The Debate over Spanking...
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Amanda - posted on 02/19/2011
I'm not going to say people should or shouldn't smack their child. I do believe there is a difference beaten smacking and abusing your child. Unfortunately some parents don't know where that boundary is.
I personally don't smack my son (2yrs old) We tell him that you never hurt people whether that be by hitting, punching, biting, kicking ect so it would be very hypocritical of us to then go ahead and hit our child. Luckily he is a very well behaved child (well, for the most part) but at the end of the day he is still a toddler and they all have their moments. So when that happens he is put in the corner until he has stopped crying. He is then given a talking to about what he did wrong he will then say sorry and give us a cuddle. He is very advanced for his age so this technique does work IN OUR HOUSE.
Kelina - posted on 01/13/2011
I don't particularly like it but I have spanked my son every so often to great effect. it's not my first method of choice and I'm hoping I'll be able to stop using it once he starts talking. We use time out most of the time, and that works really well, but occasionally time out is not an option. He's a happy, well adjusted, bright little boy and I love him very much. and he loves me. I don't think that spanking has scarred him irreparably, and never will i use it the way it was used on me-it was terrifying, it was humilitating, and it hurt like hell. It was done in front of my siblings to teach them a lesson as well, It felt like he was kicking me, and it was done for the littlest things when there were plenty of other options.
Zoe - posted on 01/12/2011
My husband tells me every morning before he goes to work that if i do not do every thing his way in his order and to his satisfaction, that i will get a smack, sometimes it hurts and i cry, sometimes i pretend that i did not feel it and cry later when he is not there. some times he is in a really good mood and i get away with stuff and some times he is in a bad mood and i get hit for less. he tells me that he loves me and he only hits me to disapline me when nothing else works and as his wife i must do things his way. he says it is for my own good and that i will learn how to behave. He also tells me it his his right to disapline his wife in any way he sees fit.(how mad does that sound?)
Becky - posted on 01/05/2011
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Thats what i try to live by, and hitting little kids has no place in a loving family.
My kids are age one,four twelve fifteen and eighteen four boys and a baby girl, if i can bring them up without violence its the very very least i can do.
Mother - posted on 01/04/2011
I agree with spanking but I've only ever had to employ it a handful of times. I think all kids are different and therefore will all need different forms of discipline. I am so fortunate that my daughter is an easy child. She's never given me a problem BUUUUUUUUUT she also isn't thru her teenage years yet!!!! LOLOLOLOL
Nikki - posted on 12/14/2010
It works for some but doesnt work for others. I truely believe that parents have their own parenting styles and they should not be judged. I dont think that you should spank children but as many argue sometimes it is the only thing that makes them listen. I came across this discussion earlier today that brought up quite a bit of good points about this topic. http://www.risingchild.com/group/viewdis...
whatever you decide make sure that you stick to what you believe in.
Christina - posted on 11/27/2010
I am raising five children. All five of my children are unique individuals, and because of this all five of my children are disciplined differently. My oldest gets grounded from reading at the moment, and that is very effective. He is only allowed to read the required 20min for school, then no more when he is being disciplined. At the moment, it is the only thing that works, and I've only had to do it once! This kid reads 3-4 novels a week!
My younger kids only get a spank if all other forms of discipline have not corrected the problem. They are warned. I have even offered to let my children choose their discipline "Do you want a spanking or do you want to be stay in your room for an hour?" and sometimes they choose the spanking.
Julianne - posted on 11/02/2010
i believe there is a balance. Do we spank, yes, but it is never the first response and never where it ends. A spanking at our house involves not only the spank but a cool down time and then a discussion on what happened, why, and then the consequence. We believe that there are logical consequences to things like losing your bike if you take it somewhere you are not supposed to, or getting a bad mark at school for forgetting your homework folder and our children connect those very well.
There are others though that we believe need a drastic reaction and a drastic consequence. When my child hurts someone intentionally, thats a spanking. And yes i can hear you all say that old line of "if you hit them to stop them from hitting..." but i believe our children are smarter than that. They will tell us when we discuss the consequence later why they were spanked and the action that led up to it. They are 6 and 5. You dont have to agree, or even like what i am saying, just this is how we have decided to raise our children and it seems to be working well. So my hats off if you choose not to and if you choose to. Love your kids and help them become the best adults they can be.
Jen - posted on 10/31/2010
I'm with Kelli and Aileen. I got paddled, my husband got spanked/paddled, and my parents got smacked/beat (no i don't think you should beat your child but my parents got it from theirs) and there's nothing wrong with me or my parents or husband. I FULLY believe that the kids who are in all this trouble now are the way they are because of no discipline.
Like Aileen said each child is different. Some do very well on time outs or verbal discipline, other's need that spanking. Not saying they need spanked til it hurts or their butt is red but some need it.
It needs to go back to the good ol' days, when you were more afraid of the trouble you'd be in with your parents than the police. The police man took you home instead of to jail. You got into trouble at school or the neighbors and you got it there and then again at home just for needing it in the first place. Our great grandparents, grandparents and parents lived in times when you got beat til their hand hurt.. or worse, I'm not sayin it's right, but my dad/mom/grandparents are/were very respectful/smart/loving people who never got into any major trouble. I bet most of your families were all brought up the same way.
Alot of kids today are very disrespectful and have no morals and I think it's a direct reflection on how soft we're supposed to be with our kids nowadays and those who are too lazy to discipline at all.
I fully intend on spanking my child when I deem necessary if she needs it.
Natasha - posted on 10/22/2010
That was a wonderful article, and I agree that spanking more often than not results in confusion rather than the constructive criticism that is preferred. Also, a lot of people go to do the time out method and it isn't super effective because of couple common mistakes parents make. Check out 1-2-3 magic dvd if your finding time outs aren't working well.
Natasha - posted on 10/22/2010
I agree that every child is different. I don't spank my son. However, he used to bit people (HARD) all the time. I did some research for helpful idea's and the most common and effective way was to actually bit the child back. They are too young to understand what they are doing is hurtful. I bit him once. It was weird and I felt bad, but that's all it took for him to stop biting people. End of story. One year later he is having a temper tantrum and wont stop hitting his friend Alexis. I pinched his check. When he calmed down I told him that's the way Alexis feels when he hits her. I felt really bad at the time because he cried. But after two years of time outs for violence that one time event ended his violence. It's fabulous. Some kids just don't know that they are actually hurting people. Which translates to them not understanding why they are getting the time out. He still has temper tantrums sometimes (yelling not hitting). I know it's weird and you'll feel bad when they cry, but it's just once and sometimes tough love is need.
Dixie - posted on 08/30/2010
I think Children in the old days,where alot more behaved then they are now. Children now,talk back,get more of what they want. you see more and more children going to jail today. I have four children that I do not spank, Only b/c I Do not want to hurt them. I sit them Down in time out all the time, they still run all over me, I know spankings is the best way to go, Thats the way it used to be years ago, That is also what the Bible tells us to do w/ our children, I just don't know what to do, My 3 children Have ADHD and when I sit them down It don't go to well. w/ my 4 yr. old, he just dose what his older brothers and sister do. But if I could pull myself together and Do it, I would spank my children They need something that works besides siting them down...
Dehra - posted on 06/14/2010
i agree w/aileen all kids are different my 11 yr old i maybe had to spank her 5 times in her whole 11 yrs but my 15 mo old i have to pop her hands at least once a day she just doesnt listen and i try my hardest not to pop her but it cant be helped sometimes. so yes i belive not all kids need to be spanked but some do.
Aileen - posted on 06/10/2010
Well children are not clones and each has their own personalities. Maybe your kids are just born mild mannered. My oldest daughter is the same way and hardly ever was spanked. My two younger sons are always testing their boundaries. They get spanked more often. I don't think its fair to judge and say that all kids should or shouldn't be spanked, because all kids are different and should be disciplined differently.
Jess - posted on 05/11/2010
I would just like to know what is going through a parents head when they decided to get physical with their child. What could a child do that possibly justifies hitting them ?
Like Meghan said its all a matter of respect ! I respect my daughter enough not to physically hurt her, especially since spanking is ineffective.
Kimbeley - posted on 05/10/2010
My child isn't smacked. His behaviour is beautiful, probably one of the best behaved children at daycare. He knows that we don't hurt other people (no matter whether they are bigger or smaller than ourselves). He isn't afraid to try things out, because he knows that he is going to be safe - because I provide a safe environment for him to learn in (eg. he can't "mess with outlets"). I think this article is great, and think that Kelli may like to actually read and try some of the ideas in the article.
Meghan - posted on 05/09/2010
well...I should start saving up for lawyers fee's and bail now because I don't spank my son, and never will spank my son. See I believe in treating people with respect-despite their age. And the fact that I do treat him with respect and I don't enstall fear into him is why he listens to me! He knows he can test the limits (and believe me, he does) and he doesn't need to worry that mommy (the one person in the world who is supposed to protcet him) is going to haul off on him! And trust me, I am firm with him- he knows who is in charge-I get compliments on my 19 month old child's behavior being better than most preschool and grade school aged children.
Personally I need to know what the difference is between spanking a child when you are angry vs when you are calm...I don't get it!
Yes everyone has their own ways of parenting, but Kelli, I am glad you and your cop husband find amusment in your own judgment of OTHER people's methods. Isn't that called being a hyprocrite??
Kelli - posted on 05/09/2010
I have tried other methods, and THEY DON'T WORK! My husband (a cop) laughs at parents who say how horrible spanking is, because those are the parents whose kids he has to deal with. Like it's not bad enough he has to deal with bad adults, but NOOOOOOO, on top of everything he gets called out to houses to raise people's kids. This topic is a JOKE. And I am laughing my butt off right now at people like you. I just had my house filled to the brim last month and my daughter kept pushing and pushing to see if she could get away with stuff....I spanked her and do you know what the reaction was of all the cops there amongst others? THEY WERE THRILLED. Not that she was spanked. And I quote..."Man, if more parents did that, we wouldn't have to parent and arrest other people's kids! So there. You have your way, I have mine. I don't agree with yours and you don't mine...so what? But I don't want to hear anyone question my love for my kids or call me a bad mom. I would die for my kids. And I would rather go to jail for spanking them, then for them to go because I didn't!
Nikki - posted on 05/09/2010
I disagree with you Kelli, it's a great article and so very true. I can't understand your logic, what an oxymoron, I love you but I will smack you, only because I love you!? Have you tried any other techniques for discipline? Put safety covers on the outlets, that's just being a curious toddler, not a naughty one.
Kelli - posted on 04/01/2010
I disagree. I am all for spankings. I was spanked, my parents were spanked, my husband was spanked and we are all ust FINE. I don't beat my child, but when she does wrong (15 months) I pop her hand or if it is really bad (like trying to mess with outlets) she gets her butt popped. When she is a bit bigger, she will get bottom spankings. I believe in doing this right at the time, not "Wait till your father gets home!", by that point they have forgotten what they did! You spank then, but not if you are angry, because you may go harder than you intend. Also, after finished, I will tell my children why they were spanked and remind them how much I do love them and I want them to be around for a long time. There is nothing wrong with spankings, becuase I'm sorry all these kids who are on the time out system are the ones running amuck!!!