Nanny?

[deleted account] ( 35 moms have responded )

If you had the resources, would you hire a nanny to help with your children? How would you choose an effective nanny? What characteristics are important?

If you're anti-nanny...why?

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Becky - posted on 01/12/2011

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A detailed study of childcare policies found that leaving under-threes in all-day nurseries made them more likely to be aggressive, disobedient and lonely. The Unicef report, which draws on extensive scientific and psychological data, recommends that all children should, where possible, be cared for by parents at home during the first 12 months of life.

Children from the poorest homes face the double disadvantage of being born into deprivation and receiving sub-standard childcare, the UN agency said. The study reignited the debate over whether placing very young children in formal childcare for eight hours a day, or longer, can lead to behavioural problems.

Advocates of nursery daycare often claim children benefit from better language development and turn into more confident, sociable adults.

But today's report states that stable, one-to-one care is the key to the well-being of the child and it suggests that British nurseries are substandard because staff are often "very young, unqualified and transient".

April - posted on 01/11/2011

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the big difference between having a nanny and using a daycare is interaction with multiple children. that could be a good thing socially, but a bad thing healthwise. Daycares expose your children to a lot more germs (and diseases). To a point, the exposure is a good thing...but we're not just talking about the occasional common cold. Kids bring home all sorts of crap...hand foot mouth (5th's disease) chicken pox, head lice. I could see why some people would prefer a nanny!!

[deleted account]

I think it's weird to somehow categorize either daycare or nannies as not "raising your kids". Anyone who cares for your kids on a regular basis is raising your kids, whether you want to think about it that way or not. The person who is there caring for them, telling them what to do and what not to do, teaching them, and feeding them is raising them and their actions and values will have just as much influence on your child as your own actions and values do. That doesn't mean that you are also not raising your children, but your nanny is too. I personally think a nanny is a better option than daycare if you work a lot because it's more individualized care, but that also means your nanny's behavior and choices have a greater effect on your child.

[deleted account]

I had a nanny when I worked, so yes, If I wanted to work again I would definitely hire a nanny again. A nanny is a much better option than daycares for us.

First of all, our hours could be irregular, so we could not use a daycare that closed at 7pm everyday. Plus, we worked a lot from home, so it was nice to have J there so we could be a part of his life, but have someone there to take care of him when we needed work done or take important calls. Also, since we occasionally worked evenings, the best time for us to spend time with him was during the day, and if we used a daycare, he would be there instead of with us.

We had a housekeeper, but our Nanny doubled as a cook often. She made all of my son's meals (much healthier options than I could have gotten from daycare or sent in a lunch box). If my husband or I were home, she made our lunches too, as well as dinner sometimes, and cleaned up after.





I can see why sahm's who would not use a daycare or a nanny would be against them, but I can't see why working moms who use daycares would be against them. I mean, it's basically the same thing. (I'm talking about an average person's nanny, not the 24/7 variety)

April - posted on 01/11/2011

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I have seen first hand what actually being raised by nannies does to children. I'm talking about 24-7 care, the live in nanny. My cousins grew up with several and they are very unemotional and indifferent. They have a hard time with affection...giving and receiving. To be fair, it isn't just having a nanny...it's having one knowing your mother didn't NEED to work. Dad had a 6 figure income and Mom had close to one. Also, they didn't have the same nanny all the time (mom was never satisfied, kept firing them). As a result, my cousins never had anyone be their constant....it definitely created attachment issues, IMO.

Long story short...there is a such thing as overuse of the nanny.

PS. Has anyone heard of Camille Grammar? She used to be Kelsey Grammar's wife....she has 4 nannies for 2 children! (Good example of overuse of the nanny).

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LaCi - posted on 01/22/2011

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I feel, in my situation, that having a nanny would just be downright lazy. Of course its different for other people. But why on earth, when I'm not working and only going to school 2 days per week, would I need a nanny? When I graduate, the boyfriend will be staying home and going to school, so we still wouldn't need a nanny. When his schooling is finished, the kid will be like 10 and then theres really no need for a nanny, in my opinion. So, with my circumstances, a nanny would just be silly.

Cyndel - posted on 01/22/2011

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I'm not anti-nanny, but i would rather have a house keeper help with house work so I could concentrate on my kids. Though on the other hand it would be nice if she would be willing to sit with my child for a while if I NEED to do house work or something of real importance. House work can be soothing to me as long as I don't have children underfoot distracting me. She would be part time, only once or twice a week.
But it isn't going to happen, probably ever. The money just isn't there.

Becky - posted on 01/22/2011

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This is written by Oliver james
RE cortisol.
cortisol, the hormone we secrete when faced with threat, leading to "fight or flight". Its levels were measured in 70 15-month-old children at home before they had ever been to daycare. Compared with this, the levels had doubled within an hour of the mother leaving them in daycare on the first, fifth and ninth days. Measured again five months later, while no longer double, they were still significantly elevated compared with the home baseline.

When at home, under-threes' cortisol levels usually drop during the course of the day, but in daycare, nine studies show that they rise. While high-quality daycare does moderate this, they still do rise even under those conditions, and the fact is that the vast majority of daycare provision is low or medium quality – in America, only 9% is high quality; something similar is true here.

The effect appears to be lasting. When cortisol is measured at age 15, the longer a child was in daycare when small, the higher its levels. As high cortisol has been shown many times to be a correlate of all manner of problems, this is bad news.

In particular, it may help to explain why children who were in daycare when under three are so much more likely to be aggressive and disobedient. The definitive study of the subject showed that this was true of only 6% of children largely raised at home, rising steadily as the number of hours per week in non-maternal care increased, to 25% of children spending more than 45 hours a week away from mother.

In America, where daycare is widespread, it looks possible that it is increasing classroom problems. A study of 3,440 children from 282 primary schools showed that children who were home-reared were significantly worse behaved the greater the proportion of their classmates who had been in daycare: they seemed to be led to misbehave by the greater misbehaviour of their daycared peers. Other studies also suggest that daycare increases the risk of insecurity in relationships.

Becky - posted on 01/22/2011

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Mary

That was a snippet from the gardian, but there are lots of studies tha t show a baby under 36 months is best looked after by one "special person"

i found this one too



Children's Elevated Cortisol Levels at Daycare: 2

Pub Types: Journal Articles; Reports - Research

Abstract: We reviewed nine studies in which children's cortisol levels at center daycare were assessed. Our first hypothesis, concerning intraindividual differences in cortisol levels across home and daycare settings, was also tested in a meta-analysis. Our main finding was that at daycare children display higher cortisol levels compared to the home setting. Diurnal patterns revealed significant increases from morning to afternoon, but at daycare only. The combined effect size for seven pertinent studies (n = 303) was r = 0.18 (CI 0.06 - 0.29, p = 0.003). We examined all papers on possible associations between cortisol levels and quality of care, and the influences of age, gender, and children's temperament. Age appeared to be the most significant moderator of this relation. It was shown that the effect of daycare attendance on cortisol excretion was especially notable in children younger than 36 months. We speculate that children in center daycare show elevated cortisol levels because of their stressful interactions in a group setting.

Abstractor:

Kelina - posted on 01/13/2011

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no i'd hire a maid. she could cook, clean, do the laundry, and shovel my driveway and i'd play with the kids, and sew and scrapbook while they napped. I chose to have kids and made sure i was in a position where I could stay home with them and I wouldn't change that for the world.

Jane - posted on 01/12/2011

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I'm not against people having nannies but I feel, if I had one when my kids were younger I would have missed out on "real" parenting. I live in an area where many women have nannies and what I see is a lot of disconnects between mom and child. The children APPEAR to love their nannies more. I would, however have a cook and house cleaner so then I could spend all my time with the kids. To me, that's the perfect situation. My kids are 20 and 17 and I'm glad I did it allon my own although I must admit, I have always had a cleaning service:)

Mary Renee - posted on 01/12/2011

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Oh yeah, after reading the other posts, I totally agree. If I had the money I would DEFINITELY hire a housekeeper!!!!!!!!!!! I would never consider a nanny over a housekeeper, but I would LOVE a housekeeper, haha, that would be awesome! I was just thinking the other day about those nice-old-days pre-children where I only had to take the trash out and do the laundry once a week rather than practically every single day!


hey, could who ever posted the UNICEF report please cite a website or magazine where they got it from? I'd like to see it myself (and maybe show it to my boyfriend so I can hold off on going back to work until my daughter is at least a year old and I can continue to breastfeed!)

Mary Renee - posted on 01/12/2011

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I'm not anti-nanny but I think I might be confusing the "terms" of nanny vs. babysitter vs. mother's helper.

If you have a job and need to be away from your child during the day, and you can AFFORD a NANNY since that's more expensive than institutionalize day care, then what the heck else are you going to do? Right? More power do you. When I have to go back to work, I would love to be able to afford a nanny so that my daughter gets one on one care, that would be great.

If you DON'T have to work, and you have an event you want to go to or a date night with your spouse then I believe that would be a BABYSITTER, not a nanny, and that would be a once in a while thing, a couple times a month. It wouldn't be like a set schedule where you pay them a salary and they come at the same time several times a week.

Now if your hands are full, you have multiple children, or you just would like someone to watch your child so you can clean up the house and do some chores, then you would hire a MOTHER'S HELPER. My sister used to be a "mother's-helper" for a woman who had preterm triplets and just needed help every once in a while. My sister would go there once or twice a week during the summer to help watch the kids so the mom could get some stuff done.

However, if you're suggesting that a woman who does NOT have a job or dire commitiments hire a full-time Nanny... well then that seems stupid. I would never want a Nanny to do what I can do on my own. I mean, you might end up missing your child's first steps, first words, your child might end up calling the Nanny "Mama" and that would just be weird.

Nonetheless, as a for-the-time-being stay-at-home-mom, I get exhausted and could use a break every now and then. But not every day from 9-5!

Meghan - posted on 01/12/2011

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well, my son is hooped then. Poor bugger doesn't stand a chance at life now.



*Edit to add* OK, so nursery and day care are different. But you just posted a study on childcare, sorry about the confusion. But I still stand by my original statement :)

April - posted on 01/12/2011

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@ Becky...i can say from my personal experience that kids that attend daycare are at the very least DIFFERENT. Not bad different, just different. Maybe call it independent? Call it emotionally reserved? I can't put my finger on it, but (in my experience only, ladies!) kids that attend daycare behave differently from their at home peers.

Becky - posted on 01/12/2011

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I think we have crossed wires, over here a day nursery is like a school with 20 to 50ish new bourn's to four year olds in a building with numerous full and part time "nursery nurses"
i think what you are describing is what we call a registered child-minder, which is one or occasionally two people who care for a very small group of kids in there own home, here its three under fives.

Meghan - posted on 01/12/2011

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@Becky- I would agree that not all daycares are the best, but there are some really great ones. My son's daycare provider does offer love and nurture...she treats all of the boys as if they were her own family. We are defiantly lucky but I can't conquer with calling daycares in general "soulless institutions."

Becky - posted on 01/12/2011

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I think a nanny is much better for children than a day nursery. Day nursery's are soulless institutions devoid of what children most need, LOVE AND NURTURE they provide only for a child's physical needs.
A good nanny can, if a parent is unable can become part of the family giving children consistent care, love and nurture.
It has been proven that children thrive best with
1. a parent
2. a relative
3.one main carer [nanny etc...]
4. and least well in a day nursery.

Danielle - posted on 01/11/2011

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I have two children ages 7(boy) and 4(girl). When I first had my son I would have loved to have a QUALIFIED Nanny that could have helped me. I went through a bad post pardom depression and he had to live with my parents. My husband worked all the time and when he was here my son was here but I didn't feel as though I could handle him alone. It would have been great to have someone to HELP me when I felt as though I couldn't do it. Now don't get me wrong I wouldn't have wanted someone to raise him but to be with me during the day and I may have had that confidence that I could have done it. I missed so much with him that I'll never get back. With my daughter I was so worried that I would go through it again that I wouldn't let anyone do anything for her. Now my lil man is in school and my youngest will be starting next yr so I would only want one when we go grocery shopping. Someone to watch them while I try to concentrate on what I'm doing..I always leave and forget something lol

[deleted account]

If I had chosen to be a working mom, I'd hire a nanny over sending my child to daycare. Of course, I'm sure the nanny would cost as much as I make, so it'd be pointless. The next best option would be an in-home daycare. I'm very thankful that I'm able to stay home, and that I didn't have to make that decision. If we suddenly came into a lot of money, I'd hire a housekeeper in a heartbeat.

[deleted account]

I should also add that not all children watched by nannies lack opportunity for socialization. Our Nanny, my husband, or I often took my son to play dates, story times, group classes, parks, museums, and other places where he had the opportunity to play and interact with other children his age, as well as kids older and younger.
As April said, while daycare is a place for socialization, it is not the only place, and certainly always the best place.

Amy - posted on 01/11/2011

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I would rather hire a housekeeper than a nanny. I'm not against them I just would rather spend more time with my kids than cleaning the house. Also, my husband is a SAHD so we really wouldn't "need" one.

Alexis - posted on 01/11/2011

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Right now I only have one child and he is easy to handle as well as getting all the other stuff done. I also have lots of willing family that will babysit whenever I need or want it so im not anti nanny I just dont have any need or desire for one even with the resources.

[deleted account]

Actually a nanny would be much better than daycare for the first three years, if you can afford one that is... I am working mornings at the moment, but even if I wasn't - at around three I'd bring my daughter into daycare for a few hours every morning. They need to be around kids at that stage. No nanny needed by then.

Tah - posted on 01/11/2011

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yeah april, we were talking about camille over in my community the other day, and the fact that she has 4 nannies, a house manager..etc...so you can tan and fundraise..okay...wonder who will have to get fired now that she and kelsey are getting divorced...goodness forbid she have to actually do something for those children herself...

[deleted account]

I'm anti-nany for any mother who could be at home raising her children. For those mothers that have to go to work then i could understand. I don't like the idea of someone else raising my children while they are so young.

Johnny - posted on 01/10/2011

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I'd do the same as some of you. I'd hire a housekeeper, a chauffeur, a hair dresser, a dry cleaner/laundromat who did pick up and a decorator. Then I could spend all my time mothering. I would still do my own garden though. I don't trust anyone with my tomatoes.

I do not have a problem with nannies though. I've hung out with kids who had nannies and loved them, and I've had friends who have been nannies and really cared for those kids. Sadly, in a couple cases, apparently more than the parents. But I generally think it's a good thing.

Sometimes I am a bit perplexed by it though. My dad takes my daughter to a class where there are lots of kids with nannies. Most of them, he's seen the parents at least a couple times. This one little girl, he never in an entire year has seen the parents, and talking to the nanny, she told him she works 6 days a week, she gets the little girl up and puts her to bed, and her parents just see her sometimes on Sundays. But they often go away for the weekend for couple time, because they are trying to have more kids. That really doesn't make any sense to me. At all.

[deleted account]

I wouldn't hire a nanny. I'd hire a maid. Then I can focus 100% on my daughter and not have to worry about the housework crap.

Amber - posted on 01/10/2011

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Meghan said exactly what I was thinking. Having a nanny does not mean that you aren't raising your own children. They care for your children when you aren't home, in your own home.

I don't have a nanny, but if I had a job that made me travel a lot or that had hours that were not set, then I would consider it.
We've already said that when I go back to work we will have a maid and Chad already has a lawn care service. It takes the daily things off our hands so that we can enjoy family.

Meghan - posted on 01/10/2011

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If I could afford it I probably would hire a nanny, but only if I had to work...like I wouldn't hire one if I was sitting at home doing nothing. It takes a village to raise children and I do like the idea of of my child being able to stay in their home/environment. I don't know where this idea that a nanny raises a child comes from. If parents NEED to work, what is wrong with a caring individual helping? Not everyone can stay home and raise their kids, and the idea that parents are absent because their kids have a nanny or go to daycare just pisses me off.
I do really love the idea of daycare though also. My son has become so much more comfortable and confident through socializing with others.

[deleted account]

As someone who has an au pair (nanny), I would say it's harder than some people would think. I work part-time from home and the au pair seemed a better option that having the kids in daycare since I can always be here for them. However, I can say it's endlessly frustrating to watch someone else raise your kids because they are never going to do things the same way you would and it really pisses me off. Personally, if I had my way, I would quit my job, fire the au pair, and focus on my kids full time. Unfortunately, my husband's company is laying people off left and right and it's just too risky.

I definitely don't understand why a mom who isn't working would need a nanny, unless she just doesn't want to care for her kids. Maybe if you had triplets or more, I could see it. But twins or less is manageable on your own.

[deleted account]

I'd hire a house-keeper! A nanny would just annoy me. I want to raise my daughter, and quite frankly I think my daughter wants to be raised by me. The household on the other hand couldn't care less...

Dawn - posted on 01/10/2011

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If I had the resources, I would first hire a housekeeper, a chef and personal masseuse!! But seriously, unless I had multiples or a child that needed special care, I don't think I would want the help of a nanny. But, I am not against it for others, unless it is the nanny completely raising the children.

Lacye - posted on 01/10/2011

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I'm not really anti-nanny but I don't think I would hire a nanny. I enjoy taking care of my daughter myself.

Brittanie - posted on 01/10/2011

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I guess I am anti- nanny. I would never hire someone to help me raise my children. I guess following the same logic that I have chosen to stay at home with my children until they reach school age. I feel like by hiring people to help us raise our kids we would lose out on some of the joys and hardships of parenting. I also see the potential to lose some of the control over how the kids are parented. I also have not hired anybody outside of my family/close friends to babysit my children - so, I may be way to overprotective/not very open minded about the situation.

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