Parents let kids have sex at home because it's "safer"

[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )

http://abcnews.go.com/US/parents-teens-s...

Thoughts on this? Apparently a lot of parents are allowing their kids to have sex in their home because they think it's safer. They feel that their kids are going to do it anyway so they want them to be in a familiar, clean and safe (where condoms are available) environment. Would you tell your child they could have sex in your home?

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Kayleigh - posted on 07/25/2011

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Honestly it surprises me how many parents are so prudish that they wont even allow their child to be in a safe place when they experience these things for the first time. I'm sorry the idea of your almost adult aged child having sex is so repulsive to you that its clouding your judgment. My mother was 16 when she got pregnant with me... My Nana was not receptive or informative when it came to reproduction, emotions and sex, and just expected my mom to somehow be responsible about birth control.
My mom was 16 and my dad was 21 when she ran away with him and got pregnant with me, then immediately afterwords with my sister (we are 15 months apart) our lives were a CONSTANT struggle and my Nana still refused to help or be supportive in any way. Honestly my sister and I are lucky that we still have our mother b/c she almost didnt make it through our first 5 years of life.
How did she handle things differently with us? Firstly she started the sex/private parts/inapropriate touching conversations when we were like 6 years old, by the time we were 13 we had a big box of condoms in the bathroom, we knew how to use them and had welcome invitation to experiment. by the time i was 15 I didnt even have a boyfriend and my mom was pressuring me into getting on birth control... so I got on depo (best decision EVER, even tho depo is really bad for your metabolism and hormones, it got me thru my teen years without getting pregnant! I call that a win).
We were raised pagan so we were always brought up knowing that sex is normal and good. that it should be a regular part of a healthy relationship. we were also taught that we should be selective about who we couple with... we should trust them, and love them, and know that they respect us. I was 16 when I had sex the first time, thinking back now it seems early, but i know when i did it that i had already been waiting 2 years.
Its Insane to think that your children wont be having sex by the time they are 15 or 16, and refusing to educate them, and kicking them out on the streets to do it in places that are unsafe and there aren't available contraceptives, IMHO is Irresponsible parenting.
People have sex...
Your children are people...
Get over it.
When my daughter gets old enough to understand me completely I will do the same as my mom. when she is 13+ she will know that her and her boyfriends/girlfriends are safe and welcome, and I will make sure she is on some kind of contraceptive.
They are gonna do it no matter what, might as well make sure they are safe and educated, rather than having to raise your own grandkid or worse.

Crystal - posted on 07/25/2011

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My kids as of now are 8 and 9 and still in the dark. With that said I would have to say yes I would let them. There are a couple reasons for this.

I am 29 right know and had my kids young. My mother had this rule and it made me feel like it was no big deal. So no rush to get on with it and I waited till I thought I was ready. On the other hand I had a girlfriend who was told about sex and then told if her parents found out she was even thinking about it she would be locked up.

So what did she do? Went out and started having sex at 13 with as many boys as she could. At the age of 16 she was doing BJ's at school for 5 dollars a pop.

Yes I know its extreme but I would rather my kids feel safe with talking to me and knowing they don't have to hid to do it. Is this a bad choice who knows? It's just what I think would work and only time will tell.

Because stop and think back to when you where in school how many of your friends where having sex? And how many where doing it where they could be seen (cars) or in un-save places (behind building, alleys)?

[deleted account]

Press charges, really? I dont think sex is THAT big of an issue and shouldnt be. Now if it were an older guy and younger girl an vice verse then yes that would be a problem but if they were say 16 or 17 (I was 16 my first time) they are at that point old enough to understand the complications and what can come of having sex but I absolutly do not think sex should be legally punishable thats insanity. What states is this your talking about? Ive never heard of that. Drinking is also entirely different, that impares your judgement on a couple levels it shouldnt be compared to sex under 18.

Amanda - posted on 11/13/2011

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I think the word "safer" is being taken the wrong way by some people. I know safe sex is contraception ect but in this case I think the 'safe' is meant for actual personal safety. I was allowed to have sex in my parents house, however, I had been on the pill for a year due to medical issues not due to having sex, my boyfriend did have to sleep in the spare room at first until the relationship became more serious. Then when the time was right we had sex. We obviously didn't broadcast it to my parents but they knew and from then on he stayed in my room, eventually moved in, we got married, bought a house and now have a gorgeous three year old son.
When the time comes with my son (!!!) I think we will be much the same, if it is only ONE serious girl and not a new one every week I will allow sleep overs. As my mum said "I'd rather you be at home than sneaking around in cars and wherever else"

Charlie - posted on 08/01/2011

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Better at home with protection and contraception than behind the sports shed sans condom and with child 9 months later.

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[deleted account]

Didn't I answer this post? There must've been another one just like it here a while ago....

I'm a big no as far as allowing my unmarried kids to have sex in my home. I'm not naive enough to say they won't have sex outside of marriage (I did (and regretted it)... w/ my future husband and now ex), but it's not something I can condone.

[deleted account]

I would. Not really because its "safer" but I'd rather my child be having sex in a house, than in a car or other places. Older kids 16+. 16 is legal age of consent in Michigan.

Charlie - posted on 08/01/2011

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Christina M - how would you feel about them risking public indecency screwing in a park when a group of drunk guys walk past and think "hey I will have a piece of that " and take turns raping them where no one else can help ? Sounds extreme but not that uncommon.

[deleted account]

My parents were really open about everything. They even let guys/boyfriend's stay the night. They were always there for us to talk to and made sure we knew how to be safe. That being said, my sister had sex at 14 and my brother at 15. I waited until I was 18 and I've only been with my husband (although we weren't married at the time). I'm struggling to understand what the difference is between the 3 of us since we were raised the same. They only thing I've found was the type of people we were friends with. None of my friends were having sex. When my sister first started having sex she was hanging out with a senior girl and I think she was trying to keep up. I do think it's great that parents realize that their kids are going to have sex. I hope that I can have an open and honest relationship with my daughters. I want them to be able to talk to me. I'm not sure that I will openly say "you can have sex here" but I will be sure my daughters know how to be safe and I would be fine providing condoms and taking them to the doctor for birth control if they want. I think it's pretty important to know the type of people your kids are hanging around with because they can have a huge influence on your child's decisions.

Denikka - posted on 07/29/2011

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I'd really rather NOT accidentally walk in on one of my kids going at it with someone...luckily I have a few years to deal with that squick factor in my mind :p
In my beliefs, sex is a natural and beautiful thing. And as long as they are old enough to understand the consequences and they're with someone they really care about, I think I'm going to be ok with it.
My grandmother (who I lived with) was SUPER strict about EVERYTHING. I never went to parties, what few boys I ever did have sleep over slept in the living room on the pull out couch (no spare room) and my grandpa slept in the chair across from them. All of my physical relationships, from holding hands to kissing to sex, were done in secret. Sneaking around. I WANTED to share those special moments with my mother figure (my grandma), have conversations about the boys I liked and whatnot, but it was completely a taboo subject.
I learned what I knew about sex , reproduction and my body from school and from a book that came along with a kids book on how to make money. Not the best teachers.
And that would be one of the reasons I lost my virginity at 15 to a guy I'd only known for a couple hours. And why I started sneaking around and having physical relationships very early in all of my relationships with whomever came my way.
I'd prefer if my kids felt safe and comfortable talking to me and coming to me with ANYTHING they feel they need me for.
I'm hoping that by being honest and open to them and their questions that they'll respect the few wishes I have for them (be with someone they love etc) and not have sex with someone just because it's the only chance they'll probably have, like I did.

Kelina - posted on 07/26/2011

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I agree Kayleigh, i'd rather my kids know all about sex and birth control from me, and i don't think i'd mind if they did it in the house provided it was far enough away i couldn't hear it and they had a Do Not Disturb sign on the door. Granted i might feel differently once they get to that stage but somehow i don't think so. We had a young woman living with us and the rule was "don't break the bed and don't get pregnant. And we need to know who you're bringing into the house." I like the box of condoms idea though, i didn't know the first thing about condoms and that's a scary thing because by the time i was 14 my knowledge of sex and birth control was better than my moms......

Hannah - posted on 07/25/2011

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Once theyre old enough to have sex (18 in my view, though kids are gonna do what theyre gonna do) it is none of my business what they do, but I would certainly not allow them to have sex in my home, first of all I would rather die than 'hear' my child having sex, and if they are gonna do it with condoms it doesnt matter where they are.

Christy - posted on 07/21/2011

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Uh, no. Let's see, it's illegal to have sex in some states under the age of 18. So as the parent you are an accessory to the "crime" and if the parent of the other child has no idea this is going on, then finds out, they can press charges. Same thing with allowing your underage child to drink in your home. So stupid.

Christina - posted on 07/18/2011

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Screw that! If my teens want to be having sex, then they have to do it how I did it as a teen; sneak around. While I will supply condoms and birth control to my children, I'm not going to lay out the welcome mat. And they will know if they are ever caught having sex in my home, I will ground them. Being understanding and helping your kid stay safe with sex is not the same thing as making it easier for them. They can screw in the back of a car, or find a place and risk public indecency like we all did!

[deleted account]

Thats a tough one, none of my kids are at that age yet but it is coming soon. For me as a teen, my parents did not allow it, the only boy that was allowed to spend the night with me was a dear close gay friend of mine and even that made my dad uneasy. But I can say i would have been more comfortable if I were allowed to at home, (I saw the same guy all through highschool). I think it would depend on the age honestly, I would not be comfortable with it at all, but if they were 18 I guess I would allow it, id rather know where they are and what they are doing instead of worrying when they miss curfew about where they could be. Again thats a tough one though cause I say this now but none of us really know how we'll react till that day comes. But one thng is certain, they will do it wether we like it or not.

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2011

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Isn't it just better to have the sex talk and discuss all the details and responsibilies and everything that may go along with what may arise when you have sex.

Amanda - posted on 07/15/2011

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bahaha...oh my goodness!! That sounds absolutely ridiculous to me. How is it any safer?!? Unless you stand guard and watch their every move to make sure they actually USE the condom....

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