Niece thinks her stepson will be gay?

Lacye - posted on 12/09/2010 ( 39 moms have responded )

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What the hell! I was over at my niece's house earlier, my sister is a lot older than me and my niece is only about 4 years younger than myself, and she tells me that she thinks her stepson might be gay when he gets older simply because he like Tinkerbell, his favorite color is pink, and he likes to wear her high heels. OMG! The boy is only 4 years old! I could not believe that she said that to me! I was absolutely horrified that she would even say something like that! What made me even madder was the fact that she disliked the idea that he might someday be gay! Her sister is a lesbian and you would think she would have tolerance but apparently not!

I did post this in a venting forum but I wanted to know what you ladies think. I feel that she is judging him wrong and really needs to step back a lot. She does love the boy, don't get me wrong but to make a judgement like that is just absolutely horrible!

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Sarah - posted on 12/10/2010

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I don't understand why boys playing with dolls and strollers is seen as "gay" behaviour. Most heterosexual dads, including my husband are perfectly happy to push a stroller around or look after a baby. It's natural that boys would want to copy what they see their dads doing.

Johnny - posted on 12/10/2010

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Some gay men are more effeminate than others. Because we associate feminine interested/acting males with homosexuality, it is simply more common for effeminate boys to be labeled gay. It may or may not be true.

My best friend from kindergarten to high school was a very effeminate boy. All the kids called him gay. It did turn that he was, but his interest in dolls and his effeminate mannerisms were just his personality. It was equally possible that he might not have been gay. I totally thought one of my co-workers was gay, he's flaming. Then I met his girlfriend. He knows everyone thinks that he's gay, and he doesn't really care, he's learned to accept himself.

It's sad that people are still so concerned about this issue. Why can't they just love their kids for whatever they are and however their personalities are and whatever their interests or mannerisms are? Who cares about their sexuality!?

Amber - posted on 12/09/2010

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I also believe that children are born homosexual or heterosexual. It's not a choice that they've made and you can't change it. You can just accept them and love them as they are.
And you shouldn't make them feel as if it is bad or wrong. It's who they are.

Charlie - posted on 12/09/2010

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I had a boy in my class , 5 years old and it was very obvious he would be at the very least trans-gendered but no surprise if he were gay , luckily for him he had parent's who accepted what will be will be he is still their son 7 years on he still exactly the same .

People are born homosexual some more obvious than others even at a young age , he needs to be loved and nurtured as child and a human .

Krista - posted on 03/10/2011

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For me tho no matter what they are still my children and i will always love them and be there for them even if they are living a life i had not expected or agree with.

In the grand scheme of things, I suppose that's the most important thing.

I guess it comes down to the question: if you could choose for your kid to marry the opposite sex in a church, and have kids, but not be happy....OR marry the same sex in a courthouse and adopt and be happy, what would you choose?

Some people would choose the former, no matter how miserable it would make their kids. And to my mind, THAT is wrong. Some people wouldn't be thrilled with the latter, but their child's happiness is more important than their own discomfort. And I'm not going to sit there and say to those people, "you should be happy that your kid is gay". If they can't be, they can't be -- as long as they suck it up and be happy FOR their kid, and put their child's happiness first, then I have no quibble with that.

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[deleted account]

yes that is kinda a tough question but then not really cuz i know that i want for my kids but its not up to me to run their lives. if them being gay and adopting kids was the perfect life to them and were happy why would i go against that? i wouldnt, as long as they are loved and they are happy i couldnt ask for anything more cuz yea in the end we just want are kids to be happy healthy and successful.

[deleted account]

Its everything really if im gonna be completely honest and this is me im really not caring if after being honest your gonna call me ignorant or a bigot or whatever this is me. I am negative about it because most importantly yes her/his life will never be easy and people can be so mean life is hard already and then for that to be an issue would just be even more challenging everyday for the rest of their life. like i said before i have gay friends and such and think they are great and i am all for peoples right like abortion ( not putting them in the same cateogory) i think people have the right to choose but when it comes down to me i think its wrong. i think gay people are great some are good people some arent there sexual orientation does not define them as a person however when it comes down to my children no i would not want them to be gay. i want them to have a boy girl relationship i want them to get married thru the church and i want them to be able to have children on their own. I dont want my kids to be judged on their sexual orientation their whole lives i dont want them to be harassed i dont want them to live a hard life. it would not be ok with me. And that would not be what i would choose for my kids. however like ive stated before if that were to be the case despite where i stand i would have to turn the other cheek and accept it if i want to still be in my kids life which is what i would do. I would not shun them or anything but it would take me a minute to adjust, accept and move on. My fiance would not be ok with it at all and would not be a part of their lives at all. I dont think thats right but i do understand to a point where he is coming from. For me tho no matter what they are still my children and i will always love them and be there for them even if they are living a life i had not expected or agree with.

Krista - posted on 03/10/2011

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"Bigot" might be a bit strong. However, here's a question: why do you not want your kids to be gay, Maria? Is it because you feel that there's something wrong with being gay? If so, then yeah...you might want to look at why you feel that way.

Personally, were one of my kids to be gay, I think the only "negative" feeling I would feel would be concern. I'd be worried for him or for her, because I know how cruel the world can be to gays and lesbians, and it would break my heart to think of my child being given a hard time simply for being who he or she is.

[deleted account]

How am i bigoted?? because i dont want my kids to be gay?? and if they are then i know i would accept it and still love them very much?? oh yea

Johnny - posted on 03/10/2011

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Some of us just want our kids to be happy and contented with who they are. If the way they are is gay, then that's what we want for them. If you think gay is a bad thing, then I guess you wouldn't want it for your kids, but not everyone is that bigoted.

[deleted account]

I really dont think because a four year old boy is into those things means he is goin to be gay thats really weird to think that. I mean boys and girls at that age are getting into everything and they havent been brainwashed yet to know what is appropriate and what is not for boys and girls. So no if my son was wearing some heels and liked tinker bell i would not automatically assume that he is going to be gay! never would i just think that about my kids. My fiance on the other hand is more closed minded than me and probably would not let him do those things. Anyways just because i think she was wrong for saying that her son is going to be gay i dont think there is anything wrong with her feeling negatively about it. I mean can i be honest i have several friends that are gay and i think they are awesome. but that doesnt mean i would be ok with my kids being gay. I mean who really wants that for their kids?? I know i wouldnt And so if it turned out to be that way i would be upset and disappointed. But that doesnt mean that i would stop loving my kids eventually i would get over what i felt and accept my child for he/she is. And that would be that no matter what they are still my perfect little child. But yea i can get why she would sound negative about that.

Krista - posted on 03/10/2011

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Wow -- thanks for posting that website, Johnny. It's beautiful, and it's so touching to read those stories.

Why is it so frigging hard for some people to accept other people just the way they are? Why must we always try to fit people into the boxes WE want them to fit into? It makes no sense to me at all, and never will.

Johnny - posted on 03/09/2011

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Of course, some gay people feel that it did show in the way they behaved as kids:



http://borngaybornthisway.blogspot.com/



This website actually really touched my heart. One of my closest longtime friends was clearly "different" in a most wonderful way from the time he was at least 5 years old (when we met). It really saddens me that people view individual expression and following your own feelings in such a negative manner. How could your heart not warm just looking at these lovely photos?

Medic - posted on 03/09/2011

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This cracks me up because some people talk trash about my son being gay because he is also four takes tap and ballet loves to play house and baby dolls and he openly says he just wants to be like daddy who happens to cook and clean and take care of his baby sister and him. They all fail to mention that he also plays soccer, loves matchbox cars and his train set more than anything. I want my son to be well rounded and confident just as much as I want my daughter to be. They have to share their toys so yes they have some "boy" toys some "girl" toys and some that go either way. My dad taught me to fix my own car and build a deck and furniture does that make me gay...ummm no. I think your neice needs to back up and pull her head out of her ass before she hurts that child emotionally. PS....guess she would hate to see my son wearing his grandma's pink socks or tee shirts when he ruins his own clothes while over there.

Kristy - posted on 03/07/2011

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Thats a ridiculous idea to think that a child would someday
turn out gay because he likes pink!! Is he the only boy? Having all girls and and one little boy I can see where he wouldnt exactly have the "guy" time he needed to know what boys like!

[deleted account]

She sounds young. Like others said it may be too soon to tell. Then yet I've known some people at young ages are not going to be what thier Moms would expect. So maybe she does have something. Either way enjoy the little boy and the time you get with him.

Kristin - posted on 12/13/2010

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Wow, the kid is just playing. She needs to back off as she isn't in any position to say anything.

[deleted account]

I should introduce your niece to my cousin-in-law, he didn't want his son wearing anything Pooh because it would turn him gay. Needless to say, the son got A LOT of Pooh outfits as presents from the rest of the family.

Stifler's - posted on 12/12/2010

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HAHAHA. So what if he does turn out gay anyway. I doubt that just because he likes pink etc. makes him gay that's a bit crazy IMO.

Brittanie - posted on 12/10/2010

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My son's favorite play station at school is the "house" or dress up sta'tion...and I have never once been concerned about it. I think it's nice when boys and girls are well rounded and can like a little bit of the same stuff...if a little girl were obsessed with the "Cars" disney movie would anyone think she was going to be gay..no. People worry too much about what little boys like...it could be just a stage he is going through. But I do completely agree that if she was being serious then she needs to give her head a shake.

April - posted on 12/10/2010

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At 4 years old, it doesn't mean a thing. I taught preschool and the boys loved the pretend play area just as much as the girls. The boys wore high heels just as often as the girls and the girls wore fireman and policeman outfits just as much as the boys.

Charlie - posted on 12/10/2010

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GAH !!!


It has nothing to do with whether they play with toys or clothes of the opposite gender , why do people think that ?
All that does is perpetuate the idea that men and women MUST be assigned to particular jobs and identities .

Lacye - posted on 12/10/2010

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Thanks ladies! Yes Tinkerbell has started to dress a little bit slutty! lol. It just got to me that she would say that.

[deleted account]

Tinkerbell dresses like a hussy if you ask me. No way would I want my child - male or female - idolizing her. But that's not the issue in question, I guess.

The fact that in the year 2010 a person would even CARE if a child were gay or not seems ridiculous to me. I think this whole issue is stupid. Your niece's only half-way acceptable excuse for her feelings would be if she were sorry for him that he would have to face a lifetime of judgment from ignorant people.

I agree with previous posters who said that homosexuality is part of a person from birth. Other than that, I think homophobes should find something useful to do with their time.

Alecia - posted on 12/10/2010

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oh and P.S. tinkerbell has gotten too hot!! lol so maybe thats why all the little boys like her??

Alecia - posted on 12/10/2010

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oh, tell her about the book "My Princess Boy". a mom wrote it for her young son who likes to dress up in "girl" things. i saw them on an interview and the older brother made me cry! he was telling how his lil bro wanted to be a princess for halloween and his mom wasnt sure about it and he told her "if thats what he wants to be, then let him. its ok!!" he totally stood up for his brother and i loved it!! its ok for ppl to be different and like what they like. i think its a great book!! and if i have son like that i would totally get him the book and let him know that mommy loves him just the way he is!

Alecia - posted on 12/10/2010

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if its just a statement she made, then who cares? if she was upset that he might be, then thats different, but i have def met lil kids that i was pretty sure were gay (they dnt grow-up to be gay...they just r.) but it doesnt bother me and it wouldnt if my kids were either. hell, ive had friends that when they came out to me i told em i had known for a long time and there were like "how?" i just said "hunny, how could i not? but i love u anyway!!" :p she just needs to encourage him to be his own confident person and he will turn out just fine!

Emily - posted on 12/10/2010

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I don't think a kid liking Tinkerbell makes him gay. Maybe he just thinks Tink is hot! lol

If I were her I wouldn't talk about it because I think it would make him feel embarrassed or even put thoughts into his mind. Let him be...he'll turn out to be who he is supposed to be.

Amy - posted on 12/10/2010

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I was just reading an article about how the toys that kids played with while younger can give you some insite into what the might do when there adults. My son LOVES wearing my high heals at 2 1/2, I think that a lot of kids just like that stuff and many will grow out of the shew thing.

I also believe people are born that way too, so I wouldn't be surprised if at an early age they show signs of leaning one way or the other. I think if she accepts the he might be gay and be supportive than it's good, if not she needs to get with it because he's family.

Isobel - posted on 12/10/2010

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Didn't change how I treated them or how I felt about them...it was just quite clear...

Jaime - posted on 12/10/2010

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I think there are some kids that know they are gay even at that age. When I was working at a restaurant before I had Gray, I remember a woman coming in to pick up food with her son. He was probably around the age of 5 or 6 and he was wearing a fairy costume and I believe he was also wearing make-up. His mom started to explain to me why he was dressed that way and I just told her it was cool that he was so confident. As for your niece thinking her step son is gay because he wears her shoes and his favourite colour is pink...meh. I think she can think all she wants, but a person's favourite colour and a boy's curiosity in high heel shoes is not an indicator of homosexuality. She'll find out eventually...I just hope her own ideas about his behaviour don't adversely affect his self-esteem later in life.

Laura - posted on 12/10/2010

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Rebbecca, you do make a good point--the judgment about being gay (for anyone making statements about little boys) could be masking the fear and concern a parent might have for their child's safety were that to be true. It would be tough to know that your child would possibly be discriminated against in the future. And I'm sure the feelings of some judgments against these more effeminate little boys reflect that sentiment. It could even be the case here, it's hard to know just from the written description.

The question I would ask is whether or not the stepmom is doing anything to discourage the behavior and interests. Is she actively telling this little boy that he is "wrong" to like pink--that it is a girl's color? Is she trying to correct behavior so as to make him more gender "appropriate"? If that is the case, then she may be dealing with homophobic feelings. Either way, the comments were out of line--the boy is only 4!

Brandi - posted on 12/10/2010

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Why in the world does she think it is a decision? What four year old has the capacity to make that decision? lol

[deleted account]

I was a tomboy when I was little --- did that mean I was going to be a lesbian? No. My almost 3 year old boys have done the same things you mentioned (they like Tinkerbell, like pink, and like to wear mommy's shoes). Re: Tinkerbell, my husband was a little leary of it at first, until I pointed out that they are interested in looking at a pretty blonde with huge boobs, a tiny waist and a short skirt -- what's not to like from a boys perspective? LOL. I don't think you can look at any four year old and "determine" what their future gender attractions will be. Little boys and little girls will play with a variety of toys -- it doesn't mean much of anything. I do worry about the negative effects mom's attitude is going to have on that boy, though. A four year old is slick enough to pick up on Mom's disapproval. So sad. Personally, I would be a little sad if any of my children turned out to be gay -- not because I care about their orientation but more because I think of the crap they would have to put up with and the discrimination they will face. Is it possible that that was her concern in expressing disapproval (maybe I'm being foolishly optimistic here)?

Petra - posted on 12/10/2010

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She needs to stop pushing views on him - let him be a kid, worry about his sexual orientation down the road when he hits puberty. If she openly states she thinks he'll be gay and has a negative attitude about it, she's going to confuse that kid. I liked my brother's He-man action figures, I wore my grandpa's shoes and I was fond of velour sweat suits (it was the 80's, hehe) when I was little. Did it mean I was gay? Nope. Should it be an indicator of orientation? Hell no. Kids play dress up and have toy preferences that are irrelevant to their orientation - she should just chill out and enjoy him.

Amanda - posted on 12/09/2010

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Wow! I mean if that were the case wouldn't there be a LOT more "gay" boys to be?! I mean my son personally didn't really get into girl toys, or dress up. But I do inhome daycare and have worked at centers before and I've seen little boys walk around with baby dolls, and some obsessed with Dora. My nephew actually loves coming over here just so he can push around my duaghters strollers, and play with the baby dolls! His parents don't mind at all! He's only 2 but I mean still! It is a child! He's experiencing the world around him! He isn't going to find himself in life if he doesn't see what there is for him out there! If my son had wanted to play with girl toys I would of let him! I agree with you, and I think that she needs to lay off and really think about what she is saying...

Barb - posted on 12/09/2010

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This reminds me of when my son's dad was outraged and swore jr would be gay because i borrowed a girlfriend's pink diaper to use on him.

I agree with Loureeen and your niece should be cautioned she could be doing more damage than she realizes with her unintentional judgmental comments and vibe.

Lacye - posted on 12/09/2010

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I agree that children are born gay and it's not a decision. She thinks it's a decision. I don't think she's right about judging him because there are some guys that are out there that are feminine but not gay or trans gendered.

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