We weren't trying but we weren't using anything...

Jennifer - posted on 10/21/2010

Mandi: I didn't say everyone says that. Just personally I find it an annoying and immature response. It's a bit like saying "I wasn't planning to get arrested but I was walking around naked".

Amanda: Personally I see the "if it happen it happens" phrase a type of trying tbh. When we were trying I wasn't monitoring my cycle....I didn't have any periods lol, and my the end our feelings were it will happen when it happens. Just a random question though...is there a specific reason why you're not on brith control and would you like another?

Mandi - posted on 10/21/2010

I wasnt trying, and I wasnt using anything. But I dont think EVERYONE is using it as an excuse, nor did I think i wouldnt get pregnant. But it wasnt a unhappy suprise, nor was I unprepared. I knew I was pregnant 2 weeks before I took the test. It was NOT a stupid mistake in my situation. I dont even think it was a "mistake" my child would never consider himself a mistake. I think its kinda rude of you to comment like that. if someone was like "oh i didnt want kids ever, and we werent trying but werent using anything" than yeah I could see taht being annoying. But surely its not like that everytime, and surely you maybe stretching it a bit. I almost feel offended, as I have said that exact phrase many times with pride.

Amanda - posted on 10/21/2010

I can say that my husband and i are not trying but are not using any form of birth control KNOWING we could possibly get pregnant.. but we feel if it happens it happens. We wouldn't be shocked if we got pregnant and we are prepared for it if it does happen. He will be getting a vasectomy next year and then we definitely won't be having anymore babies.. but until then we are up for anything!

*Fluffy Bunnies - posted on 10/19/2010

My husband and I weren't trying to get pregnant, but we knew that not using any protection that pregnancy was a possibility. So, I wasn't that surprised when I got pregnant and I don't regret it for a second. I do hear people use that comment all the time then they are shocked when they find out they got pregnant. Maybe they need a refresher course in biology.

Nichole - posted on 10/19/2010

I've said "we weren't trying but weren't using birth control" but that's really what we were doing when we concieved our son. Doctors said I was infertile or would have difficulty concieving. So we figured we weren't using birth control if it was meant to be it would happen, if not it wouldn't. So we weren't trying but didn't mind if we concieved.

Jennifer - posted on 10/18/2010

It's just really opened my eyes I guess to the imaturity of some people. One person I know who used this is the same age as me, 20 and had been seeing her boyfriend for 2 or 3 months at the most before she fell pregnant. She even had the stupidity to say we were planning on ahving children together just not now...now I find it a bit wierd agreeing/discussing that within such a short space of time at such a young age. Whereas my friend who is 28 fell pregnant by mistake as she didn't use extra protection whilst on anti-biotics (she was on the pill) as advised, but she's actually mature enough to admit it was their mistake.

Rosie - posted on 10/17/2010

i'm the opposite of what other people said, i got pregnant 2 times being stupid and using the whole excuse stated in the OP. oh, it hasn't happened yet, he can pull out, blahblahblah. miscarried 2 times and finally got the sense to put myself on the pill, and i knew to use condoms the first few weeks-still got pregnant again, this time i carried full term. -all while unmarried, and with 2 different men (yes i had issues)
then when i find a man i want to marry and am on birthcontrol, get married and get off birthcontrol, i thought i'd get pregnant straight away knowing my past history. took 4 months of trying to get pregnant when i actually wanted to get pregnant. i know for some that doesn't seem all that long, but for me it seemed like it was especially since i could get pregnant at the drop of a hat when i didn't want to.

i do get what these people are saying since i have been there-you are just stupid and don't think it will happen to you, but i have enough sense NOW to admit i was an idiot, and made some HUGE mistakes.

Ashley=) - posted on 10/16/2010

I was in my first ever sexual relationship and no we weren't thinking of having children at all.Put one night we got carried away as you might say and took a stupid chance that turned out to be life changing.Looking back now i dont regret it.We weren't thinking of anything important at that moment especially getting pregnant.I was the morning after though i tell ya...lol.I wasnt silly enough to think i couldn't be after just having unprotected sex, thats the difference if you think you cant then your silly.

If you get lucky and dont get pregnant and continue to have unprotected sex then your beyond silly if your not trying and dont want to get pregnant.. lol :-)

Kelina - posted on 10/15/2010

Lol, it's actually funny but I just remembered this. I saw my best friend not too long ago ad she informed me she's no longer on birth control, yet she doesn't think she's going to get pregnant! And yes April, Like Kate said it depends on body chemistry. My sister and SIL also used the whole, not on birth control but not really trying thing. It took my SIL 2 years and my sister still has not gotten pregnant after almost 3 years. She's also got two healthy kids 4 and 6. and it took exactly 3 weeks of going off birth control this time for me to get a positive pregnancy test!

Mary - posted on 10/15/2010

I do think there can be a distinction between actively trying to conceive vs not preventing it. However, I do think it's a bit silly to be stunned or shocked if you are having unprotected sex and get pregnant. If you have a uterus and ovaries, and you are having sex, pregnancy is always a possibility (even with birth control, as many on here can attest!).

I'm probably a fairly good example of this; I had been through multiple rounds of IUI and IVF with my first husband, and never got pregnant. We were an unexplained infertility. My reproductive system was fully intact, and I knew that I ovulated every month. However, when I remarried at 37, I had no miraculous hopes of conceiving; age was against me, and I had been down that road before. We had used birth control prior to getting married, because I knew there was an outside chance of getting pregnant, but my past made me rather skeptical of that potential. Although we both would have liked children, we had accepted that was most likely not going to happen, and I refused to go down that painful road of having sex for the mere purpose of trying to conceive. We simply stopped using birth control because it seemed pointless. Sex was only for enjoyment and love, and never initiated because it was a "good" time of the month.

I will admit, I was a bit surprised to realize that I was pregnant shortly after we married...well, more like thrilled and incredulous. After all of those years of trying, who would have thought that simply having unprotected sex, at the age of 37, could finally make me pregnant?!?! And within the first month of foregoing birth control? I wasn't trying to conceive, because I had honestly given up on that dream...but wow...I was amazed, after all that fertility crap, that plain old sex actually could make me pregnant =)

Kate CP - posted on 10/15/2010

April: Yes for some women, no for others. Individual body chemistry plays a big role.

April - posted on 10/15/2010

i used that excuse after i got married because we were trying, but not really trying and i wanted to be off the pill. we thought it would take a few times before we got pregnant , but nope...he was conceived on the very first attempt!

(i also thought that for the first few weeks you're off the pill, your body still thinks you're on it? is that true or a myth?)

Petra - posted on 10/15/2010

Jennifer - this is the kind of excuse I heard a lot in my younger days. Rather than saying they were being careless, they chalk it up to calculated risk. If you really, really don't want to risk getting pregnant, its not hard to limit the possibility.

Jennifer - posted on 10/15/2010

My husband and I were tyring for a baby for 15 months before I fell pregnant (I have PCOS) but never in that time did we use ovulation kits etc. not that it would have helped as my periods never restarted after stopping the pill. I suppose everyone has different views on what "trying" means. I don't think trying means you ahve to be moitoring your cycle etc. I just mean you've agreed with your partner that yous would like a child and stop contraception for this purpose. If you have the feeling of if it happens it happens then I'm not referring to that lol =]

I'm probably mostly referring to people who have been with their partner like 2 minutes then get pregnant very quickly, basically because they were careless or just plain silly. Most often it's younger people but tbh that's not a slam to young people as I'm only 20.

Beck - posted on 10/15/2010

I am with you there Jocelyn, my second was the same, went off birth control and thought it would take longer well I was wrong lol

Jocelyn - posted on 10/15/2010

I think it depends on who is saying it and the context.
If a stupid woman says it than she's an idiot for not knowing what could happen lol.
If you want more kids/a kid and go off your birth control without stressing about it, then it's fine.
That's what happened with our second....we thought it would take a couple months to get pregnant...but no no, 2 weeks :P

Nikki - posted on 10/14/2010

Really? That's how I fell pregnant with my first and that's the situation we are in again. I wan't more children but I am not planning and preparing by watching my cycle or anything, if we fall pregnant great if not I will possibly start to take ovulation tests in 12 months or so. I don't understand what it's and excuse for? Maybe if they didn't want to get pregnant again it would be silly, but it didn't seem like you were stating that in your OP. Just for the record, I don't drink or anything and I still take pre natal vitamins, so I am not being irresponsible and careless if I do happen to get pregnant!

Stasia - posted on 10/14/2010

I dont think people are using it as an excuse. I see "trying" as actively monitoring ovulation and trying to time it so that you get pregnant. People that say they "weren't trying but weren't using anything" usually just means that they wanted a baby but weren't so commited they were going to work for it at that point. I said this when I was ready to have my second child, but wanted to take my time and not stress about when it would happen.

Kelina - posted on 10/14/2010

I think it just means they weren't trying for a baby but they wouldn't be upset if they got pregnant! That's what it was with both my sister and SIL, they weren't on anything but they weren't actively trying to conceive as in having sex on a regular basis and trying to figure out what their most fertile days of the month were etc. There are also more natural methods of birth control, although most have a success rate of around 50-60%. But I agree, when they're not on any birth control and seem to think they won't get pregnant, it always reminds me of a poster that was up in my highschool counsellors office. It said "Teenagers think they are the three I's-invinceble, infertile and ..." the third I of which i can never seem to remember lol

Beck - posted on 10/14/2010

my husband and I were not planning and certanly had been careful but I remember the day perfectly and got caught up in the moment. The only time we had not been careful and so we got our little girl. I certainly don't use it as an excuse. It was our own fault and we are happy with the choice we made now as we have a gorgeous daughter we could never live without

Dawn - posted on 10/14/2010

I guess it depends on the situation of the person; I mean if you absolutely are not looking for a child but are having unprotected sex, well ya that's a bit foolish!! I used that cliche plenty though before my husband and I got married and I wanted to get off birth control. While our plan was to wait until we were married, we thought that if it happened it happened, and that was my answer to anyone that inquired. Well, it took 9 months of actively trying after we got married to conceive! Now however its, "No condom, No sex. PERIOD", I am not ready for a "surprise" right now, LOL!!