Neighbor kid doesn't have shoes....

Donna - posted on 09/08/2011

i would talk to the parents, or even the 12 yr old. it seems like they dont have enough food or money at home. Unfortunatly i would hate for social services to get involved but maybe thats what they may need therefor the family could get some help.

Becky - posted on 09/05/2011

Go talk to the parents!!

2 years ago my daughter started telling the lady in the lunch room at school that we had no food at home for her to bring for her lunches - The lady started bringing extra food to feed my daughter. This went on for weeks until the lady pulled my aside after school to talk to me about reduced lunch and food stamp programs! I was so upset I nearly started to cry. The real issue wasn't lack of food. We had plenty, but she had made a few choices for lunch items at the store and wound up not liking the items she pick out. There was nothing wrong with the food and I told her she needed to use up those items before we could go shopping for more lunch items. She was throwing away her lunch & then lying to the lunch lady because she knew the lady would not allow her to go with out lunch! I was utterly embarrassed!!!! I told the lady exactly what was happening. She started to check with my daughter right when she got to school, and if there was a lunch with her, and later there was no lunch, my daughter starved until dinner time! She was also grounded for 2 weeks for lying to others and to me!!!

My daughter learned her lesson, but she'll still tell me sometimes that she didn't eat while at a friends house. Typically it's because her & her friend were so busy after that she completely forgot (and she's always hungry) .

Susanne - posted on 09/05/2011

I would mind my own business, look after your own kids and leave well alone. Nothing good will come of poking your nose in you will probably end up either feeding and clothing these kids for years or have the mother on your doorstep threatening to bash your skull in.

April - posted on 09/04/2011

I would definitely go the hand me down route. I don't know about actual shopping in a nice place. My parents did this for my cousin whose parents neglected him and then every time my cousin came over, he'd ask for something big. He'd always use this "feel sorry for me" voice and then my Dad would give in. It doesn't sound like these girls are going to be like my cousin, so I say get to know them a lot better first! Stick with the cheap route first.

Lacieann - posted on 09/01/2011

I've seen the mom, she didn't seem very clean, but it could've been a bad day for her. I met her when I walked her daughter over to see if she could stay the night. I found it odd that she had just spent all day without hearing from her daughter and then let her stay the night, she's more trusting than I would be of strangers. I had brushed her daughters hair and given her clean clothes to wear and her mom noticed and said she looked pretty....that was it.



I'm going to be helping her learn to read I think, she's 7 and doesn't seem to know her alphabet. Maybe she's shy? My Fiance' and I invited her and her dad(he kinda invited himself) over for dinner, but they never showed up. The little girl also says she gets left home by herself. And has mentioned her parents fighting and throwing her dresser drawers around. We got her some new clothes and she asked if she could keep them here, because she didn't want them getting thrown around.



I don't know if her parent's work or not. I know three kids are there, the 7 yr old, a 12 year old girl, and 17-20 year old boy, and possibly another sister.

Christy - posted on 09/01/2011

Go to a thrift store or get hand me downs for them. Also you may be able to go to a food bank on the family's behalf and leave some food on the door step? I dunno. I think your generosity is great, however the mom may end up taking total advantage of you when it isn't warranted. I would go talk to her. Maybe mention you thought her daughter's could use some hand me downs and is this OK? (even if you buy them, indicate they are hand me downs anyway). Dunno what else to say. Good luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 08/31/2011

I dont think any questions will be answered until you go meet the parents.

Jane - posted on 08/30/2011

What people don't understand is that social services isn't about just taking children away. Their job is to help make life better for families with children. They have access to referrals to various charities and services designed to do things such as provide shoes, school supplies and even household help, as well as vouchers for basic food supplies.

I know this because my son told his school that we had no food, there were drugs everywhere, that he had no clean clothes, and that we abused him ("were mean to him"). CPS came out and discovered that we didn't have chips and ice cream, just fruit, sandwich fixings, cereal, milk, and so on. Also that the drugs were my husband's prescription medications, that he was refusing to put his dirty clothes in the laundry and wouldn't wear the ones I had washed, and that actually he was pushing, threatening, and yelling at my husband. CPS provided us with family counseling to get my son to behave better and also gave us some cleaning help for a while. Even though we told them we didn't need it they also insisted on giving my son school supplies.

Beautiful - posted on 08/30/2011

Maybe the parents cant afford to replace clothing all the time for them, or shoes. I know with how quick my son wears down his shoes is too much for us to keep up on so my parents buy his shoes. Being poor isnt a crime, I dont think you should call social services at all. Maybe she hasnt introduced herself because she feels embarassed? Try introducing yourself to her and kindly tell her that you have some old clothes and was wondering if you could give them to her girls or something like that. As for the eating issue, my daughter went to school one day and told her teacher that she was starving because I didnt feed her, all because I wouldnt let her have a cookie that morning before school. Lucky for me her teacher knew me pretty well and wasnt worried about it.

Taking them shopping is bad idea, your not their mother,aunt, grandmother. If it were me and someone just up and decided to take my kid(s) shopping, there would be some problems. But im also a big believer in minding my own business.

Protective services in my opinion should only be used as a VERY LAST resort, not for the family being poor.

Toni - posted on 08/30/2011

The first thing I'd do is go over to their home and introduce myself, kids aren't always completely truthful so with the shoes she may have shoes that she doesn't like so borrowed some from her friend, likewise the girl may have eaten and for some reason wanted you to think she hadn't, the only way to know is to see the home and parents.

If I was concerned after that that the children are neglected I'd contact cps because they could help by providing services or pointing the parents in the direction of services that can help.

Danielle - posted on 08/30/2011

I wouldn't take them clothes shopping. I would just go through your daughters old clothes and see what you can find. I would get the stuff up and sit it aside. Then when it came time for them to go home, I'd walk them home. Introduce yourself, give her your number (if your comfortable with that) and then throw out there that you have some clothes you need to get rid of if she would like to have them. Make it seem like she'd be helping you. When it comes to eating be very careful how you handle that. My son went to my husband's friend's one day and b/c he wanted a doughnut (and knew I was cooking at the time and couldn't have it) he lied to the woman and told her that we had not fed him in three days. He wound up getting 3 doughnuts and I got a phone call.

Jen - posted on 08/30/2011

Are they actually neglected or just dirt poor?

Nikki - posted on 08/30/2011

I wouldn't take them shopping, but I would try and get to know the mother to find out what they are like. If you feel they are being neglected I would definitely call CPS. Like Jane said they don't take children away for minor offences but they can assist with various services, charities and education for the parents to improve their standard of living.

That's very kind of you to want to look after them, that would break my heart to see kids like that :(

Lacieann - posted on 08/29/2011

Thanks for the advice. I have some fresh clothes and stuff for the girls thanks to freecycyle, I'm going to keep watch on the situation.

I talked to a friend of mine who does social type work and she was saying that unless the kids are malnourished/bruised/or molested there's not much that can be done. Also that since there's no infants or little little kids in the house that it has to be close to hoarder dirty to have children taken from it.

I'm doing some more research on the matter but I know that it takes quite a bit before the state will actually step in.

I don't know if any of you heard about those twin girl from Coeur D A'lene that were finally taken by the state. The mom could only tell them apart by their scabs and bruises. I hate that things have to get so bad before anything can happen....

JuLeah - posted on 08/26/2011

I'd try to get to know the parents. Is there a reason they can not access services? They can get food, medical ... maybe they don't know they can, maybe langauge is an issue?

Get involved .... but I'd not take the clothes shopping.

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day, teach him to fish and feed him for a life time .... school is starting, maybe they can help if you alert them there is a problem? What are other neighbors doing? Takes a viallage and all of that ... good on you for caring!!

Jane - posted on 08/26/2011

You can either keep feeding the kids, or you can get the family some formal help by contacting Child Protective Services. They don't always respond by taking kids away. They can also get the family linked up to social services that can get them shoes, clothing, food stamps and so on, as well as parenting training. The call will be anonymous so the woman would never know who called CPS as long as you don't spill the beans yourself.