Mom is ticketed for letting her 14 year old son watch his younger brother

[deleted account] ( 53 moms have responded )

http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view...
Here's a story about a mom who left her three year old with her teenage son. I started babysitting around 12 and was watching three kids by myself by age 14. I find this just crazy. The woman got suspended from her job because of this. What age is too young to babysit? Would you leave your younger children with your older ones?

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Jodi - posted on 02/07/2011

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I think that in general, it should be ok to leave a 14 year old in charge of a younger sibling. It is definitely ridiculous for this situation to have occurred. It was only 30 minutes. It's not like she left them to go out for the evening or anything (and even then, that shouldn't be a crime either). I agree with a lot of the others. I was also babysitting my younger siblings at that age. I wouldn't hesitate to leave my 13 year old in charge of his younger siblings for a short time during the daytime. I figure as long as I have my phone with me, and as long as I haven't gone far away, what is the big deal?

Cathy - posted on 03/29/2011

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We have three children in our family. The oldest is 14. the other two are 11 and 8. Last year I had the oldest watching the kids all summer while I worked from 9am to 5pm. I called home on my break, told them to not open the door for anyone but their grandparents and not answer the phone for anyone but me, their other parents or their grandparents. Things when great all summer long. I never had to leave work early once. A 14 year old is very capable of watching younder siblings.

[deleted account]

Wow right back at you Toni, I said nothing of the sort. And I think any one going around reporting every bruise they see probably needs a psych evaluation. I simply said I don't think reporting a big bruise is inappropriate. If you have a genuine concern and you don't feel you can talk to the parents what else would you suggest? I am simply pointing out a bigger societal problem here. Obviously a happy healthy well cared for child with bruises can be distinguished by most ordinary folk from a cowering mistreated child. Not always the case is a mistreated child cowering though and if someone has concerns how would you have them handle it? One of my points was that authorities should have proper training, with a few key questions to the person making the accuation a trained professional could decide how to proceed.

[deleted account]

Wow seriously Victoria we should call the authorities EVERYTIME we see a child with a big bruise? I completelty disagree with this sentiment, this is why so many children seem to be getting 'missed' by the system because people are taking things to the extreme and reporting every little thing to the authorities which they then have to investigate thus meaning there are less resources for actual abuse/ neglect cases!

On the otherhand I whole-heartedly agree in circumstances where a child has consistent bruising or regularly has bruising which isn't consistant with just general childhood injuries then a person would be within their right to report them to authorities, although it would be far better if they could ask their parent why the child always had bruising because sometimes there is a genuine reason for the bruising. But to report every child who has a large bruise that is not realistic and will only add to the problem!

Meghan - posted on 02/07/2011

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It totally depends on the kid. I was babysitting the whole neighborhood when I was 12. My ex's nephew is 14 and I would shit a brick if I ever found out J was left alone with him...his ex's son is 13 and same thing...that would be THE END of visitation w/o supervision. His mom is a kind hearted woman but I have a feeling she is starting to lose it and there have been little things that make me anxious, but I feel that she has his best interest at heart. Hell, I get nervous when my 22 year old sister watches him (she wouldn't let anything happen to him, she is just....awkward with him-thank God my mom is always there when she is lol.) So yea, wrapping it up, I don't think age is the only factor here. One has to look at maturity, experience, patience and overall ability to nurture and support another human being

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Mary Renee - posted on 04/22/2011

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That's crazy, I was a latch key kid by fifth grade (10) babysitting older children by 11, and baby sitting infants by 13!!!! In fact I was a much better baby sitter at 13 than I would have been at 15 because at 15 I was too boy crazy and at 13 I was focused on the kids.

AND they are siblings! I think leaving your child with his or her teenaged siblings is far more acceptable than just any teenager. The sibling has a blood relation to the child and in my opinion, is going to be as protective as any other relative. It's a crying shame that this woman is not unemployable when she literally hasn't done anything wrong! God, in the Roman Empire women were becoming mothers at 13. I'm not saying that good, but honestly! I think a 14 year old can watch a 2 year old.

Sally - posted on 04/21/2011

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That is crazy. Unless there is something wrong with him, of course a 14 year old should be able to watch a 3 year old--at least for a couple hours.
In Michigan, you can legally watch siblings at 12 and other people's children at 13. I made quite a lot of money babysitting from ages 13-16. It halped that I came from a farming community and as the oldest of 7, large families were my specialty. :)

Connie - posted on 04/01/2011

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I find this rediculous.I chose to leave my two children 4 & 6 in the care of my 9 year old for 15-20 minutes to run a few blocks away to get bread. times have changed. My kids can get ahold of me on my cel phone if they need anything.. we ddn't have that 30 years ago when I was a latch key kid at 7. If you know your child and they know how to make smart choices to keep themselves safe.. I don't see a problem with it. Also, in the US, you can legally work at 14 with a permit.

Rosie - posted on 03/31/2011

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um, super lame!! i was watching other peoples kids when i was 12! by 14 i was having sex...pretty sure i could handle a 3 year old, LMAO!

Karen - posted on 03/31/2011

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I started babysitting at age 12 yrs. I would even spend the night because the parents would be home late. They left numbers for me to call and pretty much laid out the routine for me to follow for their children. Such as meal and bed time. I think that 12yr olds of the 1970's were more grown up. We were given more responsibilities at a young age. We were not envolved in every sport and had our chores and things to do at home. I think the times have changed in every area of life. Life is more dangerous and kids are different. Maybe the age should be pushed up to 15 yrs. to babysit. For 30 min. I think a 14yrs old could handle that.

Krysten - posted on 03/31/2011

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The age depends on the child & how mature they are because in our state legal age to be left alone is 11-12 but babysitting I feel 13 _14 is fine for a couple of hours I would look up the laws/rules in yuor town/state & fight this, 14 years old is old enough to watch younger brother

Sue - posted on 03/30/2011

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My daughter took the Red Cross baby sitting classes thru the 4H program. She was 11 at the time. Then one of the mothers from our club asked her to baby sit their youngest child who was 1 1/2. I got a call about 2 hours later that she was having problems. The child would not stop crying. She figured out that she was hungry but found out that the mother - still breast fed the child, did not have any milk pumped and did not have any milk in the house!!! She could not get hold of the mother so I went to the store and bought 1% milk and took it to her. After that the girl was fine and the parents appologized for not thinking of that and not feeding her before they left!????? So I guess a 12 year old is capable of taking care of children and knowing what to do in an emergency.

Kristi - posted on 03/29/2011

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I started babysitting at 11 and we have a 13 year old neighbor watch our 4 1/2 and 8 year old...She does just fine.. however, we don't stay out super late when we use her and we drive her home...If the mum left her kid ALONE..now that would be negligent..not with a 14 year old sibling...that's really over the top..Things are hard enough for us parents..geez.

Michelle - posted on 03/28/2011

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yes.don't underestimate there ability .more quick thinking if emergency then people give them credit too. My daughters 15 yrs old looks after her younger brothers .and she looks after them very well.depends on there maturity ,but lot mothers don't look after there children well.

Michelle - posted on 03/28/2011

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My daughter is. 15 Years old. And babysits her brothers and. She. Is responsible .dont underestimate there ability when there. Put in a. Emergency situation ,there. More quick thinking then most adults and less panic

Michelle - posted on 03/28/2011

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My daughter is. 15 Years old. And babysits her brothers and. She. Is responsible .dont underestimate there ability when there. Put in a. Emergency situation ,there. More quick thinking then most adults and less panic

Michelle - posted on 03/28/2011

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My daughter is. 15 Years old. And babysits her brothers and. She. Is responsible .dont underestimate there ability when there. Put in a. Emergency situation ,there. More quick thinking then most adults and less panic

Michelle - posted on 03/28/2011

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My daughter is. 15 Years old. And babysits her brothers and. She. Is responsible .dont underestimate there ability when there. Put in a. Emergency situation ,there. More quick thinking then most adults and less panic

Kathy - posted on 03/23/2011

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There is no set age in Indiana. To take classes you have to be 12. My oldest is almost 13 (next month) and my youngest is 8. We just started leaving the two of them home together. We have set rules for them to follow, which includes keeping the alarm set, only answering the phone if you know the name on caller ID (but you don't tell anyone you are home alone), and you do NOT answer the door, at all. We have also gone over safety and what to do if an emergency arises. Both DH and I have our cell phones on and ready to answer should we receive a call from the house. I was babysitting when I was 11 or 12. If a parent feels their child is mature enough to watch their siblings, that is up to the parent!

Darla - posted on 03/23/2011

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I have 2 children and sure I would leave my 3 year old with any of her cousins all around age 10/11 but I defiantly would not trust them with my 1 year old. But we don't got all the facts. We don't know if the 14 was mature. We don't know if the parent left an number (cell phone) she could be reached at, or if they had a neighbor they could go to for help. Some of that would take my ease off about it. I'm sure the mother did a fine decision besides its not like she went to the local bar, she just went to the grocery store for 30 minutes. I'm sure all was well.

Sharina - posted on 03/23/2011

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OKAY! So after raising 9 children for the past 15 years (4 are step children) I definitely have an opinion about this. Having 9 children who are on a broad spectum of abilities and disabilities, is a great way to learn about how diverse we are in our capabilities. I have experienced life with children who have been diagnosed with Autism to Gifted. I have had many experiences with children who have each in their own way, opened my eyes to new things about life. Anyway, what I have learned on my incredible journey, is that we all grow, mature, learn and become indepent and responsible at our own unique pace. This subject matter must be judged on a case by case matter. In order to properly make the right call, the person must know the teenager fairly well first. So, whoever jumps to conclusions about it, may be doing so in haste.

Michelle - posted on 02/28/2011

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Thank you Toni for the info. I did not know that. Wow...laws sound pretty tough there.

[deleted account]

She's in the UK Michelle, the laws here are a bit ambiguous and are open to interpretation regarding leaving children home alone and in cahrge of another child.

Michelle - posted on 02/27/2011

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This story is absolutely CRAZY!!! are they serious??? Wow...they must've had a slow day. I mean, I was babysitting at 12...my daughter took her babysitting course at 12. Is this woman in the states? Maybe the state she lives in has a different law? I don't know, I know here you can start babysitting at 12, but only till midnight. You had to be older than 12 if you were going to babysit till later than midnight...but other than that...that is the only law about it.

Allie - posted on 02/25/2011

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I'm sorry but that is just ridiculous. I was babysitting by age 11 or 12 on my own... and if my son was 14, possibly looking for some extra $$ to go hang out with friends, and I knew he was responsible I would not hesitate! I can maybe understand a citation of it was a 14 year old in charge of multiple children under the age of 5, but one 3 year old? Those police must not have had anything better to do that day.



When my son was younger my now-ex-sister-in-law (a bit of a nut job and 7 years older than myself) wanted to babysit my one year old, but there was no way in hell I would have EVER left him with her... I did, however, leave him with my younger sister who was only 15 years old at the time...



But honestly, as a parent it is your job to 'screen' and judge who is responsible enough to ultimately take your place while you're away for a bit. As long as you (& your significant other) are comfortable then that should be all that matters.

Jayde - posted on 02/24/2011

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I think this particular case is STUPID! How unfair...



I haven't read any other posts but i think it's the maturity, my mum & dad use to go for walks or run to the shops for groceries & i loked after my 3 year old & 1year old sisters i was 12 but i could handle them :)

But then my now 15year old sister- there is no WAY! i'd leave my almost 2 year old with her because she's had no younger sister or babysitting experience so i think she'd struggle...

Also i think it depends where you live- if its in a more dangerous area/ city type area- i wouldn't personally.. but if it's a quieter country type town then i probably would



I think it just comes down to the circumstances..

[deleted account]

I was 14-15 and taking care of 3small children for my neighbour, a teacher and her Husband a police officer.I was always very sensible and put the safety of the children first automatically.I feel many are well able to care for there younger siblings but many are not.You do have to be aware of your older childs ability to care for the younger one..ask yourself if they can care for them alone.I dont think that lady deserved to be ticketed or have been suspended from her job.I was cared for many a time by my older siblings, cared for well.

[deleted account]

It was yes Sara, that instead of jumping up and calling the authorities for the first big bruise we see, we should just keep an eye on the child, maybe mention it to the school if you are really concerned (if they are in school or daycare) so they can keep an eye on it too or even to see if they have noticed anything out of the ordinary. I wouldn't jump straight from that is a big bruise to better call the authorities, if it were me I'd probably just turn around to the mum and say something like 'wow, poor kid, that's a good bruise what'd they do?' Then dependant upon the answer I'd leave it or take it further - obviously I wouldn't walk up to a random person in the street but if it was at one of my baby groups or was one of my neighbours I would just ask, what's the worst they could do say it's none of your bloody business, then that would raise alarm bells for me anyway because I know if anyone had enquired about my sons black eye yesterday I would have just told them how he did it (he fell into the bookstand at stay and play in case you were wondering - but super boy has healed now and you wouldn't even know he had a shiner yesterday). :-)

[deleted account]

If you have a genuine concern then you should keep an eye out. If you notice a pattern then you should call. One bruise does not indicate child abuse. Kids get bruises, scrapes, etc. There are actually tons of people who are supposed to be watching out for signs of abuse. Daycare/preschool teachers are supposed to do a quick (and nonchalant) look over of each child every morning. It's part of their greeting routine. Teachers in schools must by law report any suspected abuse and are trained to recognize the signs. Doctors will look your child over an any appointment. If you notice repeated bruising in a child that's in a strange places (not where they would commonly fall) then you could report it if you feel necessary. One bruise is a little much. I've been working with children for a long time and I've seen some pretty rough falls and injuries that result in a "big bruise". Any who...that's all I think Toni was saying.

[deleted account]

Good grief what is the world coming to? This is about so much more than whether a 14 year old boy is an appropriate sitter for a 3 year old.
It is not impossible to tell if children are abused or neglected. All children will exhibit signs of maltreatment if that is truly the case and it doesn't take a genius detective or weeks of research to find this out.
This is obviously a case much like many cases where the authorities are uneducated and ignorant. While children who are being mistreated on a regular basis end up permanently damaged or dead.
People who care must stand up in each of our respective countries and demand that our governments do their jobs and we must help to construct appropriate guidelines for domestic issues such as this.
In my opinion it is not inappropriate for a neighbor to report you if your child has a terrible bruise, though it is heinous for the authorities to take your child without a proper investigation. There is no fine line here. Given that we have created a world where we are often afraid to talk with the people around us perhaps a neighbor doesn't feel safe asking you how that child came to have the bruise, but the authorities with very little real effort should be able to discern the truth of the matter swiftly.

In the case of the child looking after a sibling, I know a family that has their 14 year old raising her younger sibling because they would otherwise not be able to afford to eat, should they have one parent home and not working or have to hire a sitter, I think it is terrible cruelty to both children, though I would never consider contacting authorities and reporting the family. Instead I am appalled at a social system that requires two incomes and then some to afford to live and doesn't value families so that we can all afford to live a simpler more peaceful existence.
That my friends is closer to where the real issues lie.

Sherri - posted on 02/12/2011

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Minimum of 14 for me personally and yes my 14 yr old watches his 12 and 4yr old brothers for me when I go out.

[deleted account]

I would not leave my child with a 14 year old sitter, but that is mainly because I don't know any 14 year olds well enough to trust that they act properly in an emergency. This kid was her son, she knew him well enough to know weather she could trust him or not. I think most 14 year olds would be fine with a 3 yr old for 30 minutes to an hour, but you would have to know the 14 yr old really well to be sure. She did know, so the ticket is absurd.

My "mother's helpers" are 12 & 14 and I am starting to feel comfortable with the idea of leaving the 14 yr old to watch my 6 yr old if I need to make a quick trip out. She has been my helper 4 years and will be 15 soon; I will probably start allowing him to stay with her during my quicker errands this summer, as he won't be in school then.

Laura - posted on 02/09/2011

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This particular situation seems rediculous to say the least! I was babysitting other peoples' kids by the time I was 12 and my daughter, who is 12, has started babysitting now. In the US, most states can legislate mimimum ages for being left alone, though many states don't actually have mimimum ages on the books. Should something happen to a child left on their own or in charge of other kids, the courts most likely will examine the case individually, taking into consideration the maturity and responsible behavior of the child. Only then will charges against the parents be considered. The "unwritten" rule for leaving kids by themselves or to babysit is 11 to 12 years of age. As a matter of fact, our local Red Cross provides "Babysitting Classes" for kids with a mimimum age of 11. That is still no guarantee that the law won't intervene if a problem arises, however. This is where parenting becomes a gamble and knowing your child's maturity level can help make the best choice possible in a situation.

April - posted on 02/09/2011

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I think 14 is a perfectly reasonable age to leave your teenager in charge of his younger brother. I think younger than 12 is too young.

Kristian Amber - posted on 02/09/2011

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This one is kind of tricky. I'm not saying I agree with it, I started minding my baby sister (9yrs younger than me) when I was 11 and had started babysitting other children around 12. I had both her and my brother (12yrs younger than me) full time during the summer when I was 13. Now, granted, I agree with most of the moms saying it has to do with maturity and whatnot, I always felt pride in myself for getting that sort of responsibility and wanted to do a good job. So I'd watch my siblings, take them to the pool in our neighborhood, teach my sister how to swim, clean the house, etc. It made me feel proud of myself to know that my parents trusted me to have an important job like that.
Now, in NC the laws are that you can't be left alone until you're like 14 or so and you can't babysit until 15 or 16. I'm not sure what they are here in WY, but its a non issue for us right now as I'm a SAHM and prefer to not have to pay for a sitter and have no problem taking them with me anywhere. It would be convenient to have someone to watch after them for 30mins to an hour if I had to run to the store, but its not that big of a deal, I can wait until my hubby gets home to do so.
I agree that it boils down to how responsible and mature the parents think they're teenager is. I don't think there is a set age saying that all teenagers will be mature by a certain age. How could any doctor/therapist make that call on the majority of kids without meeting all of them?
I've known plenty of teenagers, even from my own days in High School, and my brother and sisters friends, who I would NEVER allow to babysit my kids. And my siblings can agree too, they know which of their friends wouldn't make good candidates for that sort of thing.
Now, once my oldest (Kaleb) is 14, his brother (Konnor) will be 11 and our youngest (due in March) will be around 5, I'd have to wait and see how my two older boys behave and then I'd make that sort of decision. But with how they are now, I don't think it would be a problem, I do know that actions and attitudes can change over time though so I'm not saying any definites yet.
As for this story, I think it is utterly ridiculous! It does sound kind of weird though, could it have just been some "newsy" (lol) neighbors? Or was there a bunch of commotion going on inside the house that caused the authorities to be called? If it was just a matter of the neighbors butting in, then I agree with Jodi that the neighbors should be knocked upside the head if that's the case. Who are they to judge that they know better as to how mature the teenager was?
But then again, if he was the type that acted the fool out in public with his friends, I might be concerned as well.
I don't know. I think if there was some semblance of doubt in my mind, and I had a neighbor I trusted, I would tell them what was going on ( "Hey I'm running to the store real quick, 30-45mins tops, I'm leaving the kids at the house, would you just keep an ear out for me?"). I don't know though, again, if there was any doubt, I'd probably just take them all with me!
This one is kinda tricky. I still think it sucks for her though. Especially if nothing bad happened and the kids were just watching tv or something and some neighbor just took it upon themselves to get involved in something that was a total non-issue. Sounds like it might also have been someone that didn't like that family and had it out for them if they were so far into the family's business as to be keeping an eye on who was coming and going and if the kids were left in the house or not.
Tricky tricky...

Cyndel - posted on 02/08/2011

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The mass majority of parents know better then any government when a teen/preteen is mature enough to watch a younger sibling for a short time. I understand these laws to some extent so legal action can be taken against a parent who leaves a young child home alone for a while but this is taking it too far.

Merry - posted on 02/08/2011

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I was left with my 2 year old brother when I was 12 alot. And I started babysitting regularly at 12 as well, I watched 3 kids regularly along with their grandma who was late stage of altzheimers when I was 13. The kids were 6, 4, and 1 when I started. I also ran the one year old room at church every Sunday, and Friday and for church meetings too. I started those around the ages of 14 and continued until I was 16.
I think it depends on your child. My sister was left home alone from age 7 but she was such a quiet, composed, and obedient girl I understand why!
Idk when I'd leave my kid in charge, Eric is only 2 so who knows!

Jodi - posted on 02/08/2011

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Tah, that's just nuts, isn't it? My kids constantly had bruises on them when they were toddlers!! However, in many cases, here in Australia, it seems to be the opposite. There have been kids die because they chose NOT to remove them from their homes while they investigated, so who knows what the real solution is?

Tah - posted on 02/08/2011

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@Jodi..newsy(thats what we call them in philly, not nosey..lol) neighbors..thats all that is, always someone ready to call the cops for the smallest things and upset your life. Thats how a man who's son fell on the playground at school had his children taken away, he fell and had a huge bruise, it documented at school etc. he had the child out in the supermarket a couple days later and saw a neighbor, who he spoke to, hi mrs so and so...wtc, well, instead of her asking what happened, or saying a word she called the authorites on them they came and removed all the children from the house and only returned them after a few weeks when they were done their investigation and even after they were cleared, it's still on his record that he was investigated for it so he can't teach or do anything involving children which has limited his job opportunities as well. I saw it on 20/20 or dateline a few years back, they had 3 familiues on there with similar stories, someone called the authorities on them without cause and upset their whole lives, the second child fell on a playset at church with witness there as well, i cant remember about the third child, but all sad cases. It scares me because Rylan is wild, even with a almost sugar free diet, except when my husband buys him candy, and he stayes running into things and jumping off and onto things and has had his share of bruises and bumps.

Johnny - posted on 02/08/2011

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Like others have said, I was babysitting by the time I was 12. I think some teenagers are ready and others are not. Given the brief time she was gone and the age of the kids being 14, I think this is completely ridiculous. The police should be ashamed of themselves for buying into this.

Jodi - posted on 02/07/2011

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I do question, however, how the police found out about it in the first place.....

I think I'd be smacking the neighbours over the head, because someone MUST have dobbed her in.

Brittanie - posted on 02/07/2011

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This is ridiculous! I started babysitting when I was 11, and was babysitting my neighbors 4 children weekly by the time I was 14!

Alexis - posted on 02/07/2011

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Depending on the maturity of my 14 year old and responsibility level I don't see an issue with babysitting at 14, especially only 1 child.

[deleted account]

Lesa, I wouldn't leave my kids w/ any stranger regardless of how old the stranger OR my kids were. ;)

[deleted account]

My girls are only 9, so I'm not even leaving THEM alone. W/ as mature and responsible as they are w/ their brother (almost 3) already though.... if THEY were old enough for me to leave alone.... I'd fully trust them to watch him as well. They will be way more than ready LONG before turning 14. Heck, my best friend and I were home alone for a weekend at 14. Granted, we weren't watching anyone ELSE, but.... TWO days. And we WERE both babysitting by that age.

[deleted account]

In CT there's no set age in the law but a mature 14 if you trust your child, I think its fine. However, a stranger who is 14 babysitting your 3 yr old in my opinion is not ok.

Tah - posted on 02/07/2011

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my 14 year old watches is brother and sister, they even do cpr and babysitting classes for children as young as 12, and children are young enough to be home by themselves at that time, so i dont get it...

[deleted account]

My pastor's daughter is 14. She watches 5+ kids in the nursery, including my daughter. I left her with my daughter when she was 12 (my husband was home but doing yard work). It depends on the teenager in question. I agree, this situation is ridiculous.

[deleted account]

It depends on the child, but I wouldn't leave a child under the age of 14 looking after anyone other than themselves because it isn't fair to put that kind of responsibility on them. I personally wouldn't leave my children with anyone other than an adult whom I trust to be able to care for my children though as I don't have older children (Ethan is going to be 20 months when this next baby is born).

Alecia - posted on 02/07/2011

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in NY its 12 (i think) or when u feel they are responsible enough. i was watching my brother during the summer (8-9 hrs a day) when i 14. and then i watched 3 kids all day the next summer. i think this is ridiculous and i feel bad for her....

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