whose god wins in a divorce?

Rosie - posted on 03/01/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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my husband just showed me this article, and i was curious as to what you guys thought. basically a judge ordered the child of divorced parents to be raised jewish, as her mother is. there's alot more to this story so you should read the whole thing before you comment.





http://www.newsweek.com/id/234188

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Jenny - posted on 03/02/2010

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Thank you Alison. I am also an atheist. I just call them "values" so it is confusing on what the difference is.

[deleted account]

This is pretty rediculous! He probably switched religions because someone would likely have not allowed the marriage otherwise!!! So I don't doubt that it was under duress! She's nieve to think that religion would have never been an issue even if they were living in the same house! I bet one day he would have gotten sick of Jewish blah blah and went to his own religions church!

I don't think this is the kinda crap that needs to fill our courts! People seriously put this crap in divorce decrees? How rediculous! Shame on ALL religions that are not open to any other religion! I call bullshit on a vengeful God! I just don't believe it! People are rediculous to think that if your aren't this particular religion then God is going to send you to hell! Seriously WTF? Christianity wasn't even alive when Jesus was born so everyone before that? In hell! Anyone that is born and has not had the opprotunity to claim a religion? In hell! I understand this is about Judaism (sp?) but that's rediculous too! Wasn't it the Jews that killed Jesus? IDK I can't keep all that religous crap straight in my head, its all hogwash and SERIOUSLY if you aren't a good person and follow basic rules of decency you're screwed! Who cares by what name you call it?

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Gina - posted on 03/15/2010

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I think it's crap how a child gets stuck between the parents, who have just lost it and want to get back at each other.As for their God, would he approve of what they are doing ? After all it's about which is better right? Who cares about the poor child?

Jane - posted on 03/13/2010

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My Grandfather was the child of a Jewish Mother and a Catholic father - neither converted to the other religion so he went to sinagogue on Saturdays and church on sundays. His father told him that 42 is about the right age to decide what religion (if any) you want to be. I had lots of exposure to different religions and I read about loads whilst trying to decide which way I wanted to go and in the end the only decision that made any sense is to believe in the human race!

My point is - it should be up to the child and she should have been allowed exposure to all points of view and been allowed to decide for herself in the fulness of time. Anything else is brainwashing - perhaps the courts should prohibit THAT instead!

Kerrie - posted on 03/05/2010

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I'm sorry, I'm not religious at all so I don't have any experience in any of this at all, but I remember hearing a long time ago (can't remember where) that a child almost always takes on (or follows, or whatever it's called) the mother's religion, because the mother was practicing said religion while she was pregnant so the child just goes along with it. (At least until the child is old enough to make it's own decision.) I may be wrong, but that's the impression that I was under. But yes, the mom is psycho for trying to control what her ex is doing with their daughter since it's not going to hurt her. She obviously just doesn't want her daughter forming an opinion of her own that's not the same as hers and just hates her ex that much that she doesn't wanna let her daughter have any of the same beliefs as him.

Rose - posted on 03/05/2010

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I saw this on good morning America. I couldn't believe it i feel bad for the child. I think the child should learn both and make her own decision. That mother sounds like a crazy anyhow. Couldn't believe that she thought the dad was abusing the child by getting baptized. I am against that anyhow till they are of age to make that decision themselves how ever she went a little to far i wonder what the real problem was? I knew this guy that what so religious that in the custody papers he put in there that the kids were only allowed to watch christian television, not to be cursed in front of or see anyone smoke in front of them. This guy was sad! and when the wife fought it he gave up all his rights as a parent because they weren't christian enough for him!! tell me how christian is that? The topic of religion is a hard one.

April - posted on 03/04/2010

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i don't think being exposed to more than one religion would "confuse" the child. i think it would pave the way for her to choose for herself, if she were exposed to both. the first amendment allows for freedom of religion...what about Ela's right under the US constitution? By exposing her to both religions, the foundation would be laid for her to one day make her own decison.

Kara - posted on 03/02/2010

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Shouldn't the little girl's parents grow up and figure out what is best for the little girl between the two of them because what either of them is doing right now is not what is best. They need to put their differences aside and think of her and how a national media and legal frenzy will effect her in the long run. And by the way since I am divorced and my husband and I don't have the same religious beliefs I do have a small amount of experience in this topic. Personal feelings and petty crap need to be set aside.

Rosie - posted on 03/02/2010

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i don't understand why the judge is blatently disregarding the constitution. i'm not sure if it's the same judge that ordered the restraining order barring him from taking his daughter to any religious services-that's the part that really gets to me. why on earth can't he. and what is up this mothers butt so far that she can't allow her children to be exposed to other religions, especially her own fathers.
this is yet another reason why organized religion is ridiculous (IMO). if it makes you think that baptizing your daughter is somehow going to turn her into the wicked witch of the west and melt at the first touch of water -there's something seriously wrong with that.
why can't people act in the best interest of the child, and not bicker over stupid shit like whose religion is better. i'm sure this little girl is really happy that she gets to see her parents fight all the time, when the solution to this is something a 3rd grader could figure out. why not both?

[deleted account]

My husband doesn't believe in God and refers to himself as an athiest, but he doesn't entirely believe in evolution either. He still believes that Christian values are a good thing and he is proud to be a member of a Christian family even though he isn't one himself. He has a strong cultural identity to Christianity and he likes the fact that we live in the bible belt.

Jenny - posted on 03/01/2010

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Could you clarify this statement? "My husband is a relaxed athiest who has some Christian values."

[deleted account]

I don't think it's a good idea for parents to fight about religion, I think it's better if they can reach a compromise. If the fighting was to persist it could send the child running from both faiths.

My husband is a relaxed athiest who has some Christian values. Thankfully he's chosen to leave all the religous parts of our parenting to me. If he did decide to expose Joseph to some of his beliefs I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't fight about it either. I have enough faith and knowledge about what I believe to pray about it and trust God with my child.

[deleted account]

Well if a person is so religious that they don't want their child to be exposed to other religions then they really should of married within their own religion and not "converted" someone else. Me and my husband have different beliefs and we discuss both of our beliefs. Children are very intelligent and they figure it out as they go along. I'm not going to sway them one way or another. It's their choice what religion they choose to practice and I'll support them either way.
(I can't help but think that the whole "religious debate" between these 2 particular parents is more about getting back at one another than it is about religion though)

Sharon - posted on 03/01/2010

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Jenny - in religions - the parents choose because that is what their religion tells them to do. Its been decades since I've studied but essentially nearly every religion wants you bring your child to the loyal flock.

Only those who don't have a religion or are more enlightened say that a child can choose their own religion. I can tell you now that given a choice as a child I would told everyone to fk off and my sundays and wednesday nights were going to be spent playing and watching tv rather than go to mass, sermon, whatever.

I don't think there is a right or wrong here. The courts were forced to get involved because the parents were idiots and didn't think this through before getting married and producing a child is now stuck in a vicious tug of war.

The father was an idiot and his little televised stunt backfired.

Raising a child in two religions is difficult. Especially when the religions don't compliment each other. My parents weren't particularly religious when I was young. I went to sunday school with the catholic deacon and his kids when they were our neighbors in florida. I went to sunday school with the baptist minister and his kids when we moved to georgia. When we moved to texas I'm not even sure what church that was that we went to. Then later... I went to a jewish synagogue with a friend because I was curious. Then I went to a weird catholic church where things were a helluva lot darker and more sinister than the first one I went to... very scary.

There is no right or wrong here. They both ignored a tenet in the bible that says "be ye not evenly yoked" - it means to marry someone who is the same as you are. The jewish people know how hard it is for people to convert to their religion, especially catholics. Every catholic I know that converted to judaism, converted back in a few years or less.

I dunno - the whole thing is just beyond stupid.

[deleted account]

As strong as I am in my faith.... What about seperation of church and state? I don't think it's the court's call at all.

[deleted account]

Okay, so the father did violate a court order. He shouldn't have done that, especially on live TV. On the other hand, I think the mother was intent on causing trouble by putting that in the custody papers. Obviously, she married a Catholic, he converted (probably to keep her happy) now they're divorced and wants to go back to his own religion. Don't see the big deal. What does it matter if he wants to take his daughter to mass with him? (Although, I don't think he should have baptised her, not without the mother's or her consent). I personally think it's a good idea to expose children to various religions (when you get down to brass tacks, they're all basically the same). That way they can make an informed decision about what religion, if any, they choose to follow.



Did anyone take the daughter's feelings into consideration on this one? Maybe she enjoys attending mass with her dad as much as she like attending temple with her mom? This poor girl now not only has to deal wiith the divorce but also with her parents bickering over religion? It just might have the opposite effect the parents are hoping for, it just may turn her against religion all together.



To answer the question in the article, no, I don't think the courts have any right to decide what religion a person follows and expose their children to,unless it's going to harm the child.

Jenny - posted on 03/01/2010

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I wish the judge would have looked out for the rights of the child first. He should have said neither parent gets to choose as religion is the choice of the individual involved, not the parents.

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