Polyamory

Amber - posted on 02/12/2010 ( 45 moms have responded )

53

11

1

How do you feel about polyamory (more than one sexual partner at a time)? How do you think it affects families? Do you think it is immoral? Should it be legal? Why or why not?

Please, discuss.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Krista - posted on 02/16/2010

12,562

16

842

Kate going to a prostitute at anytime is sleazy yes.


Hm...not sure I agree with that one. There are some men out there who have physical or mental conditions that basically render them invisible to the opposite sex, where dating is concerned. Some of those poor buggers are just starved for physical contact, so if they go to a pro, who are we to begrudge them?

WRT polyamory, I definitely wouldn't call it cheating, like Jennifer does. If I gave my husband full permission and blessing to knock boots with Ali Larter (he WISHES!), then how is that cheating? He wouldn't be betraying me, as he'd be doing this with my full knowledge and consent.

Jenny - posted on 02/16/2010

4,426

16

126

I don't think many people are cut out for monogamy. It's just not part of their make up. If consenting adults find a way in our crazy world to make a family work successfully then more power to them. Why do we ALL have to follow the mainstream ideal of the nuclear family? I'm an individual, what works for me likely doesn't work for you and vice versa.

Sherri - posted on 12/20/2010

9,593

15

387

It is not for me. I personally do think it is immoral. There should be no laws about it as long as it is between consenting adults.

Sara - posted on 02/15/2010

9,313

50

584

There is no legitimate reason why polyamory, or even polygamy, should be illegal, IMO. Laws are not meant to legislate morality, that's something that should be left up to the individual, within limits, of course. I'm not saying we have the right to murder if it will make us happy. But things such as relationships and marriage should be left up to the individual.

As for how it affects families, I think that depends on the emotional health of the particular family. If it's a part of the culture in which children were raised, there will be little adjustment. To me, it's not much different than how divorce or remarriage affects children in today's society. It all depends on the how the parent approaches it, but I don't believe polyamory in itself to be a damaging thing to a child or a family.

Michelle - posted on 02/15/2010

53

18

2

If gay people can get married and raise children in a loving environment then why can't polyamorists?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

45 Comments

View replies by

Alexis - posted on 12/28/2010

632

21

21

If people can handle it and are truly happy and in loving relationships with those that are involved then more power to them. I personally would have to many jealousy issues and need to stick to monogamous relationships. Polyamory relationships are in a since no different than a large loving family living together and helping each other out. The only difference is the type of 'feeling' felt towards each other and the type of physical contact.

Korie - posted on 12/28/2010

24

28

1

How a person chooses how to live is their own chose. However once you bear a child, that is totally different. If you wanna do it then do you, but do not have a child around that. Just my opinion.

Trish - posted on 12/28/2010

147

51

16

You should keep your sex life separate from your kids, if you have more than one sexual partner. You don't want you kids asking "who's that man"...and you go..."oh that's uncle 245". I think sometimes it's just better to buy a vibrator and do yourself at least you know where your vibrator's been (in your drawer). Having more than one sexual partner is dangerous...they could have some STIs. And if you do bring your sexual mate for the night home...can they be trusted around your kids and home. I would rather be safe either have the one partner or just masturbate. Keep things simple...not complicated. As women we find sex to be an emotional thing. And as women I was raised that our bodies are sacred. We bring forth life and you can't just give your special punani just to any Tom, Dick and Harry! Unless you getting paid too...that's okay...that's your job but if you giving it away for free...You need to love yourself and stop it.



P.S: There is a tribe in the Amazon where the woman is allowed to have many husbands. The woman has all the power. I wouldn't mind being in that tribe hehehe.

[deleted account]

Polygamy to marry more than one person is illegal in SOME places, not all

Polyamory having more then one sexual partner at a time, is not illegal as no government can dictate who we love.

Meghan - posted on 12/21/2010

3,169

33

202

This is one of those things that no matter how much "research" I do on it, I just can't understand how people live this way. It just doesn't make sense to me and I can't help being ignorant about it.

Nikkole - posted on 12/21/2010

1,505

31

49

IT is illegal, i just goggled it lol!! I dont agree with it at all i think when you get married you are committed to that ONE person till death do you part or in some cases divorce! If you can only marry ONE women or man then you are going against your marriage vows even if you consent to it and you know you would get jealous having to share your husband and not be able to sleep with him every night?? And i really think it would affect kids in some way! I Dont really agree with open marriages either but like other have said whatever floats your boat but i dont think it should be legalized!



http://www.religioustolerance.org/polyla...

[deleted account]

not that i know of. I do know that you can only legally marry one person according to the government(in certain countries, not sure about them all)

April - posted on 12/20/2010

3,420

16

263

Whatever floats your boat or sinks your ship. I have no idea how it affects families...I would imagine that for the children (especially the small ones) they probably think all families are like theirs. It's their normal...they don't know other families have a different normal until they're older.

[deleted account]

I think what sets a bad example for your children is to teach shame for having a natural urge. Denying that urge leads to guilt and remorse their entire life...but thats just the way i see it...

Clarissa - posted on 12/19/2010

124

22

2

i personally dont like it, i think its sets a bad example for your children, and its just vulgar to me

[deleted account]

I think sexuality is a natural thing and to go against your natural self is ridiculous. If you feel lust, go with it. If you want someone other than your partner and they are ok with it. Have a ball. If i wanted to go and have sex with my bf, some chick and a guy we met there is nothing wrong with that. I could date two people at the same time and its perfectly fine by me. My partner could have multiple partners too. As long as your safe, to each their own. The ONLY thing that is immoral. Is causing harm to another person, in any way. As long as everyone consents and know what exactly going on. No harm in following your instinctual needs.(i dont do this stuff by the way. i am in a monogamous relationship with my baby's father. that works for us for now)

Wendy - posted on 12/19/2010

108

0

5

I don't think ANY form of consensual human sexuality between adults should be made illegal. Of course on the other hand, I don’t believe any particular fetish needs its own privileges and protections. What some deem to be weird, gross or disturbing are fun and exciting for others. If two (or more) folks want to indulge in carnal pleasures then by all means let the games begin! :) It boils down to personal convictions. If you find it immoral then don't partake in it, and don't date or marry someone who does.



I don't find polyamory immoral because by definition, it is a desired relationship by all parties. Before marrying my husband I told him that if for any reason during our life together I could not satisfy him accordingly to please just tell me and if I could not provide him with a solution, then we would seek other options together. I may get in a car wreck tomorrow or have an illness later in life that renders me incapable of having sex. I would never want to deprive my husband's well being therefore I would understand if he brought another woman into our home for his pleasure. I am confident that no matter what happens to either one of us, we will stay together. There is too much evidence in support of that to fear otherwise. If he is wonderful enough to stay with me no matter what then I in turn would be okay with him enjoying the sexual company of another woman (or women). If the tables were turned I highly doubt I would even desire another man, but if that were the case I know my husband well enough to know he would understand. He didn't make the same "offer" as I did regarding this particular possible misfortune, but he did say that if/when he is ever incapable of fulfilling my sexual needs, we'd "cross that bridge at that point". He knows I’m totally wrapped though. HE is my sexual need. :O)

Amanda - posted on 02/16/2010

2,559

3

365

Greatest line I ever heard, was Every mother needs a good wife. :0)

I tell my hubby if he wants another wife, then I get more hubbys, one to give back massages, another 3 to make me money, one to clean the house, one to cook, and one to just stand there and look pretty.



All joking aside, what another person does in the privacy of their own home has nothing to do with me, as long as no one is abused, and everyone is happy, who cares what kind of relationship they have. As for the children, back in the day it took a village to raise children, many woman where mother figures to many children who were not their own, they all grew up fine, if not better then some children now a days.

Jane - posted on 02/16/2010

1,041

5

69

I think, whatever floats your boat. For me, I could not nor would I be with a man that would want this type of relationship. However, I think it's fine as long as all parties agree.

Melissa - posted on 02/15/2010

261

15

7

I think that if your not going to settle for one person you shouldn't be married or committed in a relationship. If someone wants to screw around then dont make promises to others. As for falling in love, i dont understand how someone could be in love then want to look for someone else. Is the person your in love with not good enough? Thats the way i look at. In which case i would never want to be with a man who felt i wasn't good enough.

Kate CP - posted on 02/15/2010

8,942

36

754

I think it's immoral if you're married. Whe you get married you make promises to eachother and to be honest I love my husband and would never love anyone else or want to have sex with anyone else. If you're not married I still don't think it's morally right, I would never do it as I see it as cheating and under no circumstances do I agree with people doing it who have children. I think it's sleazy just as I think men/women going to prositutes whilst in a relationship is sleazy.




But going to a prostitute while single is NOT sleazy?

[deleted account]

I think it's immoral if you're married. Whe you get married you make promises to eachother and to be honest I love my husband and would never love anyone else or want to have sex with anyone else. If you're not married I still don't think it's morally right, I would never do it as I see it as cheating and under no circumstances do I agree with people doing it who have children. I think it's sleazy just as I think men/women going to prositutes whilst in a relationship is sleazy.

Johnny - posted on 02/14/2010

8,686

26

318

I just wanted to note that not everyone who marries professes to complete fidelity to their spouse. There are people who enter into marriage with the intention that the marriage be open in some ways from the start. They are marrying for the fact that they love each other, plan to spend the rest of their lives in a relationship, and plan to remain bonded to one another, but not exclusive of others. I know that this can be hard to understand, it certainly is for me. I have no interest in bringing anyone else into my relationship, it's perfect just the way it is, and so of course it is hard for me to see why anyone else would want to do this. But I suppose for some people, they just have the type of personality or interests that makes them want to share themselves intimately with more than just one other. I certainly don't think it should be illegal, but then I also agree with legalized gay marriage and polygamy (for consenting adults).

Rosie - posted on 02/14/2010

8,657

30

315

i still don't see the point of being married if you are going to have relationships outside of the marriage- consentual or not, whether both are in the outside relationship or not. there's no point in being married if this is happening. the whole point of marriage is to profess your love and FAITHFULNESS to ONE person for the rest of your life.
if someone has this type of relationship and is not married then by all means i think it's perfectly fine. i don't even think it should be illegal for married people, i just don't understand why someone would marry someone and then have this type of relationship with another person. it kindof defeats the whole point of marriage in my opinion.
as for the kids that could get tricky, if the parents were in a monogomous relationship for years, it could get a little confusing for the child. if the other relationshps were present before the child i think they could find a way to make it work alot easier without confusing the kids. either way if they are determined to make it work and are loving then i'm sure there wouldn't be a huge problem.

Nicole - posted on 02/13/2010

1,117

27

47

Don't agree with polyamory or polygamy. I feel both are immoral (not saying they are bad people) and both lifestyles have the POTENTIAL to cause broken homes for children, but I do feel that if one is legal, the other should be, too. Now, if either lifestyle infringes on someone elses rights, scams another person and/or the government, includes child rape/endangerment, etc., then it should require legal attention. Otherwise, "to each their own". If everyone involved are consenting ADULTS and committing no other crimes, then, in my opinion, the government has no right to tell someone who they can have a relationship with. Whatever they call said relationship.

Krista - posted on 02/13/2010

12,562

16

842

IMO sex was designed to be between one man and one woman forever.


Forever? Jeez...I'd at least want to stop for a snack and a drink of water once in awhile.

[deleted account]

About it not affecting kids...I'm not convinced. I think kids find security in their parents having a loving relationship with each other. Throw someone else in the picture and imagine a kid thinking that this new person will take mom or dad away from the family unit.

[deleted account]

IMO sex was designed to be between one man and one woman forever. I don't personally agree w/ anything else. In the case of divorce and remarriage it is 'ok', but I also believe divorce is wrong, so.... And before anyone jumps on me for that comment... I AM divorced. Life doesn't always work out the way you want/hope/expect it to.

Kate CP - posted on 02/13/2010

8,942

36

754

It's not for me, but hey, whatever floats yer boat. I *am* against polygamy, though. One husband/wife per person, thankyouverymuch. Honestly the only reason I am against polygamy is because of all the young girls that are forced into it. But if consenting adults want to be "married" to more than one person then I guess go for it? Seems like borrowing trouble to me, though. :P

Krista - posted on 02/13/2010

12,562

16

842

Polyamory definitely wouldn't be my cup of tea, but I do think that people can make it work. And I don't think it's immoral at all as long as nobody is being hurt.

As far as its effect on children -- that's a stickier wicket. For the most part, I think that as long as a child is raised in a loving, stable home, they'll be all right. But the parents will have to realize that their child may be in for some teasing, and will have to be equipped to deal with that.

Amber - posted on 02/13/2010

53

11

1

Polyamory is not the same as cheating on your spouse. The difference is that all three (or more) people are in the relationship together as a threesome (or more), not just a couple. It is not only sexual but emotional as well.

How can a loving relationship of many people, who not only consent but are enjoying themselves, be a bad thing?

How would you feel if these kinds of relationships were legally recognized? Why shouldn't they be allowed to marry each other (or form a civil union)?

Rosie - posted on 02/13/2010

8,657

30

315

if we're talking about married people then i don't think they should have that type of relationship. what's the point of professing your love and faithfulness to only your partner, then turning around and having a relationship with someone else -even with your other partners consent. it makes no sense to me.

if you weren't married then by all means go ahead do what you want. it just doesn't make sense to me to get married and then go sleep with other people, to me it cheapens marriage in general if anybody can go out and sleep with whomever they want.

Amber - posted on 02/13/2010

53

11

1

Teresa, why do you think it is immoral? What about it do you find disgusting?

[deleted account]

I think it's disgusting and completely immoral. Don't know if it should be illegal or not though. There are lots of things that I believe are completely wrong that AREN'T illegal.....

Carolee - posted on 02/13/2010

21,950

17

569

I think that if your relationship is strong enough for a poly lifestyle, and ALL involved agree on the rules (yes, rules are usually set up first), then there really should be no problem... for the most part. The only problem I could see is if "nosy neighbors" tried to call social services because they don't agree with their "neighbor's" relationships. (The word "neighbors" is in quotations because it can be replaced by any relationship to a couple from co-worker to neighbor to grandmother.) And, as long as the parents explain the difference between a poly lifestyle and a swinging lifestyle, the kids should still grow up and be able to have meaningful relationships.

Heather - posted on 02/13/2010

525

20

18

In my opinion, polyamorous relationships are fine as long as all the people involved are on the same page. I agree with Sarah, I can see how some people would agree to this type of lifestyle to please the person they love, but end up getting hurt because they weren't ready.
I'm not quite sure about how I feel about polyamory in context to family and children. I think it would have to depend on the type of relationship of the people involved.
Personally, this type of relationship does not appeal to me, I enjoy being in a committed relationship with just one man, and I think if there were another woman involved, there is no doubt that I would be jealous. I dont have any issue though, if thats what works for other people, much like my feelings on gay marriage, and other lifestyle choices, as long as no one is being hurt or abused in the situation, who am I to judge..people should be allowed to love whoever they want.

Terri - posted on 02/13/2010

287

0

13

I dont agree with it but that is a personal opinion as I have been only with my husband. I am a little old fashioned in believing that marriage should be a sacred relationship. I think it would be hard and confusing on children if they were involved. And I definitely dont think it should be legal. Lets face it, in these situations it's mostly the male who has the multiple partners and there excuse is that they love both and cant decide.

But then on the other foot if the partners are willing then I suppose ultimately it is up to them whether they want to be involved in that type of relationship.

Johnny - posted on 02/12/2010

8,686

26

318

I am not sure exactly how I feel about polyamory, but I know it is not for me personally. I do think that polyamory is more about LOVING more than one person than having multiple sexual partners. As far as I understand, it would actually be possible for a polyamorous person to be chaste as they could have multiple love partners that they are committed to but have sex with none of them.

Sarah - posted on 02/12/2010

87

9

7

I think a polyamorous relationship can be as loving and committed as a relationship between just two people. I think sometimes it is difficult to define a relationship like that, though.



When someone says polyamory I think of a committed relationship between more than two people, but when I hear the term "open relationship" all I can think about it skeezy swingers and a revolving door of new partners.



I do not think polyamory is immoral, I don't believe it should be illegal, but I do think that it's easy for one person in a relationship to go along with something just because their partner wants them to do so. People bully their partners all the time and when another person is brought into an intimate relationship like that, pretty frequently, someone will get their feelings hurt. Even if they did think they were ready for a multi-partner experience.



I think that if a child or children had always had more than just two parents then they probably wouldn't think their situation weird at all. But if it was just mom and dad for the first seven or eight years and then along came someone else, there could be a lot of questions. And, obviously, if a child is raised in a community where polyamory or plural marriage is commonplace, they're probably not going to think much of it at all.



I think that honesty and openness should be the basis for any successful relationship... Even moreso if that relationship is dealing with more than two people. ;)



Jealousy is a strong emotion, though, and some folks just aren't built to share their partner or be shared... Some folks are.



I actually have a lot to say on this matter but I'm curious as to what other people think as well so I'm just gonna wrap this up for now.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms