When do you step in.....

Diane - posted on 09/11/2010

Mylene you should have walked over to the mother who was doing nothing and told her what happened, that her son bit your son. Talking to the boy would have done nothing. I would have been irate and don't know how you held back...not to say you were wrong at all....but biting is not funny...especially when the skin could have been broken.
You probably did the right thing.......

Erin - posted on 09/11/2010

If I saw a kid getting ready to punch my child and I could get to that child's hand before I could remove my child I would probably grab the little bastard's hand to keep him from hitting my child...that is about the only time I can think I would touch the other child. And if you are going to get pissed off that I grabbed your child's arm to refrain him from hitting my child then SO BE IT! My son was at the park a few weeks back, my sister was following him around while we sat on the sides watching, and another child put my son in a head lock. His caregiver and my sister were on those boys QUICK! My son is the oldest so he has never really been manhandled...he screamed and cried :( Every time he saw that boy in the green coat he would say he was a very bad boy... :( Kinda traumatized him for a little bit... :( At other places when my son was younger I would just remove my son and get him interested in something else as they were still

Leah - posted on 09/10/2010

I generally let my 3 1/2 year old try to work things out herself. Its not that I'm not paying attention, far from it, but I feel like it helps her develop her problem solving skills. She's going to school next year and I'm not always going to be there to fight her battles for her. Of course, if it gets out of hand (tug of war over a toy, pushing, shoving etc) I will step in and help them resolve the problem. With my 10 month old, its a different story. Just this morning, we were at the play area in the mall and he was playing with another little boy a few weeks older than him. At that age, its all hair pulling and eye poking lol. I have no problem talking to other kids about being gentle.

On another note, one time (still at the play area), a woman, I think was another childs grandmother, grabbed my 3 year old by the arm in order to get a toy back that she had took from another child. Because she so violently grabbed her by the arm, all I saw is red! I was fuming so bad, that we had to leave in order to stop myself from getting into a fight with this lady. Thats crossing a line! I was observing the situation and was about to step in when I realized things were getting out of control when this happened.

Sherri - posted on 09/09/2010

I would simply grab my child but there is NO WAY I would put my hands on someone elses child EVER!!

Lyndsay - posted on 09/09/2010

@Sherri: So, if it were you in that situation, would you allow a hockey teem of rowdy pre-adolescents to stampede over your toddler while you searched for their parents? Or try to give them a verbal reprimand while your small child is trampled underfoot?

I can understand how someone would be upset (I would be upset as well), but if the parents were watching their kids and could've intervened for themselves then it never would've happened that way. I am not going to risk my child's safety and allow the possibility of him getting hurt so some other parent doesn't get pissed at me.

Stephany - posted on 09/09/2010

I'm in a different boat than most of you because my older son is autistic. He's high functioning and we take him to playgrounds and parks, even to the little ones in the malls. He needs socialization and movement like any other kid. Anyway, he has a hard time sticking up for himself and he already has difficulties understanding social cues and communication. There have been times when kids are downright rude and mean to him. I've taught him how to say he doesn't like their behavior, and if it's just a small incident I just watch from the sidelines. However, if there is any negative physical contact (like the kid pushed him or hit him or anything like that), I always walk over and tell the kid to take me and my son to their parents. I walk over to the parents and tell them what happened, tell them what their kid did, and ask them to make sure their kid can play well with the other kids. I'm not mean, but I definitely let them know that their kid's behavior is unacceptable. If the kid doesn't know where their parents are I walk around with them until we find them. Once, at the mall, I actually had to turn them in to the mall security because their mom had just dropped them off. I supervise my kids, and I expect the same from other parents. If a kid is misbehaving then their parents need to deal with it.
I'd be pissed off if someone else put their hands on my kids. Heck, I'd be pissed if someone else yelled at my kids. My older son would freak the heck out if someone yelled at him (forget about hitting him), and I would have a hard time keeping my cool if someone caused that. Grrr....makes me pissed just thinking about that whole situation.

Sherri - posted on 09/09/2010

If any parent put one finger on my child I would have to say I would go ballistic I am fine with saying something to a child but never does anyone have the right to touch them, never mind push them I don't care if it was forceful or not. Yikes!! I even may have confronted the parents and explained the situation and asked them to say something.

Toni - posted on 09/09/2010

I will step in if necessary, although at the moment I speak to the parent and let them reprimand their child if I feel the childs behaviour is inappropriate. I have no doubt though when my son is older if another child is risking my sons or their own safety I will reprimand them (as I would expect other moms to do with my son).

Currently I have only had to step in twice (my son is only 10 1/2 months old) at Wacky Warehouse, the first occasion my son (who was 9 months old at the time) had sat up on the floor playing when a little boy who was 3 years old came and pushed him over, I said NO pushing, picked my son up (he was crying it scared him) and went and found said childs mom who then made him apologise (on the same day the same child also stamped on my friends little girls hand - she was only 11 months old - my friend did the same thing as I did). The second occasion THE SAME CHILD on a different day tried to stamp on my sons hand this time I simply asked where his mom was and dealt with my son who again was scared (he was still only 9 months ish) and found the mom who again made the child apologise.

We have not been back to the Wacky as the session we went to has been cancelled due to school hols, it starts again next week, hopefully THAT child will not be there but if he is I will not be allowing him near my son and if he does do anything I will be having very serious words with his mom after all it is not his fault, he does it because it is the ONLY time he gets attention from his mom (in the 2 hours we are at Wacky) so negative attention is better than no attention (in his mind).

Lyndsay - posted on 09/09/2010

My son is 3 and occasionally gets a bit rowdy in play areas. For this reason (and others, such as I don't want him to be kidnapped!), I always keep a close eye on him and I really am baffled and disgusted when I see parents shoo their kids off to the play areas and then completely ignore them from then out. Since my son is allowed to rough house at home with his dad and his dog, sometimes I have to remind him that other kids don't always like to play that way. I will have him apologize to the other kid and tell him to be gentle. Now, my son is a pretty big boy and he tends to flock to the older, bigger kids so I'm always watchful that he's not getting hurt. If theres a minor skirmish I prefer to let them work it out on their own, but if someone (anyone) is getting hurt then I will intervene.



One time, at Mcdonalds, my son went down the slide and was taking his time getting off. There was a group of about 4-5 older boys (about 10) who had just gotten off a hockey practice and they were tear-assing through the place like they owned it. They were older, so of course their parents weren't watching them, but one of them decided to get the bright idea to crawl over top of my son at the bottom of the slide so him and his train of friends could get out. My son was only 2 at this time and I certainly was not having a group of almost grown boys trample him because they can't wait their turn... so I walked over and I pushed the first boy back, off my son. I didn't forcefully shove him or anything, I just gave him a little push so he was no longer hovering over top of my child and told him to wait his turn, then I escorted my son off the slide.

Teresa - posted on 09/08/2010

Definitely depends on the situation.

I've scared the back neighbor boy home on several different occasions. He's about half the age of the girls and he comes over here and cusses at them and throws rocks and things and threatens to beat them up. I come outside and tell him to knock it off and go home and he runs away. I feel bad for him cuz for a 4 year old to behave that way towards much older kids... his home life is probably pretty unstable, but at the same point I'm not going to let him hurt my kids or the other kids they are playing w/.... It's kind of a moot point now though since my girls won't play outside here anymore.

Stifler's - posted on 09/08/2010

If my kid is doing something wrong I'm going to be more than willing to admit it. If someone yells at my child I don't care, as long as there is not unnecessary swearing or physical violence. A revving never hurt anyone.

Sherri - posted on 09/08/2010

I let the other child know that he has to stop and it isn't okay. Yes I do step in my job is to protect my child and I am not going to let another child get away with that kind of behavior with my child.

Anika - posted on 09/08/2010

Yup, I agree it depends on the situation. If its just a squabble over a toy, I let them try and sort it out themselves, but when it starts getting physical, I intervene. I teach my daughter, and the kids I work with to say "Stop, I don't like it". I would never hit ( I don't hit my own child let alone anyone elses) or say anything negative but I think it's perfectly reasonable to talk to another child in a firm manner. And if another parent has a problem with this, well so be it. Though I do agree that some parents go over the top. We had one father yell at a child at my work once because she pushed his daughter over. They were both only 1 and it was completely inappropriate to yell at a 1 year old for something she has no comprehension about.

Jodi - posted on 09/08/2010

Oh yes, I step in, absolutely. If people can't supervise their children, and that is going to affect mine, I have no hesitation in reprimanding someone else's child.

In fact I did this just last week at the swimming pool. I took my daughter for swimming lessons and before her lesson she has a splash around in the little pool for a while. She is 5, but a very small 5 and really only just getting her confidence on her own in the water. There were a couple of boys there who would havbe been maybe 7 or 8, and they were playing REALLY rough around the smaller kids, and damn near smacked my daughter in the head swinging the pool noodles around. So I got up and ripped the shit through them. By rights, at their age, and with the policy at the pool, they should have had an adult supervising them, but none materialised.

THEN, they kept carrying on and the mother of another young girl who was nearly wiped out got up and had words with them too. In the end I went to the lifeguard and asked him to do something about it. I still think he should have pulled them out of the pool until they had a parent watching them.

I've done it in other places too, like the bowling alley when a group of kids kept playing around on the floor in our lane and their mothers were too busy gossiping and preening themselves to pay any attention....dangerous when I nearly bowled a ball and suddenly a head appears in front of me.

So basically, if the situation calls for it I will step in. Sometimes it doesn't call for it and the kids sort it out, but the examples I gave are situations where children could genuinely get hurt.

Rosie - posted on 09/08/2010

oh goodness, much like dana had said there are so many different scenarios, i could give so many different answers. there are times where i let the kids try to work it out and i will tlel my son "that wasn't nice for that boy to push, was it? it hurts when we push" things like that. BUT there have been times where i do step in. i have VERY little kids, and they are always getting pushed, or pulled or something. in the ball pit at our playplace there was an incident where i freaked the hell out, lol!! this kid kept on throwing balls at my son, and then pushed him down and it looked as if he was going to suffocate in the balls or something, i completely lost it on that kid. i didn't touch him, would never dream of it, but i did use profanity (whoops).

Mylene - posted on 09/08/2010

I don't know why I stopped... It was partly shyness and partly afraid of telling her she was stupid. I was so mad and I know I can be mean when I am pissed. especially when it comes to my children...

Chatty - posted on 09/08/2010

That's horrible, Mylene....I probably wouldn't have waited in that situation. Either that or that mother would have gotten a piece of my mind. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Chatty - posted on 09/08/2010

A perfect example.....Roxanne was playing on a playground and her and another girl (I found out after that she was a month younger) were standing at the top of the slide. The lil' girl walked up to Roxanne and started touching her face.....Roxanne smiled nervously and backed away which is when the lil' girl walked up to her again and started hitting her in the face this time. Roxanne "turtled" (rolled her head down and turned her shoulder so her back was to the lil' girl who's mother was standing RIGHT there by the way) Because I was on the ground and couldn't reach Roxanne I told her to say, "No thank you" and walk away. FINALLY after I said that the other mom climbed up, grabbed her daughter and IRONICALLY smacked her hand. ACK! I'm glad she FINALLY stepped in because now I have a pretty good idea why her daughter feels that it's ok to hit people. ;)

Mylene - posted on 09/08/2010

Last week my son (22 months) was playing in the play structure at burger king. One other kid who was about 2.5-3 years old started calling my son names and mocking him. His mother was sitting right beside me and did NOTHING. I just looked at the kid with a very serious face and he knew I meant business. He walked away. less than 5 minutes later he jumped on my son who was trying to get up in one of the tunnels and BIT HIM. I turned bright red and was about to tell the mother to deal with her child's behavior or I would. I guess she saw it in my face and took her son away from the playground saying: " come on sweety we have to go"... She never adressed the behavior!

I should have stepped in right away and explained to that little brat that his behavior was not acceptable. i don't see anything wrong with it. As long as there is no screaming or hitting the child. Talking is not a problem for me.

Chatty - posted on 09/08/2010

I think each situation is unique and therefore I could give you endless examples of what I would do in a certain situation but in the next one it may vary a bit. For the most part I think it's best to let the children work issues out themselves. That being said, I've been known to step in and reprimand the other child if I feel it's necessary.

Sally - posted on 09/08/2010

I usually remove my child if possible. I will tell her loud enough for the other child or the other parent to hear, "that little girl/little boy is not playing nice right now so lets do something different." Something along those lines. I will say to my daughter, "hitting sure is bad manners, isn't it?" She is non agressive so she always say "why is that boy hitting?" or "that is not nice mommy."
Works best when the child says something, makes the parent get off their butt.

Ashley=) - posted on 09/08/2010

I had my daughter grabbed by the hair and viciously hurt by a child a year older at 4 ,my girl 3 but this girl was tall&strong.I was very shocked and said its not nice to do that.Your mom&dad wouldnt be happy if the saw you doing that.She ran in.I heard nothing until weeks later i saw from the window the girl slapping my girl and my daughter pushed back as she came for her again.The mother came over yelling and pist off.I said if she were to take an interest and look out at her daughter she would see what a very angry child is has raised.She was shocked and said sorry..were having problems in our relationship and i think its making our daughter angry.She became a different child after that day.I was happy ..we were all happy.I tend to allow children to sort things out, thats a good development process,if it goes beyond and its very vicious and mean, i have no problem stepping and if it were my daughter doing the same i would be happy for another parent to step in as long as its done in a positive way.

Jennifer - posted on 09/08/2010

Having said that, I would never smack, yell or grab them. A firm no or we don't do that is all it takes!!

Jennifer - posted on 09/08/2010

I am at a lot of sporting events and practices with my older son and there seem to be lots of smaller children that tend to like to play where we are sitting because I have a 15 month old with toys and snacks. There tend to be parents that do not pay any attention to there kids that are playing with us and I don't mind but I will get after them if they are hitting or in any way hurting each other as well as my son. I will also get after them if they are abusing my sons toys or chewing on them (gross). I feel like if you are not going to watch your child and are allowing them to play with my son and his toys then you evidently don't care if I correct them and if you do have a problem with me correcting them then you need to pay attention to what they are doing.

Amy - posted on 09/08/2010

I have told other kids that were hitting my son that they shouldn't hit. At 2, my son still hits other kids from time to time. When he does he gets a time out. Kids at that age do things to test there boundaries. 99% of the time our son is VERY good with other kids, it's only when he's tired and cranky that he starts to act out. If another parent saw my kid hitting there kid and yelled at him for it I would be just fine with it as long as they didn't spank and it was just a verbal "no hitting" type of thing.

I do have to admit it's not always easy telling other kids that because each parent has there own discipline rules; however, I feel that a verbal "Don't do that" is just fine. Anything more than that and it's over stepping the parents boundaries.

Meghan - posted on 09/08/2010

I have never seen my son hit another child first. I have a close friend who's little boy (6 months older) would for no reason walk up to my boy, grab him by the hair and pull him to the ground. My poor son would just cry and run over to me. Now that he is a little older as soon as he seems this boy coming to him he screams "No, thank you" or "Go away." I generally do believe in letting kids work it out themselves BUT if it is a bully situation I have no problem talking to the other child AND their parents. My kid isn't an aggressive child and I don't want him being picked on.