Thought this was a debate board

[deleted account] ( 115 moms have responded )

Apparently I was mistaken. You foolishly have posted at the top Attack vs Debate yet very few of you follow it. It isn't that as you will say " I couldn't handle it" and you stupidly will say I never read any research you posted...oops you already have. I came to this board for debate and not to be attacked for my beliefs. Simply because I don't see it your way...Im in denile, umm ok about what? I showed interest in what you posted and yet still got slammed. When I posted research, well your guy isn't as smart as our guy who says what we believe. After going through several pages and learning more about the way you people think I have decided my time is best spent elsewhere. You only want your kind that have absolutely NO value systems what so ever and that is fine with me.

Good day and God bless

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Jodi - posted on 08/22/2010

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To be honest, I only read or respond to certain debates if my mood allows me. If I am having a bad day, there are some things I stay clear of, because I KNOW I'm going to get over-emotional about it. Other days, I have no problems staying really objective. I just don't see that this place is worth having a hissy fit about :)

[deleted account]

So true Kati. I can kind of see where Rita was coming from considering that I am extremely oversensitive and tend to take things WAY too personally. I'm still around though. ;) I've just learned that if I'm getting too emotional I just need to back off for a bit. No sense leaving all you wonderful and supportive ladies.... :)

Johnny - posted on 08/22/2010

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People who are TRULY confident & comfortable with their own opinions and beliefs are happy to continue their stand in the face of great opposition.

[deleted account]

I just prefer natural consequences. Using your examples...."If you throw your toys, mommy will take them away"....the next step, if she did it again is to take them away......."If you play with the toothpaste again, you won't get to use it anymore".......the next step is to take it away and get her to help clean up the mess. IMO, spanking her only negates what you're trying to teach her. Spanking doesn't help teach her why she shouldn't play with her toothpaste.....taking it away and denying her access does. Spanking is only punishing the bad behavior, the explanation and other consequences are teaching her. The spanking is unecessary.

I just wanted to make a comment in regards to your statement, "mama said you will get a spanking if you throw a toy". I don't threaten something I'm not going to do.

I just realized this isn't the spanking thread. Haha, sorry!

[deleted account]

I don't expect a toddler to fully understand the true consequence of throwing toys, or sticking a finger in a socket, or running to the road, or emptying a full tube of toothpaste (ummm like 10 minutes ago, right after I posted my previous comment, I KNEW she was being too quiet!). The scenario went something like this..."We don't throw toys because we don't want them to break or hurt someone. You can't play with this toy anymore today. If you do it again, you'll get a spanking." "You don't play with toothpaste. It's wasteful and could hurt you if you swallow it. If you do it again, you'll get a spanking. Now you will help me clean it up" So there is an explanation and warning and a natural consequence. And the behavior stops. IF she does play in the toothpaste again, she'll get a spanking because she's been warned. But it probably won't happen because I moved it to a higher shelf. ;) So perhaps it is a combination of several things, not just the spanking. But in the heat of the moment (rearing back to throw a toy) all I had to do was say, "Mama said you will get a spanking if you throw a toy" and she would usually think twice!

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Jaime - posted on 08/27/2010

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I was surprised it had been locked too Anika. It wasn't a heated debate, actually it remained quite civil. My guess is that the OP locked it. Oh well, guess we'll just have to wait until the next spanking debate is posted.

[deleted account]

OH! The Spanking thread has been locked! I just came online to post something! Argh!. Sorry, I know this has nothing to do with this current conversation but I just wanted to vent my frustration. What happened to that great rant thread? I was looking forward to using that too! :)

[deleted account]

This has turned out to be on of the best conversations i have read in a while!
Thanks for it has made my day....even though its almost bed time :)
Sara and Dana i think your convo on spanking was awesome.......so respectful of each others opinions. You have restored my faith in all the mummies out there! :)

Tah - posted on 08/25/2010

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well i havent looked at this since i posted that and i keep seeing "right Tah?"..lol..yes ladies..kidding.....

[deleted account]

Ok, look.....I just have to clear the air. I know I can come across as a zealot at times and I am extremely passionate about not spanking BUT it's a personal issue. I recognize that not everyone agrees and just because I don't agree with you, doesn't mean I don't like you or respect your opinions. I wouldn't take calling CPS lightly and I HOPE Tah wasn't implying that I would call them?! I assumed it was a joke, Tah? Please correct me if I'm wrong?

[deleted account]

Maybe she meant that Dana wasn't going to call cps on me for spanking my kid? That is pretty impressive in a spanking debate! (not that you would say that Dana!)

Tah - posted on 08/24/2010

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i think i might like sara...lol...and everything she said was right on target..and sara didnt call cps as her civic duty so i am impressed..and i am not easily impressed...lol

Leah - posted on 08/24/2010

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Thank you so much Sara and Dana! That was the most pleasent and entertaining debate I have read yet lol and it wasn't even on the spanking thread!! :D Thats how I would like to see other people talking (typing?) to each other. Respectfully, asking questions that ARN'T sarcastic or cruel and just generally using a light tone. I know this is a debate board but does it always have to be 'You spank your child? THAT'S ABUSE. YOU CHILD ABUSER!!" ? Thank you guys for reinstating my trust in you wonderful mommies that I can say something and it not end up in an all out war on me (or anyone else). Thats Ladies, Have a great afternoon.

P.S. Sara, I love how you explained your approach on spanking. As much as I tried, no one really understood my reasons or my approach, so thank you for explaining it so clearly so others can understand (I use the same technique :) ) Have a good day!

[deleted account]

I don't do empty threats. If I say it, and she does it, she gets it. She just usually stops after the warning. I do the explanation and natural consequence in one step then warn. Then I (usually) don't have to worry about that behavior again. By the time she gets a spanking, she already knows why she shouldn't be doing what she's doing. Which, as I've said, is rare. When we get to that step, it's because she's defiantly doing something she knows she shouldn't be doing. And you are right. This is not the spanking debate....lol. So this will be the last I say anything about it on this thread. Care to join me for a cup of tea, Dana?

[deleted account]

But have you considered that the only reason she's stopped throwing the toys (RAWR!) is because she's fearful of being spanked? Yes, you achieved the outcome you wanted because she may have stopped the behavior but can you say without a shadow of a doubt that she didn't stop because she didn't want a spanking? Do you want her to behave because she truly understands or do you want her to behave because she doesn't want a spanking and that's what she associates throwing toys with?

[deleted account]

Understood the "lmao"! To answer the question without turning this into a spanking debate (hopefully)...you don't discipline out of fear do you? The spanking is quick, unpleasant, and she understands it as being undesirable. She doesn't want it, so she'll listen when warned! Plus, if I'm being too nice, the spanking will get her attention. Like I said though, I don't spank often. It's only used under certain circumstances. And more often than not, the warning is more than enough. Plus some behaviors (throwing toys, grrrrr) have stopped as a result.

[deleted account]

Some might say that's a wee bit creepy. lmao. why spank at all? If you're being nice as pice then I don't understand how it works? If there's nothing to fear then how does it work?

[deleted account]

seriously?? haha...I hope I'm not opening a can of worms here, but yes, I do spank on occasion. I guess I didn't make a big impression in my one post! My "rules" for spanking: 1. Never in anger or while yelling. 2. Always precede with a warning. 3. Only for pure defiance or safety reasons. 4. Always follow up with an explanation. Usually the warning is enough. I actually kept up with the spanking debate from about a week ago, and I enjoyed reading some of the other discipline methods, some of which I use without even knowing it was considered a "method"...lol. I'm not closed to other methods, and I do use them, but spanking has proven to work for our family. (time outs do NOT work...gqtm!) I don't expect anyone to go out and start spanking their children though, just because I said so! Each child and each family is wonderfully different and that is what makes the world go round.

[deleted account]

hence the reason I only posted once in the other spanking debate and didn't post at all in the one in question. =)

[deleted account]

Valerie, I just want to point out that the "spanking" topic is one that is very emotionally charged for me (as you know from months ago when we had our first encounter) BUT I learned to keep my emotions in check. It is possible to be passionate and still participate in a good debate. Something Rita obviously hasn't figured out.

Valerie - posted on 08/24/2010

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lol loureen! Now I want to go have an ice cream! :P They are tasty aren't they?

I would like to point out that while I spank I am completely enjoying all of you ladies and this thread. Proof that if one would just avoid topics too emotionally charged for them the world is much better! :P

Gina - posted on 08/24/2010

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Hey whats our kind? Can we get more because I think we rock!!! lol Maybe If we agreed to spank our kids, we would have some 'value'.Anyway guys we got rid of one crybaby ,any more?

[deleted account]

I havn't read all of the thread concerned but if you're gonna participate in a "debate" group you've got to get some balls and not take things personally. How the world would be boring if everyone agreed with eachother....the OP is like a little child telling tales to the teacher lmao!

Charlie - posted on 08/23/2010

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read OP LOL .

When people start calling names and saying things like GROW UP over and over when they have no rebuttal basically going off on a tangent and losing their shit !

Charlie - posted on 08/23/2010

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This is a little something i posted in the other debate community a while ago :

We all get very passionate at times when debating subjects close to our hearts but what is debate ?

What etiquette should we follow on an online forum ?

Should posts and opinion be backed up with facts ?

What is your understanding of online debate ?

Here is the definition of debate :Debate or debating is a formal method of interactive and representational argument. Debate is a broad form of argument . Though logical consistency, factual accuracy and some degree of emotional appeal to the audience are important elements of the art of persuasion, in debating, one side often prevails over the other side by presenting a superior "context" and/or framework of the issue, which is far more subtle and strategic.

Here are some of my own thoughts on etiquette :
if a person wants to argue or debate, she must have their facts straight and not mixed up with generalisations or hearsay.

attack the idea, not the person , unfortunately some people cannot differentiate between the two , unfortunately online, (and in real life) many people perceive an attack on their ideas or premise as an attack on them personally. Finding, and using a weakness in one's argument is a key debate tactic - that usually makes the less experienced debater's heads explode , if you do not know the difference for the love of green apples ( thanks Krista ) LEARN .


People may insult you or your viewpoint Opinions are like assholes , everybody has one. Look at it all from a distance and keep a passive attitude at all costs.

Retaliation with words is rarely a good move, but I believe there is a time to defend yourself harshly. If it is an extremely offensive remark, let the admins know. If they do nothing, get over it, it’s not your forum. You can always leave.

There are people who refuse to understand or admit they do not understand debate on every forum, learn who they are as fast as possible and then take them with a grain of salt , no effort made on their part to learn means no effort in reading their posts .

Try to say more positive things than negative things. All humans want to be around positive energy. The best way to make friends off or online is to do things for them, make their day better because they talked to you.

If the conversation gets to you physically it’s time for a walk, ie; increased heartbeat, irritability, etc.


Read the message, but don't respond right away. Sometimes when we are angry, we misunderstand what a person really means. Go to another site, or go away from the computer for a few minutes or hours. Listen to your favorite music, or watch a funny show. When you've calmed down, go back and try to re-read the message calmly.

After you have re-read the message calmly, if you want to respond, do so. Try your best not to sound angry.

After you have typed your message, leave it for a minute or two before you hit send. Read what you have said and see how it sounds.

Again and this is SO important , try not to take things personally. Let it roll.

If you insult someone unintentionally, apologize.

And the most important thing to remember and possibly the one that bugs me the most , expecting everyone online to agree with you is unreasonable , debate includes discussions from two or more sides , dont like hearing opposing views ? then debate isnt for you , if you disagree with a person respond with a solid case on your "sides " behalf , dont throw cyber tantrums we are all mums and see enough of those in real life .

[deleted account]

Rita Schmita.....I lost any respect I had for her, which wasn't much because I never got a chance to know her. She tucked her tail between her legs and ran. I'm sure everyone has been (or felt) ganged up on at one time......I know I sure have, but we hashed it out and moved passed it.

It bugs me that we're even still talking about this but of course I can't keep my mouth shut. Ooops. I've been working on it! *winks*

Leah, I do understand what you're saying but what you maybe aren't aware of is the previous spanking thread that Rita was actively participating in. She accused us of being argumentative and felt that we were attacking and I guess some of us were (SORT OF)......I was attacking her comments.....it wasn't personal. SHE couldn't find that line and I think that's where the problem started. I didn't have a problem with her UNTIL she posted this and ran off like a coward. I STILL don't have a problem with her. I just don't think she has a clue HOW to debate. meh, what do I know?

[deleted account]

@Carol @Valerie - unfortunately with that particular topic, its essentially a morals and values debate. So if you disagree, you're knocking their morals and values. I have way stronger views on the topic than what I expressed because I was trying (though not possibly suceeding) not to hurt too many feelings. It's just too hard with that emotionally charged topic not to get heated. Ah well.

And @Carol. Woah, that was one crazy visual you gave me with your commando comment. It made me wince. Ouch!

Charlie - posted on 08/23/2010

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OMG Valerie how did you know ???? cookies and cream is my all time fave !

Johnny - posted on 08/23/2010

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I don't know, I get why Rita felt so offended, but I don't feel the slightest bit of concern anymore. If she had not posted the OP in this thread, I might have actually felt a bit poorly for her, but attacking all the women of this group and suggesting that we have no values??? That just shows a complete lack of ability to handle being in a debate group, or really socializing with a group of people who hold different opinions.

I've waded into debates where my values have been questioned and my personal morals have been attacked. Recently in the threads about fidelity & open marriage, for instance. Now these issues aren't personal to me, and they don't lead me to become upset & angry, so I don't avoid them, I jump right in. But I think that if you are going to post about a very controversial subject in which you know that many have strongly opposing views, often based on moral convictions, you need to be prepared for that kind of somewhat personal attack.

Like others have said, if the topic is personally upsetting for me, or I find myself overly bothered by how the discussions go, I skip the thread or stop going back (I personally now steer clear of abortion debates). If your ego is so huge that you feel that you must be present in a thread, then you'll just have to take your lumps.


I'd like some vanilla rooibos with foamed milk and keep those lavender granny panties far from me. I'd rather go commando in a field of roses, lol.

Valerie - posted on 08/23/2010

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lol....cookies and cream. Hmmm.....a trip to the freezer is in order I think! :P

Valerie - posted on 08/23/2010

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I would like to point out that the majority of posts questioned her values. Implying and outright saying that she was abusive, ignorant, violent, etc. I see no reason why she wouldn't be a tad offended by all the incredibly negative implications made on that thread. I avoided it because I am so tired of the spanking debate.

My only point in regards to this thread is that she should just ignore those threads because those who are set against it will only say things that imply I am an unfit mother. So why even go there? She should follow the same advice.

Charlie - posted on 08/23/2010

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Valerie GET OUT !!! there is no room for tea haters LOL

I joke you can stay as long as you share that icecream .

Valerie - posted on 08/23/2010

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I love Crystal Light atm and working on chugging water since I've never been very good at drinking enough of it before. :P My indulgence is icecream. I love those skinny cow sandwiches. Get in my belly!

[deleted account]

I dunno Leah, I don't think Rita was being very respectful having her little temper tantrum, questioning our values and talking about 'our kind'. I won't speak for anyone else here but in my own case, I just voiced my opinion, made no reference to anyone elses post (because I hadn't read any, oops!) and then Rita responded angrily at me. I wasn't ganging up on her.
And don't feel bad about asking the original question, you're new (so am I really) and Rita could have stopped replying if she was getting upset but she chose to continue. In fact, wasn't she the same Rita from the last smacking debate? In that one she even said she didn't want to argue but then just kept coming back for more.
Oh and I hope you don't think I'm ganging up on you. You're speaking your mind which is what we like around here! Even if we don't agree!

@Dana, lets make it clear that I HATE sugar in tea, but I can't take black tea without milk, it's just wrong IMO. And caffeine free herbals? ick. Though, which ones specifically are you talking about?

@Valerie Oh my. What do you have after a long day of work then? And what do you dunk your biscuits in? Maybe you've just been made bad ones? :)

Leah - posted on 08/23/2010

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I wasn't going to say anything but I can't help myself, my fingers have come to life on their own. I just have to play devils advocate here for one quick minute and then I'll let you all get back to cracking jokes about herbal tea and granny panties :P. I know Rita was upset, I feel slighty responsible for that. I was the one that posted the question about the spanking. I'm fairly new to this community and didn't realize the question had already been previously posted, so my apologizes there. Didn't mean to 'bore' anyone with my question. But after following the post for several days now, It did seem like everyone was gaining up on Rita, and she was one of the only people to come to my defence, so I feel like I at least owe her to come to hers. She was obviously upset and it would be nice if some of you could show a LITTLE compassion. Her post was probably written in the heat of the moment and her wording could have been misplaced a bit. But don't you think its worth being a little more respectful? I thought us moms were suppost to be supportive of each other, even if we don't agree with each other. It's fine to have a variety of view points, but when someone is obviously upset, is it really necessary to belittle them even more (i'm referring to this posting, not the 'spanking' posting)? Just my point of view. Hope you all don't gang up on me now for having a different opinion. But I'm fairly certain you will (shrugs).

April - posted on 08/23/2010

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life is too short to get mad at a bunch of strangers you've never met before

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