To find out or not to find out :-)

Laura Zoey - posted on 02/11/2011

They usually have to pause an image to determine sex. If they don't freeze the image, there's really low probability to see anything definite.

Toni - posted on 02/11/2011

We had the scan he didn't ask but did look to see if he could see the sex, he told me that although he thinks he saw a big willy he doesn't really know and doesn't think the sonographer would have been able to tell the sex due to the funny positioning and constant movement of the baby. He is happy to wait to find out now, I think he just had a mad moment because he could maybe find out.

Jane - posted on 02/10/2011

Well Toni....I feel you guys are at an impass on this. He has just as much a right to know as you do to not know. Good luck sweets...I hope for both your sakes, that it just can't be seen and hence, no issue.

Toni - posted on 02/10/2011

Jane the problem with him knowing is he wouldn't be able to keep it to himself, he would end up letting it slip out while we were talking, which is why he can't know :-)

Jane - posted on 02/09/2011

I found out with both my kids and honesty, I felt even MORE connected to my daughter and son when I knew before delivery. I was able to call them by name when I talked to them, get their room decorated in girl or boy type stuff and buy things that were for them. I know some people like to wait and be surprised but for me it was all about even further connecting with my child.

In your situation, if your husband can promise to not let you in on the secret, then allow him to know. Why not? it's his child too :)

Toni - posted on 02/09/2011

A lot of the baby things we have from our son are gender neutral because we didn't find out what we were having then either, so I don't really know what he was worried about because we have more than enough clothes for the new baby to wear, even the premie stuff we brought after our son was born was neutral lemon, because they only had neutral stuff and we needed clothes for our son as nothing fit my tiny baby :-)

Candyce - posted on 02/09/2011

Yay you! Even if it is a girl, it won't kill her to wear a few boy things, lol. My son was dressed in a few girl things as a wee babe. I'm sure he didn't care.

Blessed Be

Toni - posted on 02/09/2011

He thought it would make planning easier, as we already have a son if this baby is a girl we need to buy some clothes and things. We didn't find out - he looked to see and he thinks he saw a really big willy (the cord I am positive lol) and has since admited that he doesn't think even the sonographer could see due to the position of the baby so we'll have to wait and see (woohoo) :-)

Candyce - posted on 02/09/2011

I didn't find out with my boy, though my gut was screaming "GIRL!" for the first six months, lmao. After that, it screamed boy (it's a good thing too, otherwise he would've been stuck as a Haille). I loved not knowing - it was so exciting! It'd probably be great to be on the same page, but that's one bell that can't be unrung.... Why did he change his mind?

Blessed Be

Lacye - posted on 02/03/2011

I did want to know with my daughter. I wanted to be prepared. I had already bought a neutral playpen and carseat/stroller. But I wanted to know mostly because I wanted to just pick a name.

Laura Zoey - posted on 02/03/2011

Idk how they mistake those body parts!
Lol you even can look for the ovaries to make certain it's a girl, and there is really no mistaking a penis if you get a good shot and pause the image.
Even in a bad shot, a boy scrotum will look like a ball, and girl vulva look like two white lines parallel to each other.

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 02/03/2011

Schmoopy :) I know someone who had that happen too. First they told them it was a girl so they bought girl stuff. At another scan they told them it was a boy for sure so they took everything back and bought boy stuff. They had a girl lol!

April - posted on 02/03/2011

I found out with my first because I couldn't take the suspense. The sonographer wrote it on a piece of paper and sealed it in an envelope because my husband couldn't make it to the 20 week scan. We found out the next day together. Next time around, I'm planning on a home birth and I'm considering doing my own prenatal care. If I don't go to an OB, I won't have frequent chances to see the baby on an ultrasound, as I won't have a machine.

Schmoopy - posted on 02/02/2011

Finding out the sex is not a guarantee. Sometimes the tech is wrong! I know two people who had that experience. They were told one thing and ended up with the opposite. Talk about a mess! They had names and baby gear that was gender-specific. Yikes!

Laura Zoey - posted on 02/02/2011

Toni, then I'm glad everyone is different!
Lol I worry sometimes I'm a bit sexist cuz I don't feel bonded until I know the sex! :/ ahh well, I love finding out but like I said my two closest friends don't find out, and they are perfectly happy waiting!
I just don't get it :)
I'm super good at telling the sex in ultrasound! I knew instantly with both our son and daughter and the tech was shocked I could tell! I studied up online all the images of both sexes and honestly it's not that hard when you know what to look for, but unless ur hubby has seen images of both sexes I doubt he could tell penis from cord :)

Toni - posted on 02/02/2011

So to update you ladies, the scan went brill, my hubby didn't ask but he did look to see if he could tell. He is sure he saw a willy, I am sure it was the umbilical cord lol - the baby was moving so much the sonographer had difficutly seeing some of the things she was looking for so I doubt my hubby saw anything lol. Oh and even better because Ethan was a small for birth weight baby we get another 2 scans to monitor this one.

Toni - posted on 02/02/2011

Haha Laura, don't worry you didn't sound pushy, I actually found your reasons interesting. I find that my baby is a baby to me whether I know the sex or not, as soon as I discover I am pregnant my baby becomes my baby and so not knowing the sex doesn't stop me imaging the little person inside me and what they will look like, will they have hair, what colour hair, what kind of nose, will they look like me or daddy etc etc. Also even if I knew the sex the baby would be baby until it was born, I am a strong believer of seeing the baby before naming them, but that's just me :-)

Oh and I really like the neutral colours - lemon, beige and white - I love crisp white on a baby :-)

Alison - posted on 02/02/2011

Finding out the sex is definitely not a spoiler. It's your half-way prize! It will allow you to build a deeper bond with your child and to prepare that much more for the arrival of your little one. It's totally personal, but I do not see the benefit in waiting.

Laura Zoey - posted on 02/02/2011

Sorry, didn't read the posts first, but I don't mean to be pushy, just my thoughts!
(my two closest friends are preggo right now and didn't find out and it's so annoying to me!)

Laura Zoey - posted on 02/02/2011

I'm a firm believer in finding out the sex asap.
Reasons being
I think that knowing the sex makes the baby more human to you, to family, friends, even strangers.
Knowing the sex allows you to speak of the baby as a child, as a part of the family by using it's name.
You can introduce your baby to people by name and not use terms like 'it' or 'the baby' or 'my belly'
It makes the baby seem more personal, more human I think.
Also, picking out a name is a wonderful way to pass the second half of pregnancy, and knowing the name is so helpful in labor as you can speak to your baby by name, envision their little body coming out etc, and it helps focus your thoughts that this is your son or daughter that you have to protect.
Another reason is that the monographer will see the sex anyways, so essentially some stranger would know the sex of your baby before you do, and then when it's born, odds are the dr will see it before you do too, so I feel like I want to know more about my child then anyone else!
On a les important note, lots of people will buy you stuff once they know the sex! Most people don't like buying neutral colors, but the pull to get boy or gor, specific clothes tends to make more people buy you stuff!
And some people like me don't like the pastel yellows, light greens, and brownish clothes :)

Ok so I admit I'm not a fair judge of this as I have found out with both kids, so I can't say the benefits of waiting til birth, but to me, the reasons I find out convince me I'd never want to wait. I love the surprise, I'll just take my surprise at 18-20 weeks!

Erin - posted on 02/01/2011

Try to keep him distracted Toni so he doesn't get a chance to look too closely! lol

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 02/01/2011

Well then he probably won't find out. I swore I saw a penis on one of my ultrasounds and I had a girl lol. It's hard to figure out a head from a tush in those things unless someone trained tells you.

Toni - posted on 02/01/2011

Thank-you ladies, I have been speaking to my hubby about this the reason he wants to know is so if it's a little girl we can buy girl things (we already have the boy things). I don't think this matters, we have a huge family and plenty of friends who all buy something for the baby and we have plenty of gender neutral baby grows which is all a newborn really needs.

We have decided that my hubby can look and see if he can see a willy but he isn't going to ask. Here's hoping baby mander 2 is the same as baby mander no. 1 and won't let anyone see :-) I am really getting excited about tomorrow now :-)

Good Day! - posted on 02/01/2011

Or...you could buy a few things for each gender, keep the receipts and return what you don't need! Or give away the other items as baby gifts in the future. Babies don't need all that stuff anyway. It's not like at one day old they care if they are wearing white or green. I'm betting that my mom will leave straight from the hospital to the mall and buy a wardrobe for my baby...lol!

Brie - posted on 02/01/2011

oh i wanted to find out... my mom and grandmas tried to get me not to but i couldn't stand it... i wanted to know and so we found out... if i wouldn't have it would have driven me crazy.. not to mention if you find out you can buy stuff suited to the sex of the baby instead of a bunch of neutral stuff

Cyndel - posted on 02/01/2011

I would sit down and talk to him about it. Let him know how important it still is to you to wait and find out why he suddenly decided he wanted to find out. Then decide whether it is worth fighting for or not.
Below is how I explained why I waited in another community group.

"Picture reading a really good book. You have two choices, one persevere and read it through with out peeking at the ending or go ahead and peek.
If you peek at the ending you could either end up feeling relaxed, able to read the rest of the book knowing that your favorite character will come out safe and happy, or you can come out feeling as if now that you know the ending the journey has lost all its luster and you never finish the book.

When it comes to books I can go either way, be able to read more comfortably, or give up and never finish.
When it comes to finding out the gender, I'm afraid much of the luster of the journey will be lost for me if I found out!
This won't be the case for everyone, but I believe it would for me."

If you feel like that too, try to explain that too him. But also listen closely to his reasons for finding out, have an open mind. In the end, your getting a baby either way, and it would be better to know the gender of your baby and bring the baby into a family that is united and not divided by something that in the long run isn't that important. The baby is healthy that is what is important.

Amber - posted on 02/01/2011

I'm with Sara...I hope the baby just doesn't cooperate, then it will be a non-issue.

I guess if you know your hubby absolutely cannot keep his mouth shut..then he shouldn't know. I know that I would have done everything possible to keep it a secret if Chad wanted that. If you're husband isn't capable...then that's kind of his own fault.. I don't know your hubby, so that's definitely your call :) lol

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 02/01/2011

Maybe your baby won't cooperate and you won't be able to tell anyway :P

Toni - posted on 02/01/2011

Oh Mary, I hope my hubby does that, he knows I really really want to wait and what really irks me is so did he until a couple of days ago, then he does this absolute u-turn and changes his mind, we'll see what happens tomorrow I suppose when we go for the scan :-)

Mary - posted on 02/01/2011

Ahh, Toni, I feel for you!

I really did not want to know the sex until birth, and my husband REALLY wanted to find out. He thought I was completely nuts....everyone he has ever known found out the sex at the 20 week scan. He never thought waiting to find out was even an option "in this day and age". We went round and round over this, and could never come to an agreement.

Several people suggested to him that we have the sonographer tell him the sex outside of the room - that way he knew, and I didn't. I absolutely vetoed that idea. First of all, there is NO way he could keep that to himself for another 20 weeks...I KNEW he would tell other people (he couldn't keep his mouth shut about the freakin pregnancy, even though we had miscarried only 3 months before, and I really didn't want to tell anyone until we were out of the first trimester). And the thought of other people knowing what my child was before me was not something that sat well with me at all. That simply was not an option.

We went into that sono and still hadn't come to an agreement about finding out the sex. When the sonographer asked if we wanted to know, I just looked at him, and was silent. He paused, and then said, "No, we've decided to wait."

I love that man!

I will always be glad we waited, and if by some strange miracle we had another, I would wait again.

Toni - posted on 02/01/2011

Danielle while I think that is a lovely idea I kind of think why should anyone else (excluding medical staff) know the sex of my baby before me, am carrying this baby, growing it, nurturing it, even suffering for it, is that selfish?

As for names, I think you need to see the baby to know their name, we had a pretty good idea Ethan would be Ethan but it wasn't until we saw him that we knew that was his name definately (obviously if he was a girl he wouldn't have been Ethan).

IDK I'm still stuck, I can see where you're coming from Amber with the fact that his opinion is as valuable as mine but is it fair that if he finds out I will and I really don't want to find out? I think I kind of agree with Erin if one person doesn't want to know neither should, I think I would feel the same if the situation were opposite.

Erin - posted on 02/01/2011

I found out, but like Julianne I knew I was having a girl from the moment I got that first positive pregnancy test. I just KNEW. But I am impatient as hell and needed my instincts confirmed so I could plan lol.

I actually think this is one of those 'veto' cases. If one of you truly doesn't want to find out, then nobody should.

Good Day! - posted on 01/31/2011

Danielle, that is such a cute idea! Kudos to that husband and MIL.

As far as the gender neutral stuff...not planning on dressing the baby in green and yellow. I bought a bunch of boy stuff on clearance (I've spent $30 and he already has a wardrobe, and if he is a she, then I'll give away the clothes as baby gifts in the future). I have girl stuff from my daughter. I figure it doesn't matter either way. I love how much love I can feel for this little being, without knowing all the specifics.

But I definitely understand wanting to know. I HAD to know the first time. Just decided to do it a little differently this time; to experience pregnancy and childbirth in a slightly different way.

Danielle - posted on 01/31/2011

My friend asked that she not be shown or told the sex of her baby, but her husband wanted to know, so the doc whispered it to the husband. He told his mother (who hosted her baby shower) and she asked my friend if she would like to be suprised w/ the sex at the baby shower-my friend said yes. Everyone else he told was asked/told not to tell my friend the sex; this way, everybody knew not to tell her, and the husband still got to brag about his baby. For the baby shower it was a neutral theme (Pooh) & all of the wrapping was neutral as well (asked via invite), then the husband was able to announce it to his wife at the shower. Maybe if ya'll did something like this is would please both of yall? :P

Jayde - posted on 01/31/2011

I agree with Kati & Sarah it's a surprise either way. I really dont like gender neutral stuff. Later i found that even though i dressed my daughter from head to toe in pink i still got "Oh is it a boy?" grr anyway it would have been worse in green or yellow. I loved planning and decorating the nursery but that's just me :)

Julianne - posted on 01/31/2011

i knew my baby was a girl the moment i got pregnant, and i still didnt name her until 3 days after she was born!

I like surprises, so i say dont find out..

Caitlin - posted on 01/31/2011

I didn't find out with my first, and I was sooo impatient, I really wanted to know but I wanted that surprise. The second time I found out and while it was nice being able to chose the name before, I prefered the first time around not knowing. Either way, they are both girls, and I had no plans on super girly things, I don't really like the colour pink and was planning on making the nursery green anyways, so it really didn't matter.

Sherri - posted on 01/31/2011

Oh yes I found out with all of my children. It was important I wanted to call my child by his name before they were born not just it or baby. I also am a planner and I hate neutral gender crap I wanted all the special gender specific things. I found out with all 3 and would do it for any others I had as well. It is special no matter when you find out it is no less a surprise when you find out.

Sarah - posted on 01/31/2011

My husband & I couldn't WAIT to find out what we were having! I wanted to know so we could pick a name, decorate the nursery, buy clothes, etc etc. Plus, I'm just really impatient anyway. ;) We found out we were having a boy at 21 weeks. :) I agree with Kati...it's a surprise either way...whether you find out from ultrasound or when baby is born. But, to each their own!

Rosie - posted on 01/31/2011

i think its a surprise either way, so why not? i've never understood not wanting to know, lol. you get to have some type of identity to your child, and prepare for it's birth a little better. im not a big green or yellow fan, lol.

Amber - posted on 01/31/2011

I'm really bad with surprises. I love them when I don't know they are coming. But if I know half of something..I'm dying to know the rest!
So, I found out as soon as I could. I had big plans for the nursery and the murals took a month to paint. And I had all of the bedding custom made to match the mural. I wouldn't have wanted to have all of that going on with a new baby.

Had Chad not wanted to know...I would have done my best to keep it all a secret from him. Kept the nursery closed and not taking anything out of that room and kept the fabrics at my aunt's house (she was making the bedding). But that wouldn't have changed my knowing.

I think that you need to come to some sort of compromise with your husband. It's not fair for only one of you to get your way and can lead to hard feelings later. You can't just tell him he can't know because you don't want to. You're upset that he will announce that he wants to know, but how will he feel if you just announce that you don't? His feelings are just as important as yours.

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 01/31/2011

I didn't know the first time and I don't plan on finding out this time either (or any other time). I loved not knowing. It was just one more exciting thing that happened at the end of all that hard work. I'm feeling a boy too, Sara. With my first I had no idea. If it's a girl I will be just as thrilled though. I feel like finding out the sex is like opening your presents before Christmas lol. You should probably both be on the same page though :).

Keisha - posted on 01/31/2011

We wanted to find out so bad!... but our stubborn little GIRL made us wait until she was born... every single ultrasound she had her legs crossed lol

Good Day! - posted on 01/31/2011

The baby coming on March is a total surprise! We don't know, but my mommy gut is saying boy. I have a friend that wanted to find out with all her friends and family (not possible during the sonogram) but didn't want to wait until delivery. So she had the tech write the sex down and put it in an envelope. Then she took the envelope to a bakery and the baker made the center of the cake blue or pink, depending on what was written. So she had her family and friends over and cut the cake. Everyone found out together. Fun!

Brittanie - posted on 01/31/2011

I loved knowing what I was having! I didn't know with my first two, but was able to find ot with my third. It's so nice to be able to pick out a name and clothes, and decorate for the baby before they come. My anticipation during delivery was probably even more knowing that "Seth" was coming!