a relationship, find out your girlfriend is pregnant and decide you don't feel like manning up and maybe you should just go find a new girl. I think that if knowing that beforehand about each other, that a lot of women would STOP having kids just to trap men, and they'd probably be a lot better at remembering their pill(i dont know about every chick, but i suck at remembering pills, thats why i got on the patch, which ended up killing my stomach, but thats neither here nor there) too lol. Also I think it would help teenage pregnancy, as I think they should have the right too if they feel they're old enough to be having sex. It might even put off a lot of guys and girls from having sex so young. Of course, it would also help prevent STD's if the relationship never happens due to someone not agreeing with the sex outlines.

I think this is also a great fantasy though. We wouldn't need something like this if people would use common sense about sex, which is, OBVIOUSLY, never gonna happen lol.

Suzette - posted on 04/24/2010

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@Ashley & others who have said the following:

"I believe once that is done a woman can't go after him for child support ever."

This is actually incorrect in some states. I know when my biological father's rights were severed, they were still able to go after him for child support. It's actually a state by state thing. She even told them that she didn't want the child support, they still went after it.

I do agree that men should be able to opt out in some cases.

Charlie - posted on 04/24/2010

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ooOOOoo i have two " the pill " babies .



I think if a woman tricks a man into pregnancy , poking holes in condoms , going off BC even though its well documented and proven to me twice that the pill is in effective than a man should have the right to opt out .



He was tricked for her own gain NOT his and the sex before marriage thing doesn't work seeing as many coupes dont believe in marriage and are happy in long term , committed relationships they should have the right to enjoy sex too , why should they miss out on that special bond simply because they dont follow the same beliefs of others .

Jenny - posted on 04/23/2010

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I know that, my daughter ws concieved on the pill, It is advertised as 99+% effective. Failed birth control is not an automatic consent to pregnancy. You take it in the first place because you don't want kids!

[deleted account]

Jenny my problem with that is it could have happened anyway regardless of her stopping b/c! Sure its awful she lied to him and duped him into having a kid, but even w/ b/c they should have taken other precautions! Female b/c is supposed to take care of the egg laying so then Dude should take care of the fertilizing part and theoretically all should be square! If you are only taking care of half the problem you leave a pretty large hole in your solution!

Shelley - posted on 04/23/2010

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I think they should be able to opt out in the right circumstances & they do deserve to have a choice just like woman do.

Amber - posted on 04/23/2010

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I think that under certain circumstances men should be able to opt out. And the idea of it has to be before the baby is born is good, unless the woman doesn't tell him until afterwards....In some cases, where it is well known that the man did not want a child he should have an option. No person should be forced to have a child that they do not want if they have made their feelings known and taken precautions.

Jenny - posted on 04/23/2010

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Teresa, they don't believe in marriage, neither do I actually. This was a long term commited relationship, there was no reason they shouldn't be having sex. He was duped, plain and simple.

Cynthia - posted on 04/23/2010

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Hmm... this one's a toughy. I agree with Jane, that most cases would probably become a he said/ she said situation and turn into a big mess and probably never get solved. I love what Belinda said about a man being able to make a woman deliver a child he wants and she can relinquish her rights- I think it should go both ways.

This all being said, I have issues with child support in general. My boyfriend's ex doesn't pay a dime for the daughter he has custody of, and he couldn't care less, because all he wants is his kid. I also don't think anyone (man or woman) should have to pay child support if they're willing to (and do) buy whatever the child needs- clothes, food, etc. There's SO many women who abuse the child support money they get and don't use it for the care of their child and use it for their own personal entertainment purposes or whatever.

[deleted account]

Which is also why I'm against sex outside of marriage. Doesn't guarantee you won't get bailed on (obviously, look at my life), but does lessen the chances at least a little bit. ;)

Jenny - posted on 04/23/2010

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I absolutely agree a man should be able to opt out before the baby is born. Don't want a bay, don't have sex does not fly with me. I know a couple where the woman told the man she was on the pill which of course she was not. They had been together for a few years so no sex is not part of the equation. She got pregnant intentionally to trap him because she knew he was going to leave her. Many women, especially younger ones, are doing this and it is so wrong.

[deleted account]

Sex makes babies and birth control is not 100% effective. Don't want to risk having a baby, don't have sex. That is my position any time this type of topic will come up. :)



The only exception to that stand is when it's unwilling sex (like rape) since one of the parties didn't choose to have sex.

[deleted account]

Don't have sex if you don't want a baby! Otherwise, pay up! Obviously there will always be extreme or special circumstances and in those cases I agree with whoever said that they should be able to ' opt out ' prior to the baby being born by signing away their rights completely!

[deleted account]

Lyndsay MacDonald said "I kind of sum it up to having unprotected sex and contracting an STD, but instead of health problems it drains your bank account once a month for life."

You know i'd rather have a child then an STD that would put any future sex partners or children at risk. Gawd forbid you contracted HIV/AIDS!!! Warts doesn't go away...there's plenty of possible consequences you can get from having sex. A chid is another one of those possible life long consequences, except it doesn't result in death (to the father anyways). Imagine if you contracted HIV and had no insurance...what THAT cost would be on your bank account every month! Sad sure, but dude! Women already live in poverty more frequently then men! They just need to get over it! Here's a novel thought: don't want kids? DONT HAVE SEX! Thats the ONLY 100% sure fire way to stay child free! Good luck! Your hand will never get impregnated!

Jane - posted on 04/22/2010

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If they guy did what he could to prevent the pregnancy (i.e., wore a condom) then I think he should not be forced to pay child support and be able to reliquish his rights to the child. I've always thought that for the man, it kind of sucks because he has absolutely no say in whether or not a child should be born. If he didn't wear a condom, well to me that means all bets are off. You can't trust that the girl is on birth control even if she said she is and even if she is, it's not 100% so the condom would at least ensure that he's protected.

Now, the problem is, it becomes a he said/she said type situation. If the girl wanted to trap him, he could say he did wear a condom and she could say he didn't and then where are you?

[deleted account]

Well men already have the right to opt out of being a father to the child. They already have the right to follow their dreams without responsibility unless they choose to be a father to the child. Fathers have soooo many choices already compared to mothers and their children. The child has a right to food, shelter and safety. If men get to opt out of financially providing for a child's basic rights, the burden will fall onto the tax payer. How is that fair?

Lyndsay - posted on 04/22/2010

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Its kind of a grey area for me. I think this should be a possibility, because it is totally not fair for a woman to have a child completely unwanted by its father (knowing this) and then demand money from him. He will be paying for that mistake for the next 18 years, and if he doesn't even have any emotional attachment to that mistake its not fair at all. I kind of sum it up to having unprotected sex and contracting an STD, but instead of health problems it drains your bank account once a month for life.

They should have some sort of legal contract for unmarried parents should have to sign, during the pregnancy, outlining their feelings about the pregnancy and if they support it. So if a guy signs this paper when the woman is 2 months along, saying that he has been urging her to get an abortion/adopt because he wants absolutely nothing to do with this child, he shouldn't have to pay. But if a guy signs the paper with his girlfriend saying that he's going to support her and the pregnancy, then decides to dump her sorry ass right after she has the baby, he should be made to pay.

Brie - posted on 04/22/2010

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absolutely not he didn't have to have sex with the woman... he choose to have sex knowing the consequences he should be man enough to take care of the child he equally helped to create... i am not single i am married and my husband agrees with me!!!

Belinda - posted on 04/22/2010

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I do believe that a man should be able to "opt out". But...he should only have the same time frame as the woman...first trimester. Not sure how you would implement it, as who knows when she will tell him. Maybe 12 weeks from the time he is informed?

Also, would men then have the right to MAKE a woman deliver a child he WANTS? If she can relinquish all motherly rights? Things that make you go hmmmm.

[deleted account]

I don't believe a man has the right to opt-out! Every dead beat would claim ignorance and it would lead to even more impoverished children with dead beat dads then there already is. I'm very sure that there are woman who "trap" men into having a baby and even ones who use men like glorified sperm donors. But I'm willing to bet they were more than willing to hop into bed no questions asked for a roll in the hay.
I look at it this way, a couple of years ago I backed up and bumped another vehicle resulting in a small dent on the bumper. Did I mean to do it? No, oh course not, it was an accident. Was I responsible for it? Yes. Did I pay to fix the bumper? Yes, or else I would have gotten my ass sued. Why? Because accidents happen but that doesn't mean I'm not responsible for my actions. Just like I should of taken a better look behind me as I backed up buddy should of taken more care keeping it wrapped up!

Jennifer - posted on 04/22/2010

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We all have rights to decide if we are going to lay down with someone. I don't believe in abortion in any circumstance. So, no, I do not believe that the male has the right to opt out of child support in an unwanted pregnancy.... Every action has an equal and positive reaction. We need to be more responsible for our own actions. That is one problem with the world today. No one wants to take responsibility!

[deleted account]

Okay, so what about sperm donars? I was reading about a case not long ago where a woman went to a sperm bank, got inseminated and then went after the donar for child support. There's also the case where this guy agreed to be a sperm donar so that his lesbian friends could have a baby. When the friends split up, the mother went after him for child support.

[deleted account]

I know thats happened before too but my only thought there would be that the dude should bring his own protection and take care of it himself. IDK? There will always be someone who messes things up! Just the same, I don't think she, by taking care of the child, is getting off scott free!

LaCi - posted on 04/02/2010

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As far as using a condom being *doing his part* What about all the women who use babies to trap men? I can speak of one instance I know of in which the girl poked holes in the condoms they were using. BAM. baby. Married teenagers.

Rosie - posted on 04/02/2010

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it's not, but she is doing her part in taking care of the "problem" (sorry to use that term, i've heard it used by men in these situations), he gets off scott free and gets to abandon his kid and not help?
also, pregnancy happens even when there is birthcontrol used. doesn't matter, a baby happened and he needs to suck it up and deal with it. as soon as he had sex with or without a condom he knows that a baby can happen. if you don't want a kid don't have sex.

[deleted account]

I really don't think a father should be able to "opt out". I agree with Erin, he opted in by not using a condom.




how is it any more his fault for not using a condom as it is hers for NOT making him wear one, or being on birth control herself...its takes two!!!! Maybe more un-planed pregnancies would cease to exist if this could be the case...if a mom knows that the father has the option to opt out girls might think twice about having casual unprotected sex...idk...maybe not though girls are stupid when it comes to that stuff...

Heather - posted on 04/02/2010

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I really dont think a father should be able to "opt out". I agree with Erin, he opted in by not using a condom.

LaCi - posted on 04/02/2010

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I second Meghan, it is something that would have to be done before birth.

[deleted account]

I think if this was the practice, that every man that just didn't want to pay would "opt out". I think the man should have to pay regardless.


what if they had to opt out before the baby was born...I agree that it is not fair for a woman to accure an abortion and the man have no say whats-so-ever so why would it be fair for a man to have to pay for a baby he has no say in weather she keeps or not?

Jackie - posted on 04/02/2010

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ya, like Erin said, not if we're talking about b/c the girl "said she was on BC"...but if he did his part and she ended up pregnant anyways then i think he should have a say.

[deleted account]

I think if this was the practice, that every man that just didn't want to pay would "opt out". I think the man should have to pay regardless.

LaCi - posted on 04/02/2010

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I ABSOLUTELY believe a man should be able to opt out of child support. For that last sentence as reason. If a man can't decide whether or not the baby is born the man should have the right to relinquish all responsibility and rights to the child.

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