Winning and Losing

Rosie - posted on 11/28/2011

i've let my young kids win occasionally, i don't think it hurts. as long as it's not something done all the time, or for a very long time i think its fine.

Sally - posted on 11/28/2011

I NEVER "let" my kids win. I do play games of chance instead of skill against them so they are just as likely to win or lose as I am. It's easier to learn that life isn't fair in a safe environment with mom and dad there to help cushion the blow.

Eron - posted on 11/26/2011

This is one of those questions that makes me realise having a big family is sometimes easier, theres always a winner and lots of losers (im married with 4 children) so in our house losing isnt always so bad because there's 1 winner + 5 losers to console each other.

I think the most important thing is more about positive reinforcement - if the parents can show they are good sports, and reassure the children that didnt win (you played so well, i thought you would win, you were so unlucky that time, better luck next time etc) it doesnt have to be a big issue, i think its more of a problem when we stop letting our kids win + they beat us anyway lol x

Maree - posted on 11/26/2011

I would definately let kids win sometimes...only to a certain age though. I think that it is pretty much impossible for them to win "fair and square" till they are well into primary school.

It is important for them to be good losers and even more importantly to be good winners. No one likes a kid who brags non stop about how good they are !!!

My stepson is like that. His mum thinks he is some sort of God and lets him win everything. (he is 10 years old and an only child)
He comes over and throws massive fits when a game isn't going how he wants it to go....he hasn't even lost the game and he goes nuts.

My husband tries not to put up with it but if he diciplines him,he goes home and tells his mum and she then puts a stop to my husbands access visits (yes we have a court order but she doesn't care)

I think he is going to end up friendless and probably picked on for being such a baby. Not that i condone bullying at all but i also think he should be taught to behave like a normal 10 year old and his mother should realize that he will be a man one day and she is setting him up to be not a very good person by what she is doing.

Sherri - posted on 11/26/2011

My parents NEVER let me win. I had to win fair and square or I lost plain and simple and I raised my kids the same way.

We do our kids no favors when we let them win. They have to earn it.

Ashley - posted on 11/25/2011

Playing adults is usually a childs first way to learn games. I am not saying that fairly you can't let a child win but I don't give up at certain games just so he can win. My son is a wicked memory player, usually a 1/3 way through the game if you haven't gotten any matches you aren't going to :P same with go fish. Other games we make easier and change a few of the rules so he has a fair chance of winning just like us... that can make it easier for us sometimes but usually it is for him to win using his own brain. Things like racing well yes I will slow my strides down for him but he has started to notice if I look like I am losing on purpose... being a mom means being a good actress lol.

Teresa - posted on 11/25/2011

We play Memory a lot as a family. We actually all help each other out during the game (or Mommy would never get any matches... lol). Sometimes my 3 year old wins. Most of the time one of the girls win. Winning AND losing are a normal part of life and you/we (generally speaking) don't do our children any favors by always letting them win.

Denikka - posted on 11/25/2011

My son is 2.5yrs and I let him lose sometimes now, and have since we started playing competitive games (mostly like racing).
Sometimes he legitimately wins (usually not fairly XD) and sometimes I let him win, but I also let him lose. And whenever I lose, I always tell him how good he did, how proud I am, and that it was a really good game. And when he loses, I tell him how good he did, how proud I am, and how he did really good for trying his best.
At this point, he doesn't care much about winning or losing, but I HAVE noticed that even when playing with his sister (she's 10 months old and doesn't really *get* racing yet :P) he'll occasionally let her win and then tell her what a *good girl, pretty girl* she is. Warms my heart :P.
I think kids need that sense of accomplishment from winning. But let's face it, a 4yr old competing against a 20-40 yr old adult...well, that's just not fair XD
I think it's good to teach from day one. Let them win sometimes, let them lose sometimes, and most importantly, teach good sportsmanship.
My son really likes hockey, so at the end of every game, I always point out how they shake hands and smile, no matter if they won or lost :)

Jenni - posted on 11/25/2011

Definitely... children should be taught that there is winning *and* losing. And that losing isn't the end of the world. You just pick yourself up and try again. In life you will experience far more failures than successes.

Just look at Bank of America. That's what happens when parents don't allow their kids to fail. ;)