Porn - harmless fun or completely disgusting?

Lady - posted on 04/10/2010 ( 116 moms have responded )

2,136

73

221

What do you think, is it something couples can use for a bit of harmless titillation or should it never be allowed in the house?
Is it degrading to women, or a personal choice?
Does it give men the wrong idea about sex and make you feel pressured in to perfoming more, or give you some great ideas?

What do you think about porn?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Krista - posted on 04/12/2010

12,562

16

842

Really, the porn isn't the problem -- the people are. It's not all that different from something like alcohol, when you think about it. You can either control it, and use it once in awhile as something fun that lowers your inhibitions, enhances your sex life, and is an enjoyable diversion for a Saturday night after the kids are in bed. Or, like alcohol, it can become more important to you than your partner is, can come between you, becomes something to hide, and can destroy your marriage.

The key is to recognize it if the former starts becoming the latter, and to deal with it immediately.

But to say that porn is cheating or unhealthy is like saying that drinking alcohol will destroy your life. In some cases, yes that's true. But it's not true for everybody.

LaCi - posted on 04/10/2010

3,361

3

171

I love my porn. I should say WE love our porn. We watch together, we watch on our own, depends on whats going on at the time. ;) Who cares? My boyfriend doesn't want to leave me for some broad in a porno lol, and I don't want to leave him for her either. But we can both think she's hot and it's perfectly acceptable.

I think to believe that people ONLY think about their significant other sexually is naive. By nature people are sexual creatures and being in a relationship does not change a persons sexuality. I still find other people sexually attractive, I don't act on it. THAT is commitment. Not pretending you're blind.

Bri - posted on 04/07/2011

43

1

1

I agree, I think its disgusting and it does not empower women at all..it just shows what disgusting people there are in the world that would degrade themselves like that. Just because that's my opinion doesn't mean that I disapprove of other people doing that in their private lives. I think that if you're single, do whatever you want..but once you're in a commuted relationship, I don't think its appropriate. My husband used to watch porn, and he knew how I felt about it, but once we became serious, before we got married, he chose me over the porn. 2 years and he hasn't faltered because he loves me, and is commuted, and doesn't need to watch that stuff anymore.

Johnny - posted on 04/12/2010

8,686

26

318

I understand that your previous partners betrayal of your trust has made porn a terrible thing for you Jackie. I just wanted to say that I think for many of us, porn is not something that our partner is choosing "over" or "before" us, but WITH us. If I was finding my husband deciding to watch porn at night rather than come to bed with me, you'd better believe I'd have an issue with that. I actually had that occur in a previous relationship, and I was not okay with it at all. Most of the time, we enjoy it together, but, I know that my hubby does watch porn without me. However, if I was to come along and even hint slightly that he might have a chance at the real thing, he'd drop that porn so fast. He doesn't try to hide or conceal his interests from me, he is very open if I express any interest. Our sexual "peak" times are not always at the same time, so he occasionally turns to porn when I'm not in the mood. I would rather him get some quick satisfaction than grump around the house all day. And once in a while, I turn to porn (or in my case, I prefer erotic literature) when he's not up to meeting my needs. Including pornography in one's life does not have to lead to distrust or a failing relationship, it can help to improve communication and grow your desire for one another.

LaCi - posted on 04/10/2010

3,361

3

171

there's nothing wrong with thinking about sex. Sex is natural and normal. I also never said I lust after another man, or men at all. I'm pretty sure my post was referenced women. Sexual repression breeds infidelity. We know each others fantasies, we experiment with a wide variety of things, and we keep each others needs met. By having one's desires ignored, one will seek out release for those desires. I embrace my boyfriends sexuality and he embraces mine. Always have, always will.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

116 Comments

View replies by

[deleted account]

Ladies,

If you want to continue debating this topic please start a new thread.

Thank-you
Toni
Moderator

[deleted account]

Oh and we dont have porn in the house if he does decide to watch it it would be on the comp. But we have taped ourselves doing it and then watch it and then delete and we do exchange sexy pics i have no prob being his porn star and its kinda fun to play pretend :)

[deleted account]

Here's my take on it. With my first serious boyfriend ( we lost it to each other) we did watch some porn together i have to admit that it really didnt do anything for me. But then again i think it was more for learning some things for the both of us since we really didnt know how to do it. Now fast forwarding to the future with my husband when we were dating is when we got pregnant i stayed at my parents and there came a time where he had a living situation and was all over the place needless to say we really werent getting it on well i remember one time i was looking something up on his phone and saw a link in the history to porn. I completely freaked out and was disgusted and was disappointed here i was not getting any and being compltely fine with that and there he was getting off to some whores on the interenet!! i told him how i felt and he said he would stop im sure he was just sayin that to make me feel better and so from time to time i would questiom him about it until he admitted it to me and then we would argue he would always be like well do you wanna know or not!! Looking back on it i chalk my reactions up to pregnancy hormones haha. Now occasionaly if i ever see something suspicious ill ask him but he tells me he hasnt looked at it in a long time and i believe him theres no reason for him to hide things now. Now im all fine about it even have offered to view it with him. I want to keep him satisfied and keep changing things up in all the ways i can .So i totally get where the ladies saying they are against porn stand cuz i was there. but then i loosened up a bit and realized it isnt that bad if im having sex with him everyday then that eliminates some of his "want/need" to see porn. So just keep your man happy but never do something you are not comfortable with.

Anne - posted on 05/17/2010

422

8

38

The thing I don't like about it is that it is nearly always degrading to women. Some of it is plain nasty but the mainstream stuff shows women as plasticy, crazed, nympho slave creatures who exist to service men or perform with other women for mens pleasure. It's becoming so that people think you need to have porn to have a healthy sex life. People are getting so used to the idea that it is filtering down into mainstream media. Magazines that are not 'top shelf' regularly show women in porn like poses. Same with music videos. Girls are putting pressure on themselves to fit into this role model. They are made to feel like they need to be a sex-kitten and it all fuels the underage sex problem.
I certainly don't want my little girl finding that kind of stuff and getting the idea this is what women do. I want her to aspire to be great, to have a career, to do anything a man can do. Not make her preoccupied with the size of her breasts and to appear subservient to males. So we will never have that kind of thing in our house but unfortunately she will see it everywhere else. At least she won't think her dad expects women to be like that.

Although I do agree about it being slightly unfaithful to desire other people I wouldn't be too upset about that aspect of it if my husband watched it these days. I was in the past though, when I was young and less secure about myself. I had a boyfriend who pushed me around and used porno women to try to control me. He would constantly tell me about who he thought was hot, very specific about body parts, and would make me feel like crap if I didn't do what he wanted.

Always going to be damaging to young girls.

Katie - posted on 05/16/2010

243

13

18

Porn is one thing when it is just a random video, or magazine. If my husband wants to look at that then go ahead. It's when there is any kind of interaction with another person that I would consider it a problem...a big one. Messaging, webcamming, phone sex... anything like that is cheating in my book. Looking at some random woman, women or couple that is making a porno for the public...who cares.

[deleted account]

I know of marriages that have been ruined by porn addiction, I also know friend who say that their husbands have become less interested in sex with them since they started looking at porn on the Internet. How is this harmless? It obviously harmed the people in these situations. I think it's better if couples stick to making their own porn rather than watching other people.

Keisha - posted on 05/16/2010

260

19

22

For me to watch... harmless fun. For my partner to watch... completely disgusting. LOL! I know that sounds evil....... but amazingly hes ok with it :)

Amber - posted on 05/15/2010

1,909

13

144

I took most of them myself, I have a self portrait camera on a timer. I ordered some sexy outfits and did a little fashion show type thing and took lots of pics and then sent the ones that looked nice and deleted the silly ones ;) haha
I did have a really good friend of mine (a woman) who does photography take some for me. In all of those, I made sure to have boy short type bottoms on but was topless or suggestive.
I'm pretty comfortable with nudity, so I was all for it. And he loved it ;)

Suzette - posted on 05/14/2010

1,086

29

0

Amber,

Actually there's a place here, or around here, that does something like that. I've been flirting with the idea of doing that for his birthday, actually it'll have to be after I lose some of the baby weight because I want to do that first. lol. I know he could care less - for some reason he thinks all the preggoness (not a word, I know lol) looks sexy. (I think he's out of his flipping mind!) Anyway, after I lose some of this baby fat, once she's born, I have been thinking about scheduling a session there and having them professionally done. It'll have to be Christmas or our Anniversary (when we got together) or for Valentine's Day. Something like that.
Have you just taken them yourself or did you have yours done Professionally? I have no problem taking pics for him. :) He has some that I took for him while we were apart, before marriage, nothing to risque of course. I figured he should have something though since we were thousands of miles apart. I would rather he have something of me than some chick he doesn't even know. If that makes sense.

Amber - posted on 05/13/2010

1,909

13

144

I have a question...for the women who don't like porn. If your significant other wanted to watch it, would you be willing to take sexy pictures for him (maybe showing all, maybe just suggestive, whatever made you comfortable) or make a video?
I know that my hunny has to go out of town a lot, so he got an app on his iPhone that password protects images and he has some of me to take with him.
Would something like that be different? Then maybe you could both be satisfied with it?
It's just an idea...and I don't know if it's the same thing to you.

Suzette - posted on 05/10/2010

1,086

29

0

Shavaune, I don't think of it as cheating, though some wives do and it's understandable, I suppose. I couldn't put myself in their situation as to why they feel that way. It just bothers me, it's an issue that, if he wanted to use it, I would deal with it. He doesn't "need" it as he puts it so it's not an issue. He threw it all out before I had a chance to thoroughly talk to him about his entire collection, which was extremely huge from what I was later told. lol.
Though, as other wives/gf's have said about their relationships and how they use it with their partners, that they use it together. If this was something my husband wanted, I would try it, I've yet to completely deny him of any experience, though if he wanted someone else in our relationship that would be a big fat hell no, lol.
I agree with most men the actual event is all they need to be satisfied, but there are men out there that are quite different. I didn't know men like that existed until I met my husband though.
I definitely think porn can help a couple or extremely damage a relationship, depending on how they view it. I don't think it's degrading to women at all. I think that someone can make it degrading to a woman. But, if he wanted to use it then I'd do my best to try. :)

Suzette - posted on 05/10/2010

1,086

29

0

Jenny,
It was the comment,
"This part not directed at anyone specifically but I still 100% beleive there is not one man out there who is not masturbating at least on occasion whether you know about or not. If he knows your opinion on porn and such why would he tell? No husband wants to feel like they are being a degenerate from their wife so, of course, they would hide it."

It implied that a man has to lie to his wife, by omission, in order to do anything, whether it's masturbation or porn. I still think it's hilarious that you'd bet that any man, whether it's my marriage or anyone else's, would lie about something so trivial. It's not something I'm going to get upset with him (at all) over, so why would he feel the need to lie about it? He's been forthcoming with me about everything else, including when he found porn he'd forgotten he'd even had, and he's even kept some collector porn... some series of Gilligan's Island and the Munster's stuff. (it's hilarious stuff, not the kind that you can get off on, I've actually watched it with him lol.) So why, would anyone, feel the need to lie about masturbation, especially when it's something that a couple does together?
It's not being defensive about what he does and doesn't do, it's the fact that you honestly believe that all men are going to lie about it to keep it some huge secret, some men don't feel the need to lie. Unless you know all men, that's a huge assumption. He's told me before when he's masturbated, so why would he lie to me any other time? He just doesn't like doing it alone. ;)

[deleted account]

Ya I have 2 boys and they have a very natural urge to play with themselves LOL From the moment they look down as a baby and go "hey what's that? OOO that feels good" they are obsessed with the damn thing! Sex is natural and so is masturbation. Even baby and child development books touch on the subject of what to do when your kids plays with themselves and that its perfectly normal.
Anyways, if a couple (or a person) wants to watch porn or get their jollies off who cares how they do it? Me and my spouse do sometimes if we are getting bored in the bedroom or just for fun. I think its good to be open with your partner about that stuff then both people needs are satisfied and they don't go looking for it with someone else. My husband enjoys it more than i do (go figure lol) but if he watched it without me I certainly wouldn't call it cheating.
I think alot of woman like it because (unlike men) we have to actually get turned on before we want to have sex. The lead up to the sex is just about as important as the sex itself because we like to be "put in the mood" For men if they even think they may score they are ready to go. The actual event itself is usually all they need to feel satisfied. So porn just helps get it going to put both people in the same kind of mood if that makes sense.

Jenny - posted on 05/09/2010

4,426

16

126

Why would you equate saying men masturbate with me having a low opinion of men?

I'm glad you give your man, um, permission to wank but honey, it's his body and not really your call. If you have a good sex life than high fives and kudos to you! But I'd bet my last dollar he still wanks even if he won't tell you. Masturbation is seperate from a satisfying sex life, from porn, from a loving wife, from full time access to copulation etc. Masturbation is not something anyone needs to frown at. It is fun, it is acceptable, it is NATURAL.

There is just no need for you to be defensive about it.

Suzette - posted on 05/09/2010

1,086

29

0

@Jenny,

"This part not directed at anyone specifically but I still 100% beleive there is not one man out there who is not masturbating at least on occasion whether you know about or not. If he knows your opinion on porn and such why would he tell? No husband wants to feel like they are being a degenerate from their wife so, of course, they would hide it."



It seems like you have a really low opinion of men. My husband kind of snorted at this. Since I've been pregnant, with quite a few problems, we haven't been able to do anything. I have a few 'issues' with porn, nothing as bad as Jackie though I can understand why Jackie feels the way she does. My husband threw out all his porn before we were married. After we were married, I found odds and ends here and there - he gave it away.



I fully trust my husband, if he has any it would be at his office which is a bit impossible. I'm sure his Lietuenant Colonel or another Superior would have found it and, well, he'd have his butt in a sling. (It's not allowed.) I can tell you now that it's not in the car or our storage area... and it's not that I go *searching* these places, it's just something I know from the two of us doing things together and putting things away together. I know where everything is and so does he, well I probably know better than him, I'm an organization freak, I can't help it really. (It's sort of borderline OCD lol)



As far as showering together, being together 100% of the time. Well, before the big ole belly got in the way, we did that all the time, yep 100% of the time. Now we don't, it's a little hard to do, but the bathroom door is always open. (Except for when one of us is doing other things in there, no details.) I have to have the door open when I shower because, like I said, difficulties during the pregnancy - like extreme problems with my hips. He does it in case something happens while he's in the shower.



I don't work, I am in college, so the only time he's gone is while he's at work. And he's usually calling me a few times from his cell or desk to check on me. =)

Errands are always done together, it's just how we do things. And bedtime is always together, unless he passes out on the sofa watching television, which I can see from the office - that's where I am if he's watching television or reading his book on the couch. And the bedroom is right across the hall from the office.



I guess I'm just saying that, while I used to believe the same thing about men and their porn and masturbation habits, I know men who exist (now) that don't do that. They respect their marriage and their wife too much. He knows that I would look at it the same way he'd look at me talking to another man (even a friend) that I hadn't told him about. It's just not something that we would do to one another.



He has full permission to masturbate if he wants to, and he knows that. That's a whole other story... lol. He would rather I do that for him... I've written erotic stories for him to use in the place of porn (which actually help him more he says) but he'd rather have me than any of that stuff. I can't wait to have my sex life back!!!!! LOL!

Sara - posted on 05/09/2010

64

76

5

I don't think porn itself is the issue but how the porn is "used" could be. If it is used as a substitute for actual intimacy or to the exclusion of sexual intimacy between partners then yes porn is a problem but only in the way of how the people watching have made it. It is in itself harmless. It isn't degrading to women especially when you see that more and more women are actually producing and controlling porn industries. I have never felt pressured because someone I was dating watched porn but that is just me and how I am, some girls me feel that I can't speak for them.

Amber - posted on 04/17/2010

1,909

13

144

I personally like porn. I've been in a relationship for 4 1/2 years...we've watched it together, but we generally watch it seperately. We're both busy and some weeks we have opposite schedules. If one of us is in the mood and the other isn't home, or has a deadline to meet, or has to get up early...then I see no reason why we should go to bed unsatisfied. But neither of us have insecurities with the other watching it, so it has never been an issue.



I think the biggest issue with porn comes to respect. If your partner feels insecure or uncomfortable with it, then you should handle the situation more gingerly and differently than others who have no issues do. That being said, I don't know that telling your partner that they are not "allowed" to watch porn is productive either. If they are still intimate with you and do not blatantly do it to hurt you, then they should be allowed to have that pleasure in their lives.

I just don't think that adults should be told what they can or cannot do when it is not physically hurting or disrupting others. BUT I only think that if both partners are NOT happy with the arrangement. When it's a constant fight for what one wants and the other doesn't, I feel that it's an issue. If it works in your relationship and you are both ligitimately happy, then continue to do what works.

Brie - posted on 04/15/2010

1,118

18

54

I think porn is harmless.. both my husband and I watch/look at porn... we get ideas as well as adding a little extra umph in the bed... i believe it should be put up out of reach of children though!! its a personal choice and both my husband and myself realize that neither one of us are pressured into enhancing anything intentionally but i have noticed watching porn enhances it without us trying! not to say sex is only good with porn believe me the best was when porn wasn't even involved!!! and we both understand that there are other people that we both find attractive but neither of us will ever act on it because we are happy where we are...
i honestly think that unless you are suffering ppd or something simialiar then your relationship isn't as trusting or stable as you think if you feel pressured into something!

Jackie - posted on 04/14/2010

937

13

54

We have been together for almost 5 years. And I don't see how something that we CHOSE to do is unhealthy. Nor is there any "health" reason why you need to shower separately - either physically or mentally. I would agree if it was that he didn't have the option, but that's what we chose to do. Can I say 100% that he is not, no one ever could, but can I say it with significant confidence, yes I can. And AGAIN I will repeat myself, yes we are apart....the way our schedules work it just so happens that it does not happen at home. When errands are run on weekends we go out and do them together, as a family, b/c thats when we get a chance to go do things together. Yes once in a great while he stays up to watch TV later than I do sometimes, but I can guarantee he does not do it with me in the house...he values our marriage, is very happy with me, and knows how I feel. Any guy in that situation that would still do it with WITH ME IN THE NEXT ROOM, esp. knowing I could get up at any time, would be a complete jackass with the sole purpose of trying to hurt the other person. Sorry, my husband isn't like that.

I can tell from yourposts that you are very strong minded and very much do what you want, when you want, and that is totally fine. But my husband and I both prefer to work more as a team...everything we do (both together and apart) is something we both agree on. I really don't get why you insist on thinking you know the schedule of our lives and are so positive that we purposely split up just so one person can sit at home alone on their ass. Nor do I even understand what the point of that would be?????? We are busy, we are almost always doing something...so ya...we don't have much time of doing nothing and that's the way we like it. Our down time is at nite after our daughter goes to bed...and we spend that time together! That is our quality time for him and I. Did it ever cross your mind that what we do is b/c that's what makes us happy!

Jenny - posted on 04/14/2010

4,426

16

126

"Yes, Gillian, that is where it started, because Jenny assumed all guys did it in the shower, and I said we shower together so no, not the case for my husband.



But then I was attacked for him never being alone and I clarified that we are apart, but not at home. Sorry if people think spending our free time together is so horrible, we do not see it that way. And also the way our work schedules fall, we are both up at the same time, home at the same time, and in bed at the same time...that's just the way it goes, we don't work opposing schedules like some couples do, but that's the way we like it."



It was my opinion, not an attack. I guess my first question should have been (unless I missed the info previously) how long you have been together. It was concerning to hear your husband is NEVER alone in your home when you are there and I bet my last dollar any marraige counsellor would agree with me. That you NEVER shower alone is just not healthy. I'm sure most of us here, including me, have showered with our partners. But EVERY time, not a chance. You came across like you know for a fact he is not masturbating because he is constantly monitored by you. You never go to read a book in bed? He never stays up to watch a movie after you're all in bed? You never run out for errands on a Saturday afternoon with the kids? He is NEVER alone?



This part not directed at anyone specifically but I still 100% beleive there is not one man out there who is not masturbating at least on occasion whether you know about or not. If he knows your opinion on porn and such why would he tell? No husband wants to feel like they are being a degenerate from their wife so, of course, they would hide it.

Rose - posted on 04/14/2010

323

48

20

I think it is harmless. But at the same time my hubby watches porn and lies to me about it. I don't mind watching it with him its just the fact that he lies to me about it. Right now i am feeling really self conscious because i am prego and soon to pop so i don't feel i look very appealing but my hubby says i do everyday. I hate that he looks at it while i am not around it bothers me. Its just makes me feel like i don't satisfy his needs. Even tho he reassures me i do. I don't think it is disgusting or inappropriate its just a part of life. Sex gives me good ideas and makes sex more fun for us. I don't think it is degrading to women the same question could be asked on the guys part.

Jackie - posted on 04/14/2010

937

13

54

I am with you in that the bath is out of the question....unless we were to both sit there indian style and not move, lol. Our next house will have a big jacuzzi tub though!

LaCi - posted on 04/14/2010

3,361

3

171

lol I feel ya Jennifer. Also 5'11 and even though my tub is pretty huge there really just isn't enough leg room for the two of us to be in it *sigh*

[deleted account]

I love showering together and bathing but being 5 foot 11 it doesn't work being int he bath together - except for when we went on our honeymoon night and there was a bath the size of a double bed =] I think basically we can;t make assumptions that men do masturbate etc. Everyone is different, people will say shes a girl she should play with dolls but it doesn't work like that. In the same way we can't say oh he's a Muslim he must be a terrorist (no offence to anyone it's just a comparison). What we've established is some like porn some hate it. It works in some relationships and not in others =] It would be boring if we all thought the same and did the same =]

Jackie - posted on 04/14/2010

937

13

54

My point is, just because our time apart is away from the house also does not translate into we have a bad marriage. There's no requirement that states that for it to be healthy that we HAVE to have alone time in the house....I find that thought ridiculous personally. The way we look at it is the alone time happens if and when the schedules allow...at whatever location that may be.

Emma - posted on 04/14/2010

1,590

15

111

Good point about saving the water..... we are on water restrictions at the moment i think a bathroom renovation might be in order ;-) purely for the water saving of course lol

Jackie - posted on 04/14/2010

937

13

54

Yes, Gillian, that is where it started, because Jenny assumed all guys did it in the shower, and I said we shower together so no, not the case for my husband.

But then I was attacked for him never being alone and I clarified that we are apart, but not at home. Sorry if people think spending our free time together is so horrible, we do not see it that way. And also the way our work schedules fall, we are both up at the same time, home at the same time, and in bed at the same time...that's just the way it goes, we don't work opposing schedules like some couples do, but that's the way we like it.

LaCi - posted on 04/14/2010

3,361

3

171

I don't think showering together is weird. If our shower was normal sized I'd be on that.

Lady - posted on 04/14/2010

2,136

73

221

I think showereing together is great fun and a good way to save water, I'm not sure that's what people had a problem with, it was that you said your husband never had time alone to masturbate even if he wanted to. I'm sorry you were mistunderstood. You are very entitled to your opinions, if porn has been something in your life that has caused problems then of course your not going to like it. I think we can all understand that.

Jackie - posted on 04/14/2010

937

13

54

We do have a spacious shower Emma, lol, we've been in smaller ones when travelling and then it is more like work than relaxing I agree, lol.

Emma - posted on 04/14/2010

1,590

15

111

Jakie,
I wish our shower was bigger as its not to fun when one of you has to have your butt pressed on cold tile's ...lol
At the end of the day you do what's right for you and your marriage,
I get why you don't like porn and would no doubt feel the same if i had been in the same situation.

Jackie - posted on 04/14/2010

937

13

54

1. to the attacking marraiges thing....I said I THINK that it is cheating, I never said that in your relationship it is cheating.
2. To showering, I don't get you people!!!! Did anyone ever stop to think that showering together might be an intimate thing for my husband and I that we both choose....you are the first people I have EVER encountered to think showering together is a bad idea/wierd. I'd love to know how an intimate thing between my husband and I means we have a horrible marriage!!!!???!!!

[deleted account]

I think porns is not cheating otherwise looking at people in soaps having sex on tv would be cheating but I just don't see the fascination with watching other people have sex. I have no problem with making my own porn but if I wanted to see other people have sex I'd go to an orgy.



Everyone can say things that are generally associated with men but here's a bit of info about my husband. My husband has no interest in porn whatsoever, never has. I did use some before we met but I think it's a big difference using it outside a relationship rather than inside. He says he really needs foreplay to get heated up - and he loves us to play out our fantasys which include dominatrix etc, which I enjoy too. My husband and I are very open and honest we've discussed everything from porn to threesomes and it's just not for us. My husband's more conservative than I am and I'm the one who suggested anal sex before we even had vaginal sex lols. I'd say I am more manly with what I like from sex - probably part of my high testosterone level=]I know that what you are saying is true in a lot of cases but sometimes it's the other way around - the woman is more visual so you can't just say he's a man he'll like porn. And for one I don't care about the romance or seduction - as long as I get my sex that's what matters to me.



But one thing...you said Heather women need to be feel wanted...most women don't feel wanted if their other half is too busy having his end off over porn that's a reason why I think porn can ruin relationships, when porn takes over and very often it does. Lots of women do have self-confidence issues for a number of different reasons and their man watching porn will not help the matter.

Emma - posted on 04/14/2010

1,590

15

111

@ Heather
Well said it takes al of trust, intimacy and respect to share with anyone your little sexual quirks, Most people are scared of being rejected so don't share and fulfil that need from porn.
And just because you share dose not mean those things have to be added to you sex life if you or your partner is uncomfortably with the idea.

Heather - posted on 04/14/2010

525

20

18

I have been around the block a time or two and there is one thing I have learned about men...they need visuals and fantasies, and when they watch porn it is just the means to an end...hell, it dosent have to even be porn...my hubby said he used to look at the bra and pantie section of the pennys catalog lol Woman are stimulated on more of a mental level...we like to feel wanted and feel sexy..we like to be seduced and romanced (most of us anyway ;) ) Men dont care about that, or need it at all. Sure, some of them will cater to our needs, so they can get to theirs lol

If you allow your man to be open and honest about his turn-ons and kinks , and truly accept him for who he is and not be judgmental...you will most likely be shocked at the difference it will make in your relationship and the new level of intimacy you can achieve together. No one wants to hide things from the person they plan on spending the rest of their life with.

My hubby has many kinks, and It took him a while to let me in on all of them, but I am happy he chose to share them with me, and I dont judge him at all...we embrace them as a couple, and I use them to my advantage at times, it makes things fun and interesting :) I know he watches porn, he dosent have to hide it from me or feel ashamed..and for us, it makes our bond that much stronger because we trust each other and respect each other.

Emma - posted on 04/14/2010

1,590

15

111

LOL ok im laughing at myself i must be hungry or something as i keep using food as example's lol

Emma - posted on 04/14/2010

1,590

15

111

Truth is most men cant help but touch it lol they constantly are fiddling with it through there trousered rearranging things down there. i don't think if people masturbate alone its because they are not getting enough sex, some times your just horny for no reason and your partner can not be at your beck and call to help you out shit they have to work sometimes lol sometimes you just want the orgasm as its a great mood lifter if your having a shitty day.
im not a big fan of the quickie so yip i will DIY and have a quickie latter that way we are both happy as time can often be a factor when you have kids .

Masturbation is fun your not hurting anyone by doing it even if you are married you can not cheat with yourself can you ?

Personally i think its a silly notion to think any man or woman will stop DIY ing just because they got married,
That's like saying you will never buy store bought pesto again as you now have the recipe to make it yourself, granted you may not buy it as often but you will once in a while as its quick and easy.

Emma - posted on 04/14/2010

1,590

15

111

Truth is most men cant help but touch it lol they constantly are fiddling with it through there trousered rearranging things down there. i don't think if people masturbate alone its because they are not getting enough sex, some times your just horny for no reason and your partner can not be at your beck and call to help you out shit they have to work sometimes lol sometimes you just want the orgasm as its a great mood lifter if your having a shitty day.
im not a big fan of the quickie so yip i will DIY and have a quickie latter that way we are both happy as time can often be a factor when you have kids .

Masturbation is fun your not hurting anyone by doing it even if you are married you can not cheat with yourself can you ?

Personally i think its a silly notion to think any man or woman will stop DIY ing just because they got married,
That's like saying you will never buy store bought pesto again as you now have the recipe to make it yourself, granted you may not buy it as often but you will once in a while as its quick and easy.

[deleted account]

Jenny this is kinda going off topic but there's a huge difference between a two year old touching his bits and a man masturbating and it's a bit strange to compare the two. My son's only 4 months old and he does but then again so do little girls and that's out of genuine curiosity not a sexual thing. But I can see what you mean lol!!!



And just a random input. I'd say men masturbate probably the same amount as women just women don;t like to admit to it. My hubby and I masturbated a lot before we met and when we weren't living together because we both need a lot of stimulation in that area. We still do masturbate usually mutually together or when it's my time of the month he masturbates over my boobs because sex during a period is very messy! =] Of course men and women will still masturbate when they're married but I think the problems come when one partner is doing it behind the others back so to speak and its usually because they aren't getting enough sex.

Emma - posted on 04/13/2010

1,590

15

111

Porn is like Brussels sprouts. you like it/them or you don't.
No one is saying i don't like Brussels sprouts so they must be banned, you just don't buy them if you don't like them. and its also fine to ask your partner to please not to have them, as some people cant digest them and the fart up a storm.

I have to agree that everyone masturbate's some times (Male and Female) you don't need porn to do so, Masturbation is not always about sex it can be stress relief or just coz it feels good to touch your own body. its your body after all its a little unfair to say you cant touch yourself only im aloud to do that.
Self pleasure is a key for a satisfying sex life how can you tell your partner what you like or don't or where the sweet spot is you like if you can not do it yourself.

Brandi - posted on 04/13/2010

172

8

12

Jackie by saying that enjoying porn is cheating you are, in fact, attacking a lot of other marriages. And just because of the simple fact of how it makes YOU feel. Cheating on a person means you are having an emotional or physical relationship with someone besides them. Looking at a picture or video of someone isn't that and I still don't understand that sort of juvenile thinking. Masturbation is a completely natural thing that people do. We are sexual beings.

The porn debate isn't about health, morals, or fidelity regardless of what people might say to prove to others that is their issue. Some women are just threatened by it and usually, as is the situation here, it is because there was a prior betrayal in the relationship and porn becomes a scapegoat. Jenny might have offended you, but she's right. If your husband can't even shower alone, you have other problems.

Jackie - posted on 04/13/2010

937

13

54

I do completely agree Christa that it is not the case for everybody. I promise all of you that think its great that you have a much "easier" relationship than I do...and I do envy you for that. I'm not against it to be a bitch and make his life miserable, i'm against it b/c all it does is make me feel useless and undesireable. I personally (outside of my husband watching) think its ridiculous anyways and would never have any desire to have anything to do wtih it...but I'm sure it would have caused alot less stress in my life if I found it ok for him to watch it. So for those of you that think its fun or whatever more power to you.

Jenny - not sure who you think you are that you feel the need to attack my marriage...we actually have a great relationship. I was simply stating that no my husband isn't getting off in the shower as you saw arrogantly assumed of all men b/c we chose to shower together. You chose not to, that's fine, for us that's part of our connection. And we are apart at times, but its' when we are out, not at home is what I actually said. I didn't say we are never apart.

LaCi - posted on 04/12/2010

3,361

3

171

I shall reiterate again- I never said not thinking about sex with people out of your relationship is naive. I said expecting that everyone think about their partner and their partner only is naive.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms