What do you say when your kids catch you?

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[deleted account]

I didn't realize my 13 yr son was standing at the door the other night until me and dad had finished. I was on top and he got to see everything. I decided to go tell him we weren't mad but he needed to knock. He had plenty of questions about what he saw and my body!

Elizabeth - posted on 03/28/2012

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my son is 10 and we have a arrangement where he has to sleep in my room with me and dad but we separate the room with furiture but he heard us the other day having sex and told us in the morning but when he did he thought it was funny what do i do?

Rosanna-Lee - posted on 01/20/2012

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I believe in telling children the truth about most things but this requires a little bit of sugar coating. I would never just come out and tell them that Mommy and Daddy are having sex. Mind you, my children are still quite young. This being said... I don't think that lying to your child is such a horrible thing. I especially like the one on here about telling the kids that mommy and daddy were wrestling. That's funny. My mom lied to me. Come on... Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny. I'm not damaged because she lied. I think that exposing young children to the 'sex talk' too early can damage them. It's also just like a 5 year old asking how his sister was born. I told my son that the doctor took his sister out of my belly. I had a natural delivery but he doesn't need to know the specifics. It think this topic should be given the same regard.

Caroline - posted on 03/29/2012

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Hi everyone! I must say some of your stories are really funny and cute. Our daughter is now 11 years old and I have never been " caught " with her walking in without knocking. When she was a little younger she had asked me what is sex, and I never wanted to lie to her but I think maybe you tell a child about sex in stages. I first told her about her body then, about a boy's body and then the definition of sex. So now she doesn't really ask about sex all I get from her now is " I know mom". I must admit I thought there were times I thought she heard us but nope. So like someone else said I do believe that you can be discreet. Also I think when you worry about someone hearing you it takes away from the romance of being in the moment, LOL.....

When our daughter was younger she would bang on the door and yell mom, and I would laugh with my husband and say boy this is soo romantic, ha ha ha....

Sarah - posted on 01/03/2012

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I've been following this with interest and I just have to jump in on the whole God hates lies thing. In certain circumstances I think God approves of lying. An example: In Exodus 1 the midwives lie to Pharaoh about why they haven't killed the baby boys as ordered. The next verse says "So God was kind to the midwives." Not exactly a modern day example, but it does show that things are not always as cut and dried as we might think.

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Sally - posted on 03/29/2012

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I haven't been caught as such. The nearest i have come to it was with my 24 year old son. He was still living at home when he was 22 anyway we were in bed one night and the next thig he was banging on the ceiling fin the room below. I can honestly say i was really angry, stomped downstairsand told him i wasn't dead yet and if he did't like it he could find his own place. We were in our bedroom by the way. So its not just them seeing its hearing as well.

Jamie - posted on 01/06/2012

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I'd way rather have my kids walk in on me and my husband having sex than them see it on TV (cable or otherwise)



It's just sex and it is part of a relationship. My kids have walked in a few times and we'll stop and see if they need anything, tend to them, and then once they are comfortable and in the other room we'll continue. It's not a big deal and no explanation is even needed for a child that young unless they ask, but I would never lie... I personally think it is unnecessary to get into detail with a young child either. It's just part of life.



I don't know how I feel about a teenager walking in because I don't have one....but that is at least how I feel about the little ones.



Where my son is from in Africa parents commonly share a space with their children and it is unavoidable.. that they would be having sex in the same room (generally while the children are sleeping) However, many of the children sooner or later will witness their parents having sex in the same room as them and consider it normal.



That goes WAY past my personal comfort level, and I personally would never do that....but that fact does put sex in perspective for me. It is a normal ever day part of life and I think the more we normalize things like sex in our country the less oversexed we will be. (and just for the record- by normalizing it I am not suggesting everyone have sex in front of their children, just it shouldn't be an issue if they do see you.)

Kimberly - posted on 01/05/2012

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What would I say? I'd say "You didn't knock, now shut the door and go away. We are having a private moment."

[deleted account]

Our four year old caught us not long ago. We were so "into it" that I didn't even know he was in the room until I heard, "Mommy, what are you doing?" like 6 inches from my ear. We were covered and it was dark so he wasn't exposed to anything. But call me a dirty liar because I totally told him that Daddy and I were wrestling lol And as for anyone saying they'd NEVER lie to their child(ren)....I agree that time will solve that one. Her child isn't even old enough to really ask a question. She may never throw her kids surprise parties, but surely will come the day when she will tell a white lie to her kid(s) and remember this moment. We all have those "aha" moments. I said I'd never do a lot of things regarding motherhood and I've eaten my fair share of my own words. One thing is certain and that's the fact that you never know how you will react to a situation until you're in it. You may think you know, and you may be right, but you'll never know for sure until you're there. So don't judge.

Krista - posted on 01/04/2012

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Yeah, I never saw my parents doing it, thank heavens! LOL. Right now it's not an issue in our house, where my son is still in his crib. But once he's in a bed and able to wander, we'll be sure to lock our door if we feel like getting jiggy.

Sherri - posted on 01/04/2012

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I think it is also an area thing as well. Since I have never in any house I have ever been in, in my life seen a lock on a bedroom door. So in my case it is far easier to get caught since no place has locks on the doors other than the bathroom and outside doors.

I saw my parents more times then I care to remember since they didn't close their bedroom door in the middle of the night if I got up to go to the bathroom I occasionally got a show. Trust me they thought they were being discreet by doing it late at night after we were all asleep.

Jenna - posted on 01/04/2012

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I don't know what I'd say. We've been parents nearly 9 years and this has never happened. We always lock the door first. Just a habit we've gotten into.



And in the article he says that most of us probably had a moment we saw or heard our parents. Nope, I don't. It is possible to be discreet, I think.

Bernie - posted on 01/03/2012

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I can soo see this happening:
Mummy, Daddy what are you doing?
Parents tell the child they are having sex
Come play date time at the park, said child say's to their friends, "hey want to have sex? I saw Mummy and Daddy having sex!"
How well do you think that would go down with the other parents?
Young children are too young to understand sex!

Krista - posted on 01/03/2012

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Oh, and with regards to the OP, it would absolutely depend on the age of the child. If very young, I'd probably just say that Mommy and Daddy are having special Mommy & Daddy time. If they're school-aged or older, they'll have a pretty good idea what sex is, so at that point, I'll just remind them to knock and wait for permission before entering a closed door, because we were having private time. I see no need to get into the nitty-gritty details.

Amanda - posted on 01/03/2012

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I have told my kids the truth, children knowing their parents have a healthy relationship inculding sex can not hurt them. I also remind them that their mother taught them how to knock so if they dont want to walk in on mom and dad having sex again they really should knock. :0)

Krista - posted on 01/03/2012

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and when she does ask questions she will get the absolute truth

So you WILL tell her then that the existence of God is only a commonly held belief, and not an objectively proven fact?

Peachy!

Rosie - posted on 01/03/2012

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14 months?? give it some time, she can barely ask a question for you to lie to her about yet...

Tabitha - posted on 01/03/2012

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Telling my two year old that his uncle is jail for murder is not a truth a 2 year old is ready for. You have to be objective when it comes to lying to your children. IMO you are not lying you are witholding the information until they are emotionally and physcologically ready. And no 2 year old is ready to understand the concept of another human taking another humans life. This may not be the best example but you need to understand that physically and mentally a child this age is not able to comprehend certain "adult" topics. And that is in fact the truth.

Krista - posted on 01/03/2012

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Exactly. I don't believe in any deities, but I would hope that if there was a God out there, that he'd be sensible enough to recognize that lying to protect the innocent can be the lesser of two evils.

Example: A friend of mine was in an abusive relationship. One day, she got the courage to leave. She left him and went to a safe house in another province. She was in fear for her life. I knew where she was, but there was no way I was going to say anything. Her ex called me day and night for over a week, asking if I knew where she was. I claimed repeatedly to have absolutely no idea where she was.

What do you think would have happened if I'd been truthful and said, "Yes, but I'm not telling you."?

I would HOPE that if there is a God, that he would have enough common sense to approve of lying if it is done for the purpose of thwarting evil.

Bernie - posted on 01/03/2012

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Sarah, I remember as a child at primary/elementary school that the Bible in Schools class (well I wouldn't call it a class as the man wasn't a teacher) used to tell us there are two types of lies. One is a good lie, they white lie.
IMO telling a child that your having a 'hug' is more of a white lie.

[deleted account]

The thing about most truths are they are subjective to the person telling them, like I said earlier I could tell you the same story from different perspectives, everyone honestly believing their telling the truth...but every story could be different stories, so who's telling the truth and who's lying? You may not intend to lie but you will at some point, you are human not perfect!

Johnny - posted on 01/02/2012

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You lie to your children every single time you tell them that you know the absolute truth about anything. Like how you apparently know how God feels about lying for instance. You don't know how God feels any more than anyone else does. Suggesting to your children that you do is lying to them.

Krista - posted on 01/02/2012

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So Shyla...you are very opposed to telling your child about anything which is not 100% objectively true?

Proud - posted on 01/01/2012

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I'm sorry but I am not going to change my mind about lying to my child.

A lie is a lie in my book and God hates lying.

Sherri - posted on 01/01/2012

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I say her daughter is 14mos so it is very easy to judge others when their child is so young. I would love to revisit this with her when she has some years under her belt or multiple children. So lets say in 12 or 13yrs we ask her the same questions and I can vow on my life that her answers and views will be very different, then they are today.

[deleted account]

You have never participated in imaginative play with your daughter? I feel really sorry for her if you haven't because imaginative play is an important tool in her learning, it enables her to learn how to empathise with others and how to work out problems, it helps her to deal with her emotions....the list goes on and on. Shyla if you play imaginative play with your child, things like pretend picnics, can you make mommy a cup of tea etc...technically this is lying to your child, but it is an important part of development and is a good example of how lying is necessary, it isn't always detrimental!

Proud - posted on 01/01/2012

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My daughter is almost 14 months old and no I have not lied to her.

I hate when people say well EVERYONE does it. because that in it self is a lie.

Like I said go ahead and lie to your child but I am going to be honest with mine.

[deleted account]

I call bs on anyone who says they will never or have never lied to their child EVER. Why do people jump to the conclusion that lying is automatically bad? Sometimes lies ARE necessary or useful; my kid gave me a cup of tea made with strawberries and oranges today I drank it and told him it was lovely, but that's classed as imaginative play, it's still lies really, I didn't drink anything there was only thin air in the cup....so think about it are you really telling me you have never told your kids a mistruth at all?



With the surprise parties the child doesn't have to be a "total idiot" (that's a rather offensive way to describe a child don't you think, after all you are a "Christian parent"), not everyone can afford a party so some children most certainly would not expect a party, I know my brother and I never did! It was just an example of how lying could be needed, so if you were to throw a surprise party and the person walked in on you discussing it you could tell them what you were discussing or you could lie, with either a nothing or some small talk topic.



Let's be honest even by omitting information your lying, because you are choosing to display the information you want....I could tell you a story exactly the same story but it could sound completely different by including and omitting different parts.

Bernie - posted on 12/29/2011

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Same here Janice, I love surprises too. I wasn't mad at my parents for lying to me about Santa Clause. Helps children's imagination

Janice - posted on 12/29/2011

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My daughter is only 2 and the one time she walked in we just stopped and told her to back to the living room and watch TV. We were completely covered by a blanket and at 20 months she had no clue, thankfully. I'm sure "special hugging" will be the response if we are ever caught again over the next few years.
I hope once my children are older I will be able to be honest with them. It would be very tough to do though.

I know its off topic but I love happy surprises. I'm perfectly okay with being "lied" to for a short time if I get something nice at the end.

Proud - posted on 12/29/2011

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I just don't see the point in a surprise party. Unless a kid is a total idiot they know they are going to have a party.

Our bedroom door has a lock, so she wouldn't walk in on us.

I've done just fine without surprise parties.

I am not telling you how to raise your child so don't tell me that sometimes lies are necessary or that EVERY parent lies to their child.

I was raised with the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus...etc and as a Christian parent I am not going to lie to my child like I was lied to.

Sherri - posted on 12/29/2011

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Teresa just to clarify I am not saddened she doesn't tell her kids about Santa etc. that is each families decision. As I am not sad for your children and I know you don't.

I am saddened by the fact that she would tell a 2 or 3 yr old about sex if they witnessed it or would never throw or have a surprise birthday, surprise baby shower etc because that would be lying really??

[deleted account]

There is a big difference between lying and telling the truth age appropriately and w/ tact.

There is also a difference between flat out lying and simply withholding information for a short time (like in the case of a surprise party or birthday/Christmas present).

I was going to say I don't lie to my kids, but then I'd be lying cuz everytime they asked me what I got them for Christmas... I said dog food and glue, so that they could make their own puzzles. ;) They KNEW I wasn't telling the truth though, so that's where I see the difference.

Are we seriously going to start the 'pity party' for the kids who aren't raised w/ Santa, etc... again? I assure you it is not necessary. Personally, w/ reading the recent exchange between Sherri and Shyla.... I don't fully agree w/ either of you. ;)

Sherri - posted on 12/29/2011

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I don't lie to my children Shyla and my kids are already much older as everyone's kids we know that have been been raised with Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. As was I and my husband, trust me we all turned out amazing.

Please don't tell me how to raise my children they most certainly would be severely punished for lying and have never been conditioned that lies are okay.

Proud - posted on 12/29/2011

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I'm saddened by these children whose parents lie to them.

Just remember one day when they lie to you not to punish them since they have been conditioned that lies are okay.

Sherri - posted on 12/29/2011

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Oh now I am even more saddened Shyla. *Sigh* Good luck to you and your children.

Proud - posted on 12/29/2011

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No, my child is not being raised to believe in Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy...etc

I never had a surprise birthday party when I was little and it didn't effect me.

Yes, if my child asked a question about sex I would tell them. Everyone acts like sex is such a taboo subject that shouldn't be talked about.

Sherri - posted on 12/29/2011

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Shyla will you do Santa, Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny? and to never have a surprise birthday that seems sad to me too.

It isn't lying either by the way it is protecting them, so if they caught you at 2 or 3 you would tell them you were having sex? Sorry that seems so much more wrong to me.

Proud - posted on 12/29/2011

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Lies are not necessary. Perhaps people are conditioned to believe that.

I don't have surprise parties for anyone so that wouldn't be an issue.

Each to their own I guess but I will not be lying to my child.

[deleted account]

Lies are necessary sometimes, could you imagine organising a surprise party without lying, what are you talking about? Your surprise party...yeah that'd work lol.

I haven't really thought about this yet, ethan's only 2 and is still in a cot so he gets out when we get him, I guess I'd give an age appropriate response, mommy and daddy were snuggling (he calls a hug a snug) while he is young and as he slowly learns about sex I'd give him more appropriate answers. I hope I never have to though.

Proud - posted on 12/28/2011

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I wouldn't lie but I don't think they need all the details.

I do not believe in lying to my child for any reason.

Bernie - posted on 12/27/2011

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I grew up in a house of paper thin walls. We haven't been caught by the kids but I've been walked in on by a parent- who stayed to talk. Now that was awkward.

Becky - posted on 12/26/2011

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My daughter is 10 . . .I think at this point I would be honest with her. When she was smaller we "almost" got caught a few times, but when the door opened, she didn't seem to notice anything strange & didn't ask any questions. I never had to lie to her about it.

Now that she's 10 and has a pretty good idea what sex is, and catches on to some (not all, but some) sexual innuendo's that people make (which are supposed to be over her head), I think she's old enough to realize the truth. Not to mention Mom's having another baby (any day now) and she's well aware that babies are created from Mom's egg fertilized with Dads sperm.

Merry - posted on 12/04/2011

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Ok I read the article :) yes in her situation I'd tell the kid. He knew what sex was and he knew something was 'up'
When we have sex it's usually silent. So a kid wouldn't be concerned about us, the only way to catch us would be to walk in and see. Like I said, if they already know what sex is then tell them the truth. If not, it depends on how close they are to asking about sex. If they're old enough you've been ghiñing of telling them then maybe use this opportunity too talk. But if tis just a toddler it's not going to do any good to try to explain anything more then mom and dad were hugging or something like that.

Denikka - posted on 12/03/2011

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I would probably tell the truth. Or a close approximation of it. My oldest is only 2.5 though, so hasn't asked any questions yet, but he has walked in on us a couple times.
At this point, we just don't make a big deal out of it. We stop and put him back to bed.
In the future, I think honesty is the best policy. I may not tell him all the gorey details if he's still really young, but something like *mommy and daddy are having special loving time* or something like that.

[deleted account]

Teachable moment! lol. I never really thought about it. We are pretty low-risk at getting caught because our daughter is usually sleeping upstairs with a gate at her door. Although, if you read the article she makes some good points about telling them the truth. I know my husband would want to lie, but I don't think I would. I think an age appropriate response would be fine.

Merry - posted on 12/03/2011

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We were caught last week! Lol erics two so he didn't even ask, I just handed him the iPad and he went to play a game.

I'd lie to a little one, if they already knew what sex was then I assume they'd know what we are doing and wouldn't evenask. So I guess, of they asked I'd lie. Walking in on mom and dad doing it isn't the ideal time to teach about sex I'd think.

Sherri - posted on 12/02/2011

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Okay well in 14yrs it has never ever happened to us.

However, as teenagers it wouldn't need an explanation as a toddler I would lie and come up with something like we were wrestling or something.

Carolee - posted on 12/01/2011

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I told my 4 year old that mommy was giving daddy a big hug before starting the day. The kids and I always hug througout the day, so it was plausible that mommy just rolled over and hugged daddy (I think).

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