Shelby - posted on 02/23/2010 ( 48 moms have responded )
O.K. Partially because I'm not feeling well today, so when I'm not in the bathroom, I'm laying on the couch,so not much to do but browse COM, and partially because this has been "brushed" in another thread.
I have a "tween" daughter. I had this discussion with my mother and she thought I was crazy. I told her that in between my daughter starting her cycle and her dating, I will be putting her on some form of birth control and continue her education of condoms, STD's, etc... Not only was she shocked that I have already approached my 11 year old daughter with that subject, she was appalled that I would even consider putting my daughter on birth control...wherein giving her "permission" to have sex.
Now...Here is my stand on it.
I had my first 2 children by the time I was 17.
Got pg at 15 delivered at 16, got pg at 16,delivered at 17
(Skip to this for just a second, 14 years ago the docs didn't stress too much about being extra careful when taking antibiotics while taking the pill, so when I went on the pill after I had my first, I got bronchitis that fall..blah blah blah, theres that.)
Anyways. I was not a "bad" kid by anymeans. I will admit that I may not have been as protective of my body as I could have been??? I don't know, I was a victim of abuse so lots of things can be deduced from that. However, After my mother left my extremely abusive father she was working 3 jobs to raise us 3 kids. I was the general caretaker in the family, Doing the majority of the cleaning, and cooking, and keeping up with my school work while helping my brothers with theirs.I was an honor roll student, I participated in several extra curricular activities including 4-H, majorettes, beauty pageants, I cheered, I was in the school choir, I was part of the Spanish Club, the Science Club, Once I got into my freshman year, and in my sophomore year I started working really hard in Chemistry taking my advanced classes working towards a scholarship. I started working at 14. I attended church 3 times a week, and helped with cleaning the church and up keep of the graveyard, that has been a job in my family for a long time.
Well at 14 I started dating a boy considerably older than me. No, My mother didn't approve, but not because I was irresponsible, she didn't like that boy in particular. The more she protested, the more I had to see him, Its very hard to explain as my mom and I have always had a great relationship. She allowed me to continue to see him because I never faltered on any of my responsibilities, was never late on curfew (never allowed out on school nights, and was due in by 8 on weekends unless it was a specific event...until I was 15 then it got later) She talked to me several times about the importance of waiting to have sex, the importance of marriage, and if I decided, then the importance of safe sex.
I told her over and over that we weren't having sex. Not that I wanted to lie to her, but because I didn't want to disappoint her. I didn't want to let her down. I never wanted to hurt her. She was a wonderful mother and did her absolute best. She gave us EVERY opportunity and was NEVER to blame.
I remember very well what it was like to be so young and sure that I am in love. Now, although my husband and I are sure that we won't allow "dating" there is always school functions. There is always that trip to and from school, and being with a group isn't always going to stop teenagers. I am sure though my daughter will be dating at age 16, just because I'm sure I'll give into that, so I don't want to take the chance of something happening. I'm not going to tell her to go out and have sex. I still talk to her about abstaining. But, I know from experience that, that doesn't always do it.
So, what is everyone else's opinion on this?
At what age do you feel it is appropriate for a girl to be on birth control?
Will you bring it up or wait for your daughter to ask for it?