Does anyone have a good way of getting your kids to listen I have a 6 and 4 year old and they are about to seriously drive me crazy. Time out is a joke and spanking them well that just doesn't seem to work.

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Carmen - posted on 10/29/2008

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Be consistent and don't give them second and third and fourth chances to listen. That way they know that when you say something you mean it.

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Lena - posted on 11/28/2010

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At 6 and 4, they are big enough to do something around the house. Make doing their room and helping you pick up things off the floor a big deal. Let them help you put their clothes in their draws. If the oldest one don't want to help . Let the baby do something first. The older one will follow through. This should work, it worked for my children. Another things is that You have to take this time to spent it with them. Stop whatever you are doing and make the chores fun for them and you will enjoy too. They will be learning to something also in the process. After a while you will not have to spend as much time watching them do what you say. After they finish reward them with praise and make cookies together or something, go outside and play for a while. Children are smarting them many of us think. They are paying attention to you, not paying them attention when THEY NEED IT.
Lena

MJ - posted on 09/16/2010

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As a widowed mom of a 10 yr. old girl, and 20 yrs mothering and ministering to children: #1 SEEK the Lord daily... for yourselves, for your children, and with your children. #2 OBEDIENCE to His' instruction and advice to parents. #3 CONSISTENCY... in ALL things, a balance, in your discipline and your praise . When nothing seems to work, it does get very frustrating, use spanking as a last resort. #4 FOLLOW-THROUGH... making allowances til your blue in the face isn't good. They need to see that they can count on you to always be a person of your word. When my girl acts like I'm just being mean, I will let her know that "This (discipline) can be hard on me also, but... If I don't (whatever) I would be disobeying God... get "in trouble" with God. He tells moms and dads (use some scripture)." Its imperative that they grow to understand that what God says is number one. When possible, let them know the consequences ahead of time; this works with basic daily tasks. ie. "If you don't put away your toys, when your told, your (favorite toy) will be taken away for (length of time/ age appropriate). It looks like you've received good basic advice, and I agree, read "Five Love Languages" by Gary Smalley. It will truly give you a needed depth of understanding and relating. Smalley has a similar book/video series for married people. Does anyone remember the title? Also check out, "Dare to Discipline" by James Dobson.

Janine - posted on 11/18/2009

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This is awsome talk to your kids stop yelling and demanding things. Be consistent. follow through great advice. Never tell children thier bad because thier not bad the actions is. Teach them to be honest by being honest, teach them about feelings by telling them how you feel. Children aren't given enough credit. Children who act out are children who are frustrated! They must know that no means no thats a life lesson.

Phillis - posted on 04/15/2009

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ALL Children are different. What might work for one just may not work for the other. I have already raised four and I have a 10 year old daughter (started over) To be quiet honest...I have tried just about everything when my four were younger. I am fortunately now a Christian and have a different view, plus i am a bit older and I am getting better at the "choose your battle" game. With my 10 year old I have learned that if I reprimand her then we pray together "OUT LOUD and in detail" so she can hear my request of God, then she listens as well. Tnhis has also helped her prayer life as a child.  

Holly - posted on 03/14/2009

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I see that you've already gotten a lot of advice. May I add one more thing. I'm a mom, and I also teach preschool. When I have a child who doesn't listen and doesn't do well with time outs, I simply remove them from the situation and ask them why they aren't using their listening ears. We talk about what the problem is and what the consequences of not listening are. If this doesn't work, still, I defiantly recommend 1-2-3 Magic, and taking away something that is of value or is a special treat.
Another thing you could do is have a chart made so when the kids are using good listening ears and doing as you ask the first time, they get a sticker, and after they fill a line with stickers, they get a special reward.

Ana - posted on 03/04/2009

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Recently I've been learning new things on disciplining my children that have been good for me and for them. One of the things I learned is that you have to be clear in telling them what you expect them to do and clearly stating what will happen if they don't, then following through on the consequence you've selected. Make sure your expectations are clear and that its not something they really shouldn't be expected to do. If it's a particular chore make sure its age appropriate and that you've taught them how you would want them to do it. If you don't set the expectation, then they don't know if they are fulfilling it or not and you'll just get more frustrated when they don't do it the way you expect it to be. 



Another thing is, that if you want to make sure they listen, hear and understand what you are saying, make sure they are making eye contact with you. Most kids today can say that they can hear you when they are watching TV or playing a video game, and yes, they probably are listening and can repeat what you say. BUT, so that they will understand that this is important to you and for them, make them pause and look at you when you speak to make sure they understand you clearly and give them a chance to ask questions. That way there is no excuse about what you asked/told them and what their response/action should have been.  It also allows you to speak and not yell, because they are actually looking at you and paying attention to what you're saying and your tone of voice, facial expression, etc...



I know this was long, but it really has helped me with my five girls. I hope it helps you too.

Liberty - posted on 11/19/2008

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There is a book called "1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12". We have spanked all 3 of our sons, but this is very effective.

Julie - posted on 11/19/2008

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I have a 6 year old and the thing he hates more than anything is sitting and having to write. I will write out a sentence in very simple words, like "i will not hit lexi(his sister) and then tell him to write it and say the words as he is writing each one. i usually have him do it 10-20 times depending on his offense and what number of offense it is. This takes time away from play and keeps him busy and aware of why he has to do it and it also teaches them to read, write, and sound out words, so the benefits are quite time for me plus all the above for him. We also do "God wants me to be good." simple phrases that mean something and the time away from what they want, but not a time out actually having to do something that reminds them and probes them is what gets my kids thinking. Hope this helps for you.
for the 4 year old, he simply is learning from his brother, so you could have him for his time outs maybe write the letter a-c 10 times each. it will help him learn his letters and keep him occupied during his "unknown" time out. i have found with my children that they key is consistency, but also keeping them busy and aware, not just sitting and losing the reason why they are sitting. hope this helps. take care and God bless.

Gabriella - posted on 11/19/2008

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All the ideas posted are great. The Five Love Languages of Children is an awesome book. I've also read The Five Love Languages. These books gave me great insight, especially as to how I give and receive love myself. As for consistency, easier said than done. I have a tendency to change my mind about certain issues and my children interpret that as inconsistency. My friend had a great idea of putting toys in time out when they were found where they shouldn't be. Besides consistency and promptness, children have to know you are serious. I have bagged up everything my children own and put it away if they didn't clean their room or pick up their belongings. I would give it back when I felt they learned the lesson. Logical consequences have worked best for me. If I asked my children something and they didn't listen, then I would not listen to them when they needed something. They got the point real quick. We teach people how to treat us. I have found that when parenting goes awry, the problem started with myself.

Krista - posted on 11/12/2008

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Someone recommended the Five love languages that is a great book. They also have the Five Love Languages of Children which meets them at their age level. Another great book is Creative Corrections by Lisa Whelchel. It is a awesome book filled with great ideas of different ways to discipline your kids in different areas. It is written by the person who played Blair on Facts of Life. She is a great Christian author and speaker. Her book has been very helpful. It gives great alternatives to spanking and time outs especially when they aren't working.

Kelly - posted on 11/09/2008

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Try takin somethin away for a little while. Tell them they will get it back when they behave better. My sister had to turn to this method. Spanking and time out did not work, but taking a toy away seemed to get their attention. Good luck!

Roni - posted on 11/09/2008

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Being consistent is very important. Try not to yell because they get use to it. I never yell at my children. I do, however, have a serious tone when I mean business. I talk to my children in plain English and explain things that they don't seem to understand. I've never used the time out technique because it seems demeaning. I have chosen to use restrictions such as no video games, no computer time, or no outside play. Sometimes I punish with extra chores or take away from their allowance. Spanking is a very last resort in our household. That's like Capital Punishment. They really hate whippings and their father and I hate giving them. If we do whip them we make sure that we come back, hug, and reassure them that we love them.

Carmen - posted on 11/02/2008

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those quality time incentives I was in elementary school but when I was really little we would get a spanking for not listening, my dad would count to 3 and we had to be moving before 3. I was younger than 5 when he was still doing this and it was working, I don't remember when they switched to trying something else.

Carmen - posted on 11/02/2008

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Yeah, time out and spankings didn't do much for me but if my parents made a special quality time with one of them for a reward and took it away for a punishment I was more likely to do what they wanted. But if you're aren't consistent nothing will work.

Erin - posted on 11/01/2008

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I sometimes have to deal with that same thing. Then I have to look at what I am doing. Most of the time I am not following through with what I am telling them until I have told them 4-5 times. Then I get frustrated because they're not doing it. If they knew that mom meant business right away, and not just when she's hit that certain pitch that means she's really mad, they follow through a lot better. Following through (promptly) is probably the biggest thing, next to taking privileges away and spankings. --Erin

Sheila - posted on 11/01/2008

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Melissa, your children value something and I think that is where you find the key. My Father would have spanked my sister till they threw him in jail and it would not do any good with her, go take one animal from her 20 on her bed and boy did you get her attention. I might recommend the "Five love languages" by Gary Smalley cause it gives insight into how people intrepret love and that could help you in discipline with that person. I've done this with adults even. My ex-boyfriend loves quality time, take time from him and you get his attention. Take away what I love and you'll get my attention just the same.

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