Surrogacy: Would you ever carry someone else's child?

April - posted on 04/06/2010 ( 48 moms have responded )

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Would you carry a baby for a stranger? For free? For a fee? Or would if have to be a family member?

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Terri - posted on 04/07/2010

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I would just like to add: To all those people who suggested adoption of babies, you obviously dont know how hard the process is to do this. It is incredibily expensive, and Im talking of over $30,000 and more and extremely hard to actually get a child. The waiting periods are years and years and no guarantee whatsoever. And you have to be a certain age, background, etc, etc.

Adoption is not as easy as you would think. Believe me this was a process we looked in to.

Niemah - posted on 04/07/2010

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Most definitely not! I would not be able to go through 9 months of pregnancy just to hand over the baby...Being adopted myself, there are plenty of babies out there who need homes, if I wasn't able to carry a child I would just choose adoption because those children need love too..

Jackie - posted on 04/07/2010

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I loved being pregnant and I would absolutely do it for a family member or close friend. Only thing I will say is I would want to be done having my children first just in case of the worst case scenario emergencies that lead to hysterectomy's and stuff. But I think it would be a great opportunity to be pregnant and deliver again without committing to raising another one. Though I would also want to be closely involved in the childs life.

I would also seriously consider doing it for a stranger, but only for a fee and ALL expenses covered.

Chrissy - posted on 07/06/2012

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I'm looking at doing it now and as long as I'm not using my eggs I feel fine about going through with it. I would just be the oven;)

Leah - posted on 11/28/2010

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No doubt in my mind,I would do it in a heartbeat! I could NEVER ask for money. I would be giving this person a child,that's the best gift of all.



Have you ever seen the show "The Little Couple"? That show makes me cry sometimes. I am not sure if they have already found someone but they are looking into surrogacy and are not sure if they can afford it or not. Knowing what they have been through and how bad they want a child,if I lived in the same state as them I would be a surrogate for them in a heartbeat! I wouldn't want them to pay me for something like that. Giving them a child would be the best payment of all.



I think everyone has there own opinion on the matter and some people can't go through it. I know I would share a bond with that child,theres no doubt in my mind that I would love that child with all my heart. I know as much as I would hate to give that child up I would be even more happier knowing the special gift I had just given them.

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Julie - posted on 07/09/2012

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I am to old to carry someone's child at this point. I had great pregnancies, but would not chose to carry for anyone else. I don't see anything wrong with it, and I am happy to hear family's are able to have a child because of it. On a personal note, The President of our Elementary School is a surrogate! She is currently 9 months pregnant for a family then did not know. She is being paid to carry the child. She is married and has two children of her own. She said, she just likes being pregnant. My husband asked how much she was getting paid and she said, "It adds up to 15 cents a day."

Sonja - posted on 12/06/2010

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I would do it for my family and close friends as long as my body could handle it. I wouldn't charge anything for me, but I would appreciate that they cover any costs that my insurance did not cover. I would also be willing to pump milk for them for a time if that is what they wanted. I love my family and friends and I love being a mom. It would be emotional for me, but I can imagine how much of a gift it would be for them and it is not like I would never get to see the child. So, yes, I defenitly would do it if I could!

Becky - posted on 12/05/2010

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For good reason and good people, it wold be hard to say no, but in all honesty, I doubt I have the emotional strength to carry a child for 9 mo. and then give the life over to someone else. There's a lot of emotional connections that go on for a mom during that time . . . As a personal choice, I just simply don't think I could handle it.

[deleted account]

If I were any good at being pregnant, I would def be a surrogate. Turns out my body sucks at being pregnant, so it's not in the cards for me. But I would most def need a fee to go through it! (Unless it was a family member - but even then, I'd expect them to pay the doctors' bills.)

I have a good friend who hired one, and it turned out well for her - she ended up with very healthy twins! I think surrogacy is such a gift for those who can't sustain a pregnancy.

Jayde - posted on 11/29/2010

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When the ladies on here say that they'd do it for free, what about the medical costs? I would definitely do it for my sisters IF they couldn't have any. Not if they already have one. All i know is, if i couldn't have one on my own i'd be forever grateful if they could do it for me. I wouldn't ask for any money EXCEPT for them to pay for private health insurance & cover all medical gaps- i wouldn't be able to afford it. I had a shocking pregnancy so i'd have to think hard about it but i do believe that i'm a wife & a mother FIRST so i have to think of my own health for my own familys sake.What a gift to be able to give!

Kim - posted on 11/29/2010

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I would do it for a close friend or family member for free beacuse I know how much i love and cherish being a mother and i would want them to be able to experience the joys of motherhood:):)

Amanda - posted on 11/29/2010

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I would for a close friend, which at the time I don't have! Or for a family member!! And I would do it for free! But anyone else no...I enjoy being pregnant but I think I'd get too attatched and at least with someone I'll see the baby! :)

Charlie - posted on 11/29/2010

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I have offered myself to a friend who may not be able to have kids and I would absolutely do it for my sister , I don't want anymore kids although I love being pregnant of course I would do it for free provided they pay for any extra medical costs .

I would be devastated if my sister had to miss out on being a mother .

Minnie - posted on 11/29/2010

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Thank you, Kati! And yay for you Jodi! Didn't know you were expecting :)

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Years ago, long before I ever had my son, my sister-in-law wanted another baby but was being told by doctors that she couldn't have anymore due to the way her 3 c-sections were all done and the adhesions caused by them. She and I talked about me being a surrogate (her egg, my brother's sperm). This was before I had ever been pregnant. I was in my early 20's at the time. I told her that I would do it for her and my brother without question, if they decided that's what they wanted. And I genuinely feel like if I had done it then, I would have easily been ok with it because I love them both so much and they are great parents. I wouldn't have charged them anything at all, other than medical during and after until about 6 weeks. That's what we discussed anyhow. They went on to decide not to have anymore and are now divorced :(

Now, after having my son and knowing what it feels like to be pregnant, that connection, that FEELING....y'all know what I mean. I don't know if I'd be so willing to do it now, for anyone other than myself. My clock is ticking BIG TIME girls, so if it's gonna happen again, it's gonna be mine, alll mine. Myyyyy precioussssss lol

Lacye - posted on 11/29/2010

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It would depend on the person. I absolutely hated being pregnant, even though compared to some I had a wonderful pregnancy. The only time I liked being pregnant was when my bf put his head to my belly to talk to our fetus and she would kick him in the head. LOL.

If it was for one of my sisters or another family member, yes. in a heartbeat. A stranger, no. I couldn't do it. They couldn't pay me enough.

Jo - posted on 11/29/2010

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I'm in the same mind frame as you, Lisa.

Congratulations, as well ♥

I'll be 13 weeks on Wednesday and I'm already insanely over the moon about this new baby... I can't imagine going through all of the motions and emotions of being pregnant only to give up the baby.

I remember the feeling of my son leaving my body, and being put in my arms all too well and the overwhelming sense of protection and love I felt in that milisecond of time it took for them to put him in my arms was something I can't imagine being any longer.

Even if it were my sister or my best friend, who I know would protect, love and nurture that child the same as I would... I just don't think I could do it.

I know it's selfish, I know it's something that would bring them a joy that is not comparable... I just wouldn't be able to do it.

On the other hand, I would help them in every way absolutely possible to adopt a child. Whether it's recommendations, letters of support, money, whatever I could do... I would help.

If it were the case that it was her eggs or his sperm that were the problem, I would consider donating my eggs to her - to either carry herself or for another surrogate. And I would try to convince my husband to donate his sperm if that were the case too. I just would not be able to carry the child myself. I am sure I would absolutely have a bond with the child if it were my eggs or my mans sperm or both. I would go out of my way to make sure I did.

Minnie - posted on 11/29/2010

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I would WANT to do this for a close friend or a family member but I just can't. I'm too selfish about the baby growing in my body- I'm only 4 1/2 weeks pregnant right now and fiercely in love with this wee child.

Maybe it would be different if I knew the baby was someone elses? I don't know. I just am afraid I would carry this being in my body, feel its every move, listen to its heart beat, make milk for this child to be and then to give it up :(. It's probably selfish and shameful on my part because in theory I would want to help my sister if she couldn't conceive but...my feelings are what they are, I guess.

April - posted on 04/08/2010

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i'd do it for a stranger if it wasn't biologically related to me (maybe), but what if I bond with a baby that isn't mine? I'd feel terrible!

I'd definitely do it for my sister, though. For free. I consider my son his second mommy, she was there with me in the hospital helping me take care of him all night long. I feel like I could still be that baby's second mommy too if were my sister that needed a surrogate.

Cynthia - posted on 04/08/2010

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A friend of mine is not able to have children and I volunteered to carry their baby for them. They ended up adopting but, what greater gift could I have given to her and her husband? I would have been so honored.

For a stranger? I would do it - but def. for a fee.

Jane - posted on 04/07/2010

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I think the only way I could do it is if it were truly surrogate....no biological relation to me. I say this because i know there are some women who use their egg and there is NO WAY I could do that. Also, it would have to be a family member. Good thing is I won't ever have to worry about that being I'm no longer able to carry children!

Mari - posted on 04/07/2010

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I don't know, it is hard to say. I guess it really depends for whom and what is their situation. I met a surragte couple years ago and was doing it for her sister. I thought it was very nice of her. They themselves didn't want any more kids and er sister could nothve any, so I guess it was like a helping hand.

Lady - posted on 04/07/2010

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No I wouldn't do it for anyone. I could never go through a whole pregnacy, the bonding and all the wonderful things plus all the pain and horrible things then give that baby away to someone else.

Rosie - posted on 04/07/2010

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i don't think i would, but i am more open to this than the idea of selling my eggs. i detest being pregnant, and i would have to be paid a pretty penny in order to be put through that hell again. overall, probably n ot.

Amy - posted on 04/07/2010

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Never, and I wouldn't do it for myself and my husband (and other family members around me while pregnant). I've got HORRIBLE mood swings while pregnant and can't even stand being pregnant, I am because I want a family, but I just don't think I could put myself through that for someone else. I wish I could but I'm just not that strong.

Jackie - posted on 04/07/2010

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The bond is def. why I don't know if I could do a stranger and said I would want to be heavily involved in the childs life if if it was family. Not make the major decisions, just be included and see them as often as possible.

[deleted account]

No. While I would love to be able to give someone else the gift of a child... I just could never give away a child that I carried even if it isn't 'mine'. My brother asked me if I would consider this quite a few years ago and I thought about it for about 5 seconds before I knew I wasn't capable. And that was even before I had children and knew how strongly I bond to them during pregnancy.

Kylie - posted on 04/07/2010

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If I had had a different life path (ie had children earlier) I would have done this for a friend or family member, not a stranger or money.

Unfortunately my womb is not suitable for anymore pregnancies

C. - posted on 04/07/2010

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I never thought I would, but now that my sister is going through possible Premature Menopause at 26 (she hasn't gotten a period since her youngest was born in May '09), I just may if she ever asks me to. And I would most likely do it for free.

Not sure about whether I would do it or not for a stranger, but I think if I did, I would do it for free (most likely). My husband is military, but I would think our insurance would cover a surrogacy.

[deleted account]

My friend had difficulty conceiving her last child. I would have carried a baby for her because I already know she's a great mom and she's been my friend for 15 years. I would never carry a baby for a stranger or for money though.

Alison - posted on 04/07/2010

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I'm not even sure I would do it for a family member. First of all, I am not so fond of pregnancy and childbirth. But most of all, I fear it would be too difficult to detach myself from it and the whole thing is REALLY weird.

Plus I couldn't stand having the future parents telling me what I can and cannot do while I am pregnant. Yuck!

Melissa - posted on 04/07/2010

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I've never really thought about it before, but depending on the circumstances,definitely for free, I would not try to gain financially for bringing a life into this world.

Terri - posted on 04/07/2010

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I would do it for a friend or sibling if the eggs and sperm were from them. I couldnt use my own eggs and give the baby away knowing it was mine. But I would be happy to be the oven baking someone elses baby. I wouldnt even care about reimbursement for costs, cause it doesnt cost anything to have a baby in Australia unless you go private.

And as a mother of a child created through IVF I am extremely grateful for the technology that can do this. Obviously people that judge this process never had to go through the heartache of trying to have children naturally and not being able too.

Having a child is one of the most wonderful things in the world and it doesnt matter how it is achieved as long as the child is loved.:)

Belinda - posted on 04/07/2010

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Maybe if I had a sister. But I only have a brother and when he gets married he's on his own. I HATED being pregnant...

Amy - posted on 04/07/2010

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I just couldn't deal with bonding with a little one for months, giving birth and then just tossing them to someone else. Even if it were family, i'd encourage them to adopt or choose another surrogate. My heart won't handle that.

LaCi - posted on 04/07/2010

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The thought crossed my mind when a friend of mine said if she couldn't have kids I was going to be her surrogate (not sure what percentage of seriousness was there). At first it sounded great, I loved being pregnant anyway. Then I realized she'd be hovering over me the entire time telling me what not to do, and so on. So i doubt I could handle that. Adopt a kid.

Emma - posted on 04/07/2010

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I would certainly do it for a friend or family member, they would have to pay for the medical bills nothing else.
Im lucky as both my pregnancy's where easy and i'm very lucky regarding labour as i had 2 silent labour's with my kids,
So if i could help someone who couldn't do it for them self i would do it gladly.
But i could only do it for someone i know well as you bond with the baby inside you and im sure you would even if it was in no way yours genetically, If it is a friend or family member you would still be part of that childes life as an Aunty,

Jocelyn - posted on 04/06/2010

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Nope I couldn't do it. Like I've stated in other posts before, if I carry the baby, it's MINE. I would donate eggs though; as long as another woman is carrying it, I wouldn't consider it my child. It would be hers because she carried it.

Johnny - posted on 04/06/2010

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I wouldn't do it either. One reason is the same as Jenny stated above. Second, I had a very rough pregnancy the first time and didn't love the experience all that much. Morning sickness for the first 6 months and bed rest for the last month and 1/2. And honestly, I'd have such a hard time carrying a child for 9 months and having to give it up to be raised by someone else. It would just break my heart.

Jenny - posted on 04/06/2010

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I wouldn't do it. I do not believe in creating children artificially. Overpopulation is a HUGE issue. I understand the wanting to reproduce but then I see these millions of homeless children out there and if they match up with a home it's such a win-win situation.

Brandy - posted on 04/06/2010

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For a friend or relative, I would do it for free. For anybody else, I would have to be getting paid. And if I ever did it, it would be complete surrogacy with their eggs and their sperm. Nobody using my eggs but me!

Sunny - posted on 04/06/2010

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I have told my sisters, sister in law and a few of my friends that i would do it for them, and i mean it with all my heart. I couldnt do it for a stranger, I had really bad complications with my pregnancy though, having eclampsia and have been told by a couple of people that that means i can no longer be a surrogate, i dont know if thats true or not. I would never ask for money.

Carolee - posted on 04/06/2010

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I have offered for my sister and my friend, both of whom are not able to have children of their own. They know that it's always going to be an option for them unless my husband and I are planning on trying for a child at that time or I'm already pregnant. I told them that all they have to do is give me a few months notice so that I can change and get used to any dietary and/or lifestyle changes they would prefer while I would possibly be carrying their child.



I would NEVER do it for a stranger, though... or even half of my friends and family.

Erin - posted on 04/06/2010

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I would only do it for my sister, no one else. And maybe my mom, but I don't think that would be an issue.

[deleted account]

I'd like to say I would, but that is so hard to really say. I have such terrible morning sickness all 9 months, the fee better be worth it.. :-)

Kristin - posted on 04/06/2010

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I would consider it for a family member or a very close friend. However, they would really have needed to have explored their other options. I would fully expect them to cover all medical expenses, pre and post natal.



Pretty sure I couldn't do it for a stranger.



5 even ten years ago, probably would have been more open to doing it. But, my current and last pregnancy have been really hard on me. So, really not so open now.

Kristin - posted on 04/06/2010

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I would consider it for a family member or a very close friend. However, they would really have needed to have explored their other options. I would fully expect them to cover all medical expenses, pre and post natal.



Pretty sure I couldn't do it for a stranger.



5 even ten years ago, probably would have been more open to doing it. But, my current and last pregnancy have been really hard on me. So, really not so open now.

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