Praying before dinner?...

Mae - posted on 07/19/2010

We always prayed before meals but I was raised as a Jehova's witness. My husband's family does for thanksgiving, christmas, and if they have friends from church over. At my house I we just eat not because we are opposed to saying grace but because it is very hard to keep a hungry toddler from eating while the grown ups say grace. I do think that it is a little rude for them to take over prayer at you parents house and if it does bother your brother and SIL then you should tell them. My brother is atheist but he understands that our family is not so he sits quietly while we pray but we always ask if he minds and I think that makes him feel better about it, he usually will then proceed afterwards to making jokes about us talking to ourselves or something like that.

Amber - posted on 07/08/2010

When I was a child, we didn't say prayers at meals. I was raised Roman Catholic and it just wasn't a tradition in our home. However, whenever my grandmother was over for dinner (no matter who's house it was) we always said grace. And we still do.
For me, it's a matter of respecting my grandmother. I don't know what I believe anymore about religion, but I do know that I respect my grandmother enough to allow her a moment of prayer.
It doesn't make anybody around me uncomfortable to have this done. I honestly don't know what I would do if the problem came up. I can't imagine asking my sweet grandmother not to say her prayers....lol

*Lisa* - posted on 07/07/2010

*Lisa* - posted on 07/07/2010

I'm a christian and we don't say grace before meals either. I think it has a lot to do with the way you were brought up. If we are in a big gathering with other christians we may say a quick thanks to respect those who do. But I guess it's never been a problem with my non-christian friends because we don't say grace anyway. I can understand it making people uncomfortable. Especially if it's one of those really long-winded prayers where everyone (even christians) are secretly thinking 'hurry up I'm starving!'. I don't have a problem with saying grace and I have eaten with some muslim friends and I respect their customs when I'm with them. No one should force you to pray with them regardless of religion. But it doesn't hurt to sit silently and respect their beliefs just as with any religion.

Chatty - posted on 07/07/2010

I agree, Alison.....my brother does have issues! lmao!

Alison - posted on 07/07/2010

I think out of respect for them and their beliefs, you should agree to be silent as they choose to pray to their god. If I am at a restaurant and pray with my family, I expect the server to refrain from interrupting out of respect.



You don't have to participate in the prayer, just respect their tradition by being silent.



If someone actually takes offense to such a thing, I think they've got some issues that need to worked through.

Amanda - posted on 07/07/2010

I don't understand why it would make someone uncomrfortable that their guests have faith in their religion lol... my husbands parents pray before meals, and it doesn't bother me... I don't open prayer for them or anything, but I put my hands together and sit quietly with my head down. We're all christian, just different types, so maybe thats why I don't feel it's too big an issue... I don't know how I would feel praying to a different God, but I don't see the harm in someone else wanting to pray.

Stephanie Jo - posted on 07/06/2010

I am a Christian and I think it is great that your inlaws pray.

Chatty - posted on 07/06/2010

Oh, those bloody Roman Catholics...lmao. ;)

Jen - posted on 07/06/2010

@ Dana. Yes, I was. My parents were on a 2 week vacation and I was staying with their family. Every day I bowed my head respectfully (knowing I'd be in massive trouble if I hadn't) but after 2 dinners, I got screamed at and was sent to my friends' room without supper and was told I would not eat unless I said their prayer as well.

Just to note at this time I was a Christian of the Episcopalian variety and this family was Roman Catholic.

Amy - posted on 07/06/2010

I think it's just find in there own home, but doing so in another person's home (making in your situation your brother and his wife un-comfortable) seems to stretch it a bit.

When my Uncle would come over to visit a lot of times we would pray before a meal, but we also didn't have anyone who would be offended by it so it didn't matter. My in laws pray before each meal (most of the time at least), but just when at there own house. They don't do so at restaurant or other people's houses. I'm sure my MIL would find it disrespectful to do such a think at another's house as that is the responsibility/choice of the owner of the house.

Lyndsay - posted on 07/06/2010

I wouldn't be offended by this, and if your parents aren't offended by them doing it in their home then it shouldn't be a problem. If your brother and his wife are present, maybe you can encourage "silent prayer time"? lol

Chatty - posted on 07/06/2010

@Jen, you "were sent from the table once because I just sat there quietly"......REALLY? That seems kind of harsh, doesn't it?

Amanda - posted on 07/06/2010

I mean if they asked then it wouldnt really bother me, but when it comes to going to your parents house, they should ask before just assuming that everyone will be ok with it.

Shannon - posted on 07/06/2010

If my guests weren't, I would just say "We always say a prayer before we eat. Do you mind?"

April - posted on 07/06/2010

my first boyfriend was a devout baptist who prayed before any meal no matter where he was, even if it was at a restaurant. he would take my hand and start praying...he wouldn't even ask. i always felt extremely uncomfortable and it led to the demise of our relationship.

it wasn't just because of the praying. it was because he tried to make me into someone i'm not. he would comment that my clothes (shorts and a tee-shirt!!) were inappropriate (girls are supposed to wear long skirts/dresses). He would tell me that our kids would be names matthew, mark, luke, and john. he would keep asking me to join him at church on sunday, though he knew i didn't want to.

to answer your question...i don't mind if a person hopes i will join in..BUT insisting that I do? that's a whole different ball game

Jen - posted on 07/06/2010

True, my family never did growing up. My friends' family did. My mother was friends with a woman and I in turn was friends with 2 of her daughters. They always said a long grace before meals and I was sent from the table once because I just sat there quietly.

Jennifer - posted on 07/06/2010

But even if you're Christian it doesn't mean you say grace before meals.

Jen - posted on 07/05/2010

But if they weren't?

Shannon - posted on 07/05/2010

My guests are usually also Christians.

Jen - posted on 07/05/2010

Do you require your guests to pray with you or is a respectful silence ok?

Shannon - posted on 07/05/2010

When I was a kid, I had a few different friends that would always pray before dinner & I hated it. My family rarely even ate together let alone pray. I had never done it before & felt really embarrassed. This was all before I became a believer, of course......
Now, we pray before every meal, even at restaurants.

Jen - posted on 07/05/2010

I would bow my head respectfully but that's all. If this person didn't know me well enough and felt offended, I would know not to eat dinner at that person's house again.

Toni - posted on 07/05/2010

I would not take offense to it, maybe due to my religious beliefs, but we do not say grace (and never have) so in my home I would not expect to be told that I have to - it is my home my rules - if they wish to say grace they can but they should not expect anyone who is uncomfortable to join in and they should not make a huge performance out of it.

If it really makes your brother and his wife uncomfortable they need to speak to your PIL's about it as no-one else is bothered maybe they could agree that they will come to the table after grace has been said as a compromise.

Jess - posted on 07/05/2010

My parents and and my in laws both say grace before eating dinner. We sit quietly out of respect. At my house though, we just eat ! I don't mind if they wish to take a moment to say grace for themselves but its not something we do in our home.

My inlaws have very different religious belief's to my parents and I would be very upset if they insisted on us all joining in prayer in my home.

Chatty - posted on 07/05/2010

"If it was their house I would sit quietly for a second while they do it - then probably have a big debate over religion over dinner." - Gillian

*laughing out loud*

That's fuckin hilarious-what a great idea!

Lady - posted on 07/05/2010

I wouldn't mind someone silently praying to themselves before eating even at my house but there is no way I would join in - I don't close my eyes or bow my heads when they say pryers at my childrens schools or funerals or wedding so there's no way someone could make me do it my home or anyone elses. If it was their house I would sit quietly for a second while they do it - then probably have a big debate over religion over dinner lol!- I would not sit quietly in my own house and would hope that I didn't even know what they were doing - I would expect the same from my children - to sit quietly in other's houses but not in there own.
I think it's very unfair of your in laws to try and push their veiws onto your family when not in their own house and I would be honest with them that although you respect their beliefs, they in turn have to respect your families beliefs and that although they are free to say grace silently before eating that the rest of the family will not be joining them as they don't believe and don't see any point to it.

Sherri - posted on 07/04/2010

No I would never be offended by such a thing. It is very important to some people and I am okay with that. I am religious although we don't pray before every meal so that may be why it doesn't bother me.

Meghan - posted on 07/04/2010

I have a friend who is Christian. When J and I go to her house we sit silently while they say grace. When they come over to my house for dinner, they are more than welcome to say a silent prayor but I do not and do not expect my son so sit through it. I respect other's beliefs as long as they respect mine. It is uncomfortable to sit through and I sometimes have to try not to laugh (that's how I deal with uncomfortable situations) but it isn't going to kill me or my son to sit through 30 seconds of uncomfortableness...(is that a word?)
I do understand your brother and SIL's point of view! I feel kinda feel the same way when I am out with someone who does want to pray..but it boils down to respect and being open minded. But you have to deal with your inlaws on a regualr basis-not them. You are just trying to be respectful and mature, and if they REALLY have a problem with it, maybe next time you have a social gathering THEY can have a private discussion with you in laws about how they feel?

Jennifer - posted on 07/04/2010

If someone asked me to join in with a prayer before eating, I wouldn't feel offended but I'd feel very uncomfortable. I'd probably go along with it but I think I'd have a good laugh at the same time as I've known anyone to do that! If they want to do it that's their choice but I don't think you should feel obliged to join in either.

Teresa - posted on 07/04/2010

I wouldn't be offended at all. ;)

If they know that it bothers others though then in the other people's homes they should do their own silent prayer w/out expecting anything from the other people. In THEIR home, they should do it the way they want and anyone that comes to their house should respect that. :)

Tanya - posted on 07/04/2010

If it offends your brother and his wife you should tell them.
There is nothing wrong with them offering up a silent prayer before they eat. The rest of the time let them pray if they want.