What type of sex ed?

Starr - posted on 09/14/2010 ( 213 moms have responded )

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It falls down more than if someone agrees with abortions or sex before marriage. The reality is young kids are having sex and will continue to.
So, are you for abstinence based sex education, contraceptive based education, or leave it out of schools and for the parents to teach sex education?

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[deleted account]

I'm so against it because of the way they present it. The schools bring in Planned Parenthood "teachers" to teach about sex ed. because PP will do it for free. The problem is they have other motives....

Jodi - posted on 09/16/2010

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So that gives us the right to just give up on them does it? Don't you think that if there is a room full of kids like that, that if we can even just get through to one or two of them it is still worth it? Aren't they still worth the effort?

[deleted account]

These "ill-informed & ignorant" parents are the same parents that don't give a crap where their kids are all night or what they're doing. Even with sex ed in their classroom, they are going to do what they please because their parents don't care.... I know, I was one of them. If a parent doesn't care, the child doesn't care either.

Jodi - posted on 09/16/2010

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And just for the record, talking about "you mums" straight after referring to it as laziness could be construed as you calling every one of us on this thread who don't agree with you lazy mothers? Am I right? I think that might be considered a personal attack because it sure as shit isn't a fact.

Jodi - posted on 09/16/2010

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Shannon, it is NOT about laziness at all. I've had the talk with my son. We ALSO attended a school program together. Of COURSE the parents are responsible for ensuring their children get all the information, but there are a LOT of irresponsible parents out there too, or even parents who are just simply ill-informed and ignorant. How is it that their children should suffer and so perpetuate the cycle of ignorance because there is no sex ed in schools?



This isn't JUST about my child, who is actually very well informed, or about YOUR child, this is about an entire society where lack of sex education can let children down and result in some very serious consequences.

[deleted account]

LAZINESS!! You moms that don't want to be responsible for your children & what they learn or how or when they learn it. I'm sure you would love to blame the school system later on for not teaching your child correctly when even though there was plenty of sex talk in school, she still got pregnant... This way it's not YOUR fault.

[deleted account]

Jaime-Leigh Burns.... I wish there was a "Huh?" button, because I don't understand THAT comment at all..

Jodi - posted on 09/16/2010

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I would think someone who was an anti abortion activist would be keen to ensure that ALL children have access to the knowledge they need to make intelligent choices about their sexual behaviour so that they can prevent pregnancy and illness. Not just the kids whose parents are responsible. I find it absolutely mind boggling that someone can be SOOOOO pro-life and yet believe that "If the certain parent fails that is too bad.". I thought you wanted to keep them out of abortion clinics? That attitude ain't gonna do it.

[deleted account]

"It is up to the parents to teach certain things. If the certain parent fails that is too bad." - Shannon.

That's a lovely attitude there Shannon. 'Too bad' for whom? The child? The parent? Our society? I don't know about you, but I don't want to deal with the possible implications of an ignorant child and their actions. Firstly there's the poor uninformed child who could have an unwanted pregnancy (which you don't think they should be allowed to abort), and STDs which could be painful, embarrassing, could affect fertility or worse, could kill them. And then there's the cost to society - health care and possibly welfare.

"I don't expect my child to learn how to brush her teeth or wipe her butt at school."

What's wrong with having support from school to teach your child these types of things? I work with under 3s and we do 'teach' children these things. It's in partnership with the parents. And that doesn't make those parents 'bad'.

"If you don't trust me or other parents to teach our children about sex properly, then that is YOUR responsibility to teach your child the safeties."

I will teach my children to be safe when it comes to sex (and one thing I will teach them is to avoid your children). But unlike you, I don't only care about my child. I care about all children. And I don't think your child should be endangered because you feel you have something to prove or won't accept the support from your school system.

"Why rely on another source when the subject at hand is so important & serious??"

No one is suggesting you should 'rely' on that education. You should think of it as support. So that if you miss something, they can pick it up.

Jaime - posted on 09/16/2010

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"Why rely on another source when the subject at hand is so important & serious??"

And it's statements like this that strengthen my belief in comprehensive sex education. I want my son to be fully aware of the joys, risks and people that just don't give a damn!

Isobel - posted on 09/16/2010

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that would be a good point Shannen, if most parents were up for the job...unfortunately that is simply not the case...if it were, we wouldn't be seeing the high number of teenage pregnancies and STDs that are currently a problem in our society.

[deleted account]

I AM in favor of sex ed in schools though. I don't feel it is the school's 'job', but I'm well aware that too many parents aren't DOING their job. My only mention of God was to add to what I, personally, am teaching my kids. I have no problem w/ people who don't believe in Him thinking/saying that He has no relevance in sex ed for their kids. There is a difference between that and referring to Him as just a character in a book (yes, I know many people believe that). One is stated in a respectful manner, one is done in mocking disrespect.

As I said though, do what you wish. :)

[deleted account]

And I would just have to disagree back. Kids are learning to be social in school without having to know about sex. It is up to the parents to teach certain things. If the certain parent fails that is too bad. I will not subject my children to early sex ed. because some parents aren't teaching. I don't expect my child to learn how to brush her teeth or wipe her butt at school. That is MY job to teach. It is not the teachers job to teach my daughter how to wear a bra or put in a tampon, that is MY job...Same goes with sex.
If you don't trust me or other parents to teach our children about sex properly, then that is YOUR responsibility to teach your child the safeties. Why rely on another source when the subject at hand is so important & serious??

Jaime - posted on 09/16/2010

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I second the no opt-out. Everyone has the right to be informed...regardless of their parents' morals or beliefs. Un-biased, comprehensive, sexual education...knowledge is power.

Sherri - posted on 09/16/2010

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This is the currant law in NH for sexual education laws being taught in schools.
HIV/AIDS and Other STDs Education
* New Hampshire state law requires STDs and HIV/AIDS education.
* Abstinence must be taught as the only completely effective protection against unplanned pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and HIV/AIDS.
* Teaching about contraceptives, such as condoms, the Pill, or the Patch, is not required.
* You do not need your parents’ permission to participate in sexuality education or HIV/AIDS education classes. But a parent can take you out of class if they object to what is being taught.

Isobel - posted on 09/16/2010

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good point...if you guys argue that he is relevant, I believe we should have the right to debate that he is not.

anyhoo, I believe that all children should be tought a non-biased full sex ed course. There is no morality involved in the FACT that homosexuality exists. Kids need to know the truth...

and no offense Shannon and others who have said no sex ed at school...I don't trust your ability to teach your children enough to keep my children from getting STDs from yours...because they think they're still virgins cause they've only given oral or intercourse through the back door.

I vote no opt out for the safety of all involved. I have heard some adults say some pretty crazy things about pregnancy and STDs...and I don't want them educating people who may come in contact with my kid.

[deleted account]

@Shannon - I disagree, IMO school is not all about math and reading. It's just as much about socialisation - learning how to interact with others, learning about how a society works and learning about how your particular society works. Sex and ideas about sex are a big part of society (without it, we wouldn't have societies at all!), therefore it does belong in school. And just because a parent has had sex (obviously) doesn't mean they have any idea about puberty, fertility, biology, STDs etc etc. And finally, as much as we'd like to say "we know our kids", I do believe schools and teachers do have a more realistic idea of what children know and how they behave, just by being exposed to a lot more children and experiences. They can also look at the situation from an intellectual standpoint instead of an emotional one, which a lot of parents do.

[deleted account]

Can we please leave the 'Jesus bashing' out of a sex ed debate? I know, Cyndel brought it up first and the addition to her comment wasn't necessary, but could we keep the focus on sex?

Just a polite request. Do what you will though. :)

[deleted account]

Why not have sex ed directed by Macbeth or Harry Potter?!?! They're both characters from a book too just like Jesus!

Cyndel - posted on 09/16/2010

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Abstinence education with strong parental involvement for those in public or private schools. But I plan on homeschooling my children and there for there sex education will be in the hands of my hubby and I directed by Jesus. Halleluia!

Montana - posted on 09/16/2010

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but to make myself more understood, I DO think they should be taught about abstinance but also the rest. Leaving out all the info needed to know about practicing safe sex is asking for trouble.

Montana - posted on 09/16/2010

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i hate that kids are taught abstinanc. so when they DO have sex (like u said they will do what they want anyway) they dont have the resources to protect themselves from STDs or pregnancy. To me it is maddening

Jaime - posted on 09/16/2010

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I just keep thinking that one of these days, the parents that insist their children learn about sex "at home", where they can monitor what is being taught, is directly (if not blatantly) related to the staggering statistics on rising STD and pregnancy rates.



I think there ARE parents that do teach comprehensive sex education to their kids...but these numbers are nowhere near where they need to be to guarantee that ALL kids being denied comprehensive sex education at school are being given the information they are entitled to have.



Age appropriate is a huge issue for a lot of parents. Some don't believe that 4th graders need to know about anal and oral apart from standard penis in vagina sex...but considering the few admissions I've heard just from the kids I know, here in my small town, some kids in 4th grade are already experimenting with sex. Too young? perhaps, but the fact remains that it's still happening despite anyone's personal belief that sex be reserved for marriage or adult relationships.



And dealing with the situation while it's happening, or trying to mop up the mess when the damage is done, is not the approach that is going to change the overall view of sexuality. Being pro-active about sex is not giving kids a license to have sex, it's giving kids the onus to learn responsibility with their bodies and their choices. As much as we might want to control the actions of our pre-pubescent tweens or our hormonally-charged super teens...we can't. I can't follow my son around and monitor his every move, so I have to trust him to value the information he receives and make choices according to what he feels is right for him. I'm not suggesting that I send my son off to school and hope for the best. I am a pro-active parent across the board. Open lines of communication are the first step to instilling a sense of self-worth in children. Followed by guidance and discipline, which fosters inner discipline (essentially the life lessons that will help kids decide what choices they make). A person is less likely to succumb to peer pressure if they are confident and secure enough in themselves to know when it is right for them to engage in things like sex or any other socially-influenced activities.

Sherri - posted on 09/16/2010

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Yes they have privacy in the shower. But on a trip recently being trapped in the car for 11 hrs some things came out and we had a conversation about such.

Jodi - posted on 09/16/2010

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Sherri, I only asked, because my son came out to me, just out of the blue, and told me he had pubic hairs "down there" (his words) quite proudly (don't you love it???). No armpit hair yet. Surely they are alone when they have a shower? How would you know what they are doing in the shower? Seriously, PLEASE don't tell me they don't at least have that privacy????

[deleted account]

Shannon, I find it interesting that you absolutely refuse to even remotely consider allowing your child to be taught comprehensive sex education in school BUT you're pro-life and completely against abortions. Parents have supposedly been responsible for "educating" their children so far - how's that working out?

Sherri - posted on 09/16/2010

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No, no pubic hair yet. Actually I do know. No arm pit hair, no pubic hair and since we only have 1 bathroom with 5 family members no one is ever in the bathroom alone especially in the mornings when everyone needs to get ready so I am pretty darn positive nothing is going on except washing. I am not closing my eyes to it which is why we had the sex talk at 12 yrs old. I just know that when offered to hang with girls, or invite them to there birthdays they have no interest as of yet. They have been well informed as to what sex is etc. I just didn't go into different positions they just don't need that info yet. I know interest in girls will happen very soon so they will be receiving a lot more info from us within the next year but it certainly does not need to come from the school that is our job.

Jaime - posted on 09/16/2010

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Carefree kids...a bit of an oxy-moron for the astonishingly high percentage of young teens that are facing the realities of STD's and pregnancy/parenthood.

Jodi - posted on 09/16/2010

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Sherri, didn't you say one of your boys was almost 14? I think you are kidding yourself that he isn't interested in girls......and I bet my last dollar he's doing more than washing his hair in the shower, and if he isn't yet, he will be VERY soon. Question....do your boys have any pubic hair yet? Do you know whether they do or not? And if they do, you ARE aware their testosterone is raging? Testosterone equals being turned on by women. Don't close your eyes to it.

Sherri - posted on 09/16/2010

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My kids know as much as they need to for there age. I am not about sheltering them but I think we give our kids way too much information when they are much to young. We had the body talk in 5th grade with both boys. We had the what sex is at 12yrs. However, neither one of my boys are even interested in girls yet. I will be saving the what the different sex things are for a while yet. We have all the lines of communication open and discuss things quite freely. So when they start being interested in girls the sex talks will increase right now I am allowing them just to be carefree kids.

Kate CP - posted on 09/16/2010

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And that is why, Shannon, in Texas we have more teen pregnancies and births than almost any other state. Because parents just want to "leave it out". *sigh*

Krista - posted on 09/16/2010

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For any of you who think that teaching about sex should be the parents' responsibility, not the school's:

What would you think of the idea of being able to opt-out of school's sex-ed, but your child being made to take a standardized test mid-way through the school year, to verify that they are learning the proper biological facts of how the reproductive system works, how pregnancy takes place, and how pregnancy and diseases are prevented? And if they fail the test, they are then required to take the school's sex-ed?

I think that would be a good compromise, because then the parent wouldn't worry about what morals are being taught, but they would not be allowed to just gloss over the entire subject with "don't have sex until you're married".

[deleted account]

I totally agree with everything that Carol, Jo, Krista etc etc have said. I'm all for comprehensive sex ed. Everything. Children talk. And they talk crap. We need to educate them before they learn the wrong stuff from their friends, or worse, from experimentation due to ignorance. I distinctly remember finding out what oral sex was. I was 11 and heard from a friend at school. I remember being quite confused about it and horrified. I don't want that for my daughter. I think I have quite a comprehensive knowledge of biology and sex education but a lot of parents don't, so I think education in schools IS required. As Kate has already mentioned, abstinent based education DOES NOT WORK.

Johnny - posted on 09/15/2010

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Good point Krista. There should be information about the right to say no and the obligation to respect another person's physical being and choices about their own bodies. I think that is crucial.



It really scares me that there are kids out there who think that oral and anal sex aren't really sex, that giving a blow job is like kissing, and that you need to do that to make boys love you. Not teaching them about what sex really is and what sex really means is just neglectful.



The teen pregnancy and STD rates in abstinence-only education districts is significantly higher for a reason. Kids are always going to experiment, and if they don't know what is safe and what is real, they could really mess it up.



Just anecdotally, we had very comprehensive sex-ed in my elementary and high schools and growing up I only knew of one girl in my whole area who ever got pregnant in high school. Our teen pregnancy rate got so low that they closed down one of the special schools for teen moms because of low enrollment. They had just one program serving the entire city of Vancouver (1 million people) with 22 girls in it when I was in grade 12 (I volunteered at the daycare there).



Comprehensive sex ed raises the age of first sexual act, and lowers the rates of teen pregnancy & STD's.



I'm not naive enough to think that my sweet little girl is never going to have a libido. I wish it were true, and I'd be just fine if it was, but I'd rather make sure she knows what is going on out there for real. And while I know some of the info, the school counselors & staff have the training, knowledge and expertise to make sure she gets it all right.

?? - posted on 09/15/2010

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I would almost be prepared to support the decision to make it mandatory for parents to prove their knowledge of sex, contraceptives and STD awareness before they're allowed to opt their children out of sex ed -- simply based on the statistics of unplanned, unwanted, unnecessary and YOUNG pregnancies, sexual activity and all of the wrong, bad, very wrong information that is spread on the playground.

It was only 20 years ago that people were so afraid of AIDS and homosexuality. There are still too many people who think AIDS is a death sentance. There are still people that think homosexuality is a disease. There are still people that think ORAL sex, is not sex and can not transfer STD's. There are TOO MANY people that DO NOT KNOW.

Sheltering children from this information is doing them a disservice and giving them a handicap that they do not need to suffer the consiquences of that lack of information.


Please keep in mind, I am talking age appropriate information. Keeping that in mind - you also have to keep in mind that children are learning things MUCH earlier. Most 12 year olds, have heard about oral and anal sex, and most of them have heard NOT heard the RIGHT definition of what they REALLY are, or what those actions truly mean.

Krista - posted on 09/15/2010

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What about basic biology, Shannon? Students learn in school how the circulatory system works, how the nervous system works...why should the reproductive system be treated differently? Even if you don't think that the schools should get into discussion about sex practices, etc., how can you disagree with them teaching the simple, basic BIOLOGY of how the reproductive system works?

Kate CP - posted on 09/15/2010

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Shannon: That obviously isn't working in the south. Texas is in the top 3 for teen pregnancies AND live teen births since 2000. Parents SHOULD talk to their kids about it but they just don't beyond "Don't do it until you're married!" And let's face it, that just DOES NOT work with hormonal (horny) teenagers.

[deleted account]

Leave it out of the schools!!! It's the parents responsibilities to teach our children about life & life issues. School is for math & reading!!!

Sherri - posted on 09/15/2010

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My kids didn't know what sex was until I told them at 12. I mean they knew of the word but not what the actual act was. I am fortunate though as we have 0 teen pregnancy.

Kate CP - posted on 09/15/2010

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Bridget: I agree with you on that-I think that's a little too advanced. But at the same time...kids are learning about sex from their peers so much earlier than we were. I didn't really fully understand what sex was until I was about 13. I "knew" what sex meant and what it entailed but I couldn't grasp the concept of it until I was older. I think it's best to sit down with the kids and find out WHAT they know before we start shoveling information down their throats. But I am VERY pro-sex ed. And living in a state where abstinence only is taught AND with the highest teen pregnancy rates in the nation I don't think abstinence only or "leaving it up to the parents" is working too well. :/

Bridget - posted on 09/15/2010

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I never thought I would be the kind of parent that requested my child be pulled out of the sex ed class, but I have become one. The reason for this is that after talking to the sex ed teacher and getting a copy of the curriculum I felt that the subject matter being taught was way too advanced for the grade level. For example: teaching 4rd graders about anal sex and teaching 5th and 6th graders about anal and oral sex goes beyond what I believe is appropriate for kids under the age of 12. Please check the curriculum before you agree to have your child attend the classes. Also, a friend told me that she attended one of the classes when her daughter was being taught sex ed and was shocked, not with the curriculum but with some of the question and answer sessions that follow. It is difficult to try to let your kids be kids without pushing this stuff on them when they are too young to handle it.

[deleted account]

I totally agree with the ladies about COMPLETE SEX ED. All aspects need to be discussed in a non-bias way and it should be incorporated in the school's curriculum with an "opt-OUT" option.

Krista - posted on 09/15/2010

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I am for comprehensive, fact-based sexual education. There is nothing political or immoral about the bare-bones facts about sex, any more than there is anything political about explaining that the sky is blue.

You can inform a child that some people are gay, without making any sort of moral pronouncement upon it -- if the parents wish to put moral pronouncements upon those facts, that is their prerogative.

As Carol said, "I do think kids should have the value of abstinence (safety, freedom from STD's & pregnancy, being "ready" for it) explained to them clearly. In fact, I think in some sex ed programs it should be far more stressed. However, I do believe that children should also receive a very comprehensive education on all aspects of sexuality and sexual behavior. Starting with body parts and body functioning, including sexual issues, development, masturbation, etc. Moving on to making babies and all aspects of sexual activity. And including the emotional and spiritual aspects of sex. I think information on all types of sexualities, straight, gay, transgender, bisexual should be in there, because all children deserve to learn about themselves, regardless of what their own preferences are. There could never be too much education on the risks of STD's and contraceptive choices. "

To add to that, I think there should be a major segment about sexual pressure and rape, explaining VERY clearly what rape is. This is one section where I DO think moralizing should come into play, and I think that it should be explained clearly to the kids that if a man tries to force himself on an unconsenting woman, that makes him an asshole who deserves a stint in jail and a swift kick in the nuts.

?? - posted on 09/15/2010

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Part of our jobs and responsibilities as parents is to know what they're being taught in school. I have never heard of a school just doing a pop-sex-quiz one day. They have always sent out information to parents before they schedule what day the sex ed class would be held at so that parents have ample opportunity to go in to the teacher / counselor / who ever and discuss what will be taught. If the parent disagrees with what would be taught, they are allowed to remove their child from the class, or they can make suggestions to help ease their worries. Parents are also allowed to attend those classes if they so wish.

I'm not talking about highschool sex ed classes either (although the same circumstances were available for the sex ed classes in the highschool I attended). I am talking about elementary school level sex ed programs.

Sherri - posted on 09/15/2010

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Okay then a comprehensive sex ed program but parents that don't want there parents in it should be allowed to opt out of it. My kids will learn about sex when I think they are ready and how much and what to share with them. I don't think it is the schools job or responsibility.

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