I took the LONG WAY to get here! As in, self transformation...and it's all good!

Claudia - posted on 07/17/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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With all the good and the bad that life brings on the daily basis, I realized that I lost myself in the routine of life, not even focusing on one particular day at a time, even when I became a new Mom. It was all just new concerns/worries about doing the right thing by listening to some and not listening to others as I tried to figure out what would work best in my life. Fast forward almost 11 years later and I just figured it out, last summer!

I needed to figure out who I was and who I wanted to become as an individual, if I am to expect my kids to do the same, and have a better life than what I had.

As my son has entered the "tween" years, it's been a wake up call. I don't want to lose myself so much in concern for his decisions as I learn to loosen the ties, and then having him think that my whole life as his mother was one filled with worry and overprotection. I want my kids (I have 2 now) to grow up and lead their own lives knowing that their mom is going to manage just fine on her own, regardless of any circumstances and so learn to create the same for their lives.



Back to the "tween" years and my son; I recently read that this period (between 9 and 13 years, I believe) is a time of tremendous metabolic changes in a child's development, almost as big as the toddler years. My son has gone through and is still going through a lot of 'things' socially as well as physically, and figured that I better get my wits about myself as a role model for him before he becomes an original teenager (doesn't leave a big window of time).

So I'm curious as to how other Moms are doing if they are already in this place, or thinking about how they will handle things when they get to this place. As well, what you're doing for yourself as a woman and role model...

Any thoughts?

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Carol - posted on 11/07/2009

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Hi Claudia



I am a Mum of 3 (diaughter 18, son 13 and daughter 9). I never regret having them but there are days that I wish they would loose their voices, become inactive and invisible.



 



Don't  take this as a critisiism, because I only made this revelation myself about 6 months ago. You are over analysing. Let him be and you will be so surprised at what he has already learnt by your guidance over the past years.



My son is ADD and because of this I felt it was my duty to be there 24/7 with result he sat back and enjoyed the fuss. Why did he have to think, do or anything else , because he had me to do it all. Then my mum passe away and I fell apart, only to realise that once I had picked myself up he had coped very well.



I "sit back"now and take the lead from him. I have been so pleasantly surprised by he how he copes and conducts his life.I now have the time to listen instead of talk: Ihave discovered that Ihave an intelligent, capable and extremely humerous child who shares my love of music and sport.



He is much happier and I am able to rest in the knowledge that he will cope, will get up when he falls. I will always be there for him, but when he needs me.



Do yourself a favour listen to the Celine Dion song off her cd Mirracle called Come to Me. It knd of puts it all in a nutshell.



Good luck Girl



.



I was given the best advice once: "Do not take what your kids say and do personally. "



Kids are a lifetime of mind games, but we have created this "burden" for



ourselves.



Carol



Quoting Claudia:

I took the LONG WAY to get here! As in, self transformation...and it's all good!

With all the good and the bad that life brings on the daily basis, I realized that I lost myself in the routine of life, not even focusing on one particular day at a time, even when I became a new Mom. It was all just new concerns/worries about doing the right thing by listening to some and not listening to others as I tried to figure out what would work best in my life. Fast forward almost 11 years later and I just figured it out, last summer!
I needed to figure out who I was and who I wanted to become as an individual, if I am to expect my kids to do the same, and have a better life than what I had.
As my son has entered the "tween" years, it's been a wake up call. I don't want to lose myself so much in concern for his decisions as I learn to loosen the ties, and then having him think that my whole life as his mother was one filled with worry and overprotection. I want my kids (I have 2 now) to grow up and lead their own lives knowing that their mom is going to manage just fine on her own, regardless of any circumstances and so learn to create the same for their lives.

Back to the "tween" years and my son; I recently read that this period (between 9 and 13 years, I believe) is a time of tremendous metabolic changes in a child's development, almost as big as the toddler years. My son has gone through and is still going through a lot of 'things' socially as well as physically, and figured that I better get my wits about myself as a role model for him before he becomes an original teenager (doesn't leave a big window of time).
So I'm curious as to how other Moms are doing if they are already in this place, or thinking about how they will handle things when they get to this place. As well, what you're doing for yourself as a woman and role model...
Any thoughts?





 

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