Parents before/without marriage?

Nichole - posted on 11/12/2010 ( 106 moms have responded )

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I am just curious on peoples opinions here...BE NICE. I am 22 and married, and was married before we concieved and had our son. I have several friends around my age and some older who are unmarried but ttc, pregnant, or have children. Some of these friends have intent to marry, some don't. Of those that plan to marry, one is due in spring, the baby was a "surprize" but they feel it's excited, and plan to marry in a few years. Another couple planning to marry waited until their baby girl was a toddler. Another couple I know has 2 kids, planning on more, but doesn't plan to marry. They say that it's just a formality that isn't nessecary. What are your views on kids before or without marriage? In my opinion the order should be marriage then babies, but just because a baby comes before marriage doesn't mean the parents' are bad or that they are lacking anything that a married parents have.

*Remember be NICE, no judging or attacking.

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Amber - posted on 11/12/2010

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My son's father and I have been together for the last five years, known each other for over 6 years. We are committed to each other and have a house together. We love each other and our child, and are currently discussing having another child in the next year or so. But we have no immediate plans to get married.

Our life right now is amazing. I don't feel that I HAVE to marry him for us to be a family. The fact that we love, respect, and trust each other is the important part. I know quite a few people who are married and miserable with their partners...and their children feel that stress. We are unmarried and blissfully happy with each other. Because we are happy, our child is happy.
I think it should be commitment/love before children...not necessarily marriage.

[deleted account]

Well, I've been in a relationship with my SO for coming up on 8 years and we have a 26 month old daughter. We're not married and at this time have no plans to be. To me it's just a piece of paper.

Jaycie - posted on 11/12/2010

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This is a Hot topic in many ways First being the way people are raised int heir own families Second being peoples religious views on love and marriage (sex before marriage etc.) and Third morally... I Think that family should be number one and just because you some one made one bad decision or not bad decision not to use a condom doesnt meant they should punish themselves or their family by being with some one they are not happy with... You cannot not marry someone just for your kids or for your religion, it didnt work int he old days and it wont work now... you marry for love and only love. You don't want to be tuck because of a piece of paper either so you see this is a big deal... All god wants is for you to be happy and for you to make the vow to him to love his other child (to whom your marrying) the paper was put their for the Government no one else... so I think that If you love someone and consider them your life partner and promise to do right by them then there is no reason you have to have a marriage certificate to have kids....

Ashley - posted on 11/12/2010

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I really dont think a marriage certificate changes anything if you love your partner and they love you, you have children and want to spend your life with your partner thats all that matters 50% of marriage's fail so i personly dont see the difference. Other than the expense of the wedding i would rather go on holiday lol.

Tah - posted on 11/12/2010

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first comes love, then comes marriage..then comes the baby in the baby carriage..

Dawn - posted on 11/12/2010

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I think the main focus should be on being a family. If you are dating someone, or have a one-night stand, and accidentally get pregnant, you and the partner should try your hardest to have some sort of happy, established and connected relationship that involves the two parents together, even if you find you can't marry or even live with each other. I feel that there are many happy families out there with children where the parents are not married...if that works for you, then I support you completely! Ideally, IMO, a couple decides to marry prior to conceiving. This is how I did it...I wanted my child to know that he was born out of love and that we truely wanted him. Again, this same feeling can be established in the case of an "accident", but unfortunately, it seems this isn't always the case. There are many different fathers, many different mothers and the kids fall in between...that is sad.

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