MTV 16 and Preg. Tackles Abortion...

[deleted account] ( 119 moms have responded )

Markai Durham, 16 and Pregnant Star, Under Fire Over Abortion Special



MTV somehow managed to upstage the antics of Teen Mom firebrand Amber Portwood this week with a controversial episode of 16 and Pregnant.



The special, entitled "No Easy Decision," chronicled the decision of Markai Durham, 19, to terminate her second pregnancy. Yes. She had an abortion.



Durham already has a daughter with her teenage boyfriend, and the couple concluded, sadly, that they simply couldn't afford to raise another child.



19 AND PREGNANT: Markai Durham made the decision to end her second pregnancy. Reactions to this vary widely depending on one's view of abortion.



While Entertainment Weekly called the MTV reality show a "vivid, unsparing look" at a "harrowing decision," Fox News described the special as "controversial."



The N.Y. Post reports that anti-abortion critics railed against the "one-sided portrayal" of the issue, saying "the pro-life issue will simply get tackled."



For her part, Markai Durham is standing by her decision saying, "I get sad from time to time thinking about it, but then everything happens for a reason."



A post on Durham's Facebook fan page sought to quell negativity as well:



"Let me say this again: If you DONT like Markai or her decision. UNLIKE the page, its simple. Markai feels enough pain for making her choice, she DOESNT need to be ridiculed for it. Shes been honest with you when she could have hid it."



"Have some respect or leave! Seriously there are plenty of pages "talking (expletive)" so go there. Dont waste your time, Im just going to ban you."



If nothing else, you have to credit Markai for courageously subjecting herself to the criticism she knew she'd face when this special episode aired.



Was their decision not to have a child they couldn't afford actually responsible? Why not practice safe sex? Is it all unethical? So many questions.



Statistics show 1 in 3 people in America have had an Abortion.



No matter where you stand on the pro-life issue, abortions do happen. What do you think? Did MTV tackle the subject fairly? Share your comments.

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119 Comments

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Meredith - posted on 01/04/2011

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and abortion clinics were put here so we could have that option.. Meat is still Murder.. and "Pro Lifers" are still hypocrites. Good Day!

Nikkole - posted on 01/04/2011

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She is rude and if you are mature you dont have to stoop to calling others names i wasn't being rude to her at all just stating my opinions until she called me ignorant and telling someone there acting immature is not the same as calling them ignorant she may be very mature but by calling someone a name that is the opposite in my opinion! And before she called me ignorant i said theres no point in arguing we have our own opinions an then she came at me with a rude comment. Im trying not to be rude or talk badly about others just comment on the thread.

[deleted account]

Nikkole -- then how would you describe calling Meredith a "rude immature person"? That is what you said. Maybe that's not what you meant, but it sure comes across that way when I read it. That's just as bad as calling someone ignorant.

Nikkole - posted on 01/04/2011

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im not mad or upset at all and i never called anyone a name or freaked out i think i have been calm Meredith should not call people ignorant sorry i think that is rude.

Nikkole - posted on 01/04/2011

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Well at least im mature and dont call others ignorant :) Animals were put here for humans to eat thats totally different your entitled to your opinion and i am to mine theres no need to be a rude immature person about it. People like you take things to far by calling other names and people like you are those who get threads locked.

[deleted account]

Rebecca,
I see your point, but I think it depends on the person. Personally, I could never have an abortion simply because the baby was unwanted. For me, there's no way that would be easier.

Nikkole - posted on 01/04/2011

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@Meredith OK well you have your opinion and i have mine so theres no use in arguing about it your not gonna think different and neither am i!

Meredith - posted on 01/04/2011

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@Nikkole, well I don't feel an UNWANTED unnborn EMBRYO who has no feeling or thoughts is as important as animals that are brought into this world to be tortured and killed just so we can eat.. SORRY! :)

[deleted account]

@Sara D -- yes, there are. I know people who've done both. Actually, I know many people who’ve been on all sides of the coin – birth moms, women who’ve had abortions, adoptive parents, adopted kids. I don't know any person who had an abortion who has more than fleeting regrets, if any, 5, 10, 15 years in the future. How can you regret something you didn’t want? One the other hand, the moms I know who placed their kids up for adoption spend their entire lives wondering about that child. Is it OK? What does it look like? Is it being well cared for? Is it healthy? What is it doing right now? Does it think about me? Will it understand why I did what I did? It's much easier to fixate on something that actually exists rather than something that is theoretical. Then, there is the anxiety the adoptive child goes through -- why did my mother give me away? What is wrong with me? Am I unlovable? Then there is the anxiety the adoptive parents have about the birth mom coming back to "claim" the child. After that, there is the stress of dealing with open adoption and having your child know their birth mom gave them up. Then you have to deal with the betrayal and doubts that arise when the adoptive child eventually wants to meet their birth parents (and they will) and then to deal with the consequences to your child's emotions when they face their birth parents. I think hands-down adoption has more emotional consequences than abortion. Abortion allows you to move on; there is no moving on with adoption.

@Julie -- I think the big distinction you are missing here is that I and many other pro-choice women don't see an embryo as a "baby". Having an abortion is not killing your "baby". Carrying a baby to term and then handing it off to someone else is totally different and is something I would never and could never do for the reasons mentioned by Sherri. And in terms of late-term abortions, The overwhelming majority of abortions are performed in the first trimester or very early in the second trimester. Late term abortions are are very rare and generally only performed when there is something seriously wrong with the fetus or mother's health. Frankly, if we didn't have Baby Doe laws, I'm guessing some of those fetuses would be brought to term and allowed to die after birth (rather than being kept alive with extreme medical interventions). For those of you who don't know what the Baby Doe laws are, they REQUIRE hospitals to provide life-sustaining treatments to severely disabled infants even AGAINST the parents' wishes. For example, if your infant was born without missing half it's head, the hospital would be required to commence life support, even if you and your spouse felt the infant had no chance at life and didn't want life-saving measures taken.

Nikkole - posted on 01/04/2011

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Im not a vegan but sorry a cow,chicken,pig are not as important as a human life

Meredith - posted on 01/03/2011

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hhhhmmm.. no one seems to want to answer my question "How many of you Pro-Lifers are VEGAN?", Prolly because you all eat MEAT, which is MURDER. Way to be a hyprocrite people! :)

Julie - posted on 01/03/2011

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How can anyone say how hard it is to give up a baby if they never have? Second how can having an abortion be any easier? The truth is as parents it our job to protect our babies, make the best decision we can to protect them-sometimes those decisions could be better some are the best ever. All I can say I don't see how either abortion or adoption are easy, Personally, I think the possibility of giving a couple a baby would be a darn good feeling. ANYTHING that can happen to a baby given up for adoption can happen to your child in your care...life isn't alway easy, fair, or simple...but everybody should have a chance to live it. I am pro-life, I do understand that (most) women don't take abortion lightly, I do understand that giving a baby up for adoption could be hard, but I will never understand how people say if I got pregnant I would have an abortion-if you know that is what you would do how is it not using it as a form of Birth control?...if you know you don't want a baby you should do whatever you can not too...I can't believe that when she got her depo shot they didn't tell her about the importance of getting her shots on time.
I understand the biggest argument about abortion is when life begins...If you agree with abortion you agree with it... at every stage...at the stage that a baby can live outside the womb people are having abortions-how is that not murder? Or what about the babies that lived through their abortions? A heartbeat can be seen at 5-6 weeks most women find out after that time they are pregnant, I will never understand:/

Sherri - posted on 01/03/2011

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Also just because you don't abort and you give your child up for adoption doesn't necessarily mean they will have a better life even if they get adopted. My very best friend in all the world was adopted. Her father came out of the closet that he was gay,the parents divorced, he then molested her and her adopted brother during their visits and then a few years later he committed suicide. I am sorry giving my baby up because I couldn't take care of them and not knowing what kind of life they will ultimately lead, no way could never and would never do it.

Nikkole - posted on 01/03/2011

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NO if i were here i would have given the first baby up to and i wouldn't be stupid and have children before i knew i could handle them financially and mentally! I did have sex for 4yrs before we decided to try to have children so it is possible to not have kids if you dont want them a lot of kids on this show im not saying her in particular say they dont use birth control or they dont use it correctly! If i didn't have the money to support my children i would have found them a much better home i would rather do that than kill my kid sorry thats just how i feel! Having a child and giving it to someone who cant have kids or a wants a child is better than murdering my child! I would NEVER live off welfare unless my husband got killed and even then i would work 2 jobs to help support my kids! I feel if your not ready then dont have them and if you make a mistake and have one dont make the same mistake twice its really not that hard!!

Christa - posted on 01/03/2011

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@Nikkole, how about you do that? Carry and feel your baby growing inside of you and then just hand him or her off to someone else with more money than you? It's not as easy as you say it is. Feeling like if you had money then you could be a mother but because you cant afford it and want to keep your current family out of poverty and not get stuck in the welfare system then you do that.

[deleted account]

Rebecca, there are more emotional consequences to putting a baby up for adoption then there are to aborting the baby?







"Then and ONLY then will I respect your decision to be "Pro-Life"." That's fine, Meredith. I no longer respect your choice to be "pro-choice" then. Silly, huh? I don't hate this girl. I don't send her nasty letters or stand outside of abortion clinics screaming at women. I just don't agree with the decision. Your "requirements" for me to be pro-life are definitely not leaning me in the pro-choice direction. In fact, it's pretty much turned me off of having a rational conversation with a pro-choice person to better understand their point of view.

Nikkole - posted on 01/03/2011

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Yes is it is VERY expensive to adopt and i dont agree with that at all i think its horrible to charge 30,000 plus to adopt a child! But when i am older (im only22) I plan on adopting at least one child maybe two if i can afford it! And yes i know women and men are going to have sex weather they should or not but why use abortion as a form of birth control i know not all women do but some do! And If i couldn't afford my babies i would put them up for adoption and have and open adoption so i could still get pics and see them every once in a while! I would feel NO shame giving my child a better life and i would pick a family that i liked and if i couldnt find a family i would work 2 jobs to keep my child, but i couldn't kill my child sorry!

[deleted account]

Or put one of your babies up for adoption and see what that is actually like...the emotional consequences of that decision are very difficult for the birth mother, the adoptive parents and the adoptive child. Every adopted child I've ever known has had major abandonment issues and has tried to seek out their birth parent -- with often painful results. Adoption is not a panacea for anyone involved, although many pro-lifers seem to think it is.

Meredith - posted on 01/03/2011

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to all you "Pro-Life"ers.. how many of you have adopted, or are going to adopt?? I think every Pro-Lifer should be forced to adopt ATLEAST one child.. Then and ONLY then will I respect your decision to be "Pro-Life". You have NO IDEA how hard and EXPENSIVE it is to adopt.. Also, why bring MORE children into the world to be "adopted", when we can't even take care of the ones already here?? I think it is a VERY SMART decision to have a abortion when you know you can't/won't/don't want to have a baby.. You go and yell that if you don't want a baby don't have sex ALL YOU WANT.. People are gonna have sex, they're gonna get accidently pregnannt, and they're gonna have abortions! If I had gotten pregnat before my daughter was 1.5 years i would have aborted. My husband agreed. We both knew that we coulddn't finanncially, emotionally or physically support it.. So all you people saying she should have put it up for adoption, why don't YOU go adopt a baby?

Christa - posted on 01/02/2011

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@Brittany, when you said "If you can't handle the consiquences DO NOT have sex. I guess her first child is lucky because mommy decided to not kill her. What a horrible way to grow up knowing that you were just lucky because you came a just the right time otherwise you'd be in the trash with your brothers and sisters. It is just plain sick." Since you are referring preventing the birth of a baby through some sort of actions. What is your view on birth control? I'm not saying abortion and birth control are the same thing but if you think about it... they both prevent a woman from birthing a baby and allowing new life? So, the first baby should be lucky that mommy and daddy decided that they felt it was okay to be born but by taking birth control you are denying another possible life. 'So truly... what's the difference? If you can't handle the consequences of having sex without birth control...

Sherri - posted on 01/02/2011

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She was taking birth control. I saw the episode she had some misconceptions about the depo shot.



I thought it was handled very delicately and was handled beautifully.



She did what she needed to for her family and honestly if I was in her situation I most likely would have done the same thing. I could never give my child up for adoption. Really for me there would only ever be two options keep the baby or abort it. I never have been put in this situation and for that I am thankful.

[deleted account]

If you see someone beat their child do you sit back and think "not my problem..."? I would hope not. When someone does something you don't agree with (especially something as sensitive as abortion) it's hard to sit there and think "oh well."

Shana - posted on 01/02/2011

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I think to make a decision of that caliper is tough and she has to be a strong person to deal with what ever comments and personal emotions she will receive and go through.Its crazy to me how people sit in judgement when it is not their life and or responsibility.

Kate CP - posted on 01/02/2011

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Uhm...if you had a still birth then they don't incinerate it. They usually let you decide if you want to bury the remains or have the remains cremated.

Christina - posted on 01/02/2011

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Exactly Katie. Thats why when I lost my daughter I refused to go to the hospital to deliver her. I delivered her at home, and after I delivered the placenta, I took the placenta in only to the ER and to be checked for complications.

[deleted account]

I am curious if the show will do a follow-up on the young lady, preferably off-camera. To check up on her mental well-being and counseling. Obviously being in the public spotlight causes issues. But after her LEGAL procedure, I am worried if she is getting the after-treatment that she needs.

For those who are so against abortion, I suppose it is better to force a woman to endure an unwanted pregnancy or seek back-alley deadly and vile procedures. I can only speak on my behalf: If I experienced an unwanted pregnancy at this stage in my life, child-rearing, and career, I know first-hand that I would be utterly depressed and unwilling to continue the pregnancy.

Kate CP - posted on 01/01/2011

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FYI: When a fetus is aborted it's not thrown in a trash can. It's considered medical infectious waste and is incinerated. So there are no aborted baby fetuses sitting in land fills. Unless some one had a miscarriage at home and decided to just toss the fetal remains in the trashcan.

Mary Renee - posted on 01/01/2011

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I think it's appropriate now that she is 19 but I think if they would have done an episode like this about a 16 year old it would have been inappropriate because she would have been a minor. As a legal adult, it's her right to share her story to teach others and she's "mature" enough to understand there would be reactions.



If she was 16 I think morally it would have been exploitation.

April - posted on 01/01/2011

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For me..it doesn't matter whether it's an zygote, embryo, fetus...it's still life. I could never have an abortion for myself for this reason, but I support this young woman's choice. She did what she had to for herself and her child that is already living outside of her body. A woman's right to choose what happens to her body is important...and it's a right that needs to be acknowledged.

Johnny - posted on 01/01/2011

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I am glad she made the right choice for her and her family regarding the pregnancy. Although it appears that broadcasting it publicly was most likely the wrong decision. Perhaps she was very naive, but some of the comments and behaviors from some pro-life people are outrageous, crazy, and dangerous. She very well could be putting her personal safety and that of her family's at risk. Nutjobs have murdered abortion doctors, and I'm sure they would not hesitate to target a woman who publicly proclaimed her abortion and stood by it as the right choice. I am a little frightened for her.

Nikkole - posted on 01/01/2011

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Im Christian, the way i view my beliefs is that yes your supposed to love and have compassion for everyone but your also to explain to them why there decision was wrong according to your beliefs not to force them upon someone just so they know where your coming from! Your not supposed to judge but no ones perfect and it happens im not saying its right! I think this is just such a heated subject and everyone has there own opinions and beliefs so your going to get some nasty comments!

Christina - posted on 01/01/2011

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I have a comment for the pro-life people. I am pro-life myself. I believe abortion is wrong unless the mother's life is in danger, or in the case of rape/incest. That being said, most pro-life people tend to be Christian. Not all, but most. Its why we believe that all life has value, even an embryo. But God and Christ also teach compassion and understanding. We are suppose to love unconditionally. So why is it that you bash women who have had abortions instead of reach out to them with love and compassion for their choice? It is not my place to judge anyone. That right belongs to God.

Julie - posted on 01/01/2011

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Im don't live in a glass house, I improved my life to be able to afford my child, I worked harder to make more money and provide for her. So you have no right to assume anything about how well I provide for my daughter. And second if I was unable to get myself in a position to provide for her...she would be with a family that could through adoption and not sitting in a garbage dump dead because of a selfish decision. I HATE the fact that abortion is protected by the constitution...

[deleted account]

@Julie - I'm sure the people you know who've had an abortion would think your decision to keep a baby that you can't afford (when you are living "paycheck to paycheck") was selfish too. That’s the problem with living in a glass house and throwing stones. Not having an abortion or giving a child up for adoption when you can't afford it is also selfish. It all depends on your perspective. You think abortions are selfish because you choose not to have one; other people would take a different view. It seemed to me that Markai and her partner made their decision based on selfLESS reasons – the desire to give their EXISTING child the life she deserves.
Again (because it is worth repeating!!!): I’m glad I live in a country where a woman’s right to an abortion is protected by the Constitution!!!!

Julie - posted on 01/01/2011

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And yes It just as easy for me to call the people I know that have had abortions selfish. Its a selfish act no matter how I do or don't know someone.

[deleted account]

I won't watch that show, but from what I can piece together from this thread, the young lady (an adult now) made an adult decision. Not a child seeking the ultimate answer from her mother. But a decision in which she weighed pros & cons, with her partner. I'm glad she took the right steps FOR HER to terminate the pregnancy. I shudder to think of the emotional burden & depression this young mother would go through continuing an unwanted pregnancy. It would impact her ability to mother her child and possibly cause her to go through a downward spiral of depression. By airing the abortion episod eon TV is brave and courageous, IMO, because she knew the negativity that would follow. I am hopeful that the program producers guided her and warned of the consequences, yet this woman continued. I applaud her for standing up to the pro-life bullies who taunt her and acknoeledge that she made a life-altering decision i nthe public's eye. Of course she is subjected to the scrutiny of being in the spotlight as equally as the Gosselins, Duggars, and all those other families seeking fame & attention. I'll copy & repeat Rebecca's comment above becaus eit is WORTH repeating" I'm just glad I live in a country where a woman's right to an abortion is protected by the Constitution!"

[deleted account]

I still think she is incredibly brave for telling her story. I wish more women were as brave. The reality is that 25% of pregnancies each year in the US end in abortion. Based on those numbers, 1 woman out of 3 in the US will have an abortion in her lifetime. Whether you know it or not, someone you know has had an abortion. More than likely, several people you know have had one. Abortion is as common as sliced bread. I think attitudes towards it would start to change if more people were more open about it -- it's a lot harder to call someone a "baby killer" or “selfish” when it's your sister, your mother, your MIL, etc. It's very easy to judge someone you don't know, which is what is going on here. People who haven't even watched the show are making comments that show they haven't watched the show (e.g., she should have used birth control -- she did; she should have given the baby up for adoption -- she considered it).
I'm just glad I live in a country where a woman's right to an abortion is protected by the Constitution!

Jenny - posted on 12/31/2010

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@ Julie "where there is a will there is a way!!!!!"

Not all of us have the will. She didn't want another baby so she didn't have one. I have no problem with that.

Julie - posted on 12/31/2010

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Second who is to say we aren't "paying" for her first child, abortion just shouldn't be the answer-I got pregnant unplanned and was living paycheck to paycheck and I found a way by myself to make it work-without any government assistance...where there is a will there is a way!!!!!

Julie - posted on 12/31/2010

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Someone who tells their story to the public should expect to be judged good or bad. And I agree that she chose to put herself in a situation to get pregnant. And I will always agree with the fact that if you don't want kids don't have sex. A baby is a living being at conception, I wish I could even partly understand how that is something people (especially parents) can't see. Adoption is always an option, and to say that its too hard to give away after 9 months how is it easier to kill after a few weeks? Selfish is the word IMO.

[deleted account]

"I agree Jayde everyone will believe in what they want and theres no point in arguing about it it wont change!"

You're right. This is a topic that I don't think anyone will be changing anyone else's mind about.

[deleted account]

I haven't watched the episode, but in Meghan's first post on this thread she said the girl thought about adoption, but decided she wouldn't be able to do it because she would already love the baby too much. That, to me, is selfish. She can't handle the pain of giving her child up for adoption to a couple that so badly wants a baby so she just decided she'd get an abortion. That bothers me.



As far as embryo, fetus, baby...that all depends on your own personal belief. When I'm pregnant that is my baby regardless of how many weeks I am. I'm curently 11 weeks pregnant and just because this baby can't live outside my body right now doesn't mean it's not a baby (my baby) to me. That's just how I see it. I'm a pretty open-minded person, but on this subject, this is how I feel.

Nikkole - posted on 12/31/2010

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I agree Jayde everyone will believe in what they want and theres no point in arguing about it it wont change!

Jayde - posted on 12/31/2010

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I never said you were wrong kate, sorry if it came off that way. I just said that I thought Sara was right.

I was going to write my whole side of the debate, but it's not going to change anything. We can all put across what we believe until we're blue in the face, everyone believes what they think is correct. I believe a baby is alive/a being from conception & i believe abortion is murder &you can tell me i'm wrong/ misinformed or however you want to say it, & I know no one is trying to change my mind, but that's what i believe & NO ONE will ever change that.

Kate CP - posted on 12/31/2010

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A tadpole is a living being with a heartbeat but that doesn't make it a baby.

Rosie - posted on 12/31/2010

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i think it's a smart decision, now the smarter decision would've been to not get pregnant in the first place, but what is done is done. why subject herself to another child she can't take care of? definitely think it's the right choice.
i don't know how MTV handled it since i havn't seen the episode , but meh, i think it does good to show what happens before and after an abortion.

[deleted account]

I agree with Kate -- heart beat or not, a 10 week old embryo is not a baby. It's also not a fetus. It is rudimentary life that has no possibility of survival outside the womb and without the attachment to the mother. Technically, according to strict medical terms, it's a parasite. Blood cells are living and moving too, as is every cell in your body. Do you give them the same status as a fully-formed person?

Nikkole - posted on 12/31/2010

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No it cant but that dosent change the fact thats its a living being that moves and has a heart beat so i feel its a baby and if she didn't want another than be more careful like i said you cant just rely on one form of birth control!

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