mistress being sued?

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Barb - posted on 09/13/2010

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The Husband is the one who made the commitment to his wife, not the mistress, so why should she be accountable? She never promised the wife to have and to hold in good times and bad and keep herself only to eachother.. nope, sounds like something the husband would have said, not the mistress. i think it's a pile of bunk and an escape for holding the husband accountable and quite frankly, the wife as well. Many men don't cheat to get sex, men cheat to get attention, to feed their egos, to know they are Number 1.

just my 2 cents

Amber - posted on 08/12/2010

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How old is this law? Because honestly, it sounds like it is probably a law from the 1800's and has just never been taken "off the books". Back then, women weren't really allowed to work...so it would have made sense that they would be allowed to ask for monetary compensation.
There are many stupid laws that are still officially laws, but only because nobody has ever removed them; this sounds like one of them.

Jess - posted on 08/10/2010

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I think this law has a few flaws in it and could certainly use a few conditions being imposed.

But in a situation where children are involved and a mistress is aware of the hurt being caused the wife should be able to take steps to scare her away. I know a guy who had 2 kids and a lovely fiancee, he cheated, the new girl friend was fully aware, she spoke to the fiancee and said she didn't care about the hurt she was creating, she would keep pursuing the man regardless and she didn't care if this hurt the children.

As a mother I would want to rip this women to shreds. I would sue her for the pain and suffering of the children. Yes the father has A LOT to answer for in this situation but the mistress walks away scott free after having helped destroy a family. Not fair !!!

K. - posted on 08/10/2010

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Quick question Lyndsay. Do you teach your kids to take what's not theirs? Is it ok with you if they grow up thinking it's ok to steal? Just curious. I thought we all learned in preschool DON'T TOUCH WHAT'S NOT YOURS. Free to couple with whomever they choose? Negative! About time some of these people were help accountable for their actions!

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[deleted account]

Yep, Jennifer. I also live in a no fault divorce state. No one (in court) cared that my ex started sleeping w/ another woman while I was 7 months pregnant and he walked out of the hospital to go be w/ her the day after our son was born. No one cared that his 'reasons' for the divorce were that I didn't adequately perform my 'wifely duties' of cooking, cleaning, and sex (no seriously, he said that in court... my lawyer thought he was nuts) to his satisfaction. The judge didn't care that he had raped me a couple years earlier and no one is so far doing anything to get him to pay child support.

I DID manage to get full custody of the kids (only cuz he moved too far away for joint) of which I am enternally grateful, but as far as financial goes.... what I 'got' was being held legally responsible for 20% of the $50,000 worth of debt that he managed to accumilate over our 7.5 years of marriage. No spousal support, etc.... and I was a full time SAHM w/ no education. Sure would make life a little easier if ONE of the 2 of them would've been held at least partially accountable..... Instead, no one cares and I'm struggling to do everything entirely on my own.

Jennifer - posted on 09/13/2010

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Well, it all depends on what state you live in. I think most states are no fault...I know the state I live in is a no fault state. His infidelity played no part in our divorce...

[deleted account]

if my husband cheated, I would have a beef against him not the woman he slept with.. I don't care if she knows, she is the one with issues at that point. My husband is responsible for his own actions and if he DECIDES to have sex with someone else than HE is responsible for his own action.

I'll sue his ass for everything he has but her... no big deal

Brie - posted on 09/13/2010

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people can sue anybody anymore... hey you looked at me funny i'm going to sue you!!! like.. really??? what is really messed up is the fact that she can be sued even if she didn't know and even if she has proof the wife was sleeping around as well!!! this makes no sense... people are stupid!

Jennifer - posted on 09/12/2010

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Hell to the yes. I agree with Tah...the mistress should be held accountable. I read through most of the posts and no one really mentions God. In the times of the Old Testament, the woman would have been dragged into the street and stoned for committing adultry. And yes, the man is wrong...just as wrong. Both should have to pay. Even though she was on the outside of the marriage, she still committed adultry just as much as the man. In this day and age...committing a mortal sin is not punishment enough because you don't have to atone for that sin until you stand before God. People need tangible consequences in this day and age. I was married for 10 years and have 3 kids. The other woman came along and she knew he was married with kids. She still continued the affair. Did she care about my finances or my kids...?? Hell no, she cared about herself. If I could have sued her I would have. He has now married her just one short year after our divorce was final AND they both (my ex and the whore) have my children calling her MOM while they are over there. Do I believe she should have to pay for breaking up my family and putting MY children through hell, yes I do. Do I think it is fair that she is living in a big house and I live in a 2 bedroom apartment, and they have my kids believing that I take all their money?? No, it's not fair...Our system does not punish them for this...but I guarantee you, God's law does not let her off scott free...or him. And when you get married and you stand before God saying your vows...you have made that vow to God as well. Alot of people have mentioned how the man is the one that made the vow to the woman. True, but he also made a vow to God. And your right, she didn't make a vow...but she is still just as accountable as far as God is concerned. Hmm...what's that commandment, thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife. I think most of the people who believe the woman shouldn't be held accountable are people who would do the same thing and they know that they wouldn't want to be held accountable either. I know that for the rest of my ex's life, he will be living in sin. He committed adultry and the bible states that he is bound to me for life. When you sin, you have to ask for repentance and turn away from the sin, otherwise you cannot be forgiven. So, you can't commit adultry...ask God for forgiveness and then marry the sin. He is not free to remarry or be with any other woman at all for the rest of his life. Whether he is divorced from me or not, in God's eyes...he is committing adultry with anyone else. This is the only source of peace I have right now. This world does not hold the guilty accountable the way they should. But with faith and patience in the Lord, I know everything will turn out fine. Even if that turns out be that I am in heaven and they are both in the pits of hell. And yes, I know that as a christian I am supposed to forgive...I am working on it. I know that Jesus died for them just as much as he died for me and as difficult as it is, I try not to think of myself as any better than either of them....but at this point that is very difficult to do. I could probably forgive the cheating and everything else...but having my kids call her MOM...I draw the line. I get so sick of hearing about how the other woman isn't to blame. She isn't totally to blame...but she committed sin just as he did and she should be held accountable for her actions as well. If there were actual consequences for wrongdoing, I bet less woman would be out there being a whore with married men if they knew they could lose all their money for it. Same goes for the man or the woman...whoever cheated. I don't think they should get an equal share in the divorce, if they knew they would have to actually "pay" for their actions, they would be less likely to do it. Think about it, you know that if you go into a convenient store and rob them, if you get caught...you will go to jail. For most people, just knowing this is the consequence is enough to keep you from doing that wrong act. How is this any different??

Amber - posted on 09/04/2010

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I just saw a show last night on this. They said it originated in the 1800s when women were basically the property of their husbands. But it still is on the books in 7 states (I believe 7) And if you can prove that the other woman knew about the wife, and lured the man away from her, she can be sued.
The show that I watched, the other woman had written him letters over a period of a year, talking him into cheating on his wife and leaving his children. They proved that she was malicious in her pursuit of the man with no regard to his wife or family.
But...in reality, the most that will happen to the other woman is that her credit will be screwed up...all she has to do is file bankruptcy on the money owed.

[deleted account]

I like the idea.

Maybe a few more people will start respecting marriages as something again... Only suing your husband isn't overly helpful, as that presumably was your money anyway before he cheated.

Might make people grow up a little too... I'm getting kind of tired of living in an 'adults as children' society lately.

And as for the raging hormones or heart argument - there are enough single people for other singles to couple with.

Ashley - posted on 09/03/2010

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Absolutely no She is not married did not make the wedding vows why should she be accountable for something that she did not commit to. Not to mention that the dont take into account that they could of been separated maybe not legally what a way to set some one up break up with your husband wait till he meets some one else before you get legally divorced and sue the girl wow then you and your husband can get back together with money. Ridicules.

K. - posted on 08/11/2010

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I'm getting a bit confused about the point you're trying to get across Meghan. Reread Lyndsay's comment and tell me that doesn't sound screwed up to you. What is so wrong with saying if it's not yours don't touch it?! Help me out here, I'm confused with where you're trying to go with this.

[deleted account]

I guess my answer remains the same. It doesn't sound like he put up much of a fight. If he had, calling the police would have been one solution. That's why there are stalker laws on the books. But from what you've said, the guy already was a selfish jerk who also did not care how much his kids were hurting.

Jess - posted on 08/11/2010

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Jen, I lived with the family I mentioned, those poor kids were hurting so badly. As I said the father had a lot to answer for but the mistress chased this man down from one side of the country to the other. She would not accept no for an answer. When you chase down the father of a 4 month old baby and beg him to leave his family.... you deserves a punishment.

Personally I couldn't stand the father, he was a rude, selfish jerk and his kids are truly better off without him. But this mistress comes and goes, gets what she needs every time she comes calling she is stealing from these baby boys ! They need a happy family and she refused to walk away to allow the father to fix his family. It breaks my heart that any women could be so careless and cruel to children. To have the nerve to call the mother and tell her you don't care if you hurt her kids.... its just vicious ! Seeing the pain first hand gives a unique perspective.

[deleted account]

Jess, why are you so angry with the women though? Why isn't all this anger directed at the men? Are they that helpless to their hormones? If that's the case, we should push to remove them from any position of authority because clearly the sight of a breast sends them over the edge.

[deleted account]

I don't live in the US and have never heard of this being done in the UK. Having suffered (severe depression over 4 years) as a result of a family break-up and the divorce of my parents because my dad had an affair I would disagree that the mistress should be held accountable. It takes two to tango and as I have this view I have actually got to know my dad's now wife-to-be and she's great. However, I would say once a cheater always a cheater so if he does the same to her I have no sympathy for her whatsoever.

Meghan - posted on 08/10/2010

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I totally respect your opinon, and I know what you are trying to say...but you can teach and teach a CHILD something...but when it comes to raging hormones and matters of the heart...we ARE talking about somethin different!

K. - posted on 08/10/2010

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Oh damn we weren't talking about a toy car??!! Well hell, I missed that. Duh! The bottom line is the same thing though. If it's not yours leave it alone. Whether it be a toy car or a husband or wife. Just my opinion.

Meghan - posted on 08/10/2010

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I totally agree that in cases of marriage (esp with children) that the mistress should be held accountable....but suing for alienation of affection...REALLY??? It's been aid before..if a man is going to cheat- He is going to cheat. What about prostitutes...are people going to start suing them too?
And btw Kristen, imo you can't "steal" someone away from someone else! We're talking about people's emotions and needs...not a freakin toy car

Jaime - posted on 08/10/2010

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I think there are more pressing issues in the world to be concerned with than infidelity and bitter wives and husbands suing the mistress or mister-ess. One spouse can claim they were separated while the other tries to deny any evidence to such claims and boasts a healthy marriage in an effort to revenge their hurt feelings. I think there are rare cases where it's the extreme and there is a scheming mistress out to get rid of the pesky wife and move in on the husband's wealth and lifestyle, etc. (or vice versa and for same-sex couples too).

My point really, is that I think this lawsuit is a waste of time...the wife could be moving forward and obtaining a more fulfilling life...but nope, she wants to be tied up in court accusing the mistress of the downfall of her marriage! Silly...just silly.

Lyndsay - posted on 08/10/2010

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I don't think that's right. A single woman (or man) shouldn't have to be concerned with other people's relationships, and should be free to couple with whomever they so choose. Now, the person who is supposed to be in the relationship, they should be blamed. It is their responsibility and the mistress should not be held accountable for their indiscretions.

Sarah - posted on 08/10/2010

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HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry- had to get that out! while I do think there should be some defense to the law, such as being seperated, or not knowing the man was married, in whole I think it's a good idea. I have ZERO empathy for trifling women. When a woman sees the ring on my husband's hand, she should immediatly put him into the "no" category. And before you ask, IF my husband was ever low enough to cheat on me, I'd take his skinny ass to the cleaners ;) and if the woman knew he was married, well, she better hope we never meet.

Jaime - posted on 08/10/2010

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Yet another reason why I believe that monogamy truly makes people crazy...or at least gives them a God complex!

Amy - posted on 08/10/2010

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It takes two people to cheat. Unless the married man/women is raped sewing the mistress is un-called for. Then they'd be sewed for raping not cheating on the married person.

Jaime - posted on 08/09/2010

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I disagree with this crap. If the 'mistress' had no idea the man was married, then how can she be held accountable? According to the anti-jumpoff law, the mistress can't claim that she 'didn't know' which means that if she truly didn't know, then she's being sued for what she thought was a legitimate relationship.

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